Chapter 81: The Two, in Their Frustration

What does it feel like when a group of friends gets together to have fun?

Is it supposed to be joyful?

Or maybe tinged with a quiet melancholy?

But right now, I felt neither.

All I felt was the dazed loneliness of being separated from Gu Fan.

And my heart, as if inflated with something called “insecurity,” thudded heavily in my chest.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fill the emptiness inside.

Walking alone on the street, I tucked my hands into my coat pockets.

I gently pinched the tip of my cat tail through the lining.

Using the electric jolt that spread through my body from that extremely sensitive nerve ending to suppress this strange discomfort.

Frustrated.

Utterly frustrated.

Ever since I returned to this world and reunited with Gu Fan, I had often experienced joys and happiness I’d never dared to imagine before.

But at the same time, I’d also grown more and more upset.

Maybe this is what people mean when they say, “You can’t gain without loss”?

Thinking about it now, it makes sense.

Good things can’t just fall from the sky like free dumplings.

You always have to pay a price or go through some hardship to earn them.

In my heart, I selfishly wished that Gu Fan would treat me wholeheartedly.

That we wouldn’t run into any obstacles.

And that we could just enjoy each other’s company in peace.

But reality was always mean-spirited and went against me at every turn.

How irritating.

I once read online that going through hardships together can strengthen a relationship.

But I personally believe that if two people are truly well-matched, there’s no need for all those dramatic trials.

A quiet, ordinary companionship—that’s the true rhythm of life, isn’t it?

I gripped the tip of my tail and rubbed it hard with my thumb.

The sharp sensation made my breath catch for a second.

And my steps came to a halt.

Successfully interrupting the mental rant I’d been building up against reality.

Whatever.

No matter how much I rage at my own powerlessness, it won’t change anything.

If anything, it just makes me feel worse.

It was already affecting my ability to judge and make decisions.

Besides… I’d already chickened out and quit the drink bar job.

If I kept acting tough in my fantasies and imagining myself fighting off everyone boldly, the pleasure I’d get from those daydreams would just come back to bite me once I snapped out of it.

After all, the gap between fantasy and reality is just far, far too big.

I might collapse mentally from the inability to accept it.

I let my mind go blank and just moved on autopilot.

I didn’t even realize where I had wandered to—everything around me looked a little unfamiliar.

Not that I had anything urgent to do.

And with how mentally exhausted I felt, even my body was starting to grow weary.

So I found a bench and sat down, staring blankly ahead.

At night.

Once night falls, I get to have Gu Fan all to myself.

So there’s no need to keep worrying or overthinking.

I just need to calmly wait for that moment to come.

I took my phone out of my pocket.

After turning it on, I stared at the clock on the lock screen.

Stared—

My eyes blinked several times, and my breathing stayed calm.

The sound of my heartbeat grew louder, thudding clearly in my ears as my focus sharpened.

I could even sense it from inside my body.

Why is it taking so long…?

Why does a single minute feel this endlessly long?

I thought it would pass in a flash.

But it felt like forever before the last digit on the clock finally ticked forward.

At this rate… how long is it going to take before I can walk around the mall with Gu Fan?

Annoyed, I scratched my head.

My sensitive cat ears accidentally got hit by my fingernails.

A sharp pain ran through my whole body like an electric shock.

I gritted my teeth and rubbed them for a long while before the sting finally subsided.

Maybe I should just go check out the shopping center now.

That way I can mentally prepare myself in advance for tonight’s date.

I thought carefully about that plan.

In the end, I just sighed, shook my head, and gave up.

Forget it, forget it. What’s the point of going there alone?

I really wasn’t in the mood to look at all those Christmas decorations.

Without Gu Fan by my side, none of it seemed meaningful.

Having sorted through my thoughts, I sluggishly lifted my eyelids and turned my phone back on.

This time, I opened the navigation app.

Following the route shown, I started heading home.

I decided to put my hope into a good night’s sleep.

Let a beautiful dream make up for the regretful reality.

By the time I got home, it was almost 4 p.m.

I don’t usually bother making dinner.

After kicking off my shoes and socks, I collapsed straight onto the bed.

I pulled the blanket over my entire body, leaving only my cat ears exposed, quietly feeling the cool breeze drifting in from the window.

Mmm…

Once I wake up, Gu Fan will come pick me up and we’ll go to the shopping mall.

There’s nothing to worry about.

Nothing at all to be anxious about…

Comforting myself with those thoughts, drowsiness quickly crept over my consciousness.

My eyelids grew heavier and heavier.

I blinked a few times at the ceiling.

And then, darkness completely overtook my awareness.

“Guess so.”

In the end, that was the answer I chose.

My classmates all let out a teasing “Woooah~” in unison.

Then, someone immediately leaned in, trying to ask who I had a crush on.

I lowered my gaze and quietly exhaled.

It was the first time I’d ever felt so agitated in a social setting.

I wasn’t sure if it was because of my birthday or because Zhi Nian wasn’t there.

Either way, I became certain that I really wanted to quit the drink bar job.

I brushed them off with a few vague answers.

Once I managed to send my curious classmates away, I slumped against the couch in defeat.

Then I started thinking of a reason I could use to leave the party.

Though honestly, if I were just a little more assertive, I could’ve just walked out.

There wasn’t really a problem.

But… sometimes, people aren’t as free as they think they are.

The self you imagine in your fantasies might seem all-powerful, but in reality, there are countless things you can’t do without the help of others.

Going solo is far more difficult than doing things with connections and support.

Fortunately, I’m not someone who fears social situations or struggles to express myself.

As long as I have some time, I can naturally come up with a proper and polite reason that’ll let everyone feel at ease when I leave.

While my brain was working hard on crafting an excuse, sharp laughter suddenly rang out again around me.

I glanced around and realized—they were all staring at me.

“…Is it my turn again?”

I looked at the cardboard piece on the table.

Tch… great, just my luck today.

I forced myself to hold my expression steady so I wouldn’t give myself away.

“Hahaha, Gu Fan, are you choosing truth or dare this time?”

“…Dare.”

I rubbed my brow with my fingers.

I had already come up with a plan to slip away—refuse the dare, drink as a penalty, then use feeling unwell as an excuse to go home.

It might’ve been a bit clumsy, but I really didn’t want to keep playing along with them.

“Alright then, let me give the dare. No objections, right?”

Fang Cheng suddenly stood up with his drink in hand and spoke.

Everyone knew Fang Cheng and I were pretty close, so no one said anything.

“Then… Gu Fan, you can go home now.”

I stared at Fang Cheng, waiting for him to issue the dare so I could immediately refuse it.

But I hadn’t expected that this would be the dare he gave me.

Everyone burst into protest: “Huh? Seriously? But he’s the birthday boy! Why is he leaving so early?”

Fang Cheng ignored their obvious dissatisfaction and leaned in to whisper into my ear.

“Hurry up and sneak off. You look totally out of it—I’ll take care of them. Just go do whatever you want.”