Chapter 38: Heavy girl “father”

Siyuan’s arrival gave Zheng Yang a new realization.

This realization was somewhat heavy, yet also somewhat happy.

She had originally thought that after transforming and going through so much pain, she could finally enjoy a new life, only to discover that her son’s growth still depended on her.

She could no longer help him as a “father,” only as “deskmate Yangyang.”

She was no longer entirely the carefree daughter of the richest man, the class favorite Zheng Yangyang;

She also had to protect Zheng Siyuan.

This was a burden, giving her pressure, but she knew she couldn’t avoid it, and she didn’t want to.

Because she still loved her son.

Of course, it was a father’s love.

But this fatherly love, she felt a hint of crisis.

Because Zheng Siyuan had been praised by her for “not being able to lie,” there was undisguised happiness in his eyes.

Zheng Yang and Siyuan talked a lot—about high school entrance exam scores, family situations, ideals, favorite games…

As she expected, Siyuan showed an unmistakable inferiority regarding scores and family;

She could only muster up her old “corporate slave” energy to comfort Siyuan that he didn’t need to care at all.

But actually, she didn’t know that for Siyuan, she didn’t need to say much;

As long as she genuinely seemed to not care, that was enough to make him happy.

And these weren’t even the most stressful.

When she noticed Zheng Siyuan’s unconscious shyness while talking, and his surprise when she affirmed him, she knew that Siyuan didn’t see her as just an ordinary deskmate.

This was what she feared most.

Because a normal guy only acts like that in front of a girl he likes.

And for adolescent boys, a pretty female classmate is simply irresistible; so-called love at first sight is entirely possible, and the probability is not low.

Zheng Yang didn’t dare think further.

She couldn’t distance herself from Siyuan, nor could she get too close to him.

But how could that balance be so easy to strike?

When she got home in the evening, Zheng Yang threw her backpack onto the sofa and collapsed into it like a deflated ball.

Zheng Shiqiang came out of the study and saw her like that.

He laughed, “What’s wrong? Did you chat with your son? From the looks of it, did you get a work injury from talking?”

“Dad!”

Zheng Yang rolled her eyes.

“Can you not gloat?”

“I’m not gloating.”

Zheng Shiqiang walked over and sat down.

“I’m concerned about you. Come on, tell me, any new developments today?”

Zheng Yang sighed and roughly recounted the afternoon’s chat with Siyuan, including her son’s gaze, his shy demeanor, and his surprise at being praised.

“Dad, what should I do?”

She hugged a pillow, resting her chin on it, staring at the ceiling.

“I want to be good to him, but I’m afraid he’ll… overthink it. I want to be a bit cold to him, but I can’t bear to. He’s at his most sensitive right now; I’m afraid I’ll hurt him if I’m not careful.”

After hearing this, Zheng Shiqiang didn’t answer immediately.

Instead, he reached out and patted her head.

“Yangyang, have you ever thought about one thing?”

“What?”

“What identity are you using when you’re nice to him now?”

Zheng Yang was taken aback.

“Of course as… as…”

She couldn’t say it.

As a father?

Subjectively yes, but objectively no.

As an older sister?

That role didn’t suit her and Siyuan.

As a deskmate?

Then she shouldn’t care about Siyuan too much, which also seemed wrong.

“See, even you haven’t figured it out.”

Zheng Shiqiang smiled.

“My suggestion is: first get along as ‘good friends.’ Don’t think about ‘protecting’ him—that’s too heavy, you’ll be tired, he’ll be tired. Just treat yourself as a girl his age with a compatible personality, and act naturally.”

“But…”

“No buts.”

Zheng Shiqiang interrupted her.

“The more you try to do something deliberately, the easier it is to make mistakes. Letting things take their course instead won’t make him overthink.”

Zheng Yang pouted and reluctantly nodded.

Zheng Shiqiang looked at her, his eyes both sympathetic and somewhat amused.

“Silly girl.”

The next day during morning self-study, Zheng Siyuan arrived before Zheng Yang.

When he saw Zheng Yang come in, his eyes brightened noticeably, but he quickly lowered his head, pretending to look at his textbook.

‘This kid, just as I thought…’

She sat down, organized her books as usual, then turned her head to glance at him and greeted as naturally as possible, “Good morning.”

“Ah? Ah, good… good morning.”

Zheng Siyuan’s voice was a bit tense, as if he hadn’t expected Zheng Yang to greet him at all.

“Hey, did you do yesterday’s homework?”

“I did.”

“Let me copy it.”

“But I’m afraid I got it wrong.”

Siyuan took out his homework, looking like he wanted to give it but also didn’t.

“Tch, as long as it’s done.”

Zheng Yang smiled, took his homework, and started copying it quickly.

She had deliberately not done her homework, waiting to copy Siyuan’s—just like in high school before.

Although copying homework was wrong, she felt it was a good way to get closer to a classmate.

And she also wanted to take the chance to dispel Siyuan’s illusions—she was just an ordinary deskmate, an ordinary classmate, even if popular, she still copied homework.

