Evan was at a loss for words for a moment.
Since the Prince’s bed was already draped with a canopy, he didn’t think a mere candle would disturb the Prince’s sleep, but he didn’t bother to nag about it.
The Prince always came first for him.
Without making a sound, he quietly approached Nihil and glanced down at the paper Nihil was writing on.
The boy’s handwriting was close to cursive, but the size of the letters was consistent, the rows and columns aligned—very neat.
It was hardly the work of a wandering orphan. Moreover, children from educated families at this age usually wrote in Script, pressing hard with their hands, so using cursive was rare.
Evan, suddenly curious, asked Nihil.
“Who taught you to write?”
“If you read a lot, you just naturally pick it up.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I told you before. I couldn’t read the Herbology Book, so I taught myself.”
“…..”
A brief silence fell over the bedroom.
The crackling of firewood, the soft scratching of a pen—those were the only sounds.
Evan found Nihil’s unusualness suspicious, but he felt sorry for bringing up a painful past and kept his mouth shut.
The candle flickered once, and the shadows cast over Nihil’s face swayed with it.
Eventually, Nihil stopped writing, carefully set down his pen, and spoke quietly.
“The first thing I ever copied was a very large scripture carved into a stone tablet in front of a Temple. I didn’t even know what it meant, I just copied it. No, rather than writing, I just drew it exactly the same. I kept drawing the same thing over and over on the ground for days, and that’s how I learned the letters. The Priests at that Temple would recite the scripture at the same time every day, so that helped me learn. I could speak, so once I learned to read, I picked it up quickly.”
“…Did you live alone for a long time before you met that child?”
“Yes. I was alone for a very long time. When I was hungry, I ate. When I was sleepy, I slept. So I didn’t need anyone’s help. There was no real problem just surviving. That’s why that child is so special to me.”
“You…”
Evan started to ask something, then closed his mouth.
Those eyes so beautiful, yet so indifferent looked up at him in silence. Even though the story wasn’t exactly bright, the boy showed no emotion at all.
Staring at him, Evan almost wondered if he was actually some intricately crafted doll.
Evan parted his lips several times, debating whether to ask the question swirling inside his mouth.
In truth, it was something he’d wanted to ask since the first time he met this boy.
“You, are you…, no, can I ask…?”
“It’s pointless even if you get an answer.”
Nihil replied indifferently, as if he already knew what Evan wanted to ask.
Then, with his finger, he snuffed out one of the three candles in the candlestick.
Thin smoke swirled up into the air and quickly dispersed.
“If you want to ask, go ahead. But in the end, you’ll forget.”
The warmth of the candlelight lingered on Nihil’s snowy lashes as he blinked slowly several times.
Swept up in the reverent atmosphere, Evan stared blankly for a moment, then mulled over the meaning of Nihil’s words.
To forget…
He probably wasn’t mocking Evan’s poor memory. Did he mean he could tamper with Evan’s memory?
“I’m not the one who erases your memory.”
Before Evan could even voice his question, Nihil answered and paused for a moment, then continued.
“I don’t do anything. You forget on your own.”
“You mean I erase my own memory?”
“Yes.”
“…I don’t have any such ability.”
If he had the power to erase memories at will, Evan would have used it more than a few times by now.
Nihil continued his explanation.
“I’m not certain, but… I suspect it’s because my very existence is a threat. So, to protect yourself, you make it as if it never happened from the start. Yes, you could call it a kind of Survival Instinct.”
Nihil reached for the candlestick again. Another candle was snuffed out by his hand.
Evan watched the smoke drift and then gazed steadily into Nihil’s eyes, which held a mysterious light.
He had no idea what Nihil was talking about, but somehow, it felt strangely familiar.
Nihil didn’t avoid Evan’s gaze. He simply stared back, still indifferent, and slowly opened his mouth.
“You must have a lot of questions. I don’t exactly seem normal, after all.”
“So you’re aware of it yourself.”
“Well, just look at my appearance. I stand out, don’t I?”
As he said this, Nihil gave a small, sly smile as if inviting Evan to admire his looks.
It was an arrogant remark, but since it was true, Evan couldn’t refute it.
“So, I erase my own memory?”
“That’s what I think. It’s always been that way.”
“If it’s just a guess, it’s not certain. And if I’ll just forget, why bother explaining all this to me? I’ll forget anyway.”
Nihil’s words had no solid basis.
And to think he believed his very existence was a threat to others—what an arrogant attitude.
Even so, Evan didn’t think Nihil was completely lying.
Evan felt a bit of fear, but he snorted and crossed his arms, pretending not to care. He wanted to lighten the heavy mood, even just a little.
Sensing Evan’s intention, Nihil gave a brief chuckle, rested his chin on his hand, and tapped the desk twice with his fingertips.
“Well, sometimes I just want to talk about myself, too.”
“…..”
“And…, who knows.”
“What do you mean?”
