Chapter 4: The Secret Bound by a Rubber Band (Part 2)

‘Arghhhhh!’

‘Maybe I can ask for leave? Say I’m not feeling well today?’

‘But today is the club photo shoot. Even though the term is almost over, I’m still the President. If I don’t go, there won’t be an Astronomy Club President in the photo.’

I sprawled across the desk, burying my face in my arms.

‘What should I do, what should I do, what should I do…’

I didn’t hear a single word during the last period.

My mind was spinning in circles:

‘The sailor uniform, the zipper, the necktie, the hair, zipper, zipper, zipper…’

When the bell rang, I practically bolted upright.

“I’m leaving first.”

Quickly walking out of the classroom, I headed toward the changing room in the Club Room.

When I reached the door, I found it open and empty.

The locker was open, and the club uniforms were hanging inside.

There were male-style suits and white shirts, alongside female sailor uniforms.

On the far left was a spare sailor uniform.

I stared at that sailor uniform for 3 seconds before reaching out to take it down.

Then, I began taking off my school uniform.

Jacket off, T-shirt off.

It was a bit cold in the Club Room, and I shivered.

I pulled the sailor uniform over my head.

This time was a bit better than yesterday; at least it didn’t get stuck.

I straightened the collar, then prepared myself mentally for the front buttons.

I took a deep breath.

“Haaa… huu…”

I buttoned it up.

Next was the necktie.

I held the small red strip of cloth, gesturing with it in front of my neck for a long time before finally tying a knot.

I glanced in the mirror.

It was ridiculously crooked.

I untied it and tried again.

It was still crooked.

‘Ugh…’

I gave up on the necktie and started wrestling with the zipper.

The zipper on the back.

I couldn’t reach it.

In my 16 years of life as a male, I had never encountered a zipper on the back.

I stood in the middle of the Club Room, reaching behind my back and desperately trying to snag that zipper.

My fingertips brushed against the pull tab, but I couldn’t pull it up.

My arms grew tired, my shoulders ached, and my hair had slipped out of its ponytail, falling across my face and itching.

I still couldn’t reach it.

‘It’s over…’

Just then, soft footsteps approached the door.

“President?”

It was Xiao Yan’s voice.

I froze.

My hands were still stuck in that awkward reaching position, making me look like I had been turned to stone.

“President, are you finished changing?”

“N-not yet…”

“Can I come in?”

I quickly covered a spot that didn’t actually exist and instinctively wanted to say ‘No,’ but my mouth seemed to have a soul of its own.

“…Yeah.”

The door was pushed open.

Xiao Yan stood at the entrance, looking at me.

I was standing in the middle of the Club Room, only halfway dressed in the sailor uniform.

The back zipper was half-undone, the necktie was hanging crookedly around my neck, my hair was falling out of its ponytail and draping over my shoulders, my face was bright red, and my eyes were watery.

She blinked in surprise.

Then, she let out a soft laugh.

It wasn’t a mocking laugh; it was a very gentle laugh, like a big sister seeing a little sister who didn’t know how to dress herself.

“Come here,” she said, her voice soft.

I stayed rooted to the spot.

She walked over and moved behind me.

One hand gently pressed against my shoulder, while the other pinched the zipper pull.

“Don’t move.”

Her voice came from behind me, very close—so close that I could feel her breath brushing against my hair as she spoke.

The zipper was slowly pulled up, and the fabric tightened bit by bit, pressing against my back.

Her fingers occasionally brushed against my skin.

Every time they did, I felt as if that small patch of skin had turned scorching hot.

When the zipper reached the top, she paused for a moment and gave my shoulder a light pat.

“There~”

Then she moved to my front, looking down at the crooked necktie around my neck.

“What is this?”

She shook her head with a smile, reaching out to untie it.

“Tying it like this.”

Her fingers wove around my neck, light and quick.

I could smell a faint scent of lavender drifting from her hands with every movement.

It was sweet.

“Does the President not know how to tie a necktie?”

“…Yeah.”

My voice was as quiet as a mosquito’s buzz.

“It’s okay, I’ll teach you.”

She repositioned the necktie, then slowed down her movements to teach me step-by-step.

