Chapter 50: Tangled Hearts in the Heat of the Scene

For a moment, I thought time had stopped. But there was no going back, no running away.

My mother, as cunning as a snake. My mother, endlessly generous to me.

“…Because I actually liked it.”

The voice that spat out my honest feelings trembled relentlessly.

“…This mother understands everything about you. More than anyone. More.”

But the word ‘understand’ was enough to break me. Unless I confessed everything…

“At first, I hated that child.”

“…Really?”

“She had everything I wanted. The talent to lead people, and the heart to love people purely.”

“…..”

“Before I knew it, I grew to like her. When I heard her pure and bright laughter… so many words that tormented me disappeared. I…”

I raised the corners of my lips, looking like I was about to cry. Normally, I would have hidden my face with a fan because I didn’t want to show this expression.

But right now, I wanted to show it to my mother. To declare that it wasn’t a lie.

“I still like Sohyun.”

I desperately wanted to believe that my mother did too…

“Our daughter has too many thoughts and is thinking strange things.”

Why are you avoiding it…? My mother scanned my face with a calm expression. Her gaze moved from my eyes to my nose, and then down to my chin.

“I don’t know what misunderstanding you have… but I didn’t kill that child, my dear.”

Her touch on my cheek was so warm that I almost cried. What kind of person my mother was. How she had protected this position. But I… “I believe you, Mother.”

I had no strength.

I didn’t have any evidence yet, so I had to stay quiet. But I couldn’t help but pray that it wasn’t my mother.

I clutched at my mother’s skirt and forced a smile. Even if I hated her, she was still my mother.

“Come here.”

The embrace that pulled me in was warm. I closed my eyes, praying and praying that this embrace wouldn’t be the end. The moment the tears that had welled up streamed down my cheeks.

“Cut!”

The sound of “Cut!” rang out. But even though I heard it, I couldn’t control my emotions.

“Bada? Bada…”

“…..”

“Are you okay?”

Even hearing Senior Tae Jinhwa’s voice, the trembling in my body didn’t stop.

‘What’s wrong with me?’

Get out of this emotion. Please.

“…I’m sorry. Just one minute.”

But Senior gently stroked my back. As if telling me it was okay to rest.

“It’s okay, Bada. It’s okay.”

“……”

“The Yeonwoo role is emotionally draining, so it can happen.”

‘It could be…’

Throughout the filming, I was swept up in the feeling of becoming Senior’s real daughter. Then all sorts of uncomfortable emotions surged up and tears leaked out.

As the trembling in my body gradually stopped, my breathing returned to normal. I wiped the tears that were flowing down to my chin with the back of my hand and raised my upper body.

“…Senior.”

“Yeah?”

“Really.”

I couldn’t continue the words of gratitude. As I hesitated, Senior Tae Jinhwa smiled playfully.

“Why? Was my acting bad?”

“Ah, no!”

I quickly shook my head.

“I couldn’t unfold my acting. You could say I simply followed Senior’s acting. So, so I’m ashamed…”

I had worked hard to clearly show Yeonwoo’s personality…

‘I crumbled under Senior’s pace.’

It started right when Senior’s gaze suffocated me. I tried to continue acting while keeping my mind as much as possible.

In fact, I didn’t remember how I acted.

But…

‘I feel joy.’

A sense of satisfaction I hadn’t felt from Chun Ian and Go Eunhyuk. Maybe it was because I could only clash with acting. Then again, I haven’t faced Chun Ian and acted yet.

‘Haha…’

But a hollow laugh came out on its own. The joy of acting that I couldn’t have in my previous life. I was feeling it in this life.

If I had known this taste in my previous life, I would have struggled more to get the lines into my head somehow. Only because I wanted to act.

‘…My heart feels like it’s going to explode.’

Of course, the heart doesn’t explode easily…

It’s fun.

It’s enjoyable.

It’s exciting.

There must be an unknown world of acting. I’m like this when I’ve only done ‘supporting roles’ so far.

What about the lead role? What would the lead role be like?

I was blankly tearing, chewing, and ripping apart the emotions that were welling up when Senior Tae Jinhwa tapped me on the nose.

