My heart was pounding.
Wow, can I really say something like this? Even if I’m just a supporting character?
You’ve grown, Liana! My heart beat so fast that I felt dizzy. Honestly, I felt embarrassed, my face burning hot. Who would understand the miserable feelings of me, saying these things to a friend? If someone heard, they’d laugh. They’d call me a petty woman, jealous and envious of her friend.
Maybe they’re not entirely wrong. What was in my heart as I stayed by her side…?
It’s a mess.
“Liana! What are you saying?”
Cecilia shook her head and reached out her hand again. I stepped back. I felt warmth behind me. It must have been Natura. I leaned against his unmoving chest. I was tired, and hungry. I wanted some warm, freshly baked bread.
“Cecilia, you probably won’t ever understand.”
That much, I could say for sure.
“Then you can tell me, Liana.”
It’s not something you can understand just because I tell you.
Whether it was an illusion or reality—the events up to the carriage accident, the days I tried to protect you, the countless tears I shed as I tried to fit in.
What I got in return was abandonment.
The memory of the three men who left me behind and saved only you, Cecilia, remains so vivid.
My whole body trembled—was it anger, or sorrow? How could you ever understand that, Cecilia.
I took a deep breath.
Maybe I only imagine the crisp air stabbing my lungs so sharply.
It’s not Cecilia’s fault. I shouldn’t blame her for something that hasn’t even happened yet, something that’s not her fault at all. I shouldn’t…
So instead, I thought of something else.
How should I explain the thoroughly excluded, supporting-role feeling I always had by her side?
How could I say it, so my heart would be properly conveyed? No matter how I tried to figure it out, nothing came to mind. We just looked at each other for a long time.
“It’s hard to explain.”
I smiled softly, swinging my foot playfully.
“Can we just keep some distance?”
“I don’t get why we have to do that. I just don’t understand…”
Yeah. If it were me, and you suddenly said you wanted to keep your distance, and started avoiding me…
Just imagining it made me feel miserable.
Maybe I’ve just been thinking about myself too much.
Yeah, I wasn’t thinking straight. I should’ve drifted away slowly.
Hawkins’ expression, as if seeing something coldhearted, made me uncomfortable too. Everything about this felt uneasy. I felt like I’d become a bad person.
Ugh, I hate this!
Right, there’s no need to rush. I’ll distance myself slowly, so you won’t even notice. So that one day, when you look back, I’ll be so far away you can’t even guess when it happened. And that way, it’ll be hard for you to approach me again. You’ll always have so many people by your side, Cecilia, you won’t be lonely.
Cecilia, even if I suddenly distance myself like this, you’ll always come running, won’t you? And Hawkins, Evan, Benjamin—they’ll always follow at your side.
Then I’ll be swept up by you all over again, having to stand on the outskirts like a shadow, as if I barely exist.
That would make me so pitiful.
Even after dying like that, if I still insist on staying by your side, it would make me even more pathetic.
I can’t tell you everything, Cecilia. But please, understand when the day comes that I move away from you.
With my eyes, I said what I couldn’t bear to speak aloud, and opened my arms to her.
Am I really so spineless?
Am I just too soft on you?
Cecilia looked confused for a moment, then jumped into my arms. Her distinctive deep floral scent filled me. Her slender body fit perfectly into my embrace.
Right. Nothing has happened yet.
The carriage accident hasn’t happened, you haven’t left me behind. It’s true that I loved the childhood days I spent with Cecilia, and I didn’t want to deny even that.
I gently stroked Cecilia’s back as her shoulders shook as if she were crying. I thought I should help her make new friends. Then, when the time came, I could naturally drift away, and make some new friends myself.
Hawkins looked at me with a puzzled expression. When I mouthed, “What?” he looked at me incredulously.
“Liana. I was really scared. At first, I thought it was just a new prank.”
Cecilia’s voice trembled now and then. I played with her silky hair. It was soft enough to be addictive.
“You really startled me. Don’t ever do that again. Promise me, okay?”
She hugged me tighter.
“Okay.”
“Promise.”
I nodded silently. I didn’t know if I could keep it, but I couldn’t answer differently to Cecilia’s earnest request.
“But can you let go now? I can’t breathe.”
“Huh? Oh, sorry!”
Cecilia let go of me and giggled. She looked a bit foolish and pitiful, crying and laughing at the same time.
Phew.
I reached out and wiped away Cecilia’s tears.
“Let’s go.”
“Okay.”
Cecilia gently took my hand.
“You’re sweaty.”
“Ah… yeah!”
I carefully let go of her hand.
I could feel Cecilia looking at the side of my face, watching me. Hawkins’ gaze, too, I could feel.
