The atmosphere in the living room felt like congealed gelatin, both dry and sticky.
My throat seemed clogged with something foreign, and despite a few whimpers, I couldn’t make a sound. The only thing rising was the churning bile in my stomach.
I wanted to throw up.
I never imagined a day when a single sentence from Mom would terrify me so much that I’d want to vomit to expel the discomfort coursing through my body.
It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s not like the world is ending. Mom’s just saying things—she wouldn’t resort to more drastic measures to stop me from seeing Gu Fan so soon.
My fists clenched tightly, untrimmed nails digging deep into my palms, sending a wave of pain.
Right, Mom must have only just found out about us. The school probably tipped her off—our frequent absences might’ve been too obvious.
This school isn’t terrible; the teachers and students are decent, but the administration is fairly lax.
Based on how Mom usually interacts with me, it’s likely the school informed her about my situation. She wouldn’t actively check on how I’m doing at school—she doesn’t care about me that much anymore.
Gasping a few quick breaths, I forced a smile, tricking my body into thinking I’d already endured the worst. Those dark, negative emotions wouldn’t break me.
There’s still room to fix this. If I explain things clearly to Mom, we can avoid an awkward situation.
Having made up my mind, I sighed, quickly thinking of what to say to persuade her.…to understand my feelings and how devoted and passionate I am about Gu Fan. If needed, I was even ready to list his good qualities.
But… before I could finish piecing together those words, Mom’s next sentence tore them apart brutally.
“I’m serious. The transfer paperwork is already prepared. All that’s left is your signature to confirm.”
The moment I heard those words, it felt like my head was struck by a drumstick, buzzing loudly. I couldn’t hear my own thoughts.
It took a long, long time to realize my teeth were clenched so tightly they felt like they might shatter.
…It hurts so much…
I didn’t respond to Mom. Instead, I collapsed onto the couch, my right hand covering my face, trembling uncontrollably.
It felt like I was about to cry, but my eyes only burned as if on fire, with no tears coming out—maybe I’d already cried them all dry in my room.
Today was supposed to be a happy day. I went shopping for New Year’s goods with Gu Fan, strolled together, and shared so many intimate moments.
After finally pushing our relationship to this point, why did I have to imagine those awful future possibilities tonight and learn that Mom decided on a transfer without any discussion?
So annoying… can’t it all just disappear?
Insane thoughts chained together relentlessly, like a writhing worm made of filth and garbage, slithering harshly through my mind, leaving indelible dirty marks.
I don’t want to transfer. It doesn’t matter which school I’m at, but at least this one has……Gu Fan.
I still vividly remember middle school, when Gu Fan and I attended different schools. Though they weren’t far apart, losing the daily chance to talk during our commute meant I barely had any opportunities to speak with him.
Time is honest. It lays bare the cruel truth, forcing people to face it.
Lifelong, unforgettable love is rare. And what Gu Fan and I have can’t even be called love yet—maybe just a closer-than-average childhood friendship.
Over time, Gu Fan will meet many interesting people and experience all sorts of unique things. Gradually, he’ll lose interest in me, someone at another school he rarely sees, who no longer feels novel.
Eventually… I’ll lose him, just like I did when we were kids…
“By the way, here’s some information about the new school. Take a look to get familiar with the environment. Study hard and don’t mess around with unnecessary things.”
Mom’s flat tone felt like arms reaching out to grab me, dragging me into a swamp.
Disgusting person, saying these disgusting words. I hate it, hate it, hate it—can you just get lost?
I let out a cold, inexplicable laugh. My hand, which had been covering my face, slid down to grip my neck.
Applying slight pressure, the brief suffocation from this external force successfully suppressed the irritation and despair welling up inside.
For some reason, I couldn’t stop my hand from tightening. It wasn’t until I furrowed my brows and instinctively opened my mouth, gasping for fresh air, that I belatedly eased my grip.
The strength in my hand eased.
“Ugh…”
I let out a few muffled groans, breathing heavily. My vision slowly returned to normal. This extreme method had snapped me back to clarity.
As my sight cleared, I saw the papers in front of me—pictures and information about the new school.
I didn’t even have the desire to glance at them. I just shot Mom a cold glare, then…
I picked up the documents, and without a word, tore them apart one by one, tossing them into the nearby trash can.
Originally, I planned to hold myself back, to communicate with Mom in a gentler, more… normal way. If necessary, I was even willing to compromise a bit—anything to cancel the transfer.
But I underestimated Mom’s resolve.
It makes sense. If I’m this kind of woman, then Mom, who’s been through her husband’s infidelity, must be even more ruthless and cold-hearted.
Understanding her is one thing; accepting it is another.
As I tore up the papers, Mom watched me impassively. I let my cat ears droop, staring back at her without flinching.
…
When Mom formulated her next words, her expression didn’t waver, far steadier than mine.
But as soon as she started to speak, she raised an eyebrow, hesitating as if reconsidering, then altered her statement.
“Fine, let’s make it tomorrow. I’ll take you to the school to sign the papers, and I’ll also ask that boy, Gu Fan, to come out. I’ll have a talk with him. If you have anything you want to say, I can pass it on for you. After tomorrow, you won’t need to go back to that school.”
“No way. I’m not agreeing to the transfer.”
Since growing up, I’ve rarely clashed with Mom. But I still remember when I was younger, whenever we had conflicts, I’d beg her to change, to stop treating me so carelessly. She never responded.
Now… I’ve earned a lot from my part-time jobs, enough to leave this family.
I’d imagined countless times what I’d say to Mom when we parted ways, but I never thought that day would come so soon.