Chapter 44: Had a Dream

I had a dream—Gu Fan was kneeling on the ground, proposing to me.

The scene was that church we visited not long ago.

But in the dream, it was immaculately clean, as if someone had gone out of their way to tidy and decorate it.

Even after I woke up, that rush of emotion still lingered, surging through my chest.

A tangled mix of feelings clogged my throat until I nearly gagged.

“Ughhh, this is so annoying.”

I scratched my head in frustration, tugging hard on my cat ears while I was at it.

It’s not like I want to marry Gu Fan or anything.

There’s no way I’d accept his proposal.

And Gu Fan must feel the same, right?

With that chill, hands-off attitude of his, I’m probably just someone to chat casually with.

Having that kind of dream… it’s totally unfair to Gu Fan.

Just imagining him sitting beside my bed made me bow my head deeply into the sheets, silently apologizing to a version of Gu Fan who wasn’t even there.

This kind of thing—I absolutely, definitely have to keep it secret.

If Gu Fan ever found out, he’d definitely give me that ‘So you’re that kind of person’ look,
then quietly start distancing himself from me.

I know his usual lines and subtle tactics way too well.

It was almost instinctual to picture it all play out in my head.

After calming my borderline deranged emotions, I got up and stepped into the bathroom.

In the dream, I weirdly felt the warmth of Gu Fan’s hand…

The sudden surge of happiness when he slipped the ring onto my finger—that kind of happiness isn’t something the real me could ever experience.

Maybe it’s precisely because I never will, that it hit me so hard.

But then the Gu Fan in my dream…he just went for it!

He stroked my cat ears, played with my tail, pressed his cheek against mine, whispering all kinds of unbearably sweet, embarrassing things…

It was…

Yeah.

The kind of scene that makes you want to curl up into a ball from sheer secondhand shame.

I kept complaining about it out loud, but inside, I was just mad at myself—

Why the hell did I have a dream like that?!

I glanced at my phone.

Seeing it was Saturday finally helped me calm down enough to sit on the edge of the bed and slowly brush my hair, thinking about how the heck I was supposed to process what just happened.

This kind of thing…

I have to draw the line.

I don’t want to become one of those girls whose brain is just a walking pile of dirty fantasies.

But if Gu Fan wouldn’t mind, then…maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?

Nope.

Nope nope nope.

I started drifting back into impossible daydreams again, but thankfully, the last shred of rationality slapped some sense into me.

I quickly pulled on my underwear, tugged on my fuzzy, extra-thick winter tights, then tied my hair into a ponytail after washing up and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast.

It’s already winter.

Mornings in December are bitterly cold.

Even with the windows tightly shut, the icy wind still manages to sneak in through the cracks.

Should I make a fancy breakfast?

Nah.

I wasn’t in the mood—and let’s be honest, I didn’t have the energy either.

I popped two slices of bread into the toaster, poured some milk into a cup and heated it up.

That was it.

Breakfast done.

No sense of ceremony.

I just carried everything into the living room, expressionless as I ate, my mind still completely tangled up in that stupid dream from last night.

Maybe only the meals Gu Fan makes are worth my full devotion, huh?

I wonder when I’ll get to taste his cooking again.

After wolfing down the toast in a few bites, I brushed the crumbs off my palms, pulled on my puffy coat, and stood in front of the full-length mirror to check myself out.

Mhm. Not bad—actually kinda cute.

Since it was freezing outside, I wrapped my tail snugly around my waist to keep it from flailing everywhere.

I’d even torn a little hole in the back of my tights to let it move freely—no more squishing or discomfort.

As for my cat ears, I just pulled up the hood that came with my coat.

Now both sets of ears were safe and warm.

All dressed and ready.

Off to work!

* * * * *

Mmm~ this heater feels amazing.

Even if I couldn’t see it, I could just tell my tail was swaying happily behind me, brushing against the walls now and then.

The cat café had the heat turned up perfectly.

Even in my light maid uniform, I didn’t feel the cold at all.

No bulky coats, no frozen fingers—just cute outfits and cozy vibes.

What more could a girl want?

I grabbed a plate of egg fried rice from the kitchen and walked it over to a customer with a bright, sugary smile.

He nearly jumped in surprise.

It was one of our regulars.

I didn’t work often, but I still kind of recognized him.

“Uh… you seem to be in a good mood today?”

