“Liana! What are you thinking about so much?”
“Ah, no. I just thought it was about time to attend the rest of my classes.”
I smiled slightly and looked away.
I had been like this ever since returning from the capital.
That flower kept coming to mind. It clearly seemed like it had been a significant incident.
Grazia Academy was a boarding school, and since traveling back and forth required the inconvenience of using portals, it was somewhat isolated from the issues of the capital.
‘Hmm. Is that why I don’t remember it well? It must not have been well-known inside the Academy.’
I knew that quite a few people died…
Was it because finding the cure took too long? Or was it because making it was difficult?
Ugh, I felt like I was on the verge of remembering something, but my brain just wouldn’t work.
“Li-a-na!”
“Huh?”
“If you keep doing that, I’ll be really upset.”
Cecilia crossed her arms and pouted.
“You won’t even answer me!”
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
Cecilia sighed deeply, her shoulders sagging.
“We have to go to the demonstration classes. Where are you going to go first today?”
“Hmm.”
At Grazia Academy, students were required to attend demonstration classes for their divided major subjects at least two times. This was to prevent students from making hasty choices based on the course names or knowledge they already possessed.
‘But I already know everything!’
Attending the major demonstration classes again was somewhat interesting, but it was a bit tedious since I already knew the material.
“I’ll have to think about it.”
“Oh, I meant the freshman welcoming party.”
“Huh?”
Cecilia changed the subject.
We were enjoying a light tea after lunch. The small gardens scattered throughout the Academy were the perfect place to rest. Of course, there was the hassle of having to prepare the tea and pot in advance.
‘In my first year, I did everything by myself like this.’
Grazia Academy prohibited the entry of servants, so the nobles had to handle everything from beginning to end by themselves.
In truth, the Academy staff handled most things anyway, but there was a difference between ordering someone you were used to and ordering someone new, so it was still an inconvenience.
Things got a bit better in the second year. There was an Academy student scholarship program and a senior-junior pairing system, allowing students to receive some help from their juniors. Whether it was help or servitude depended on individual circumstances, though.
“Yeah. Prince Evan will be coming too, right?”
Cecilia’s voice sounded a bit excited.
“Probably.”
No matter how much they were all Academy students, the fact that Evan was the Crown Prince didn’t change.
Even before my regression, I believe he had delivered the congratulatory speech.
‘Ugh. Come to think of it, an incident happened at the freshman welcoming party, didn’t it?’
“Liana, what’s wrong? You don’t look well,” Cecilia asked in her lark-like voice.
“It’s nothing. I just thought of something troublesome.”
“Something troublesome? What is it? I’ll help you worry about it!”
“No, it’s fine.”
‘Cecilia, you can’t help me with this. Because it’s an incident that happened precisely because of you…’
What was it again? Was it because Cecilia was being too affectionate with Evan? Magareta saw it and got angry… She called Cecilia over privately to give her a warning, but Evan found them and flew into a rage. A flustered Cecilia cried, and I struggled to clean up the mess… It was on everyone’s lips for quite a while.
‘Ah. Should I just not go?’
It wasn’t like anything would change just because I wasn’t there.
Cecilia continued to chatter in her lark-like voice while sipping her tea.
‘I wish I could focus on spirits instead, but there’s hardly an opportunity…’
Can I even change anything!
‘No… let’s stop this repetitive cycle of thinking.’
Ever since I accidentally saw that red flower that looked like an insect, my worries had deepened.
Because of a lingering uneasy feeling, I couldn’t focus on Academy life or distancing myself from Cecilia. I even felt a sense of pressure. It was the kind of pressure that felt as if something had to change drastically.
I need a plan. A plan!
‘No. Would it be better to just live quietly?’
When I shook my head at the anxiety coming from an unknown source, Cecilia’s expression became truly serious.
“Liana. Are you really not feeling well? You’ve been really strange… even before entering the Academy.”
‘You’d understand if you died and came back to life.’
Covering my hollow laugh with my hand, I poured more tea. The lukewarm warmth heated my hands.
Cecilia’s shoulders trembled.
“Do you need a blanket?”
“Liana, you’re so thoughtful.”
Cecilia smiled brightly.
Ah, I did it without thinking again… Since I hadn’t been by her side for just one or two days, I could immediately tell Cecilia’s condition. Just as she said, my thoughtfulness intended only for Cecilia was both a strength and a weakness.
Maybe my constitution is better suited for being a maid rather than a noble. Seeing everything that’s needed so clearly… and honestly being happy to do it.
Whether it was affection or hatred, once something accumulated, it all became a habit. Lately, I was realizing that habits didn’t disappear easily.
Just like how I got up to get a blanket just because Cecilia’s shoulders trembled once.
“I’ll be right back.”
I stood up from my chair and put on a long coat that reached my calves. It was a bit thick for this time of year, but I had worn it on purpose because I had been feeling a chill for the past few days.
“Okay! See you soon.”
The hem of my coat fluttered in the wind.