“This time, maybe it won’t be forgotten…”
At those words, Evan’s body flinched.
For some reason, he felt guilty.
Now, with only one candle left, its flame flickered wildly, and Evan’s eyes wavered with it.
Nihil, still resting his chin, looked up at Evan at an angle.
It was then that Evan became certain.
Nihil wasn’t lying about being forgotten.
And if he did hear the truth, he would surely forget, just as Nihil said.
He would not be able to live up to Nihil’s tiny, tiny hope.
He understood himself better than anyone; he knew he could never be that special exception whose memory wouldn’t be erased.
An indescribable emotion welled up inside him.
Those eyes he’d thought were just indifferent.
Perhaps they actually held far too much.
He didn’t want to experience the unpleasant sensation of his memory being erased.
But in the end, he had to ask. Because Nihil wanted him to ask, to speak.
“Who are you…?”
As Evan asked, a thought crossed his mind. Maybe this wasn’t even the first time he’d asked this question.
“…I am one who can exist anywhere, yet must not exist anywhere. I can be anything, yet am nothing at all.”
“?”
Evan frowned. He’d gone to the trouble of asking, even after hearing he might lose his memory, and all he got was a riddle.
“…If you’re going to explain, at least do it properly.”
Nihil gave a faint smile, ran a hand through his hair, and sank back into the chair.
That movement stirred a little breeze, and the candle flickered once more. The heavy mood seemed to lighten just a bit.
“Actually, if I only say this much, people usually don’t lose their memories.”
“Then it won’t be erased?”
“No. Maybe if it were Lian, but you will forget. You’re too sharp and persistent for your own good.”
“…….”
Is that a compliment or an insult?
As Evan made a strange face, Nihil let out a small laugh and asked,
“Do you remember my name?”
“…Ni, hil?”
“Oh, so you’re not completely hopeless, puppy.”
“Don’t call me that.”
At the word ‘puppy,’ Evan felt a surge of irritation and almost raised his voice.
He would’ve preferred being called a bastard or a cur. At least those sounded human. But being called ‘puppy’ by him really made Evan feel like a dog.
“Empty.”
“….”
“…?”
“Nothingness and void, something without value.”
The sudden string of words made confusion spread across Evan’s face.
“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
“That’s what my name means.”
“Who would give someone a name like that…?”
“I named myself.”
“Who names themselves!”
“…No one else would, so I had no choice.”
Evan was at a loss for words again. Nihil spoke with a bitter smile.
“It’s the name that defines me best.”
“….”
Crack—
The firewood in the fireplace crackled especially loudly.
Evan wanted to ask why, if Nihil named himself such a way, he’d looked so hurt when the Prince said the name suited him.
“Your eyes are rude.”
“Don’t talk nonsense. Are you in any position to talk about manners?”
“Don’t raise your voice. You’ll wake the child.”
“…Damn.”
Any heaviness in the air was shattered by Nihil’s constant mention of ‘the child.’ Evan frowned, then, just in case, poked his head out the study door and glanced toward the bed.
Thankfully, there was no sign the Prince had woken.
He’d brought this boy in to befriend the kitten, but instead he tended the Prince’s illness as soon as he arrived, ate those awful cookies—no, lumps of coal pretending to be cookies, instead, read fairy tales to put him to sleep, insisted on turning off all the lights so the Prince would grow up healthy, and studied Medical Books and Herbology Books for the Prince’s sake by the faint candlelight, even scolded Evan for making noise lest the child woke…
Was this… a nanny…?
His pupils shook slightly as confusion filled his mind.
Come to think of it, why was this boy going so far for the Prince?
“Why are you so good to the Prince?”
“I haven’t done anything special…”
“No, you’re taking care of him. Even just searching through the Herbology Book shows that.”
“Well, I lost the child, lost my strength, and I’m lonely. He’s pretty cute, too.”
“Don’t use the Prince as a replacement for that child.”
Evan’s face hardened. If this boy was projecting that child onto the Prince, it would be a real problem.
If, by chance, the child returned and Nihil abandoned the Prince, that wound would belong to the Prince alone.
“A replacement? The Prince and that child aren’t alike at all. That child was… a bit more cunning.”
“……”
“The Prince is just too innocent. He’s so easily swayed—it’s kind of adorable.”
This guy…! Sure, the Prince was cute, but to call him easily swayed!
“Oh, but there is one thing they have in common.”
“What is it?”
“They’re both very desperate.”
The two locked eyes, and silence fell again. The last remaining candle wavered softly. Evan’s eyes trembled with it, then he pressed his lips together and changed the subject.
“Change your name. Don’t make the Prince worry about it. And a name isn’t for defining yourself—it’s a wish for the life you’ll lead.”
“I see.”
At those words, Nihil paused for a moment, lowered his gaze, and carefully brushed his thumb over the fountain pen he held. After hesitating for a long while, he spoke, so softly it was barely audible.
“…Requies.”