The Grand Conference Room.
Bureaucrats were scurrying about busily.
In the center sat a member of the Raccoon Race with dark circles around his eyes.
It was Marshal Humildas, the ruler of Sector 16.
“Do they really intend to start a war?”
Several colonies had been attacked simultaneously. They were insignificant colonies, but they were undeniably territories under his rule.
“Any additional news?”
“There is none.”
“Any large-scale troop movements detected?”
“None. Furthermore, according to the high-speed vessel sent by our spies, while there are signs of war, there is almost no movement of troops.”
Marshal Humildas felt frustrated. He kept sending envoys, but the other side was refusing even to meet.
Just then.
“Marshal! The patrol team from the Pepe Star System has returned.”
“What?! If it’s them… that scoundrel?”
“Where are they now?”
“They are reportedly heading toward the patrol headquarters.”
The patrol headquarters was located on Planet C-1.
“Shall I call him here immediately?”
“No. I will decide after receiving the report.”
Marshal Humildas’s eyes rolled around.
***
Planet C-1 could be seen in the distance.
There were four space stations in total. Three of them were for military use. Those military stations were called fortresses.
“No matter how many times I see it, those fortress cannons look terrifying, sir.”
It was only natural. Their power was incomparable to ship-mounted cannons, and their range was much longer. Attacking a fortress without siege ships would require an immense sacrifice.
“Oh, right. Go and get some booze. The strongest kind.”
“What?! You have to go in for the report now, and you want alcohol?”
“That’s exactly why I’m drinking it.”
I must never appear to be a desirable talent.
Since I had inevitably achieved something, I had to make myself look like a white elephant—something useless yet hard to get rid of. Conveniently, didn’t I already have a great title for that?
“I’ve brought it, sir.”
Picol returned, still wearing a look of confusion.
“It’s the whiskey made by the Makiblue Family, the one you like.”
The Makiblue Family was a house that focused on liquor as their main industry. Despite that, they had produced many high-ranking officials over generations.
‘Ah. There’s one named character from there, too.’
Makiblue Abelli. He was a radical figure specialized in internal affairs. He was quite useful to have around, provided one had the confidence to maintain his loyalty.
Pop!
I popped the cap and poured it into my mouth. A burning sensation traveled down my esophagus.
“Kugh-arrgh!!”
I sprang up from my seat. It felt as if fire might erupt from my mouth at any moment.
“Oh my! Such strong stuff!!”
Picol hurriedly gave me some water. I gulped it down.
“Hehehehe.”
Even the water tasted like alcohol. Still, the taste wasn’t particularly bad. The aroma was deep and pleasant.
“It is certainly… a fine… liquor… indeed….”
My tongue felt a bit twisted. A single gulp had brought on a buzz. I figured this was enough alcohol for now.
Trickle!
I soaked my hand in the liquor and then tapped it onto my clothes.
“Goodness! Young Master, what are you doing? This is incredibly expensive….”
“Never mind that. Spray some on my back too. Make sure the smell of booze sinks in well.”
“Sigh. You always act like this when you drink.”
He grumbled while moving. The alcohol was sprayed into every corner of my clothes. The scent of liquor wafted off my entire body.
“Um… Captain. Shall we dock?”
The helmsman asked while glancing at my mood.
***
The patrol headquarters was located within the fortress.
“Let’s go to the patrol headquarters.”
I shoved my hands into my pockets. I even disheveled my clothes to look as delinquent as possible.
“Halt!”
A sentry guarding the entrance blocked my path.
“Shoo~ Shoo~”
I waved my hand flippantly. The sentry’s face turned slightly red.
“State your identity.”
“You. Don’t you know me?”
“Oh dear, Young Master, why are you being like this?”
Picol supported me, then fumbled through his pockets to pull something out and show it.
“Here. It’s his token, sirs.”
The sentries’ faces turned disgusted upon confirming it.
“Pa… Pak… Yu!!”
I heard I was a famous scoundrel, but wasn’t it a bit much to curse at my face? Ah, right. My name is Pak Yu. It was familiar, since my original name was Park Yu.
Snap!
The sentries saluted and quickly opened the way. I was still a flight leader, so I outranked them. For reference, a patrol flight leader receives the treatment of a Major.
“Flight Leader Pak?!”
As soon as I entered the headquarters, an officer came running over. He frowned slightly, likely because of the smell of alcohol, but quickly smoothed his expression.
“Yeah. It is I, Pak Yu.”
“I will take you to the Section Chief.”
“Not the Director?”
“The Director is at the Center for a meeting.”
Then they should have called me to the Center. I could roughly tell what these guys were thinking.
“Welcome. I’ve been waiting.”
I was guided to the office of the Intelligence Section Chief. Upon seeing me, he moved slowly to the sofa. He sat arrogantly in the head seat and then—
“Sit.”
He pointed to the seat where I should sit with his hand. I didn’t hesitate to make myself comfortable.
Thud!
Picol stood at attention beside me.
“Ahem!”