Startled, I made eye contact with Senior’s curved eyes. It was a soft gaze, as if she knew what I was thinking.

“I don’t know how much you have to like acting to feel such emotions.”

“……”

“You did well.”

‘You did well.’

That short compliment sank deep into my heart.

“Really?”

“I felt something similar too.”

Senior did too?

“The catalyst for growth only comes when you meet an actor with good synergy. We won’t be the only ones feeling it.”

“…..”

“The drama viewers will know too. That kind of thing subtly shows. They even tell me facts I didn’t know?”

Certainly, viewers can’t help but know well. They see the growth of actors through various works.

I smiled at the emotions that were rising completely.

“Is Bada okay?”

Yeom Haejin carefully approached and asked me.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Now we’ll shoot a few inserts and move on to the next scene!”

At her words, everyone moved in an orderly fashion.

“Bada, can you get up?”

“Yes. I can get up.”

For some reason, I felt like I needed to come to my senses for the next scene. As I took a deep breath, I saw Sung Saebyeok standing and trembling in a remote corner.

‘…Why is she trembling?’

***

Before the next scene continued, we took a break first. I ate the iced Americano and tuna kimbap that Manager Min Seoeun gave me and filled my hunger.

But Senior Tae Jinhwa didn’t go home even though her scene was over.

“Senior, aren’t you going home?”

“Yeah. I’m not going to go. Let’s have a delicious dinner that we couldn’t have last time. With the staff. There’s a delicious gukbap place near here.”

Gukbap! If the bubbling broth entered my mouth, the fatigue of the day would disappear.

“Gukbap will be delicious.”

“Of course, anything would be delicious if it’s a restaurant recommended by Senior.”

“You trust me too much?”

“There’s no reason not to trust you, is there?”

“You’re good with words.”

“A junior should be good with words.”

I was having a friendly conversation with Senior when.

Senior suddenly brought up a new topic as if she had remembered something.

“Did that Bada enter the group chat?”

“Group chat?”

Group chat?

“Byeol told me she made a group chat.”

“When?”

“Huh? You didn’t know? Byeol definitely invited Bada too…”

I’ve been so busy memorizing lines, constructing characters, and practicing historical drama tones that I haven’t been looking at my phone much.

“Just a moment.”

I took my phone out of my rabbit bag and opened it, and a memory vaguely came to mind.

‘……I thought it was a weird group chat and left.’

“Could you please ask Ryu Byeol to invite me again…?”

“Huh? You didn’t reject the invitation, did you?”

“…It’s not that I rejected it, I left.”

“Ah, so that’s why.”

I kept getting notifications that I was invited to some group chat… I pressed “Don’t invite me again.”

‘That person was Ryu Byeol.’

Before this conversation could end. Another notification came that I was invited again. I was about to reject it again, but this time I accepted it. At the same time as the notification that I was invited.

[You have been invited to the <Young Young> group chat.]

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

The non-stop message notifications made me dizzy. I hurriedly turned off the notifications and scanned the group chat.

[Ryu Byeol: lololololol (laughing on the floor emoji)]

[Ryu Byeol: I invited you, by the way]

I really don’t want to reply because that tone is like an elementary school student.

‘… She’s an elementary school student in real life too.’

[Im Hoon: Ah⇒⇒ Im Bada blocked Ryu Byeol⇒⇒?]

[Ryu Byeol: No, I didn’t? Fight me-]

[Im Hoon: okay whatever]

Im Hoon is messaging like an elementary school student too. There are two elementary school students. Two.

[Me: Thank you for inviting me.]

[Ryu Byeol: ^^np=]

[Im Hoon: Whew]

Should the tone be like this in a group chat with Senior?

“Isn’t it cute?”

Senior Tae Jinhwa seemed to find the messages from the two elementary school students funny. I put aside the messages that were piling up and thought about the problem I had put aside for a while.

‘Where is Sung Saebyeok?’

I definitely saw her trembling in the corner of the set earlier. But it was strange that I couldn’t see even a strand of her hair after that.

As I looked around, Senior showed interest in me.

“Why? Are you looking for someone?”

“Saebyeok.”