Loop it once, pull it through from underneath, tighten it, and adjust the position.

“Got it?”

“…I think so.”

“It’s fine. You’ll get it after practicing a few more times.”

She smiled as she straightened the bow of the necktie and took a step back to inspect her work.

“Mm, it looks good~”

Her gaze settled on my hair.

The ponytail had almost completely fallen apart.

Most of my hair was loose and draping over my shoulders, with only the rubber band still hanging on precariously.

“Who uses this kind of rubber band to tie their hair?”

There was a hint of helplessness in her tone, mixed with a bit of amusement.

“Did the President skip brushing her hair again this morning?”

“…I brushed it.”

“Liar.”

She laughed and reached out, sliding the rubber band off my head.

My hair fell completely loose, cascading over my shoulders and framing my face.

She stepped behind me and used her fingers to comb through my hair.

Her fingers, which had a bit of moisture on them, slid slowly from the top of my head to the tips of my hair, stroke by stroke, very gently.

When she hit a knot, she would stop and untangle it bit by bit with her fingers.

“The President’s hair is so soft,” she said, her voice drifting from behind me, soft and airy.

“It feels very comfortable to the touch.”

I didn’t say anything.

I just stood there, my back to her.

In the mirror, I saw a girl with long, loose, but untangled hair, wearing a sailor uniform with a red face.

Standing behind her was a tall girl, looking down and seriously combing the other girl’s hair with a smile on her lips.

“The President usually doesn’t pay much attention to these things,” Xiao Yan said as she combed.

“You just tie your hair up randomly and run to school, and you don’t even know how to put on your clothes.”

“I… I know how to…”

“Do you call it ‘knowing how’ when you can’t even reach the zipper?”

Her voice was full of mirth.

‘Ugh…’

“But it’s okay.”

She gathered my hair together and smoothed it with her fingers.

“I’ll help you from now on.”

‘From now on?’

Before I could react, she said, “All done~”

She moved to my front and tilted her head to look.

“Mm, much better than this morning.”

The ‘me’ in the mirror definitely looked much better than before.

My hair was neat, the necktie was straight, and the sailor uniform fit perfectly.

Only my face was still red.

“The President is really pretty today,” Xiao Yan said suddenly.

Her tone was casual, as if she were just mentioning that the weather was nice.

“What…”

“Really.”

She stood beside me, looking at me in the mirror with her head tilted slightly.

“With your hair tied up, your face is visible. Your features are very delicate. Your eyes are pretty too—very bright.”

I lowered my head, suddenly afraid to look in the mirror.

“President.”

“Yeah?”

“You aren’t wearing ‘that,’ are you?”

My mind went blank.

When she said “that,” she meant…

“A sports vest doesn’t count.”

Her tone was natural, completely devoid of embarrassment.

“That’s too thin; it’ll show through the sailor uniform. Besides, it’s probably uncomfortable, right?”

“I… I…”

“Do you have time after school tonight?”

“…Eh?”

“I’ll take the President to buy a bra.”

She said it with a smile, as if saying, “I’ll take you to get something delicious.”

“There’s the Fangda Mall right behind the school; it’s very close. We can buy a few sets to change into while we’re at it.”

I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, she had already turned to grab her own club uniform and entered the changing area.

As she walked, she said, “It’s a promise, then. I’ll wait for the President at the school gate after school~”

***

I stood in front of the mirror in the restroom.

My fingers unconsciously brushed against the necktie.

The bow was the perfect size and perfectly symmetrical.

I couldn’t help but touch it again.

When my fingertips met the fabric, a thought suddenly popped into my head.

Yesterday, I confirmed that since I became a girl, in everyone’s perception, I should have been a girl from the very beginning.

So in Xiao Yan’s memory, I should have always been a girl.

Always.

Therefore, she should naturally find it strange.

A high school girl who doesn’t know how to wear girl’s clothes, can’t tie a ponytail, and doesn’t own a bra—that in itself is very strange.

But she didn’t find it strange at all.

She didn’t even ask me why.

It was as if, in her eyes, ‘Han Hanhan not knowing these things’ was a completely normal occurrence.

