The indie film set I was experiencing for the first time had a completely different atmosphere from the projects I’d done so far.
“Hyung, this should be fine like this, right?”
“Yeah, put it in that way.”
“Director, about the prop you mentioned last time. It’s used, so it has some wear—will that be okay?”
“It actually looks more natural and better.”
The staff were only about thirty or so, a small number, and some of them called Incheol “hyung” instead of “Director,” treating him familiarly.
“Light from the left, casting shadows on the face—you know the vibe, right?”
“Of course~ We’ve done this more than once or twice. I can tell from the atmosphere.”
“Hyung, we’re all set~”
And the older lighting and camera directors gave off the vibe of hidden masters.
“Director, have you worked with the lighting director before?”
“Yeah. About twenty years ago… we worked together.”
“Twenty years ago?”
From our doggy perspective, that was a long time equivalent to being born and dying.
“Yeah, I called in a retired director. I vouch for his skills.”
“I believe you.”
As soon as we arrived on set, they finished preparations in no time and were resting leisurely—there was no reason to doubt.
“Hyunjae, we’re going one-take from over there, so walk naturally all the way through.”
“Yes.”
The first shooting scene of Collision was walking from a street with passersby and lots of sign lights into a winding narrow alley, heading to the house where the runaway kids gathered.
“We’ll do a light camera test once, then go right into it.”
“Yes.”
Wearing a gray hooded zip-up, I stood in the middle of the alley, and the camera approached in front of me.
“Is this okay? Should I walk the path once?”
Sssup…
And Incheol, monitoring the camera, spoke with a serious expression.
“Why are you so handsome?”
“Huh?”
What on earth was he saying? Including me, the other staff looked at Incheol in bewilderment.
“This is a problem…”
“Why?”
“You come out too handsome.”
All the directors I’d met so far loved it when I looked handsome, but here he was complaining about me looking handsome.
“You don’t look ordinary at all.”
“Can’t we overlook it since it’s a movie anyway?”
Who doesn’t know that actors in dramas and movies are handsome and pretty?
But it’s all fiction, so people just let it slide.
“But this is too… you’re practically glowing.”
“G-glowing?”
Even so, that seemed like too much exaggeration.
“Especially those eyes.”
“My eyes…?”
“Don’t we have a hat or something? Hey! Let me borrow that hat for a sec.”
Incheol snatched a hat from a nearby staff member and put it on me.
“That’s better.”
“Is it okay?”
“We’ll shoot like this for today. All right~ Rolling!”
So the shoot proceeded with me wearing a black ball cap.
The scene of walking from the noisy bustling area into the dark alley wasn’t difficult.
“Cut! Okay. Just one from above.”
Even while acting, Incheol’s words kept swirling in my head.
What exactly is the problem?
Thanks to Incheol picking only the necessary scenes, the shoot didn’t take long.
“You… next time you come, do something about that face first.”
“What do you mean do something about my face? I didn’t even do hair or makeup today.”
“Then try not washing for about three days or so.”
“Wouldn’t that be too dirty?”
I was a runaway teen, not a homeless person— not washing for three days felt a bit much.
“Other directors like it when I look handsome.”
“Hmm…”
True, we can’t lose the female audience. Then fix that gaze or something and come back.”
“My gaze?”
“Yeah. Your eyes are full of light right now.”
I’d never once heard that my eyes were full of light, but now they were?
“Or maybe dull the gleam?”
“What?”
“How about like this?”
I showed Incheol the gaze I’d used for the psychopath acting last time.
“What, you gonna kill someone? Hey, Juho isn’t a scary character.”
“Not this either?”
“Nope.”
What on earth was he talking about?
“You did character research… we did it together.”
There was no way I’d forget raising our voices on the rooftop discussing the character.
“For now, head back today and somehow fix those eyes.”
Incheol left me with the homework of fixing it and went off among the staff packing up the equipment.
“Hyung, do my eyes stand out that much?”
“I don’t really know…”
“Me neither.”
In the car, I kept looking in the mirror, but I didn’t get the feeling they were shining or standing out.
“The other staff seemed unsure too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I overheard them talking earlier—they were like, is it just because the director said so? They didn’t see anything special.”
“Sigh~”
But Incheol wouldn’t say something for no reason— I needed some way to fix it.
“Or…”
Hayoon, who was driving, cautiously brought it up.
“I know this younger guy—want to meet him once?”
“A younger guy you know?”
“Yeah. A kid I teach exercise to… he’s wandered a bit too.”
I could guess what “wandered” meant.
“Then I’d be grateful.”
I’d wanted to meet kids like that someday, but it felt like gawking at a bad situation, so I hadn’t been able to.
“Then I’ll set up a meeting!”
“Yes! Tell him I’ll buy something delicious!”
And so, I decided to meet the younger guy Hayoon was introducing.
***
I met the younger guy Hayoon said he’d introduce at a cafe.
A little, he said… this doesn’t look like a little?
His face looked barely eighteen, but the tattoos covering his arms and the strong cigarette smell made him not look eighteen at all.