The Intelligence Section Chief showed signs of discomfort. He was of the Spero Race, which resembled sparrows.
‘I don’t know this guy.’
Which meant he wasn’t a named character.
His rank was Lieutenant Colonel. He deliberately lowered his thin voice as he questioned me.
“It seems the officer has forgotten how to salute.”
I reached out to the side. Picol handed me my token. This was the reason I brought Picol instead of the deputy commander.
Clack!
I placed the token on the table.
Flick!
I flicked it toward him. The token slid across the table and fell to the floor. The man’s eyebrows twitched.
“I’m not your subordinate anymore, am I? Do you still want to receive a salute?”
Since I wasn’t an active soldier, that guy couldn’t do anything to me. I was the heir to a prestigious family. My social standing was far higher than some lowly Lieutenant Colonel of the Marshal’s Office.
“What on earth…!”
“A patrol flight has the right to disband at any time the moment they discover and report an enemy. Isn’t that the basic rule?”
Meaning, this body is a civilian. Still, I had to do what I came for.
Thud!
Picol placed documents on the table.
“Logbook. Report. Black box. I’m off!”
“Wh-Where are you going?!”
As I stood up, the man also sprang to his feet.
“Am I your friend? Why are you speaking so informally?”
“Th-That… I mean.”
“Do I look easy to you?!”
“No, sir.”
He immediately changed his attitude. It seemed his initial arrogant behavior was an attempt to seize the initiative. I didn’t know being a scoundrel would be this great. Right, infamy is a form of fame after all.
“Could I hear a detailed report verbally?”
He lowered his posture. He probably received separate instructions from the Marshal’s Office. That raccoon bastard’s intentions were obvious.
“Uh-huh. You want to hear precious information for free?”
“Then… what should….”
I made a gesture of tilting my wrist.
“I’m thirsty. My throat is so dry.”
“Ah…! I will take you to a fine establishment.”
“Just me? What a stingy person. Truly a member of the Spero Race through and through.”
“I will go get the budget right now!!”
I should get some free drinks and then pass out.
“You should have said so in the first place. Ahem~!”
I immediately called all the crew members of our ship and shouted. We headed to a bar that was just a notch below high-end.
“This elder is treating today, so drink and enjoy to your heart’s content! That’s an order. Destroy every single bottle of alcohol in this bar.”
Ohhhhhhh!!
Indeed, showing off with someone else’s money is the best.
***
Marshal’s Office Conference Room.
“So, what is that fellow doing?”
“That is… he is currently drinking.”
To think he would be drinking when he should be reporting with all his heart. Everyone struggled to hide their bewilderment.
“Here are the report and the black box.”
Curious for now, everyone reached out for them.
A moment later.
Upon checking the data, the people wore even more stunned expressions. And for good reason.
“How could he write such an absurd report!! The rumors of him being a scoundrel were widespread, but he’s clearly not sane.”
Encountered the enemy and retreated by piercing through them. In the process, more than 5 ships were heavily damaged.
Engaged the pursuing enemy and sank about 12 ships.
Won a boarding battle against the enemy attacking the Pepe colony.
Discovered citizens engaged in combat while returning to report. Repelled an alien force of about 30 light mobile ships.
“A cross-check with the black box records shows it is all true! In fact, there are too many parts in the report that have been downplayed or omitted.”
“…….”
Silence fell over the conference room for a moment. They were confused about how to take this.
“What did he have to say?!”
“That is… before a proper answer could even be heard, he showed up at the patrol headquarters drunk and caused a scene.”
At this part, everyone nodded without a word. There wasn’t even a shred of doubt. Given what he had done in the past, it was perfectly understandable.
“The Section Chief is reportedly trying to soothe his mood by buying him drinks.”
“Good grief. So. Is all of that truly a fact?”
“It is a bit ambiguous.”
The Patrol Director scratched his head. He wished he had listened to the report himself.
***
Alcohol bottles were rolling around everywhere. It was chaotic due to the loud singing and shouting. Despite being a somewhat pricey bar, it felt like being in a den of beggars.
‘That cursed profligate!’
First, I received money from the headquarters administration department to buy drinks for Pak Yu and his subordinates.
I had rented out the entire bar. It was a price range that would be burdensome for a commoner to visit. The guy even called in a large number of hostesses, saying it felt empty.
The subordinates cheered for their captain. These guys turned the bar into a mess like puppies out for a walk after ten days.
Yet, what about the person responsible for this chaos? He was sipping his drink gracefully. He was like someone from another world entirely.
Trickle-.
An attendant poured alcohol next to him.
“Hoh. This is a revolution. To think alcohol could taste like this.”
“You’ve already tasted most kinds of liquor.”
“Mmm. Alcohol is something new every time you drink it.”
The Reconnaissance Section Chief of the patrol headquarters exercised as much patience as possible.
‘I have to find out what was omitted from the report.’
It was an order handed down directly from the Marshal’s Office. It was also the reason why the patrol headquarters, which already had a tight budget, was wasting administrative funds on such a ridiculous place.
“Let me pour you a glass.”
