“Yeohu, you took a while?”
“Yes. I think what I ate earlier upset my stomach a bit.”
“How about now?”
“I’m fine now.”
The cast and crew of stayed at the hall for about an hour before leaving.
At the first reading after the funeral, Ju Taegang did not appear.
He didn’t show up for the next reading either, and things didn’t progress as planned.
A reading doesn’t tell you everything about an actor’s attitude, but complaints were starting to erupt as expected.
Missing this many readings, people start to wonder, ‘Will he do his part properly during the actual broadcast? Is he going to drop out?’
‘Taegang, what was the point of me shielding you if you do this…’
The real shoot would begin in just a few weeks.
No matter how much grief he’s in, a lead actor needs to have a sense of responsibility.
If you think like that, why be a professional at all?
Naturally, Ju Taegang’s absences and the staff’s dissatisfaction made the news.
It’s not like the reading was a secret, and there were always at least a few reporters near the seminar room, so it was only a matter of time.
“I’m okay with it. As long as he comes to the filming, that’s what matters.”
“The making-of is a bit of a worry though…”
“Yeah, that too.”
Thankfully, Han Serang, his opposite number, didn’t say much, but the mood at the reading site was at its worst. If Ju Taegang didn’t show up at all, we might actually have to replace him in the end.
The investors who attended the reading seemed quite dissatisfied as well.
After my last reading, on my way out, I talked to Author Kim Hyemi.
“The advertisers said that if Ju Taegang can’t be the lead, we have to give the lead to someone else, but the director really doesn’t want to use that person.”
“Who is it?”
Kim Hyemi sighed deeply, then whispered softly in my ear.
“Bak Iwon.”
“…That singer-songwriter?”
Kim Hyemi nodded.
“Of course, he’s a great singer and very popular, but he doesn’t have what it takes to be a lead actor.”
No need to say more.
When he took the lead, the drama’s viewership rating hit zero percent.
Bak Iwon’s acting wasn’t just bad—it was unspeakably bad.
No, really. So how did he land the lead role?
Bak Iwon’s brand power was considerable.
Any commercial he did sold out, and sales increased by at least three hundred percent.
From the perspective of prioritizing commercial success over the drama’s quality, Bak Iwon might be a better deal than Ju Taegang.
But their success had nothing to do with me.
Zero percent ratings. Zero percent.
That means even the fans don’t like Bak Iwon’s acting.
That’s just how absurd the number is!
I couldn’t understand why the agency would force a schedule that even the fans hated, but there was something more important right now.
“Then it’d be better if Ju Taegang showed up.”
I hid my swirling thoughts and tried to sound as calm as possible. Kim Hyemi sighed deeply, as if it were obvious.
“Still, does anyone know why senior isn’t coming out?”
“No matter how much we ask, they just say it’s a health issue and don’t explain the reason. The director seems to know, but… It feels like pushing for more will just make things worse, so we’re still waiting. Haah, I’m worried it’ll get more tangled and the drama will get canned.”
It won’t get canned, but it will get a zero percent rating. I can’t exactly ask, ‘Want to play a balance game?’
I asked politely,
“Should I try going to see him?”
“Huh? You?”
“Yes, I have his number.”
“We all have his number too. Sure, you can try. But don’t get your hopes up. He really doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t reply at all to personal messages. Anyway, it’s late, so get going. Sorry we can’t even do an afterparty for the last reading.”
“No, it’s fine.”
*****
Honestly, even if the drama flopped, it wouldn’t affect my acting career at all.
The system didn’t want me to become an actor and get famous anyway, and my goal wasn’t something like [Challenge! Survive as a National Star Actor!].
Even with zero percent ratings, I could keep working as an actor.
But that was just personal ambition.
It bothered me to think of all the effort put into a drama going unrewarded.
It’s not the actors, but the director, writer, and staff of a zero-percent drama who’d be stuck with that mark for life.
And besides, after this, Ju Taegang’s career would be completely over.
He wouldn’t show up in any project ever again.
A true retirement.
He’d disappear from the entertainment industry without a trace.
I didn’t know why before I regressed, but now I do—it’s because of his father’s funeral, and this drama is tied to his retirement.
I wish I hadn’t heard about that guy at the drinking party; it would have been less troubling.
‘And besides, it’s a waste to just let him disappear like this.’
At the funeral, I made two enemies because of this guy.
Honestly, if I keep working in showbiz, I need this loser to watch my back.
Other than that, the only reason to help Ju Taegang was to prevent the zero percent ratings—not because I sincerely wanted to comfort him or support his entertainment career in any way.