But this “ordinary” didn’t seem ordinary to Siyuan.

After the second class in the morning, Zheng Yang and Wu Chun went to get water together.

Wu Chun held her hand and whispered as they walked, “Yangyang, does your new deskmate have a crush on you?”

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

Zheng Yang’s face turned red.

“I’m not talking nonsense!” Wu Chun said seriously.

“Didn’t you see? During class, he kept sneaking glances at you, and when you turned back, he’d quickly look down. Let me tell you, this behavior is classic—I’ve seen it countless times in novels!”

“You still read novels?”

“Don’t change the subject!”

Wu Chun poked her waist.

“Tell me quickly, how do you really feel?”

Zheng Yang had to whisper, “I… don’t have that kind of feeling for him. I just think he’s a bit pitiful and want to help him.”

“Pitiful?”

Wu Chun tilted her head.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He…”

Zheng Yang almost said, “His parents don’t care enough about him,” but swallowed the words.

“He’s just the sensitive, not very confident type of guy. I think it’s not easy for him to come to school here, and I don’t want him to feel isolated.”

Wu Chun nodded as if understanding.

“Then just be nice to him, but don’t overdo it. Guys misunderstand the easiest.”

“I know.”

Zheng Yang smiled bitterly.

“So I’m looking for that balance.”

At lunch, Zheng Yang deliberately didn’t eat with Siyuan.

She and Wu Chun went to the cafeteria hand in hand, while Siyuan went alone.

Zheng Yang watched him from afar, feeling inexplicably pained.

She really wanted to eat with Siyuan, to tell him what each canteen had special, which dishes were good, where the buns were the most delicious—she knew Siyuan’s tastes.

He was alone, just transferred, and would probably face many difficulties.

“Yangyang? Yangyang!”

Wu Chun’s voice pulled her back to reality.

“What are you spacing out for? The food is getting cold.”

“Oh, nothing.”

Zheng Yang quickly lowered her head and shoveled rice.

“Are you looking at that deskmate of yours again?”

Wu Chun followed her gaze.

“Yangyang, your feelings for him… is it really just sympathy?”

Zheng Yang looked up, saw Wu Chun’s serious face, and suddenly laughed.

“Really just sympathy. Don’t worry, I won’t have a puppy love.”

“That’s good.”

Wu Chun also laughed.

“If you had a puppy love, how would I explain to Uncle Zheng?”

“What do you need to explain to my dad?”

Zheng Yang was amused and exasperated.

“To explain how I led you astray!”

Wu Chun said self-righteously.

The last class in the afternoon was self-study.

Teacher Li wasn’t there, so Zheng Yang, as class monitor, sat at the podium to maintain discipline.

Having a legitimate reason to stay away from Siyuan for a while actually made her relax.

She did her homework while occasionally looking up at the classmates below.

Siyuan sat in the third row by the window, head down doing problems.

The sunlight slanted in through the window, falling on his young profile.

Zheng Yang suddenly felt a bit dazed.

She remembered when Siyuan was just born, such a tiny bundle, light in her arms.

She had thought back then that she would protect him well in this life, preferably not let him suffer any grievances, and even if there were grievances or setbacks, she would promptly act as a father and guide him to face them correctly.

But what happened later?

Later, she was busy with work, busy with social engagements, busy struggling to survive in this cold world.

She didn’t give her son much material wealth, and even less companionship.

Now, she finally had time, but she was no longer his father.

Zheng Yang lowered her head, her eyes feeling hot.

‘No, can’t cry.’

She took a deep breath and suppressed her emotions.

After school, Zheng Yang packed her bag and was about to leave with Wu Chun when Zheng Siyuan suddenly called out to her.

“Yang… Yangyang.”

Zheng Yang turned around.

“What is it?”

Zheng Siyuan stood in front of her, his face flushed red.

“Um… never mind, it’s nothing.”

Zheng Yang’s heart lurched.

But she couldn’t press Siyuan about what he wanted.

She could only pretend to be nonchalant:

“If there’s something, just say it. It’s fine.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Then I’m going now, okay?”

“Mm.”

Zheng Yang took Wu Chun’s hand and left, but her heart ached faintly.

On the way home, Zheng Yang remained silent.

Wu Chun didn’t ask either, just quietly walked with her for a while.

At the fork in the road, Wu Chun suddenly said, “Yangyang, I can tell you care a lot about Siyuan. Hmm… Whatever decision you make, I’ll support you.”

Zheng Yang was stunned, then smiled.

“Thank you, Chunchun.”

She knew Wu Chun was referring to “puppy love,” but she couldn’t explain.

“What’s there to thank? We’re twin stars!”

Wu Chun waved at her.

“See you tomorrow!”

“See you tomorrow.”

Even with Wu Chun’s encouragement, Zheng Yang’s tears finally couldn’t be held back and fell.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t sad.

It was just that she couldn’t cry in front of her son.

Because her current identity was just an ordinary female classmate.

She could no longer be the father who could hold him and comfort him.