It was as if she had known all along.

I took a deep breath, moved my fingers away from the zipper, and gripped the edge of the sink.

The marble of the counter was cool and slightly rough.

I recalled the moment I ran into Xiao Yan on the stairs yesterday—that brief second where she seemed lost in thought.

A strange idea flashed through my mind.

‘Is it possible… that she remembers things that others don’t?’

But…

But that’s not right.

“The President usually doesn’t pay much attention to these things.”

When she said that, her tone was so natural.

It was as if she was talking about something she had known for a long time.

I looked down at my hands.

My fingers were slender, and my nails were trimmed neatly.

In the past—no, in the ‘past’ within their memories—was I always like this?

Messy hair, unable to dress properly, tying neckties into dead knots, and not even owning a bra?

She didn’t seem surprised at all.

She wasn’t surprised when she found out I couldn’t tie a ponytail, she wasn’t surprised when I couldn’t reach my zipper, and she wasn’t surprised that I wasn’t wearing a bra.

She didn’t even ask why I didn’t know these things; she just started helping me.

It was as if she already knew I couldn’t.

It was as if she had been waiting for me to come to her for help.

I looked up and stared at myself in the mirror.

My hair had been combed neatly by her, with no stray strands sticking out.

The necktie was straight too.

The bow was neither too big nor too small, and paired with the collar of the sailor uniform, it looked… quite convincing.

When she was standing behind me combing my hair earlier, her fingers had slid from the top of my head to the ends, stroke by stroke, so gently.

At that time, I was watching her in the mirror.

Her head was lowered, her lips held a smile, and her expression was so gentle—it was as if I were a little sister who didn’t understand anything.

No, it was even more natural than that.

I placed my hand on the back zipper and felt it.

The zipper pull was at the very top, fastened securely.

She was the one who had zipped it up for me.

The hand she had placed on my shoulder was so light, as if she were afraid of hurting me.

‘Why is she so good to me?’

When that thought surfaced, my fingers stopped on the zipper.

I turned on the faucet, splashed some water on my face, and began to reassure myself.

‘Maybe…’

‘Maybe in their memories, I’ve always been like this.’

A sloppy girl who doesn’t know how to tie her hair, can’t figure out how to tie a necktie, and doesn’t even have a bra.

Maybe the ‘me’ from before…

The ‘me’ in their memories…

Was someone who needed to be looked after.

Someone whose hair was always messy, whose clothes were never on right, and who was always forgetful.

Maybe Xiao Yan was already used to it.

Used to helping me comb my hair, used to helping me straighten my clothes, and used to reaching out whenever I didn’t know what to do.

When she said “I’ll help you from now on” just now, her tone was so natural.

It wasn’t “I can help you,” it was “I’ll help you.”

As if it were already a settled matter.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the restroom door.

The hallway was quiet, and the setting sun shone through the window, staining the floor a reddish-orange.

Xiao Yan was standing at the stairwell at the end of the corridor, wearing her sailor uniform with her back to me.

Her ponytail glowed warmly in the sunset.

“President?” She heard the door and turned around with a smile.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

She walked over and naturally reached out to straighten my collar.

“This part was sticking up.”

Her fingers pressed the collar flat, and she patted my shoulder.

“Let’s go~ It’s time for the photo!”

Then she turned and walked ahead.

After a few steps, she glanced back at me.

“President, you’re daydreaming again.”

“N-no, I’m not.”

“You are.”

She laughed, her eyes curving into crescents.

“Hurry up and follow me.”

I quickened my pace to stay behind her.

As we walked down the stairs, she stayed one step ahead, occasionally looking back at me.

When we reached the landing, she stopped to wait for me, only continuing once I had caught up.

I watched her back.

Her low ponytail swung back and forth, and the hem of her uniform fluttered in the stairwell.

She walked faster than me, but she was always waiting.

As if she knew I would walk slowly.

As if she had been waiting for me all along.

I looked down at the tips of my shoes.

The laces of these slightly-too-large sneakers were tied tight; they wouldn’t come loose.

But my heart was beating unexpectedly fast.

‘What is this…’

—