‘When I’m next to Cecilia, I start overthinking without realizing it.’
Will these thoughts ever be sorted out?
‘I don’t knooooow! This is so frustrating!’
I wondered if I should sneak out wearing the dress Ollie had prepared, but then I stopped. No. What if I get lost again? It would be better to go later.
“A freshman welcoming party.”
‘I should definitely organize the events that happened before the regression.’
It was too complacent to just live without any preparations after dying and returning to the past. I was way too carefree! Even if I said I tried in my own way, there were no visible results!
I was too easily swayed to just simply think about distancing myself from Cecilia. I couldn’t change with a soft heart that believed habits weren’t that simple!
On the first day, I had trembled at a new incident I faced without Cecilia. Because of memories that remained like trauma, I felt dizzy every time I first encountered Harkins or Evan.
Could more unexpected situations occur?
I pondered with a serious expression.
If I acted a little differently, the incidents would surely change, but there was a high possibility that the major events would still happen as they were, right? If so, it was better to prevent what I knew in advance.
Anyway, what I wanted was a peaceful Academy life. Based on a peaceful life, I wanted to find my true self.
‘I mustn’t forget! Living and dying without knowing who I was, as if I were being swayed. I’m basically reborn! I’ll try everything.’
I thought of the flowerpots I had killed time and time again and the flowerpot that had been delivered yesterday.
‘I can change.’
—
As it grew dark, the air began to turn colder. A cool breeze brushed against my collar. I was walking toward the garden where we had been earlier, carrying a blanket, when I heard voices.
I heard Cecilia’s voice, which sounded softer and more enticing than usual, and a low bass voice.
The grass swallowed the sound of my footsteps, so the only thing audible in the garden was the voices of the two people leaking through the sound of the wind. With every step, I could see people beyond the wall of plants.
‘Should I go later?’
While thinking that, I saw the back of Cecilia’s head. Her long hair covered her upper body, almost swallowing it.
“…That is why I… hate nobles. Specifically, high-ranking noblewomen.”
It was a voice that sounded as if it were suppressing a dense, unbreakable anger. Harkins’s words, which sank low to the garden floor, sounded like a declaration that he would never take those words back.
His deep green eyes, shining darkly like a garden locked in the night, glowed vividly.
“Lord Harkins, that incident wasn’t your fault. I also fully understand why you hate them. I’m just sorry. I also know how difficult it is to be friendly with the type of people you dislike…”
It was a voice as damp and sweet as a cookie soaked in sugar. As Cecilia wiped her face, Harkins hurriedly fumbled through his clothes and pulled out a handkerchief.
“Please don’t cry.”
Harkins’s expression clouded with agony.
“It isn’t difficult. I am only grateful that you treat me with such warmth. Lady Cecilia, please do not cry.”
Harkins’s hand hovered around Cecilia’s shoulder for a long time before he very carefully patted her. It was a delicate touch, like turning the pages of a 100-year-old ancient book. I could feel how nervous he was from here, as if I were holding it in my hand.
“*Sob…* That lady was truly mean. I’ve experienced it, too…”
As Cecilia’s shoulders trembled, Harkins swallowed sigh after sigh, suppressing his anger toward the person who made her tremble while also being at a loss because he felt so sorry for her.
His entire heart and body were leaning toward Cecilia as if he wanted to embrace her all at once.
As Harkins bowed his head, his long bangs covered his face.
After a long silence, Cecilia suddenly lifted her head. Her long hair shimmered.
“But the things the ladies say about liking you must all be true. You’re so wonderful, aren’t you?”
It was a lovely and pitiful voice, as if she were trying her best to hold back tears.
Even without looking, I could naturally picture Cecilia’s face in my head, looking as if she were smiling without a sound. How sorrowful and beautiful the tears in her eyes must be.
“Lady Cecilia…”
I felt like I understood what was in his heart as Harkins’s face distorted in pain.
“So! Don’t hate everyone too much. Do you know how difficult a hating heart can be?”
“Lady Cecilia…”
“I won’t make any unreasonable requests, either!”
“No, if it is your request, I will do anything…”
It was a voice that sounded like he would jump into a pit of fire.
As if a solid and warm magical wall had been spread between the two of them, I couldn’t enter that space.
Leaning my back against the wall of plants as if hiding, I stared blankly at the blanket.
‘I hate high-ranking noblewomen.’
That statement surely includes me too.
Does the request to be friendly with a type of person he hates also refer to me?
I knew that Harkins particularly hated high-ranking nobles, especially women. From stories I had heard from Cecilia before my regression, I knew that Harkins particularly hated high-ranking nobles, especially women.
So this was the kind of conversation they had.
I felt like I had peeked at the back of a finished book. How many conversations like this had taken place where I wasn’t present?
*Urgh…*
My stomach churned. I covered my mouth with my hand.
‘Things like this happened quite often even before the regression. I just tried my best to ignore it.’
A strange feeling. A certain sense of unease swept through my entire body.