“This is the kid I teach exercise to, and this is Hyunjae, who I work with.”
Hayoon introduced me, but the guy kept looking at me with a displeased expression the whole time.
“Ah, hi?”
I greeted first like an adult, but what came back was total ignore.
“Why’d you call me here? With this uninvited guest too.”
Uninvited guest! I almost flared up at that, but held it in.
I can’t fight with a kid.
We weren’t that far apart in age, but still, I couldn’t fight with a kid like this…
“Ha, he said celebrity, but he doesn’t look that handsome… better on screen.”
Should I fight? My resolve wavered for a moment, but Hayoon mediated in the middle.
“Call him hyung.”
“Everyone’s a hyung these days…”
He seemed reckless front and back, but he couldn’t act up with Hayoon.
“I wanted you to tell him about the kids you met when you ran away.”
“That’s not hard… but it’s not because of this guy, right?”
Dongha glared at me sharply as he spoke.
“Haha, yeah. I asked. Thought it’d help with his acting.”
“What~ If it’s for that, I wouldn’t have come.”
He grumbled, tapping his foot to express dissatisfaction instead, and at that sight, Hayoon said coolly.
“I told you to be polite when others are around, right?”
“Tch, you barely come to the gym saying you’re busy…”
At Hayoon’s words, he quickly fixed his posture with a sulky expression, and I noticed.
He really likes Hayoon hyung, huh?
Right now, this guy was jealous of me for being close to Hayoon.
“Hyunjae, ask away.”
“No need. Hyung, there’s an arcade next door—let’s go there first!”
“Arcade?”
“Yeah!”
Calming kids down is my specialty. I used to sweep all the neighborhood kids as a dog back then.
“Arcade like a kid…”
“Then just me and Hayoon hyung will go.”
“What? You call me here and then just leave?”
“Then follow or don’t.”
And as expected, Dongha grumbled but trailed after me.
No need to ask this and that anyway.
There was no better textbook than seeing natural behavior.
We went to the arcade and started games, and it didn’t take long for him to drop his guard.
“Uwak! Ah~ Crazy!”
As if he’d never been reluctant, he got immersed in the game, dropping his guard and acting casually.
“You’re not that good.”
“Better than you?”
“So you shouldn’t be comparable to me, who’s doing it for the first time today.”
“Wow~ For real? Seriously first time?”
In the short time observing Dongha, I noticed a few things.
First, he was wary, constantly checking people’s reactions; second, he kept putting on unnecessary bravado; and third, he craved attention.
“Wow~ Hyung got all these?”
In the middle of gaming, Hayoon came with an armful of dolls.
“Yeah.”
“This many—didn’t you clean out all the dolls there?”
“Not that many…”
He said not that many, but seeing the empty bin and the boss’s dazed expression, it sure looked like that many.
“Haha, should we go eat now?”
Seeing the boss’s face, we should scram quick.
“You’re buying food too?”
“You took time for me—of course I should buy food.”
“Obviously. How precious is the time.”
“Then let’s go for meat.”
I’d heard kids can’t resist meat, so without hesitation, we headed to a samgyeopsal place.
Chomp chomp…
“You said you had questions. Ask now.”
Realizing I wasn’t a bad guy, he dropped his guard and talked.
“But… why do you guys walk around glaring like that?”
I didn’t get why they frowned at strangers. They’d be nice once you talked, so why?
“Ah~ That’s to keep people from looking down on us, being wary.”
“Wary?”
“People say kids these days are scary, but actually, adults totally look down on kids like us.”
That was true.
In the script too, there’s a scene where Juho isn’t smoking, but just because there’s a cigarette butt below, a passerby curses and scolds him.
“So you keep doing that? But your eyes hurt and it’s uncomfortable.”
“Still better than being looked down on… and it’s fun when others get scared and avoid you.”
“I went through hell trying to make this guy’s eyes open properly.”
“Ah~ Hyung! What, I wasn’t that bad!”
Dongha protested loudly that he wasn’t, but it seemed like Hayoon had reformed him a lot.
“I heard from hyung it’s a movie about runaway teens… what’s your role in the group?”
“Role?”
“Yeah, role.”
Role? Is there such a thing?
“There isn’t…”
“Then you’re just a loser?”
“L-loser?”
Juho isn’t that much of a loser.
“There’s hierarchy in runaway teen groups too. At the very top are the real hopeless criminal trash. And below them are the opportunistic bastards who move for the top ones and bully the ones below…”
Dongha explained the structure of runaway groups all at once.
“And at the very bottom are the losers who came out on a whim and got caught wrong.”
Maybe Juho was at the very bottom of the pyramid. Coming out of the orphanage on impulse, struggling to survive.
“Then what’s the loser like?”
“The loser… is anxious.”
“Huh?”
“They can’t hide their anxiety, so they get looked down on by the others. Then if they get influenced by them, that’s when they escape being a loser.”
I get it. What I need to put in my eyes.
And here, I found the answer.