“Mm, good night. Gu Fan, make sure you sleep well too.”
A soft farewell came through the phone, the girl’s clear voice brimming with barely concealed energy. Compared to her low mood when I first called, she sounded much better.
I hummed a soft “mm” in response, waiting a moment. Zhinian still didn’t hang up.
Her gentle breathing felt like it was right by my ear, rising and falling steadily. On the other end, Zhinian stayed silent, simply sharing the rhythm of our breaths.
The sudden quiet didn’t make me uncomfortable. Normally, silence during a call might feel awkward, prompting most people to scramble for topics to keep the conversation flowing.
To put it plainly, people often rely on dialogue to find reassurance in the other’s responses.
Have Zhinian and I reached a point where we can feel at ease without saying a word?
Unconsciously, I slipped into my own thoughts, mirroring her silence in a tacit understanding.
Snapping back to reality, I glanced at the clock. It was already almost eleven?
We’d been chatting for nearly an hour. I’d only meant to tell Zhinian about my plan to visit the flower market after exams and get her approval, but somehow, we ended up talking about random, trivial things. Mostly, Zhinian brought up topics, and I expanded on them.
“It’s getting late, Zhinian. Have you fallen asleep?”
Though I figured she was probably like me, lost in thought while holding the phone, I also considered she might’ve dozed off mid-conversation, so I kept my voice soft.
My voice was very, very soft.
“Ugh… no~ I’m still here.”
After a brief silence on the other end, I heard Zhinian let out a cute whimper. I could almost picture her jolting upright, hurriedly explaining, her cat ears twitching nervously like jelly, tempting me to lean in and test their bounce.
“S-sorry! I spaced out… uh, no, no, I didn’t space out! I thought I’d hung up already. I was just, um, looking up on the computer which flowers would be good to buy for the house or… to give to a childhood friend. Um, don’t get the wrong idea! It’s just to thank you for taking care of me lately, yeah, that’s all.”
Zhinian’s explanation turned into something like muttering to herself or self-soothing. I didn’t interrupt, just listened to her rambling with a smile.
If she hadn’t changed her story midway, I might not have thought much of it. Now, it’s clear she really was spacing out.
Am I that calming to her? To think she could hold the phone and get lost in thought so unguardedly.
What surprised me was how seriously Zhinian was taking this flower market trip.
I’m not a cold person, and Zhinian means far more to me than an ordinary friend. When a casual invitation is treated with such importance, it warms my heart, like being lifted by thick cotton warmed by the sun.
“Hmm, Zhinian, you seem pretty troubled. Need my help?”
Her breathing paused for a moment, then she replied hesitantly, “Ahh… well, I want to know what kind of flowers you like, Gu Fan. I don’t have any reference, so I’m not sure what to choose.”
“Me?”
Zhinian’s words sent me into thought. After all, I’ve never really considered what kind of flowers I might like.
I don’t go out much. My genuine interest in photography only started when Zhinian gave me that mini camera a while back.
It hasn’t been long, and though I enthusiastically take photos every day and save them to my computer, I still don’t have that many.
During this time, I’ve photographed plenty of flowers, potted plants, and other decorative greenery, but only because they were vibrant and eye-catching. I never bothered to look into their types, colors, or appearances.
“I don’t think I have a favorite flower. I’m not too familiar with plants and trees. Sometimes I’ll snap a few photos if I pass by something pretty, but I don’t pay much attention to them.”
“Is that so… Then let’s pick some out when we go to the market.”
I don’t know if it was my imagination, but I thought I detected a hint of suppressed sadness in Zhinian’s reply. Did I say something to upset her? I don’t think so.
I mentally replayed what I’d just said, but nothing seemed particularly sensitive.
“Oh, Zhinian, you could look online to see what kinds of flowers you like. Check out their meanings too—buying ones with nice symbolism for the house can really lift your mood.”
Maybe influenced by my parents’ laid-back approach, I tend to let things be when I can’t figure them out, avoiding overthinking to protect my peace of mind.
Since I couldn’t tell why Zhinian was upset, I figured I’d do my best to shift her focus. Looking up flower meanings should keep her occupied for a while.
But… putting myself in her shoes, I could almost picture her sitting on a chair, pouting, her eyes blinking as she scrolls through her phone or computer, her thoughts drifting between the screen and…
Sure enough, it’s better to talk in person. Over the phone, I can’t pinpoint the source of Zhinian’s pain, so I can’t just say a few words to ease her unease.
“Okay, I’ll look into it.”
Zhinian’s voice was faint, carrying little emotion, making it hard to gauge her mood.
“It’s time to sleep. I’m hanging up now. The flower market is important, but we need to tackle the exams first. Alright, good night.”
“Mm-hmm, sleep well, Gu Fan.”
Only then did Zhinian show her reluctance, deliberately dragging out her tone with clear resistance.
But it was getting late, and with important exams coming up, I didn’t want to disrupt Zhinian’s sleep schedule just to chat more. Lack of energy could affect her studying.
To avoid getting caught up in indecision and continuing the call, I quickly pressed the red button, ending the call. As the screen returned to the main interface, my focused gaze softened into a daze.
Phew… it’s over.
Unexpectedly, a sense of reluctance lingered in my heart. Did I actually enjoy talking to Zhinian that much?
Sitting at my desk, I tossed the phone aside, propping my cheek with one hand while the other idly flipped through the diary on the table.
Skimming through my experiences since reconnecting with Zhinian, I suddenly noticed the corners of my lips curling up unconsciously.
Am I… happy?
I touched the corners of my mouth, but my face seemed to have slipped back into its usual half-smiling state. Once I put on that fake smile, it’s hard to take it off on my own.
Why does it feel… like I’m not quite the same as before?
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