Chapter 91: Self-Castration

There are two CatMans.

According to RiceCookerMan’s testimony, some strange vapor came in yesterday. That must be the cause.

It’s not impossible that this is illusion magic, so I asked the Nightmare Queen.

“It’s not an illusion. It has substance. I can tell for sure. CatMan is quite a large creature, after all.”

“A large creature… yeah, I guess so.”

Compared to the Nightmare Queen, who can’t even handle a single smartphone without tumbling and breaking things, CatMan is indeed a massive life form.

If I stood her next to him, she’d be like an elephant in reverse.

“So what is this thing?”

I stuck my hand into its head and summoned the three-set wraith concept.

Of course they wouldn’t know.

These guys have never seen anything they actually recognize.

I’ve heard of it. A transformation slime, perhaps? But it wouldn’t be perfect.

It must be a doppelganger that infiltrated the human faction.

Anything else would be hard to explain. They’re the kind who approach greedy humans, steal their wealth or position, infiltrate, and cause chaos from within.

“……Why are you guys even helpful?”

A doppelganger.

That makes sense for a monster like this.

“Ah, I’ve heard of them. About a hundred years ago during the war, these monsters infiltrated the human side in large numbers and succeeded in causing serious division. In return, they earned the humans’ grudge and were nearly wiped out.”

Succubi were similar, but at least succubi had a clear distinguishing trait—they drain vitality.

But why didn’t it turn into a human and instead became CatMan?

“So, what’s the execution method?”

The simplest way is to kill both. The monster will become material for level-ups, and the deceived human will become that many memorials.

The guardian knight of the rear, a level-40 wraith human, knows the most, at least.

“Ah, kill both?”

It’s true there’s no proper solution. They scan not just appearance but personality and skills too, making distinction nearly impossible. In the end, they’d throw them into battle and kill the one who hesitates.

Hmm.

Distinguishing them is hard, huh.

But if I don’t bother distinguishing and just kill both cats, I’d be branded an animal abuser……

No choice.

“Got it. Well, thanks for everything until now, CatMan.”

[What?]

[You letting me go?]

Ah, they sound similar.

“You’re both going to be executed by my hand.”

“Kyaooong.”

“Iiyaaooong.”

Wow, distinguishing them is really hard. Both bristle their fur at the same time and yowl fiercely.

Of course, I don’t actually plan to execute them. No matter what, they’re my pets, so I’m going to use my authority as owner to test them.

If they learn to listen better in the process, even better.

“If not, they say it’s impossible to tell, so what can I do? There’s no room to raise two.”

[Good. So I just have to bite this one to death?]

[Exactly what I wanted. I’ll tear your throat out.]

Seeing them growl at each other makes me think opening a colosseum and picking the survivor as the real CatMan would be perfect.

But CatMan is just a disobedient fish-loving cat, while a doppelganger is a monster from the otherworld, right?

“Don’t make corpses here. How about a biting contest instead?”

[Hmm? Is the greed of humans—who try to profit even in a crisis like this—a problem of your species, or just you?]

[He probably wants double the usual pay. If he’s trying to improve his living conditions by taking advantage of this moment, then this is another form of animal abu—]

No, these cat bastards were just now ready to kill each other, and now they’re both acting up together.

Both of them talk back so well that I want to beat them twice as hard.

“If you keep rebelling, I’ll assume the rebellious one isn’t the real CatMan.”

At that, the two black cats—who had been bristling at each other—immediately flop belly-down on the floor.

They even hiss in perfect sync.

[In times like this, a cat might think that not rebelling would actually raise suspicion.]

[Hearing that shallow thought makes me even less willing to perform. Force me if you can.]

“What’s ten million times three hundred?”

[Meow.]

[Meow.]

Ah, seriously, I can’t tell them apart. What do I do?

Since it’s fifty-fifty, should I just eliminate one and start there?

CatMan is an excellent piece for avoiding the social pressure I fear most. If the other one is a doppelganger, it’ll be a headache.

Of course……

Using this hunter-natured species to guard the gate and acquire new skills from the rescued cat wouldn’t be bad either.

It’s just that a cat with super regeneration is rare.

Come to think of it, this guy is pretty rare, isn’t he?

“Wait, thinking about it—doesn’t he have super regeneration? I’ll kill you both myself. Taste death once. Any complaints about distinguishing you by who regenerates?”

[Animal abuse.]

[Kyaoooong.]