The Section Chief put on the kindest smile possible. Then, he politely poured the drink.
“When you encountered that enemy, why did you charge immediately?”
It was a matter of hindsight, but it was an incredible on-site judgment. The enemy had no mobile ships. The possibility of them being pirates also seemed low. If so, it meant the invisible mobile ships had already formed an encirclement.
‘This guy figured that out in an instant.’
However. The words that came back were:
“Ah. I just got pissed off and rammed into them. It was nothing special.”
“The Young Master hadn’t quite sobered up then. He was in a very bad mood, wasn’t he?”
“Exactly. It was before this elder even had his hangover cure.”
His attendant chimed in from the side.
‘I thought so.’
The Section Chief was only now slightly convinced. So, for the next question.
“Then. What happened during the clash in the asteroid belt?”
Tremendous tactical capability. He used the mineral properties of the asteroids to instantly reverse a disadvantaged situation.
‘Seeing as he threw trash, it must have been intentional this time.’
However. Once again, the answer that came back was?
“They kept chasing me, so I got angry and threw some trash. And then I gave them a manly blow.”
He was wrong again. It was pure luck. This scoundrel’s foul personality just happened to coincide with the right moment.
“Then. The boarding battle at the Pepe colony station….”
Patrolmen were a ragtag bunch. The enemy was elite, so a boarding battle was madness. And yet, he initiated a boarding battle using numerical superiority while the enemy combat forces were occupying the station.
“Ah! That?”
The Section Chief swallowed hard.
“I was deeply moved after watching an old mafia movie.”
“What… does that mean?”
“I wanted to call my lackeys and reenact it.”
The Section Chief thought to himself.
‘Is he a madman?’
It wasn’t even a drill. It was purely the captain’s personal hobby. The subordinates who went along with it were also madmen.
“But. It just so happened there was an enemy there.”
The scoundrel laughed brightly.
“It was totally lucky. I figured I could actually reenact it instead of just pretending. It was a very exciting moment.”
“I… I’m sure it was.”
The Section Chief’s head felt dizzy. Was this cursed scoundrel receiving the goddess’s protection?
“Then. Lastly, what happened with the battle against the aliens?”
The movement route was a bit strange. It wasn’t the shortest distance to the capital center.
“Ah. That. The navigator’s labor costs were high, so I just cut him loose.”
“Young Master. Didn’t I try to stop you then?”
“How can I keep him when there’s no money? There’s no money!”
The grumbling scoundrel.
“I saw that you personally took down the alien leader with your flagship.”
“The So Family told me. They said if I just chase that guy, I’d win. Thanks to that, I got to drink liquor made from royal jelly.”
This wasn’t this scoundrel’s skill. It was just that the helmsman was outstanding. Since the Pak Family was a prestigious house, it wasn’t surprising.
“Oops.”
The scoundrel suddenly slumped onto the table. His arms flailed around.
‘Is he already drunk?’
The Section Chief was at a loss. He didn’t know how to report this.
“Young Master. How much have you even had? Sigh.”
The attendant carried the scoundrel out on his back. The Section Chief watched him until he left the bar.
“Not only was he born into a good family, but he’s also a guy with incredibly thick luck.”
The Section Chief operated his watch. First. He submitted the report exactly as he had heard the story.
***
After leaving the bar, I jumped off Picol’s back.
Thud!
The metallic cast hit the floor with a loud sound.
“Are you feeling more sober now, sir?”
“I wasn’t drunk in the first place.”
This body could really handle its liquor. On top of that, since I had the crowbar, alcohol went down as smoothly as water. So, I had acted as drunk as possible.
“Captain! Are you alright?”
This time, the deputy commander, who was following behind, asked. For reference, this fellow was a soldier and simultaneously a private soldier of our family. Naturally, there were no separate questions for the deputy commander.
“My acting seems to have been quite decent.”
“Yes. I was very surprised because you were so dignified. Did you maintain your dignity because it was a reporting session?”
Just what kind of life had this body lived?
“More importantly, the information has been too distorted.”
“If you don’t want to be cannon fodder, this is the best way.”
If I seem capable? That raccoon Marshal fellow would be overjoyed. He would slap a title on me and send me to the front lines. He’d throw some ragtag bunch together for me.
Then, other families would naturally back off. They would recruit plenty of private soldiers to offer up, or at least pay for the war expenses, if they didn’t want to be dragged into the war themselves.
“Ah! As expected of you, Captain.”
The deputy commander seemed to have realized what I meant immediately. He lacked experience, but he wasn’t stupid.
“Only by showing that I’m uncontrollable will they not recklessly give me a title. Zero Seven.”
“Yes, Young Master.”
“Go and give our kids some money.”
I should also make it look like I have poor control over my subordinates while I’m at it.
“What?! They’ve already drunk a lot.”
“That’s not enough. If anyone returns to the ship sober, it’s one flick to the forehead for each of them.”
“Th-That….”
I laughed as I walked ahead.
‘Which sector should I run to?’
This was also a difficult concern.