《Short Story 33》 [Silent Talk] I am home(2)

“Director?”

Knock, knock.

The door to Hanna’s room was gently knocked upon in the dead of night. Hanna, who had been idly caressing a necklace instead of working or deep in thought as usual, snapped back to reality.

“What is it?”

She instinctively grabbed the necklace, intending to hide it in the neckline of her dress as she usually did. But she had forgotten that today she wore a high-necked black dress. Hanna’s fingers brushed the fabric for a moment before she lowered her hand as nonchalantly as possible.

“Still up? Working on something? Need a hand? I’ll take thirty percent of the profits,” came the cheerful voice of a young man with tawny hair—Leo, who had finally returned to his usual self after a long absence. 

He must have been reading aloud to the eager Emilio and the others, judging by his slightly hoarse voice and the way he rubbed his sleepy eyes.

“…Hmph, that’s not what ‘helping’ means.”

Though her words were curt, Hanna quickly assessed Leo’s condition and, seeing that he seemed fine, secretly sighed in relief. This reckless, thoughtless, yet exceptionally kind boy often found himself in unexpected trouble or collapsed from exhaustion.

“What’s up so late? Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep so you can start making money again tomorrow?”

“Well, yeah, but…”

Leo entered the room, looking uncharacteristically hesitant. After a brief pause, he flashed a shy smile.

“I realized I hadn’t properly said ‘I’m back’ to you, Director.”

“…”

Hanna’s eyes widened slightly. She quickly raised an eyebrow and snorted.

“Well, thanks for that. But I heard you shouting ‘Hey, I’m back! Don’t cling to me! I’m back!’ to Emilio and the others, so I’m all set.”

This boy was surprisingly good at manners, greetings, and keeping promises. That’s how Hanna had raised him.

“Now go to bed.”

Hanna turned away, but Leo didn’t leave the room.

“…Leo?”

“Um, you see…”

When she asked, puzzled, he spoke hesitantly.

“I stole something.”

His tawny eyes were fixed on the necklace around Hanna’s neck.

“What did you say?”

“I knew it was wrong because I’m an orphan and she’s Reina’s grandmother, but… I called Lady Emilia ‘Grandmother.’ And I want to keep calling her that.”

His words sounded like a confession, and to Leo, it probably was.

“Don’t steal, don’t take, only pick up what’s allowed,” Hanna had drilled into him. He had broken that rule.

“…”

But Hanna couldn’t bring herself to scold Leo.

Beautiful falsehoods, gentle lies. She felt his crime belonged to those worlds.

Hanna wanted to simply say, “I see,” but before she could, Leo spoke again.

“And when I did, I realized something.”

His face, still holding traces of freckles and youth, was remarkably serious.

“I think I’ve always wanted to call you ‘Mother,’ Director.”

Hanna gasped. She quickly composed herself, knowing it wasn’t unusual for orphans to see her as a mother figure. She had always discouraged them from doing so.

Wanting what they didn’t have was a step beyond their status as orphans and could lead to taking someone else’s precious place. She was about to remind him of this when Leo interrupted.

“But I know that’s wrong. Only the person whose hair is in that locket has the right to call you that. Right?”

When she heard that, Hanna felt her breath catch. Her mind went blank, and her heartbeat roared in her ears. She stared at Leo.

“How… how do you know that?”

“Every year, around this time, you sneak out in black clothes. Three years ago, I followed you, thinking you had a secret deal. I saw… something.”

He must have seen her kneeling at the small, unmarked grave, holding up the locket and praying.

“I heard you came from a merchant family. I once dreamed of joining a trade company and researched all the merchants in the country. I found out there was a large merchant family far west of Richield many years ago. They had a smart but rebellious daughter who fell in love with a rival merchant’s son to spite her parents.”

Leo continued in a whisper.

“She was disowned and, when she left, she was already pregnant.”

Hanna closed her eyes tightly. The memories of that time still made it hard to breathe. Her younger self had been full of confidence, believing she could achieve anything. She had laughed with her lover, thinking they could overcome anything together.

But they had been naive. The reality of their situation soon became apparent. Her lover had fled, and Hanna had been left alone, losing everything.

Leo didn’t pry further into Hanna’s past. He simply clenched his fists, took a deep breath, and stepped closer.

Then, he gently hugged her.

“I’ve never said this before, so it feels embarrassing and awkward, but… I’m glad you raised me, Director.”

“…”

Feeling the warmth of his body through her clothes, Hanna’s heart trembled. Unable to speak, she stood still as Leo cautiously continued.