It does feel like animal abuse.

Animals need to be disciplined like animals.

“Yong-gae!”

“Kyuu?”

Unlike cats that seek sunny spots, my dragon friend always picks cold places. I opened the fridge—her hideout.

I separated the rice cake, but she likes curling up in the cold stainless-steel bowl.

If I took her for a walk in winter, she’d probably go wild like a puppy seeing snow, so I can’t. She’s happy in the insulated bag I bought online.

“Come on, Yong-gae. Which tail do you want to bite more?”

[Bite that one.]

[Not me.]

I brought Yong-gae over and stood her up, but both cats hid their tails and front paws in perfect unison. Another failure.

“Hey, I’m confused here? But honestly, thinking about it, I don’t care if it’s a doppelganger. So I’m just going to keep the one that listens better. I mean it. If it copies skills and personality this well, there’s no problem.”

[This one!?]

[No way.]

“Anyway, finding the real one is meaningless. Since there are now two cats, I’ll keep the obedient one and release the other. Go to grandma’s or wherever.”

[Now’s his chance—he’s trying to tame a tiger.]

But for the first time, the two CatMans split.

[Speak, Master.]

“You?”

[Ah, no—speak, Master. Anything except bringing two eggs.]

[I’ll correct that. Me too—anything except that.]

CatMan usually whines a lot, but when I really scold him, he meows obediently and listens.

But this time, seeing the other one’s sass, they’re competitively trying to out-sass each other—the level of protest is rising.

Normally, in front of me—the judge—they’d try to appeal that I’m serious, right?

[Just send him to grandma then.]

If I wrote a letter saying I sent Jun-tae to grandma, she’d probably beat me with seasoned oyster pancakes instead.

He still hasn’t given up on naming him Jun-tae.

CatMan’s already annoying when he gets taurine-boosted and starts literary quips, but now there are two of them double-teaming me.

This won’t do.

“Ah, fuck.”

I cursed and punched one of the two CatMans claiming to be real—with full strength.

Even if it’s real, it won’t die.

It’ll super regenerate.

[Kruuuuuugh?!]

At that moment, the CatMan’s skin peeled off, the label <Doppelganger Clone> appeared above its head, and its health bar plummeted.

[H-How in one hit……]

The doppelganger clone pretending to be CatMan changed from cat form into a slime-like mass slamming the floor, then—pressed by my fist’s energy—disintegrated into droplets that vaporized into steam and vanished.

CatMan raised one front paw, then the other.

And clapped.

[Kuh, I’m impressed again. You really can tell me apart. Even I had trouble.]

“Oh my, you detected the doppelganger? I was confused too!”

To find it in one try—remarkable observation.

If he gains magic, perhaps he acquires magic sense and can counter monsters like doppelgangers?

The Nightmare Queen—who’d been ignoring everything while watching her smartphone—along with CatMan and the wraiths, all praised me in unison.

OFLI, Of……

“……Something this simple is nothing.”

[As expected.]

“So listen well from now on.”

I just braced for animal abuse accusations and guessed fifty-fifty.

There are two, so one had to be fake anyway. Hit one—if wrong, hit the other.

I’d also built up resentment from CatMan’s usual sass, so I let loose a bit.

[This could be seen as another branch of animal abuse, but the master’s insight was excellent. How did you recognize me, nyah?]

“You little—why are you suddenly talking in nyan-mode? Want to die?”

[Still, you saved me again this time. Cat’s gratitude charged. What should I bring?]

“But how did you really figure it out? It was my first time seeing a doppelganger.”

“01……

Well. That one’s fur didn’t shed?”

Looking at where the blown-away doppelganger CatMan had been—yeah, no fur shed.

I awkwardly brushed it off, then my eyes caught the fading label on the doppelganger’s remaining corpse head.

“Wait? It’s a doppelganger clone? There’s more?”

There was more.

[Ae ae ae ae aeeng.]

At that moment, RiceCookerMan’s alert sounded. His lid rattled, steam rose as if cooking finished, and this steam……

Anyone could tell it’s trouble.

And since it looks like vapor, I can just freeze it.

[With your magic, you cannot block that magic’s effect.]

Still saying my magic is insufficient?

How much magic does this thing have!?

Soon, the steam from RiceCookerMan gathered, evading both magic and physical attacks, and grew into a giant human shape.

“Not ordinary.”

The Nightmare Queen set down the smartphone she’d been using like the Christ of Golgodia, self-carrying her burden.

