“Sigh… What a pain.”
Huh? Did I hear that wrong?
Gu Fan… did he just… say I’m a pain?
My mind froze, completely blank with shock.
My grip on the coffee cup loosened, and I heard it crash to the ground with a sharp clatter.
Even the quiet murmuring of nearby people stopped after that sound.
I often assumed, pessimistically, that Gu Fan might find me annoying or troublesome—but deep down, I still believed he would eventually understand me.
But now, I’d heard it with my own ears—those exact words:
“What a pain.”
It was like everything I’d worked so hard to do had just been erased.
“…It’s a joke, right? He’s joking. Of course, he’s joking.”
I stared blankly at Gu Fan, muttering those words.
They were the last thing I ever wanted to hear—because they meant there was already an irreparable crack between us.
Gu Fan looked surprised too.
I could tell he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
But maybe this was for the best.
At least now I knew that Gu Fan really was tired of me—of my rambling, my overthinking, my constant clinginess.
Maybe it was time I got a clue and started pulling away.
He shouldn’t have to keep humoring me out of obligation.
My rational side was already forming a plan for how I’d step back from him.
But even as logic tried to take over, a numb, tingling pain gnawed at my chest like a thousand biting ants.
Ugh… I don’t want this.
That was the clearest thought in my heart.
I knew I’d crossed a line, made mistakes I couldn’t take back.
And I knew trying too hard to fix it would probably make things worse.
But even so, I couldn’t stop the tears.
I cupped my cheeks in my hands and sobbed quietly.
Ever since Gu Fan said those words—“What a pain”—he hadn’t spoken again.
I kept waiting for him to say something, anything to clear up the misunderstanding.
I hoped he’d reassure me like before, coax me gently, and then we’d go on walking around the mall like nothing happened.
But…
Gu Fan didn’t move.
The heart I’d wrapped in hope, once so warm and bright, slowly lost its glow.
It dimmed, patchy and dull, beating faster yet more hollow with each passing second.
Maybe I’d finally crossed a line with all my outbursts.
If I could start over, I swear—I swear I wouldn’t have dumped all those emotions on him out of nowhere.
No matter how I felt, I would’ve kept my perfect image in front of Gu Fan.
But do I even get another chance?
Is there anything I can do now to stop things from falling apart?
I pressed my fingers harder into my cheeks, as if I could sink into the dark and think everything through.
After desperately combing through all my options, I realized I had only one move left.
The one thing I was best at—
“I don’t feel so good. I’m heading home.”
I said it quickly.
Still covering my face with one hand, I relied on the sliver of sight between my fingers to navigate the way, turned, and walked off.
That… should let me escape, right?
It wasn’t exactly fixing things, but at least I wouldn’t have to keep torturing myself, wondering what kind of look Gu Fan was giving me.
If I just curled up in bed, had a nap, and dreamt a few nice dreams… maybe everything would be okay again.
“Wait.”
Just as I was trying to comfort myself with those thoughts, I felt a hand press down on my shoulder.
I jumped on the spot from the surprise.
My tail, freed from behind me, shot straight up and smacked against the firm chest of the boy standing behind me.
I knew exactly whose voice that was—the kind that, even if he only let out a single hum, I could recognize right away. That soft, gentle tone of his… but this time, it left no room for refusal.
Gu Fan was being serious.
Was he… asking me not to leave?
My footsteps stopped.
The little bit of resolve I’d mustered crumbled in an instant, dragging me back into that loop of uncertainty and hesitation.
I didn’t turn around.
Maybe it was pride—just a tiny bit of pride—that made me stubborn.
I didn’t want to be the one constantly throwing myself at Gu Fan.
I wanted him to reach out first for once, to be a little more forward, a little more intense.
Even something over-the-top would’ve been fine.
“Come with me.”
His hand slipped from my shoulder to my left wrist, and he gently tugged me back toward the shaded table under the umbrella.
A staff member had already come by with a broom and dustpan to clean up the broken mug.
Gu Fan gave them a simple explanation—said I had dropped it by accident—and handed over about fifty yuan to cover the damage.
Watching that scene unfold filled me with guilt and regret.
Once the area was cleaned up, Gu Fan and I returned to our seats.
It was the same place… but the mood was entirely different now.
This time, Gu Fan didn’t try to comfort me. He didn’t say anything uplifting or philosophical.
Instead, he moved his chair to sit beside me and started fiddling with his mini camera.
The screen was right in front of me, but I stubbornly kept my gaze fixed forward, refusing to glance at it.
I couldn’t even say why.
Maybe, deep down, I still wanted Gu Fan to offer it to me willingly, to take the initiative.
Knowing how Gu Fan usually is…
What’s he planning next?
Was he going to delete the photo?
The one I tried to erase?
Thinking back, the whole thing wasn’t even that serious.
Normally, someone would just be annoyed for a bit if they got snapped without permission.
Refusing to delete the picture wouldn’t usually escalate into such a meltdown like mine had.
Even though I really, really wanted Gu Fan to delete that horribly unflattering photo, now that he was actually about to do it, I felt… weirdly upset.
I didn’t know if it was because of the ridiculous scene I’d just caused or simply because it was him deleting the picture with his own hands.
Either way, it didn’t feel good.
“Zhi Nian, look at it.”
He lightly bumped my shoulder. Before I could refuse, Gu Fan had already handed over the mini camera, the screen now right in front of me.
The resolution was terrible, and I was quick to dislike the cold-faced black-haired catgirl staring back from the display.
Even the foam still stuck to the corner of her mouth from drinking coffee—my mouth—felt like evidence of a complete lack of elegance.
“What’s there to look at? It’s hideous… Not because your photography skills are bad, Gu Fan, I mean… I’m just talking about myself…”
The criticism slipped out without thinking, and I quickly scrambled to clarify so it wouldn’t sound like I was blaming him.
Luckily, Gu Fan didn’t seem too bothered. He just shook his head with a sigh, lips curled up in a wry smile.
“How could you say that? Don’t you think it’s really cute?”
“…Maybe.”
Cute?
Was that really a word that could describe someone like me?
I’d never once considered myself to be a cute woman.
If Gu Fan was fond of me, I figured it had to be because of the whole “catgirl” thing.
If I cut off the ears and tail, maybe he’d walk away from me without a second thought.
But still…
I was a woman.
No matter how self-deprecating I could be, there was a line.
I couldn’t bring myself to outright say I was ugly.
It just didn’t sit right.
So instead, I gave a vague, half-hearted reply.
Hopefully Gu Fan wouldn’t take it too seriously or press the issue.
“Huh? What do you mean ‘maybe’? You’re super cute, okay?”