“So I won’t become a thief. I won’t call you ‘Mother,’ but I want to tell you how I feel in a way that won’t make me a thief. I learned a special word when our bodies were switched.”

He bit his lip, took a deep breath, and carefully said the word.

“I love you.”

“…”

Hanna’s shoulders shook despite herself. She had thought she’d never hear those words again.

“Even an orphan like me… I was afraid something terrible would happen if I said that. But nothing did. I learned that it’s okay for me to love someone, to care deeply and want them to care about me. I learned that it’s okay to say this word.”

“…”

“So, Director, I want to say it properly. Let me say I’m back. This is the best place for me. We all love you, and we care about you… and I love you.”

Hanna couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. A single tear rolled down her cheek and onto the locket.

“…that’s… right.”

Her voice was weak and strained.

“He had hair, and tiny nails… he was a beautiful, perfect little baby that I should have protected… the most precious child in the world…”

Beginnings and endings always come suddenly. Until she realized her lover wouldn’t come, Hanna hadn’t thought she would wander the night streets.

Once a wealthy daughter, she had been given everything—wealth, education, confidence. But she had mistaken the thrill of rebellion for love and lost everything.

Yet, she had wanted to protect the life growing inside her. She believed she could.

But she couldn’t.

“I couldn’t protect him.”

Hanna had cursed the world and herself when she cut the soft hair from her baby’s cold body.

***

Leo didn’t say anything more. He simply held her gently, sharing his warmth as Hanna’s tears fell silently.

She told Leo while unconsciously glancing at the locket containing her deceased child’s  hair hanging around her neck.

“…I’m just… completely… hopeless, more than you think. That’s why… that’s why, Leo. You shouldn’t say such things to someone like me. I’m not the kind of person who deserves to hear those words.”

She gently placed her hand on his thin arm wrapped around her waist.

Struggling to smoothly push out the words that would falter if she let her guard down, she conveyed quietly, like the headmaster when consoling an orphan.

Leo, who was usually obedient when being admonished, would probably have retreated then and there. However,

“…No.”

Suddenly, Leo, who hadn’t shown any signs of agitation even when recounting the past, now, in this moment, grabbed onto Hannah’s clothing hem tightly like a stubborn child.

“…Don’t say that.”

Although he joked as if he were distributing flyers while weaving words of love, his voice trembled slightly.

Though Hannah had spent over ten years with Leo, it was the first time she had seen him like this.

He was probably feeling extremely nervous, embarrassed, and serious right now.

“…Leo. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve learned to cherish someone. It’s just that I’m not suitable as that person—”

“You are.”

As she spoke, trying to advise him, she was interrupted by an angry tone.

Leo, with his sharp hawk-colored eyes, looked straight at her.

“You are. Who else besides the headmaster would be suitable? It was the headmaster who raised me. It was the headmaster who provided me with food, taught me how to do side jobs, taught me about currency, and took me to the market for the first time. Isn’t that right?”

“Leo—”

“Even in tough financial situations, the headmaster always arranged for cotton-padded clothes for us every winter. It was the headmaster who budgeted, managed, fought with the outside world, occasionally dealt with troublemakers, warmed us, and protected us. Isn’t that right!?”

After passionately questioning, he asserted,

“The headmaster has always protected us! If I—a kid who was even abandoned by his parents—is allowed to love someone, then the headmaster, who lost a child, should also be allowed to be loved by someone!!”

“…”

Silence filled the late-night room.

Then, a small sob echoed once.

At first, Hannah didn’t realize it came from her own throat.

“…Ah…”

Would she be forgiven?

Would it be acceptable to accept?

Could someone who failed to protect the lives they were supposed to protect accept love?

She gently laid her hand on the arm wrapped around her as if clinging to it.

Then, hesitantly, Hannah began to wrap her arms around Leo’s back.

“I also…”

Not a mother.

I’m not your mother.

Words she had repeatedly told the orphans.

They were admonishments meant to sincerely wish for their happiness, but—admit it.

There was more to it than that—self-restraint and curses aimed at herself.

Someone like her shouldn’t be able to receive love.

Both she and surely this boy harbored such thoughts deep within their hearts.

Unconsciously drawing lines and enclosing themselves within, they were two of a kind.

But now, among them, Leo was—overflowing with dazzling purity and strength—trying to overcome those lines.

Hannah thought she couldn’t keep losing to her student.

Thinking so—she embraced him firmly.

“I’ve loved you for a long time…!”

