Chapter 88: The Gnome Who Stole Kimchi

“Ahh! I slept so well.”

After playing around yesterday and then soaking in the hot spring, my body felt completely limp, and I’d crashed hard.

I got out of bed and stretched long and hard.

“My body feels so light?”

The tense muscles in my neck and shoulders had all loosened up—I felt incredibly refreshed. Plus, the dry, cracked skin from the harsh cold in the northern beastkin village had turned soft and moisturized.

The hot spring effect was insane. It didn’t just heal fatigue; it even took care of my health.

There was an even hotter pool deeper inside—maybe next time I should boil some eggs in there?

“That sounds delicious.”

I swallowed hard at the thought. Looked like I’d be making good use of the hot spring for a while.

“Just thinking about food is making me hungry.”

I should probably get breakfast ready before the others woke up.

I climbed out of bed and headed outside.

“…What the hell is this?”

But the yard was full of holes dug everywhere. It was an absolute mess.

There were way too many holes for this to be Puu’s doing.

“…The golem again?!”

I hurriedly started scanning the area.

I’d hoped not, but sure enough—

“The cutting board’s gone! The pot! The knife!”

It wasn’t just one or two things missing. Every single cooking tool I’d used and left my mark on had vanished.

“That damn gnome really did it!”

He’d actually gone and stolen again.

Stealing from the fields wasn’t enough—now he’d cleaned out all my kitchenware. Was he planning to loot the entire household next?

“…No way.”

A sudden bad feeling made me hurry my steps.

I rushed straight to the ice cave.

Rustle rustle—

“Arghhh! My kimchi jar!”

One of the large fermentation jars I’d stored in the ice cave was completely gone!

My body started shaking.

The kimchi I’d worked so hard to make—taken without permission!

I could let the field crops slide, but touching my precious winter kimchi crossed a line.

“Wait. How did he even know about the kimchi?”

Had he been secretly spying on me all this time?

I scanned the surroundings.

The thought that I’d been watched the whole time sent chills down my spine.

But more importantly—what was he planning to do with all those stolen cooking tools?

“…No way.”

Was he trying to make the kimchi jjigae he smelled yesterday?

“Nah, no way.”

I snorted and shook my head.

A stubborn, prideful gnome like him would never copy my food.

He’d probably say something like, “As if this gnome would ever eat lowly human food!”

***

“Puhahaha!”

The gnome gazed at the stolen kimchi jar in pure ecstasy.

“Now everything’s ready.”

Spread out in front of him were all the cooking tools he’d pilfered from the surface.

“Fine. I’ll just make the human food myself.”

But first—he had to taste what this thing called kimchi actually was.

“Let’s give it a try.”

The gnome rubbed his hands together, licking his lips.

Eyes sparkling with anticipation, he lifted the lid of the jar.

“Wooow…”

Layer upon layer of kimchi, thickly coated in bright red seasoning, neatly packed inside. The sharp, sour aroma stabbed straight into his nose.

Just like he’d seen Fabir do, the gnome tore off one leaf and brought it to his mouth.

Crunch crunch.

“Mmm!”

Zap.

Lightning flashed through the gnome’s mind. His taste buds writhed like crazy.

The perfect balance of sour and salty. A subtle sweetness layered with deep umami.

An indescribable storm of flavor crashed over him.

Despite the variety of tastes, it wasn’t greasy or heavy—just refreshingly clean.

“So this is pickled cabbage? How in the world did they make something taste like this?”

The gnome had picked up some cooking knowledge while secretly observing humans lately.

“Huff huff… it’s a little spicy, though.”

He stuck his burning tongue out and panted. Having never eaten spicy chili peppers in his life, the gnome was a total lightweight when it came to heat.

“Water—water!”

He frantically looked around for water—and spotted the leftover roasted sweet potatoes from yesterday.

Grab.

He snatched one up and shoved it into his mouth.

Chew chew.

“Ahh… I’m alive again.”

The sweet roasted sweet potato neutralized the burn.

“Wait… why does it taste even better with kimchi?”

Spicy, yet he wanted more.

The gnome tore off another piece of kimchi, placed it on the sweet potato, and took a bite.

Nom nom.

“Mmm! D-delicious!”

The spicy kimchi paired with sweet roasted sweet potato!

This was the ultimate combo!

The gnome had naturally discovered a perfect pairing.

Crunch crunch.

His hand kept reaching until he’d polished off every last bit of sweet potato.

“Ahh… what a shame.”

Slurp slurp.

He licked the remaining seasoning off his fingers to ease the regret.

“To think a mere human made something this incredible?”

Never in his life had a single dish given him such a thrill. Kimchi on its own was already flawless.

“But they cook with this too?”

The gnome couldn’t wrap his head around it.

How could they possibly make it taste even better?

His mind filled with questions. He couldn’t even imagine it.

“Well… since I already stole all the cooking tools anyway.”

The lingering scent of yesterday’s kimchi jjigae still haunted him. Curiosity burned hotter than ever.

“How did it start again…?”

The gnome tried to recall the steps.

First, Fabir had taken the kimchi out onto the cutting board and roughly chopped it.

He’d added some green onions… and onions too, right?

Chop. Chop.

With clumsy movements, he hacked the green onions and onions into chunks.

