Back in the living room, Aunt Shen had already brewed some tea and was sitting quietly on the long sofa, waiting.
When I came out, she didn’t rush but poured a small cup of hot tea for me first, then gave a slight nod toward the small sofa beside her.
“Have a seat.”
Her gaze was full of caution, like a wild cat on the street—aloof and glaring coldly if you come too close.
I sat down on the sofa, picked up the small tea cup, and took a simple sip of the hot tea, saying, “Thank you.”
I wanted to explain things clearly to Aunt Shen, but I wasn’t in a hurry to give my prepared answers yet.
I was waiting for her to speak first.
We didn’t look at each other, just silently sipping tea.
“Zhi Nian’s childhood best friend… that’s you, right? She talks about you often.”
Aunt Shen started brewing a second pot of tea.
She poured the hot water into the teapot and asked,
“…If there isn’t another Gu Fan, then it should be you.”
“Is this your first time at our home?”
“Yes.”
“Hmph… Keeping a friendship from childhood until now, and being able to visit each other’s homes — that’s really nice.”
Aunt Shen refilled the small tea cup again, but I didn’t take it to drink this time.
“Zhi Nian has menstrual cramps today, you know that, right?”
I didn’t want to waste time on meaningless small talk or let Aunt Shen probe into my relationship with Zhi Nian, so I chose to get straight to the point.
After taking care of Zhi Nian for half a day, even someone as emotionally reserved as me could tell—she seriously lacked basic physiological knowledge that a girl her age should have.
Schools don’t take responsibility for teaching these things, and Zhi Nian herself doesn’t like reading or scrolling through her phone.
Tracing it back, the problem clearly stemmed from her home education.
It wasn’t that I wanted to teach Aunt Shen how to be a proper mother.
All I could do was nudge her to care a little more for Zhi Nian—to give her a bit of the love that should come from home.
“I know. Her teacher called to tell me.”
Aunt Shen held her teacup but didn’t drink from it, simply staring into the pale yellow surface, lost in thought.
“Come to think of it, you seem quite experienced—knowing just what to do to take care of her.”
“My mother taught me to take care of girls. I just did what I could.”
I glanced at my phone and, before she could steer the conversation in a new direction, quickly stood up to take my leave.
“It’s getting late. I’ll be heading home now. The two bowls of noodles on the table haven’t been touched—you can try them if you’d like.”
Spitting out my pre-planned excuse all at once, I walked toward the door.
“Don’t bring Zhi Nian out of class again. And it’s best to keep your distance from now on—she needs to focus on her studies.”
Maybe realizing I wasn’t as easy to deal with as she’d assumed, Aunt Shen dropped the pretense and stated her real intention bluntly.
“Heh, yeah. Studying is important. Zhi Nian’s been working hard on that lately.”
With that, I pushed open the front door and walked out without a trace of hesitation.
To Aunt Shen, what kind of relationship does she think I have with Zhi Nian?
Does she truly believe we need to cut all ties?
Zhi Nian… she’s the one who chose to walk toward me—so firmly and resolutely.
What would the younger me, back in elementary school, have done?
I think…
I would’ve smiled openly and taken Zhi Nian’s hand in mine.
The more you know, the more you fear.
When I was younger, I rushed headlong through the world, reckless and unafraid, even if it meant crashing headfirst and bleeding all over. But now… I’ve been polished into a smooth, flawless jade—clever in all directions, but without the courage I once had.
I’d always thought of myself as rational. But now I realize—the one who’s been confused all along was me.
* * * * *
Ugh.
So annoying.
All these messy, tangled thoughts became a dense fog, smothering my fragile consciousness.
Wrapped tightly in my blanket, my body felt hot, but my heart was cold—so cold it seemed to radiate waves of chill.
I wanted to know how Gu Fan responded to my mother.
I was also curious about how my mother gave him a hard time.
But if I could choose, I’d rather neither of those things happened.
I wanted them to speak peacefully, like normal people.
I wanted my mother to agree to let Gu Fan stay the night.
And in the end…
Clack —the bedroom door opened again, cutting short that impossible fantasy.
My mother stood at the doorway, holding a bowl of noodles Gu Fan had made for me.
“I reheated it in the microwave. It should still taste okay.”
That’s not what I care about.
“Where’s Gu Fan?”
“He left.”
“……”
It was within reason. The moment my mother returned, the probability of Gu Fan staying had already dropped to several decimal places.
“Just put the noodles on the bedside table. I need to rest for a bit.”
I turned away, mumbling the words.
I didn’t want to engage with her in any form of conversation.
When I was younger, I was eager to change my stubborn mother.
But now, I was simply exhausted.
The bowl landed on the nightstand with a crisp clack, followed by the soft sound of the door closing.
The room returned to silence.
I pulled the blanket tighter, wrapping myself as tightly as possible.
My chest felt so suffocated, it was like my heart would squeeze all the blood out, shatter into chunks, and be vomited up as raw flesh.
Deep breath…
Regulating my breathing, I forced myself to part the dark clouds smothering my mood and slowly got up from bed.
Without thinking, I sat in a duck-like squat in front of the nightstand.
It was only after I picked up the chopsticks that I noticed, but I no longer cared enough to fix my posture.
“These noodles… smell so good.”
Even after sitting for so long, and only reheated in the microwave, they still gave off a mouthwatering aroma.
Yet with the food right in front of me, I didn’t know how to begin eating—because my mind was still full of thoughts.
How did Gu Fan get home? Did he walk?
Or call a taxi?
Did my mother chase him out with harsh words?
Or worse—did she keep belittling either of us, making him feel disgusted with my home?
Right… this is just how we are.
An unfit mother paired with an unmotivated daughter.
What else could we possibly do?
The realization that, no matter how I tried to rationalize it, my mother’s sudden ambush had already caused an irreparable failure—made me want to collapse to the ground and puke from anxiety.
Damn it… why did it have to happen right during my period cramps too…?
It’s unbearable.
I clutched at my cat ears with all my might, my mouth still biting the tip of my tail.
But no matter how much I touched or nibbled it, the usual tingling sensation couldn’t replace the frustration that flooded every part of my body.
The floor beneath me turned into a bog, slowly and firmly dragging me down.
I couldn’t break free.
I didn’t even have the strength to try.
Guilt gnawed away at my already soft and fragile heart.
I curled up tightly, hugging myself, but nothing could erase the pain inside.
I hoped that when I went back to school on Monday…
Gu Fan would still welcome me with that warm smile of his, like nothing had happened.
After making such a far-fetched, almost impossible wish, I forced myself to snap out of it and picked up a bite of noodles, shoving them into my mouth.
“Mmph…”
It’s… really delicious… hahaha…
The rich, savory flavor burst across my tongue, but instead of delighting my taste buds, it triggered my tear ducts.
I couldn’t stop the tears from forming.
My hand trembled as I reached for more noodles.
Bite after bite, I forced myself to eat.
As if Gu Fan were sitting right beside me, on the chair nearby.
Kneeling on the floor, I looked up and smiled sweetly at him.
A single glistening tear slipped from the corner of my eye—and dropped into the broth.
Poor baby