My emotions have been affecting my body. Even though I didn’t do any intense exercise… well, okay, maybe a little bit of exercise.
Anyway, my mood’s been up and down so much that my brain feels like it’s barely functioning now.
Lying back on the pillow, I felt a throbbing pain in the blood vessels at the back of my neck. I squinted slightly, hugging my limp tail tightly to my chest.
During that little “exercise” before the phone call, my tail was incredibly responsive. Since it’s so close to my sensory nerves, it trembled at an astonishing rate, and now it’s so exhausted that even biting the tip barely gets a reaction.
My cat ears are in better shape, though they’re still tightly curled. When I try to straighten them, they slowly curl back up.
After spacing out for a long time, I flipped over, burying my face in the pillow.
I’m not as irritated anymore, but now I’m mostly just confused.
Talking to Gu Fan on the phone definitely lifted my spirits, but after hanging up, facing the New Year’s goods in the corner and the little objects around me that are mine, I couldn’t help but start overthinking again.
There’s a tiny bit of reluctance, but breaking ties with Mom is pretty much set in stone. To smarter people, this little conflict might not even be worth noticing—they’d easily come up with a way to resolve it.
Heck, they probably wouldn’t have let this situation happen in the first place.
As our relationship grows increasingly strained, I, this hopeless fool, have to bear half the responsibility.
My willpower isn’t strong enough to keep going, to move Mom with unwavering determination.
My brain doesn’t work well either—it’s like all the nutrients went to my figure instead. Every time I face Mom, my mind goes blank, unable to think of anything I could do to mend our broken bond.
Ugh, the more I think about it, the more useless I feel.
With my nose buried in the pillow, I felt a slight suffocation. I propped myself up on my elbows, freeing my squashed chest and regaining the chance to breathe freely. My body drew energy from the air, feeling much better.
Sitting up, I pulled the thick blanket over my shoulders, twisting left, then right, wrapping myself into a cozy ball with only my head and slightly curled cat ears poking out.
So much security~
Using my toes to inch along, I slowly scooted to the head of the bed, leaning my head against the wall, letting my thoughts drift aimlessly.
Where should I go after leaving here?
Renting a place on my own isn’t hard. I’ve been used to living alone for years, and aside from cooking, I’m decently experienced in other aspects of life.
…But compared to professionals, I’m definitely lacking. I can take care of myself, but to make Gu Fan, who’d be living with me, completely satisfied… I’ll need to hone my skills a bit more!
The tail in my arms suddenly twitched, as if sparked by my sudden surge of determination.
Improving my life skills is important, but I can’t forget to keep nurturing my relationship with Gu Fan!
Like a self-reminder, I repeated these words in my heart, reinforcing my determination.
Focusing back on Gu Fan, I calmed myself, savoring the topics we discussed during our call.
I don’t know if it’s Mom’s influence or the aftermath of my earlier mental breakdown, but I’ve noticed I’ve become a lot more timid.
When chatting with Gu Fan, I was hesitant and reserved. I used to be able to bite my lip and speak my heart, but now I dodge around, unable to say anything clearly, even using contradictory words to mask my nervousness and cowardly heart.
The fear I’d bottled up for so long finally erupted under the weight of today’s events.
Closing my eyes, I pressed my toes slightly, and my blanket-wrapped body uncontrollably tipped forward, then…
I rolled.
Dizzy, but keeping my body in motion helped clear my thoughts.
With my vision flipping upside down, I continued exploring my true feelings in this disorienting scene.
Should I keep openly expressing my love to Gu Fan?
Like how he feels about flowers… what if, in the future, he meets a girl prettier and more outstanding than me? He might stop and linger, like he does when he sees a flower that catches his eye, taking photos of her.
The key difference is, unlike flowers, those girls won’t just sit there silently after being photographed.
They’re women like me. Under normal circumstances, they’d be interested in a handsome guy like Gu Fan, striking up conversations and building deeper connections…
Where’s my advantage? Gu Fan’s camera will eventually capture photos of other women. I can’t even be sure the cheap mini camera I gave him will stay in use forever.
Maybe… in places I can’t see, Gu Fan’s already using the fancy camera that Bai Niao gave him… heh.
So sour. My heart feels like it’s been dunked in lemon juice, stinging with bitterness, super unpleasant.
After the exams, I’ll be kicked out by Mom. I might not even get to stay at this school. Should I really keep pursuing a relationship with Gu Fan?
The moment the thought of retreating crossed my mind, I snapped awake, gritted my teeth, and rolled my blanket-wrapped self toward the wall.
Thud. My forehead hit the wall, and my vision turned into a chaotic mess.
My forehead burned, and I pulled an arm out from the blanket to touch it—slightly swollen. Well, it hurts a bit, but punishing the part of me that wants to habitually run away isn’t a bad deal.
At this point, I can’t live without Gu Fan. Choosing to distance myself from him would be like committing suicide. If escaping means death, and failing means death, then I might as well go all in.
Determined not to give in to despair, I wriggled out of my blanket cocoon.
Hmm, since I can’t earn more money right now and can’t see Gu Fan, I’ll focus on studying first.
At the very least, I need to ensure I can get into the advanced class. That way, I’ll have a chance to stay close to Gu Fan and observe him.
Wrapping myself in a thick down jacket, I sat at my desk.
“Ugh…”
I couldn’t quite focus…
As expected, I overestimated myself. Only protagonists in TV dramas can dive into studying with full concentration after such emotional ups and downs.
I’m just a useless woman who can’t do anything right. Being able to switch moods freely is too high a demand for me.
But!
I gripped the pen tightly, fighting the nauseating feeling, and forced myself to keep thinking about the workbook problems.
I have to keep pushing through, to secure more bargaining chips for my ultimate victory.