The boy in her arms lifted his face in surprise and then smiled sheepishly.

“――…Headmaster, don’t copy me.”

If that hadn’t been a tearful smile, Hannah would have smacked his head and scolded him.

“――Wha, ttt, thee…!”

The next morning.

Inside the modestly adorned yet intricately gilded cathedral.

Hannah, who had come to see how Lena, who held the title of caretaker, was doing, widened her eyes as soon as she stepped into the building.

Because Lena, who seemed to have softened considerably lately, was shaking Leo by the collar with veins bulging on her forehead.

With a manner that ruined her regained appearance of a beautiful girl, she vigorously shook Leo’s body.

“Why! You! Why do you keep spewing those flag-raising statements as easily as breathing, you stupid idiot!”

“Th-the, the flags! Y-you say, flag! I-I’m… merely! Put-my-heart-in, to write…—”

“It’s the way you put your heart into it that’s the problem!!”

As Leo tried to argue intermittently, Lena shook him even harder until his voice finally faded away.

Watching the two of them struggling with each other, Hannah furrowed her brows.

“…What are those kids doing?”

“As usual, Leo screwed up,” said Bruno, who appeared there without a sound, of course.

Seemingly having watched over their exchange—or rather, having ignored it—, he explained to Hannah with an unemotional tone.

“After the Gold Spirit managed to get along well with the Duke’s family, Leo occasionally exchanged letters pretending to be Leonora. This was the first letter he wrote after returning to the town, so it seems Leo put a lot of effort into it, but when Lena checked the contents just to be sure, the content was outrageous.”

“Huh?”

With a puzzled expression, she asked, and Bruno solemnly declared,

“In nearly every letter, regardless of the recipient, the word ‘I love you’ was inserted throughout.”

Hannah was speechless.

“…What did you say?”

“It seems to be a recent trend word. Like a child showing off newly learned words, Leo has been repeatedly exclaiming it to us since this morning.”

“…”

So, enraged Lena, crumpling the stationery and slamming it onto the floor, had been scolding Leo since then.

Hannah covered her head.

“I love you.”

Was that word so casually spoken by him?

She wanted to demand back the emotion from last night.

However, what followed Bruno’s words made her widen her eyes in surprise.

“According to Leo, he said it’s because ‘it’s a magic word that makes you unbelievably happy just by hearing it or saying it, even though it’s free! So I want to share it with everyone!’ That’s what he’s been saying since last night. Headmaster, do you have any idea about this?”

“…”

She stared blankly at Bruno.

Then Hannah, who realized she had left, picked up the scattered stationery and looked at Leo, who was pleading with Lena.

The boy, who was supposed to have given up on affection long ago as the most miserly of the orphans, was now gleaming with joy, his hawk-colored eyes sparkling, causing a commotion.

Leo noticed her gaze, lifted his face, and flashed a broad smile at her freckled face.

“Headmaster!”

Waving his hands vigorously, his carefree, completely trusting, innocent appearance—like that of a child who had finally found his mother.

“…”

Hannah let out a short sigh.

“…He’s incorrigible.”

Indeed, he was ecstatic, to the point where it was exasperating to watch.

And then—her lips twitched involuntarily.

Hannah coughed lightly and shrugged as if it were nothing.

“What if they send such letters to those noble folks and they get excited and come barging in here? I’m the caretaker here, getting a stipend from the spirit of gold. I won’t allow such a thing. We need a complete rewrite, a complete rewrite!”

Then, she emphatically sided with Lena, emphasizing her position as the caretaker of the Cathedral of Light.

Oh, how careful one must be with the words spoken to children.

“Director.”

Suddenly, Bruno, seemingly recalling something, called out from behind.

“Come to think of it, that spirit of gold seemed to have taken a liking to you for some reason――apparently because you and Leo resemble each other.”

“Huh?”

Furrowing her brow at the unexpected remark, she turned around.

Bruno then relayed to her exactly what the spirit of gold had secretly said after she had left, in the same words.

“You possess the same amount of kindness and loneliness as he does.”

“She said you and Leo look like a parent and child.”

“…”

Hannah quickly put on a poker face.

She had always earnestly denied such words.

But.

“…Is that so?”

Sniffing lightly, she simply nodded.

Without affirming or denying, Hannah then headed back to Lena and the others who were still grappling.

The Locket dangling from her chest gleamed in the morning sun.

Instead of its owner, who would have pursed her lips in annoyance, the locket swayed playfully, drawing gentle arcs, full of joy.