“Uh, grow big.”

I permitted growth, knowing what she planned to say.

“Bite and take!”

[Got it.]

I had CatMan bite and carry the still-sleeping Fairy Princess and Yong-gae set to the safe rear—the bathroom.

My ice tech in the 1,000s magic range won’t work, but I have the Dragon Heart equipped.

Thanks to sweat and elastic waistband, kitchen knife and pot lid are always carryable, but the Dragon Heart is a fist-sized sphere—awkward slot.

I’ll need a belly band.

[With your magic, you cannot block that magic’s effect.]

How strong is this magic that it won’t work?

Soon, the steam turned gelatinous, then human.

Exactly my height.

“Ah?”

“Ah?”

It turns into me.

So……

That bastard…… can’t make clothes.

Exactly like me checking before or after showering in the bathroom.

Wow.

I never knew seeing someone else’s body could be this unpleasant.

“What the fuck?”

“What is this shit!?”

Distinguishing isn’t hard. The fully naked one isn’t me.

“Those things infiltrated too, right? Why is it like that?”

Normally, they prepare for infiltration before transforming.

Of course they’d secure clothes in advance. Clothes don’t grow from the body.

The moment I saw it, instinctive disgust surged—I raised my fist to attack, and it raised its fist to mirror a telephone punch, legs spread, and……

Clang.

Ugh.

Seeing it first-person then third-person—really something you shouldn’t see.

Gotta kill that quick.

“Hey, die!”

“You die, asshole.”

Our fists collided.

Kwaaaaaaaa!

“Kreuuugh!?”

[Trait Shield King reduces physical skill damage.]

I was pushed back but nothing broke—except the pot lid denting.

It took multiple hits from the shockwave, bruises blooming all over as it was flung back.

<Super Regeneration>

But it quickly healed the wounds with super regeneration.

Memorials aren’t inherited, apparently.

No pot lid either.

Then.

“What? Ah.”

The now fully grown Nightmare Queen poked the cheek of the steam doppelganger that looked exactly like me.

“Look at me. And don’t take your eyes off. How is it? If you could have me freely? If you could dream that dream?”

The doppelganger—bruised all over from my shockwave—couldn’t close its mouth the moment the Nightmare Queen cupped its cheeks, drool dripping.

“U, uh. Uh. C-Can I touch your chest?”

Ah, please.

“Gently, softly, without hurting.”

“……”

Seeing this in third person.

Why do I want to kill myself?

Finally made the big decision, huh. I raised the kid like a tiger’s son. Hm? Wait, there’s another you here?

CatMan—back after struggling to carry the Fairy Princess to the bathroom—quipped.

Anyone can tell the clothed civilized one is me; the naked one is fake.

I just saved him from the earlier clone, and he’s talking nonsense.

His skill evolved from leg to fist tech, but still.

“C-C-C-Can I touch your chest?”

Even the timid way he treats women is identical.

“Ah, stop the bullshit!”

Ah.

I can’t watch anymore.

And I’m about to attack from behind—yet it’s rubbing and groping like that?

If you’re going to grope, do it quick—why tremble, mouth agape, drooling?

And saying lines like that?

“Die! You idiot!”

[Attack landed on vital point.]

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

It’s something I touch often, but why is punching it so unpleasant?

It let out a chilling scream, hands clamped between thighs as it collapsed—ass toward me, something I don’t want to see.

“My treasure…… I haven’t even used it yet……”

Hilarious in the worst way.

Back in basic training, a guy got hit there while goalkeeping and made that joke—became the funny one.

“Die!”

I can mix magic for an ice punch.

Never used it, but it’s effective against less physical entities, so I leveled it up.

Adds magic damage to strength damage—strong against magic-only enemies too.

Clang!

The doppelganger shattered like glass from the ice punch, returning to steam and evaporating.

[Doppelganger defeated.]

[Skill Mutation Factor evolves.]

[Mutation Factor transforms into Polymorph.]

[Due to Dragon Affinity, you can acquire dragon skill.]

<Polymorph LV1 – Dragon Skill>

Perfectly transform using factors acquired via Mutation Factor.

Transformed form implements all gender and racial traits.

If not acquired via Mutation Factor, body can transform into any shape of the same species.

Can transform even if target level is higher; gains approximately 5% of target level and matching stats.

At the same time, skills from the doppelganger merged with existing <Mutation Factor> and transformed into the skill “Polymorph.”