Of course, Ju Taegang never asked me for any of that or expected anything from me.
[Senior, I’m outside your place.]
Thankfully, he responded readily to my message and even gave me his address.
I must have sent about twenty texts.
I had to change elevators twice to get from the entrance to his place, which was kind of a hassle.
I almost gave up halfway.
“Come on in.”
“Hello.”
Even in that short time, senior had lost a lot of weight.
At least five kilos, I’d guess.
‘Not bad.’
Well, he does have a college student role, so it’s better to lose weight.
“Want something to drink?”
“Looks like… the only drinks here are alcoholic.”
I looked at the whiskey, wine, and soju bottles strewn around the house as I sat on the sofa.
“There’s water.”
Ju Taegang took a bottle of water from the fridge and put it on the table.
“Everyone’s really worried about you.”
“…I know.”
“I know it must be hard, but filming starts in a few weeks.”
Even if you’re going through a hard time, people still show up to work, you crazy bastard.
“Avoiding it isn’t the answer.”
So hurry up and come back.
If you don’t, the lead will be replaced, the drama will flop, my next project will be ruined, my chance to show off my skills will go up in smoke, and the enemies I made because of you will stomp on me, and maybe even my future quests will get…
Ahem.
There’s too much to say.
“Are you planning to give up like this?”
“……”
At least say something, man…
“I brought the script, just in case you weren’t going to give up. Up to episode eight.”
I took the revised script out of my bag.
The first script we received was only up to episode five, so he probably didn’t have the later ones.
“I have it.”
“How?”
“I asked my manager.”
What the heck.
So you haven’t given up on acting, then?
“Then why aren’t you coming out? It’s a problem, you know. The writer is having a hard time, and everyone else is anxious because of you.”
“Hey, at least smile when you talk.”
“Alright.”
I smiled as brightly and widely as possible, opening my palm, and said,
“Why aren’t you coming out? They say you’re causing trouble, senior.”
“Hey, you… Never mind. Haah, thanks. You actually made me laugh. After all these years in the industry, why don’t I have a junior like you?”
“Maybe you should reflect on your personality.”
Doing stuff like this, who would?
Ju Taegang let out a deep sigh, ran his hand through his hair that looked like a bird’s nest, and pointed to a corner.
“Yeohu, do you see the script on the sofa over there?”
“Yes.”
“That’s the same script you just handed me.”
I picked up the battered script stuck between the sofa cushions where he’d pointed and checked. It really was the new script up to episode eight.
But it was crumpled and looked like it had been soaked in something.
When I opened a folded page, there were red pen scribbles all over.
→ Focus on emotion here instead of dialogue
→ Not loud, but soft
→ Should I hold it back more?
→ Why does he make such a crazy choice? You lunatic. Are you nuts?
It was filled with evidence of Ju Taegang’s effort.
Notes that no one would ever acknowledge or bother to see.
No one would know, since he never spoke about them or showed them.
Which made it even harder to understand.
‘What is he doing?’
You’re being trashed right now, you know.
You’re being called a negligent lead actor who doesn’t show up, memorize scripts, or practice.
“Why go through all this and still not show up?”
“I’ll tell you, but only to you. It’s a service for a junior who actually came to see me.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.”
“I can’t speak.”
“Speak?”
You’re speaking just fine right now.
“To be precise, my voice. Hard to believe, right?”
He snatched the script from my hand and opened to a page full of scribbles.
He took several deep breaths, then closed it abruptly.
“Every time I try to act, my father’s face comes to mind.”
He buried his face in his hands.
I couldn’t see his face, so I didn’t know what expression he wore.
“When I was out drinking my brains out, my father got critically ill. When I woke up hungover the next day, he was already gone. My mom said it was okay, that I was working, so it was fine.”
“……”
“But that’s not true. It happened because I was just drinking myself senseless. After that, I couldn’t do anything. Goddamn it, I really am a bastard. No matter how hard I try, I’m just a damn crow.”
Slowly, he lifted his head.
“I tried to be a good guy, even faked it, but look at me now. Running away, being a burden. It’s not even self-pity—just who I am.”
His dark circles looked like smeared makeup under his eyes.
“Yeohu, what good is Ju Taegang if he can’t even act?”
I didn’t answer for a while.
I thought and thought again.
And the conclusion I reached—
“Hmm.”
“……”
“He really is no use.”
“……”
“But I still need him.”
For me.
“Shouldn’t we fix what’s broken and use it?”