I hate making choices.
When I was little, I believed that once I grew up and got taller, I’d be able to have everything—that so-called “I want it all.”
With that not-so-innocent goal in mind, I obediently ate my meals, exercised, and smoothly became the “model child” other parents praised.
All I needed to do was smile and face others with the proper attitude, and I could gain their trust and affection.
But no matter how much of that I received, I could never feel truly satisfied.
There was always an empty space in my heart, like something was missing.
It wasn’t until I became friends with Zhinián again that I slowly began reflecting on what was really wrong with me.
Was I working hard in the wrong direction?
Watching Zhinián’s pale face as she hurried away, a fog of irritation spread through my chest, clouding my thoughts.
I felt… reluctant to see her go.
Wherever Zhinián was, I could feel a sense of vitality and authenticity.
The moment her gaze landed on me, the next second she’d come walking toward me with determination, pulling me forward with her.
But when she wasn’t around, I could only drift along with the crowd, imitating others to hide the fact that I didn’t truly fit in.
Just like I had suspected before—the one who was always more proactive was Zhinián.
I followed behind Shiratori, quietly listening to her chatter about the gossip and funny things our classmates had just discussed.
I responded now and then when necessary, just like I usually did.
I was already so used to this that I could do it naturally without even paying attention.
Back at the main party area, a few classmates stood on tiptoe to peek behind me.
Once they confirmed Zhinián had indeed left, they immediately smiled and crowded around me.
“Yo, Gu Fan! Wanna play Truth or Dare with us later?”
One classmate I wasn’t very close with tried to sling his arm around my shoulders to act friendly—
I subtly shifted backward to avoid it.
I took a step to the side, using Shiratori’s position to block that classmate from getting close to me.
“Anything’s fine. So you’ve all decided on this game? Not thinking of playing other board games instead?”
“We ordered quite a bit of alcohol but didn’t get a chance to drink it. So we’re using Truth or Dare to help finish it off.”
That classmate pointed to a few unopened beer cans on the table and gave a wry smile.
I nodded to show I understood, not saying much in return.
For no particular reason, an image popped into my mind—Zhinián drunk, clinging to me like an octopus.
After quickly tidying up the area and calling back the people who wanted to join, we managed to gather ten people, forming a circle around the sofa.
Shiratori, ever socially smooth, asked the front desk staff for a spare piece of cardboard and a ballpoint pen.
She wrote down the names of everyone participating and used the pen as a spinner to randomly choose someone.
“Alright, the game’s starting!”
Once everything was ready, everyone focused intently on the barrel of the pen, guessing who the unlucky first target would be.
I leaned back comfortably against the sofa, tilting my head slightly to gaze at the warm blue ceiling light, answering my classmates’ small talk with indifferent replies.
It was strange…
I was suddenly feeling annoyed by all of this.
I wasn’t like this before—at most, I’d just find it boring, but I would still go along with whatever the group wanted to do.
…Could it be that I felt guilty for leaving Zhinián behind and letting her leave on her own?
Maybe so.
After all, it was rare for her to come to a gathering like this, and yet she saw me chatting so enthusiastically with everyone else, with barely any chance to chime in.
Knowing her personality, it’s understandable that she’d want to get out of here.
In my mind, I could clearly picture her teary eyes, those cherry-colored lips tightly pressed together, and that—
The soft, furry cat ears curled slightly, as if trying to convey some sort of quiet resolve to me.
…She just left not long ago, and yet—I already kind of miss Zhinián?
What’s wrong with me today?
I rubbed my temples and temporarily stuffed these confusing thoughts into a mental box, choosing not to deal with them for now. I brought my attention back to the present moment.
Shiratori spun the ballpoint pen, and surprisingly, the pen ended up pointing to herself.
The classmates immediately burst into laughter and teasing.
“Didn’t think Shiratori would be the first one—what a surprise!”
“Yeah, I thought she’d somehow avoid getting picked since she’s the one spinning it.”
Listening to the chatter, Shiratori spread her hands helplessly and said, “I also wanted to not get picked… but unfortunately, my clumsy hand ended up sabotaging me.”
“A bet’s a bet—so, Truth or Dare?”
“Truth.”
“Then… do you have someone you like?”
As the most classic Truth question, it was naturally chosen to start things off.
Shiratori squinted slightly, as if seriously thinking about something.
That alone was enough for the rest of the group to start ooh-ing and egging her on.
“Hmm… I guess I kind of have a crush? But I’m not sure if it’s actual love yet. I’ll have to chase him and spend some time with him before I can say for sure.”
“Ohhh? So Shiratori really does have someone she likes? Who is it, who is it?!”
“That’s for the next question. I’m skipping this one~”
With a playful smile, Shiratori waved her hand, brushing off the curious girl who tried to dig deeper into the gossip.
Shiratori resumed spinning the ballpoint pen.
“Hmm… the next one is—”
The game of Truth or Dare went on for quite a while.
Aside from Shiratori’s round at the beginning, I didn’t really pay much attention to the others.
All I remembered was that a lot of people, unwilling to answer truthfully or too afraid to take on a dare, ended up drinking glass after glass of beer as a self-imposed punishment.
Even though underage drinking isn’t recommended, the beer had a pretty low alcohol content.
Plus, it was a holiday, and there were plenty of classmates watching out for one another—so there probably wouldn’t be any major issues.
My eyes were fixed on the piece of cardboard on the table, but my mind was blank.
I wasn’t thinking about anything at all.
Suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder, and my body jolted in surprise.
“Huh? What is it?”
“Gu Fan, you’ve been picked! Truth or Dare?”
“…Truth.”
Come to think of it, this was my first time actually playing this game—and also the first time I’d gotten picked as the “unlucky one.”
After I chose Truth, the group briefly discussed it, then asked me the exact same question they had asked Shiratori earlier:
“Gu Fan, do you have someone you like?”
Someone I like…?
It was a question I had never really thought about. Does having a slight fondness count as liking someone?
How exactly do you define the word like?
If someone had asked me this so bluntly in the past, I probably would’ve just made up an excuse to dodge it.
But now, bound by the rules of “Truth,” it felt like no matter what I said, people would read into it the wrong way.
As I seriously pondered the answer to the question, I realized that the most honest response was probably “I don’t know.”
Because even I wasn’t entirely sure of what I truly felt inside.
If simply having a close relationship counts as liking someone, then… does that mean I like Zhinián?
Does the affection I have for my family also count as “liking”?
If I think about it that way, since they asked me whether I have someone I like, I should answer “yes,” shouldn’t I?
Ah…
What a hassle.
I really just want to sneak away from here and go shopping with Zhinián or something…