The shopping center seemed to have been renovated after Christmas, with many new and unfamiliar facilities added. The walls outside the shops were freshly painted white, and a faint smell of formaldehyde mixed with an overwhelmingly sweet candy scent wafted through the first-floor lobby.
For a moment, I couldn’t tell whether it was because my chest was too tightly constricted or if the scent itself was just too strange. In any case, after inhaling it, my heart and lungs were bound by an unshakable sense of suffocating heaviness, and my throat felt as if a huge bone spur had grown inside it. Every time I swallowed, a sharp wave of discomfort surged through me.
Enduring it, enduring it, I pressed forward… My head hung low, hands crossed pressing on the intersection of my collarbones, trying to compress the suffocating feelings inside me into thin sheets through forceful pressure, so I could set them aside for a while and let them dissipate into the air on their own.
But no matter how beautiful the thought was, reality mercilessly struck back with a heavy blow.
I wandered along the corridor in a daze for a while. Fatigue sprouted wildly like vines, climbing upward from my heavy legs as the fulcrum, wrapping tightly several times around my chest, forcing me to breathe in a cramped, restricted way.
Really… just moments ago I was fine, but because I imagined some impossible scenes, I ended up feeling this bad? I really am fragile.
Not understanding why my body suddenly felt so weak, I first habitually blamed myself, then recalled that I hadn’t eaten breakfast today — only some small snacks to fill my stomach.
Though these past few days I’d also only eaten two meals daily, I mostly stayed in bed, simply sleeping or tangled up in various messy thoughts, not like now, when I first walked far out to the suburbs, then made my way to this shopping center in the east of the city. The long trek drained what little energy I had left.
Then, the pungent formaldehyde smell combined with the maple syrup scent drifting from the large dessert shops on the first floor affected me. This catgirl’s body, with its extremely sensitive senses, naturally reacted with an over-the-top stress response like a cat in distress.
Leaning on the iron railing of the corridor to rest for a moment, the cold steel chilling my palm eased the tightness clutching my heart considerably.
“…Ha.”
My cat ears stretched out and curled back as I silently sighed, feeling the long-lost weakness stirring quietly in my heart.
Ever since my ‘reunion’ with Gu Fan, the source of the motivation filling my spirit has mostly been tied to him.
Therefore, whenever I walked on roads beyond my bedroom, having a clear goal to guide and encourage me turned me into an unstoppable cat warrior.
No matter what difficulties or dangers lay ahead, I would grit my teeth, lower my head, and charge forward like a reckless bull, using the backlash from the impact as a price to forcibly break through all the obstacles blocking my path.
But now, I’ve lost the goal that led me to move forward without hesitation.
It’s like a bull raging wildly in the arena, but without the red cape that draws it on. The bullfighter has vanished, and even the cheering crowd has left, leaving behind only a bull that doesn’t know where to go, its overwhelming strength and fierce spirit having nowhere to vent.
Compared to that, the bull only has much better physical fitness. I, who hardly ever exercise and often stay at home or lie still in bed, am more like a strange zombie with cat ears and a tail.
It’s only because I was born lucky, inheriting my mother’s looks, figure, and the catgirl’s special genes, that I can maintain this deceptively attractive appearance, masking my rotten core.
After zoning out for quite a while, the restless flames flowing inside my body gradually died down.
I found a convenience store, bought a ready-to-eat jam bread, and drank some yogurt to barely fill my stomach.
My appetite has never been big, and with my mood so low, I naturally chose the quickest and simplest way to eat — the convenient three meals I prefer.
Hmm… If Gu Fan were the one cooking, that would be a different story.
Although my tongue wouldn’t taste any particularly delicate flavors, just thinking that the food on my chopsticks was lovingly made by Gu Fan made me feel like a fountain spraying happiness, joyfully absorbing his love and then transforming it into sweet words to give back to him, hoping to win a pleased pat on the head.
It would be best if Gu Fan came over to kiss my cheek and said, “A wife who’s not picky with food is the cutest.”
Hehe… Imagining this, even the coarse bread in my mouth seemed soft and sweet, and the yogurt tasted like dense blocks of honey, so sweet that my tail behind me began wagging rapidly.
With the food replenishing my energy, the catgirl’s special constitution quickly kicked in, bringing me abundant strength. Most of the earlier discomfort faded away. It really was mainly weakness caused by skipping meals.
There weren’t many people inside the shopping center. I didn’t have any particular purpose coming here, only holding onto a hope to find inspiration for replying to Gu Fan’s messages and to look for the fragments of memories left here from the past.
Passing by the donut shop where I once came with Gu Fan, the customers inside weren’t many. If I were here with him, I would definitely go in and buy a delicious donut.
Then, using my small appetite as an excuse, I’d ask to share the donut with Gu Fan~
He’d take a bite… I’d take a bite… Our bite marks overlapping — this must be the legendary indirect kiss, right?
Holding my face joyfully, I chuckled mischievously. The strange looks from a nearby uncle and aunt suddenly brought me back to reality, and I lowered my head, quickly leaving the spot and taking the escalator up to the second floor.
Getting lost in my own imagination in public is not a good thing.
But… I glanced around. It was a weekday noon, and the shopping center was pitifully empty, which also had something to do with how backward and remote this town was.
More than half of the second floor was dedicated to clothing stores, and the corridor had even fewer people. Most were elderly adults, while students my age were surely still busy attending school.
So, I continued indulging in the thoughts I’d just had.
If Gu Fan were here, where would he go to browse?
My gaze swept across the spacious second floor, decisively skipping the large clusters of shops selling coats, down jackets, and underwear. Then, my eyes stopped on a pet store at the far end of the corridor.
Recalling scenes of Gu Fan gently feeding stray cats, then taking the chance to catch them for neutering, I shivered for no reason but still took honest steps toward that direction.