You’re going to wear me down! Stop looking. Even this is a way to keep my distance.
I’m not going to feel sorry.
Cecilia, I refuse to be a supporting character a second time. If I’m by your side, I just grow weak.
If I could bring Ollie to the Academy, that would be so nice. Just chatting with her makes the day go by in a flash.
“Liana, the dorm rooms are for three people.”
“Ah.”
I was about to say, “I see,” but stopped myself. Before, I would have said something extra and smiled, but honestly, I’ve always been the type to just let things be, and adding more words always felt like a burden. Now, I wanted to do as I pleased. I didn’t want to be tired anymore.
We slowly walked up the hill. The sunlight was strong, but thanks to the dense trees lining both sides, the whole path was shaded and felt cool.
“We’re in the same room.”
“I see.”
“The other roommate hasn’t arrived yet.”
“Yeah.”
“…Liana, are you mad?”
“No. I’m not mad.”
“……”
The soft sound of the wind brushed faintly at my ears. Once we finished climbing, the path split into two, and several pointed seven-story buildings came into view. There were signs; right for the girls’, left for the boys’ dormitories.
“Thank you, my lady.”
“Sure.”
I replied half-heartedly. Hawkins furrowed his brows slightly and bowed to me, then looked over at Cecilia. His face softened. Even seeing that side of Hawkins didn’t make my heart flutter anymore—in fact, I was starting to get tired of it. Ah, so my girlish feelings aren’t coming back after all. That was a relief.
“Cecilia. See you next time. It was nice to meet you.”
“Me too. I’m really… embarrassed for showing you that side of me.”
Cecilia shyly lowered her head as she smiled. Her cheeks flushed quickly. Just then, a breeze blew, and her long hair fluttered in the air.
“Not at all. I’m just glad things worked out.”
“Hawkins, thank you for worrying about me…”
Indeed, when Cecilia said someone’s name, it always sounded so special and sweet.
So, are you just standing there waiting?
No. I had already turned my back and was walking toward the dormitory. The crunching grass under my feet felt different from the garden at the capital mansion.
“The mansion’s garden grass is so soft, but this is kind of different, isn’t it?”
“It’s probably Felicii grass. It doesn’t grow much even if you don’t take care of it. But it’s rough, so if you fall, you’ll scrape yourself pretty badly. Be careful.”
“Wow, Natura, is there anything you don’t know? Amazing.”
“…Thank you.”
I liked the rough feeling, so I stopped for a moment and rubbed my shoe against the grass.
“Liana―!”
“Yeah?”
Hawkins was standing tall at the dorm entrance, watching us, and Cecilia was running to me, her eyelashes fluttering.
“Why’d you go ahead without me?”
She looked a little upset.
“Sorry, I didn’t notice. Let’s go.”
“Okay… but next time, don’t go ahead of me, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I answered half-heartedly and took her hand. She seemed like she wanted to say more, but closed her mouth.
Ah, it felt a little peaceful.
There’s no rule saying a supporting character always has to stand on the sidelines. My two legs are my own, after all.
I felt like I was starting to get a sense of how I should keep my distance in the future.
*****
The dormitory was clean and antique. It looked old, but that only made it more charming.
My room was on the very top floor. Cecilia chattered away, telling me in detail about the dorm’s history, its age, and who had stayed in this room.
She said our assigned room was where former student council presidents had stayed. Their reference books and rare literature were left there for whoever got this room to read, but we weren’t allowed to take anything out. I guess that’s an incentive.
For a triple room, I wasn’t sure if it was big or small.
Of course, each bed was separate. There’s no way you’d find bunk beds in a noble’s room. Compared to a room of my own, it was small, but considering it’s a dorm, it was pretty big.
There was a sofa and a table, and the terrace was quite large, too. The railing was high, which blocked the view a bit, but I could see Natura standing in the distance, seeing me off. I gently raised my hand and waved. Natura awkwardly raised his hand, then dropped it, gave a knight’s bow, and turned his back.
“Liana, are you listening to me?”
“Yeah.”
“We need to make our schedule, so tomorrow together…”
“Huh? What’s this?”
I pretended not to hear and started rummaging through my luggage. As Cecilia grabbed my sleeve and called, “Liana,” I shouted, “Wait a sec!” and kept digging through my bag.
If I listened to you, I wouldn’t be able to refuse! Better not to hear it at all.
Bang!
Just then, someone flung the door open hard and came in.
“What the…”
That was pure shock. The newcomer scowled fiercely at my outburst, clearly displeased. I quickly covered my mouth with both hands. How improper of me.
“Cecilia Mentheson. What are you doing here?”
It sounded like they might eat someone alive any moment.
Ah, can’t I have even one peaceful day… I wanted to cry.