“Mhm… I guess you could say that.”

I brushed it off casually, keeping my smile in place as I moved on to hand sleepy cats and steaming mugs of coffee to the next table.

As I worked, thoughts of Gu Fan kept drifting through my head—along with some decidedly not-safe-for-work flashes from the dream.

My lips stayed curled in a silly smile the entire time.

It was strange.

Those scenes should’ve made me blush with embarrassment…

But instead, I couldn’t stop thinking about them.

Still, I refuse to become some pervy catgirl!

I stayed cheerful all the way through the morning rush.

By lunchtime, I finally got to sit down.

The kitchen had sent out a plate of spaghetti, a fluffy omelet rice, and a bottle of ketchup for personal flair.

I took my seat properly and began eating at a leisurely pace.

Of course, what I was really looking forward to was clocking out and changing out of the uniform.

“You’re looking all bright and shiny today, Xiao Shen~ Got some romance blooming?”

The manager slid into the seat across from me, her qipao swishing elegantly as she moved.

Only she would wear a qipao in winter.

She set a steaming cup of coffee in front of me.

“Here—extra sugar and milk, just how you like it.”

“Thank you, Manager,” I replied with a warm smile.

I picked up the round little teacup and took a sip.

That meant one thing: it was time for girl talk.

I glanced at her—and sure enough, she had that look in her eyes.

The kind that sparkled with curiosity, hungry for gossip.

I knew I wouldn’t be getting out of this.

Still… it was a hard thing to talk about.

“Manager, have you ever… dreamt of someone you’re close to? Like, the opposite sex?”

She immediately gave me a teasing smile.

“Oooh~ I see where this is going. A steamy dream, huh?”

“…In a way, yeah.”

I’m not some clueless idiot—I know exactly what kind of dream that was.

It definitely wasn’t the wholesome kind.

And since it was my first time dealing with this sort of thing—my first time being a girl, really—I figured it’d be better to ask someone more experienced than to stew in my own thoughts.

“Ehehehe, so what exactly happened between you two recently, huh? For your dreams to get that spicy?”

I’d never seen the manager this fired up before—her eyes practically sparkled like disco balls.

She leaned in so eagerly that poor Xiao Lan, the blue cat curled up in her arms, jolted awake and leapt off in fright.

“Oww, ow ow—!”

She rubbed her chin, wincing from the unexpected feline uppercut.

But without missing a beat, she snatched Xiao Lan right back like a seasoned pro and locked those sparkly eyes back onto me.

There was no escape.

I’m terrible at putting things into words—especially things this private.

So I gave her a brief, vague summary of the dream.

No way was I going into detail.

“Oooh~ hoohoo~ oh my, spicy~”

Even with just a barebones description, she was absolutely eating it up, grinning like a nosy aunt at a wedding banquet.

“So, um… Manager,” I cleared my throat, “can you maybe help me figure out what it means? I mean, is it normal for girls to have dreams like this…?”

I wanted to ask something more specific:

Is it weird to have a dream like that about a guy friend—someone you’re close to, but not in a relationship with?

But realizing I’m a girl now, asking that out loud would’ve felt like a full-blown confession.

“Pfft, of course it’s normal!”

The manager waved her hand with a big grin.

“Girls have fantasies too, y’know. Having a steamy dream doesn’t make you a pervert—it just makes you alive.”

Well, that… didn’t make me feel less embarrassed, but it did help a little.

At least I wasn’t a total weirdo.

The manager gently stroked Xiao Lan’s fur, her tone turning just a touch too casual as she continued speaking.

“From what I can tell… you probably just really want to get closer to the guy you care about. That longing’s bubbling up inside, and voilà—dreamland delivers the goods. Maybe it’s time you make the first move?”

“…Make the first move?”

The way she smiled while saying that—there was definitely something suspicious behind it.

A little too knowing.

A little too mischievous.

I nodded slowly, not entirely sure I understood her meaning, but trying to seem like I did.

After lunch and the shift change, I headed home, still turning the manager’s words over and over in my mind.

Haven’t I already made the first move a bunch of times?

Back then, the manager had told me similar things—’go for it’, ‘take the initiative’, ‘be bold’.

So what made this time different?

Was she hinting at something more… specific?

Something spicier?

Ugh.

I really don’t get it.

Being a girl means living in a world surrounded by way too many confusing, delicate little complications.