My frozen, reddened fingers stiffly reached into my pocket.
Due to the numbness in my sense of touch, I wasn’t sure if I was even feeling my phone—or maybe I didn’t bring it out at all?
Really…? I couldn’t quite remember…
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed I’ve become much clumsier than before, with less time spent feeling clear-headed.
My days pass in a haze, like a withered branch or rotten leaf tossed into a stream, battered and swayed by the rocks.
Sometimes, a fleeting urge to “do something” rises in my heart, but it’s quickly restrained by the exhaustion that binds my hands and feet, imprisoning my eager spirit.
So, I’ve stayed in the house for so long—Gu Fan’s house—clumsily trying to play the role of a less-than-competent, dutiful wife.
When did Gu Fan start to grow tired of me?
I’m curious… or rather, it’s less curiosity and more a desperate hope that he could forgive my mistakes and we could mend things.
I exhaled puffs of hot air, feeling the warmth drain from my body with each breath.
I kind of wanted to faint on the spot—so sleepy…
Having stayed at home for so long, I’ve grown used to dealing with troubles or boredom by finding a place to collapse and sleep.
Now, my fever was getting worse, and my body’s instincts were urging me to find somewhere to lie down quickly…
But I haven’t seen Gu Fan yet… Isn’t that why I came out here, to find him…?
I was nearing the bustling downtown area, where the crowd of passersby grew thicker.
Staring at the tide of people surging toward me, I stood frozen for a moment. Suddenly, my stomach twitched, and a wave of nausea rose to my throat.
“Ugh… so gross…”
I hurriedly pressed my chest through my thick clothes, gasping heavily. It took a long, long time to suppress that nauseating feeling.
Was this morning sickness again? Or was I just terrified of these strangers passing by?
I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Even when I’m in pain, it’s just pain—I have no idea why.
Just like I don’t know why Gu Fan fell for me in the first place.
Or why he stopped liking me.
I’ve always been a passive person, a shameless, lowly woman.
A complete failure, more useless than the lowest beggar, yet occupying the coveted role of Gu Fan’s wife—a position so many women dream of.
I know I should try harder to live up to Gu Fan’s trust in me, but I don’t know how to improve myself.
I can’t do anything well. Every time Gu Fan comforts me, I get so happy, but when I try to learn something, I’m still just mediocre.
Compared to me, Gu Fan picks up everything quickly and masters it to an impressive degree in no time.
If it were me, I would have to spend a lot of time practicing and studying.
In the past, I never thought the theory of talent was right, until during that honeymoon period after marriage, when Gu Fan accompanied me in learning some housekeeping skills.
In the end, I didn’t learn much, but he pretty much mastered everything, and even the female teacher in charge of teaching couldn’t help but look at him with admiration.
Light.
Because I had been standing still for so long, the passing pedestrians all cast strange looks at me.
I closed my eyes, lowered my gaze, and quickly walked into a shabby alley.
I want to die so badly. If the gods are still watching over me, can they grant me a painless death?
The moment I stepped into the alley and escaped the gaze of the passersby, a thought suddenly surfaced in my mind.
I froze for a long time. At first, I didn’t even try to erase that thought. Instead, I let it linger for a while before belatedly throwing it away.
I touched my still-flat belly and gave a smile filled with complicated emotions. I didn’t even understand what kind of mindset I was living with anymore.
At the very least, right now, I need to take responsibility for the baby. I can’t just die so carelessly.
Speaking of which… why did I become a catgirl…?
Could it be that God thought I hadn’t suffered enough, and deliberately sent Gu Fan to give me the dawn of hope, only to ruthlessly extinguish it bit by bit?
And now, having already been dragged into the sunlight, I can only hide inside the house to avoid its rays.
After all, I am filth itself—if anyone were to see me, they would surely “kill” me.
After briefly imagining what it would have been like if I hadn’t become a catgirl, and was just an ordinary girl, I suddenly felt grateful that I at least had the chance to stay by Gu Fan’s side in this form.
At the very least, I was once loved by Gu Fan… and that alone is enough.
There were almost no people in the alley, and the strangers’ gazes had finally peeled away from me.
It was like shedding a layer of heavy iron armor—I let out a deep sigh of relief, though the suffocating weariness in my chest still refused to disperse.
Because the alley was somewhat narrow—wide enough for three or four people to walk side by side—yet with no street lamps and no moonlight reaching inside, it was pitch dark.
The dizziness brought on by my fever grew even more intense in the darkness. I steadied myself against the uneven brick wall and staggered forward.
After the violent swings of my emotions, my stiff fingers warmed up a little, enough for me to slip them into my pocket and pull out my phone.
I lit up the screen, tapped on the app at the center of the home page, and an electronic map appeared. A red marker glowed over a hotel not far from me…
Staring at the screen, my gaze gradually turned cold.
This app had come bundled with the surveillance software I bought. It could track the target’s movements, how long they stayed in one place, whether they used their phone, and who they were chatting or calling with.
These past few days, I had been checking the app from time to time. Other than his business partners, Gu Fan had been tangled up ambiguously with several female colleagues.
Each phone call lasted at least ten minutes. I had no idea where Gu Fan found the time to secretly talk with them behind my back.
Gu Fan, when he’s outside, doesn’t just go to the company for work—he also goes to various restaurants for social gatherings.
But a hotel… this is the first time I’ve seen that happen in these days of observing him.
Is it that I can’t satisfy him? Haven’t I already shown enough hunger and desire? Why does he still have to go behind my back to vent with other women?
I really want to confront him face-to-face and question him over and over, but since I haven’t actually seen him yet, all I can do is grip my phone tightly in anger.
The phone case, already a little damaged from being dropped several times, gave a sharp “crack” under the excessive force of my grip, splitting open with a thin crack.
I flipped the phone over to check the back. This phone case was one of a matching couple set that Gu Fan and I had bought while shopping before we got married.
His phone case had a chibi-style boy handing over a heart from the left side, while mine had a chibi-style girl holding out her hands to receive the heart from the right.
And now, the crack had formed exactly across that very heart I was supposed to be receiving.
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