A slightly chilly breeze swept through the courtyard, carrying with it the faint grassy scent of withered leaves on the ground. I sniffed carefully and seemed to catch a trace of the sun’s warmth mixed in.
Gu Fan and I were sitting in the pavilion behind the church—more precisely, on the stone bench in the middle.
Two plastic bowls sat on the stone table before us. Gu Fan was unhurriedly splitting apart a pair of bamboo chopsticks and had already set down the can of cola.
With nothing to do, I rested my hands on the stone bench, straightened my back, and looked around at the scenery.
At the same time, I emptied my mind—treating it as a little rest was pretty nice, too.
Being with Gu Fan was blissful, but also unexpectedly exhausting. If I spent the whole day clinging to him, I was sure my sleep quality at night would be amazing.
After all, how could I not fall straight asleep the moment I lay down? More importantly, compared to vague, empty fantasies, having real interactions with Gu Fan mattered far more—I shouldn’t mix up my priorities.
Click.
The lid of the plastic bowl was lifted, and a delicious aroma rushed into my nose. Rarely did my taste buds get teased like this, and my attention was suddenly pulled back.
Even though I had snapped out of my daze, I didn’t immediately check what food Gu Fan had ordered in the bowls. Instead, I first focused intently on him in this very moment.
Mm… I don’t know what other girls feel when they sit across from the one they like, sharing a meal and staring at his face.
I’m curious about what goes on in their hearts. My worry is that my own reaction might actually be abnormal—something pathological, something Gu Fan wouldn’t be able to accept.
It seemed my love for Gu Fan exceeded even my own expectations. Even just sitting down for a simple meal with him, as nothing more than a dining companion, sent waves of passion surging and swelling uncontrollably in my heart.
Is it ridiculous? Clearly, we’ve eaten together so many times already, yet I still act like some innocent little maiden—always shy, always hesitant to voice my true thoughts and feelings.
But maybe keeping that sense of freshness isn’t such a bad thing. At least right now, I feel like I could never get tired of looking at Gu Fan.
Gu Fan had already picked up his chopsticks and was eating a piece of radish. Perhaps noticing that I hadn’t moved my chopsticks yet, he lifted his eyes and glanced at me.
“Eat quickly. It won’t taste good once it gets cold.”
“Mm, I know.”
I lowered my gaze obediently. There wasn’t much food in this bowl of oden. Gu Fan knew I didn’t particularly favor any one dish, nor was I a foodie with a big appetite, so he ordered things that were easy to eat and filling—mostly noodles.
I stirred the noodles a couple of times and ate a few bites absentmindedly. Salty, but acceptable. Eating them didn’t take much effort; I didn’t even need to focus.
My chopsticks simply moved up and down mechanically. That’s exactly why I like noodles—they don’t demand attention.
For me, eating together with Gu Fan—whether lunch or dinner—the real focus wasn’t on whether the food was delicious.
What mattered were the conversations we shared, the little gestures, and every glance he gave me.
“Time… really flies by so fast.”
I had been keeping an eye on his bowl with my peripheral vision. Once I was sure he had eaten about half, I seized the moment to speak.
This topic shouldn’t sound too awkward, right?
As expected, Gu Fan didn’t rush to respond. True to his usual manner, he first looked at me seriously, then calmly finished chewing the food in his mouth before saying anything.
I couldn’t claim to know Gu Fan’s habits inside out, but at the very least—I understood them a little.
Gu Fan looked quite handsome like this—being able to quietly admire the face of the one I cared about, what harm could there be?
As his Adam’s apple bobbed slightly, I heard that warm, gentle voice speak in a calm tone about his own feelings.
“I never thought… that one day we would be able to sit down and eat together again, and that our relationship would heal to become even better than before.”
“Even better… than before? Is that what Gu Fan thinks?”
Just hearing the first half of his words had already stirred some emotions in me. After all, when I first gathered my courage to reconnect with Gu Fan, I never imagined that one day we could sit here together, in our secret base, sharing a meal.
What mattered even more was that my feelings for Gu Fan had changed during this process. I actually wanted to go further—directly becoming Gu Fan’s wife.
I wanted to use children and my chastity as a bond, to tie Gu Fan to my side forever.
Thinking about it carefully, I really was rather unscrupulous. Even though I hadn’t put these thoughts into action yet, I knew that one day I truly would. All it needed was time as preparation.
My fingers, clutching the bamboo chopsticks, had unknowingly tightened. The salty, pungent fragrance of the oden seeped into my chest, yet instead of easing me, it only fueled the storm clouds forming within.
Every time I waited for Gu Fan’s reply, my body would unconsciously give me this kind of signal—that sooner or later, Gu Fan would disappoint me completely.
Perhaps… that day really would come. But I hoped at least it wouldn’t be today. I still wanted more time to prepare. As for how much time I needed… that was for me to decide.
“Feelings… aren’t something that can really be measured, are they? I can’t say why, but I just feel that what we have now is somehow even better than the feelings we had as children.”
Gu Fan half-squinted his eyes, his fingers tapping rhythmically against the plastic bowl. It seemed he was tracing back to the meaning of the words he had just spoken.
“What I can be sure of is that, when we were young and innocent, holding hands or giving a hug didn’t mean anything.
At that time, there wasn’t much between us in terms of romance between a boy and a girl—we only cared about playing around.”
His fingers stopped tapping, and the corners of his lips curved with a smile.
“But now… when I hold your hand, the blooming thoughts in my heart tell me this is something special. It’s not a childish game of playing house.
I can feel a strong joy from it. In that moment, my body told my mind—it really likes this feeling. That’s my explanation for what I said before.”
After finishing, Gu Fan didn’t bow his head to continue eating the oden. Instead, he lowered his gaze, using his chopsticks to idly poke at the food in his bowl.
As for me… I was already so embarrassed that I had to cover my face with my hands. But maybe my hands were too small, because I couldn’t completely hide my burning cheeks.
In a fit of frustration, I simply peeked at Gu Fan through the gaps between my fingers, grumbling shyly in annoyance.
“Gu Fan always… says such shameful things with such a calm expression.”
“Heh, thanks for the compliment. I’ll take that as one of my strengths.”
Gu Fan pretended not to notice the hidden undertone in my words and turned the teasing back on me instead. This made me puff out my cheeks in anger, burying my head as I slurped noodles noisily.
I was angry—at least for now, I didn’t want to pay him any attention. My cat ears curled up unconsciously, perfectly displaying my sulky attitude.