“What came next? Ugh, it’s all fuzzy.”

He’d been so fixated on the finished kimchi jjigae that he’d missed a few steps in between. 

The gnome frowned, digging through his memory.

“Right! He stir-fried it first.”

Sizzle—stir stir.

He dumped the kimchi into the pot and stir-fried it. 

Then added water and brought it to a rolling boil.

Bubble bubble.

The gnome brought his nose close to the finished kimchi jjigae.

Sniff sniff.

“The smell’s roughly similar, at least.”

The appearance was quite different from Fabir’s, but whatever. As long as it tasted good.

“Alright, here goes!”

The gnome plunged a spoon into the stew and brought the broth to his lips.

Hoo hoo—slurp.

Freeze.

“…Uh…”

The gnome froze solid. The taste had completely blown past his expectations.

“H-how can it be like this? This is a totally different dish!”

The fresh, crunchy kimchi had transformed after cooking, exuding an entirely new charm.

“Right—rice!”

The gnome remembered the pure white rice.

Fabir had eaten the kimchi jjigae together with rice.

Just like kimchi and roasted sweet potato, kimchi jjigae paired with rice had to be another killer combination.

“Where did I put the rice? Ah! Found it!”

Among the stolen goods was a sack of rice.

Pour pour pour.

He hurriedly dumped rice and water into a pot and set it over the fire.

“Hurry up and cook!”

Roar.

In his impatience, he tossed more coal onto the fire to crank up the heat.

Bubble bubble.

The pot boiled over violently, spilling everywhere.

Sniff sniff. “What’s this burnt smell?”

A scorched odor wafted thickly from the pot.

When the gnome lifted the lid—black charcoal greeted him instead of white rice.

“Huh? This isn’t right…”

He was sure he’d copied exactly what the human did.

Hop hop.

“Puu?”

Puu, drawn by the burnt smell from afar, came hopping over.

Whoosh. The gnome quickly hid the charred pot behind his back.

“Puu?”

“Burnt smell? Uh… what smell? I don’t smell anything?”

Puu tilted his head, then spotted the kimchi jjigae and bounced excitedly.

“Puu!”

“Yeah! Kimchi jjigae! I made it!”

“Puu?”

“A little different? Just try it! It’ll taste way better than the human’s!”

Nod nod.

Slurp.

Puu took a sip.

“So? Isn’t it amazing?”

“…Puu?”

Contrary to the gnome’s expectations, the reaction was lukewarm.

“Puu puu.”

“What? It doesn’t taste like the one from yesterday? Too bland?”

The gnome’s version was basically thin, watery kimchi soup.

“No way!”

His cooking couldn’t possibly be worse than a human’s.

The gnome couldn’t accept it. There was no way an inferior human’s dish could outdo this gnome’s attempt. Just how much tastier could human food possibly be?

He twisted his lips.

“Right! Something must be missing from the recipe.”

The gnome pointed dramatically at Puu.

“Puu! I’m giving you a special mission!”

“Puu?”

“Go find out the recipe from the human!”

“Puu puu?”

“Why? You think you’re the only one who gets to eat his fill? We underground folk have to help each other!”

A short while later.

After the gnome’s earnest pleading, Puu headed up to the surface.

“Argh! This is so annoying!”

Fabir was busy filling in the holes in the yard, swallowing his anger.

“Puu?”

“Not busy. Once I finish this, I’m done cleaning up. What’s up?”

“Puu puu!”

“You want the kimchi jjigae recipe? Out of nowhere?”

“Puu!”

Something was off. There was no reason for Puu to ask this.

“Did you get interested in cooking?”

“Puu?”

“Hm? Not you? Then…?”

“Puu!”

“What? The gnome?”

Fabir’s jaw dropped. The suspicion he’d half-held turned into certainty.

So it really was the gnome who’d stolen all the cooking tools to make kimchi jjigae.

“…You know the gnome?”

Nod nod.

Puu nodded brightly. There wasn’t a trace of malice on his face.

“Well, yeah… underground creatures would know each other.”

Fabir rubbed his chin, thinking.

Just giving the recipe felt wrong—the gnome’s thieving still pissed him off.

“Elenia!”

“You called?”

“If I want to send something to a spirit, do I have to write it in spirit language?”

“That’s right.”

“Then can you help me write a note in spirit language?”

“That’s easy enough. But what are you planning to write?”

With Elenia’s help, Fabir scribbled something on a piece of paper. He folded it neatly and handed it to Puu.

“Here. Deliver this to the gnome.”

Nod nod.

Puu took the note in his mouth and vanished back underground.

Hop hop.

“Puu!”

“Huh? What’s that thing you’re holding in your mouth?”

Puu handed the note he’d received from Fabir to the gnome.

“Did you bring the recipe?!”

Rustle rustle.

The gnome eagerly unfolded the note with shining eyes.

You think I’d just hand it over that easily? If you want the kimchi jjigae recipe, come out here yourself and apologize for stealing first!

“What?!”

The human’s taunt was written in spirit language.

Shake shake.

The gnome crumpled the note in fury.

Grind grind.

“As if this gnome would ever bow to some human’s cooking?”

He huffed angrily.

How dare he provoke me. Fine—I’ll get even more stubborn.

The gnome pouted like a sulky child refusing vegetables.