“That… the one playing Chaehee?”

“Yes, that’s right. I was going to match up our acting for the next scene, but I can’t see her.”

“…Hmm. I saw her over there earlier.”

Following Senior’s finger, I turned my head and saw Sung Saebyeok sitting in a corner, looking pale.

“I found her! Thank you, Senior! I’ll be right back.”

“Okay. Go ahead.”

I grabbed my skirt and ran to where she was.

“Saebyeok…!”

I had only called her name.

“Ah!”

Sung Saebyeok made a surprised expression like a rabbit.

“Do I look like a ghost?”

“…Huh?”

“You looked so surprised.”

“Ah, I just. I thought you were filming.”

Was that enough to be so surprised?

“Would it be rude to ask why you’re trembling?”

“Um, but is there something wrong?”

“Yes?”

“You don’t look so good.”

“Ah, no… it’s nothing…”

Sung Saebyeok hesitated for a moment, then sighed and confessed her honest feelings.

“I’m just… scared of the camera.”

“Scared of the camera?”

“Yes. I keep thinking, what if I can’t act well, what if I get scolded again?”

“Why?”

“I guess it’s because I remember getting scolded in <Monster Extermination>.”

Sung Saebyeok just shrugged. She was definitely smiling self-deprecatingly, but it was clear that she was discouraged.

How much did Jo Janghee brainwash her…

As if she was worried about my silence, Sung Saebyeok opened her mouth again.

“I don’t know what it is about that red light on the camera, but I get startled every time I see it.”

She tried to laugh as if she was joking.

Why is that? I shouldn’t be thinking this.

‘She’s like me.’

Ever since I couldn’t read the lines because of the trauma from <Weird Grotesque Haenggeu>, I was scared of the camera. Especially that red light.

It was creepy how it stared at me as if it was watching me. But I was eventually able to overcome that fear. Because I was happier acting than I was scared of the camera.

“…Saebyeok, how is acting?”

Is acting scary too?

“It’s scary.”

This is a problem.

“…I’m scared that I won’t be able to do well.”

“……”

“The world doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be good at something just because you like it.”

I was speechless for a moment at her more realistic response than I expected.

“I have to make money too. I work part-time at a restaurant on weekday evenings, and I work at a PC cafe on weekends.”

“…..”

“Ah, I’m sorry. You must be depressed to hear this.”

Is there any need to be sorry? I raised my hand and gently stroked Sung Saebyeok’s hair.

‘There were many times when I was comforted more by actions than by words.’

I wanted to comfort her because I knew how she felt. I didn’t have anyone like this. If I had, maybe…

‘My previous life wouldn’t have been so lacking?’

I hope you have a life without regrets.

“Saebyeok, you can make NGs when you’re with me.”

“…..”

“Don’t be afraid and act.”

Sung Saebyeok’s eyes widened. I smiled at her without avoiding her gaze.

“I’m good at accepting acting.”

Her pupils focused.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

That’s it. An expression that acting is everything in life.

“Senior…!”

The staff started moving busily. It was a notification that filming would start soon.

“Shall we move too?”

“…Yes!”

Ah. There was something else I wanted to say.

“Um, Saebyeok, can I drop the honorifics? It’s not like I wasn’t doing it at all now, but.”

“…Yes! I welcome it!”

“Okay, Saebyeok.”

It would be nice to get closer even in this way.

***

Filming has started. But we haven’t been able to film properly.

“NG! I told you that’s not it. Saebyeok.”

Yeom Haejin shook her head as she took off her headset.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Yeom Haejin, the staff, and everyone else were shocked by her NGs in strange places.

“I’m sorry!”

“…Saebyeok. I. You know?”

“I’m sorry. Director.”

“No, you don’t have to be sorry?”

Yeom Haejin was also flustered and spoke informally.

‘…I was flustered too.’

It wouldn’t be as absurd if she made an NG because she was surprised by the camera or because she stuttered her lines.

But right now, Chaehee, who Sung Saebyeok is playing, is not lightly taking care of Yeonwoo…

“I don’t know how you practiced acting, but.”

“……”

“She’s like a court lady. A court lady.”

She was completely worshiping her.