Chapter 12: Amusbian

I couldn’t say anything.

She was right.

No matter how many fancy words I tried to dress it up with, my sin wouldn’t disappear, and neither would her grudge be soothed.

I knew how it would end, and so, words like obligation or I’ll comply were just self-deception and excuses.

In the end, only the truth remains.

The truth that I am guilty.

“…It can’t be helped. It’s a fate I must bear.”

She didn’t say anything more.

She just looked at me quietly with sad eyes.

And even those eyes were yet another proof of my sin.

For someone without worth, even kindness becomes a sin—such care and concern could never truly belong to me.

“Well then, I suppose I should get some sleep.”

It had become too difficult to remain there any longer, so I tried to leave.

Of course, I had never intended to sleep near her in the first place.

A transparent wall stood between us—setting aside issues of propriety between a man and woman, I could not show my sleeping face to anyone, least of all her.

Maybe this would shatter her illusions about me once and for all.

But even if that were the case, I couldn’t bring myself to do it, not if I wanted to preserve the little pride I had left.

But then—

“…You’re going to sleep already?”

Her somewhat strange tone stopped me in my tracks.

“Yes. It’s late, and I have to wake early tomorrow…”

“Do you realize this is the first time you’re sleeping here in years?”

Of course I knew.

Thanks to Lowell and Aegina, who always took care of dinner at the house next door, staying out overnight was impossible.

And even without that, I had no reason to sleep here.

“But you’re just going to sleep like that?”

Depending on how you took it, her words could be seductive and stirring.

But they only made me feel more at ease.

“Haha. Please don’t tease me like that.”

Her voice and expression had already returned to their usual playful self.

And when I saw that familiar tone and face, the guilt that had been crushing my chest seemed to vanish like a lie.

“Why? Are you saying I’m not pretty enough?”

“Of course not. You’re beautiful enough to burn anyone who gets too close.”

Yes.

That was enough for me.

Simple wordplay and lighthearted camaraderie.

That was the only happiness I was allowed.

“Anyway, this is the first time you’ve stayed here in a while—are you just going to act like you’re not even here and leave?”

“But I should really get some sleep…”

“Then sleep here. Just stay and talk with me until I fall asleep.”

She pointed to the floor in front of her.

“But…”

As I said before, I had no intention of showing her my sleeping face.

That vulnerable, unguarded version of myself—the raw and primal face of sleep.

Someone like me, whose nature was far from beautiful, couldn’t show that to anyone.

Of course, there were already many people who had seen me asleep.

Lowell, our traveling companions, and even people at the academy.

And I always hated that.

What if I muttered something in my sleep?

What if some ugly, selfish thought spilled out—just a fragment of my worthless inner self?

I don’t want to show it.

I don’t want to show it.

I don’t want to show it.

“…But Miss Ropena, you’re not sleeping either. If I talk with you until you fall asleep, I won’t get a wink of rest.”

I thought I said it naturally.

Even Lowell wouldn’t have noticed anything.

But—

“Liar.”

Her eyes now showed a faint sadness and disappointment.

“That’s not the real reason, is it?”

In the face of her eyes like that, I couldn’t say anything.

Not even my usual sheepish smile or my smooth banter—which I could have pulled off if I wanted—could come out.

“…Forget it. I only said that because I didn’t want you to make that sad face anymore. I stepped over the line. That was my mistake. Good night.”

With that, she turned away, and I did the same.

But no matter how hard I tried to walk away, my feet wouldn’t move.

She didn’t like me.

What she felt was nothing more than an illusion shaped by circumstance.

No, perhaps the idea that she felt anything for me at all was just my own delusion—born from my jealousy and longing for Lowell and Aegina, projecting that fantasy onto our relationship.

But even so, one thing was undeniably true: at this very moment, she understood me better than even Lowell, my oldest friend.

“Well then, please wake me a little earlier tomorrow.”

‘And to someone like that… simply hiding my sleeping face means nothing, doesn’t it?’

So I laid out my bedding in the very spot she had pointed to and lay down.

And at that moment, I saw her face looking back at me—puzzled at first, then blossoming into a gentle and beautiful smile.

“All right. Leave it to me!”

Seeing that smile, I could only bury my face in the pillow to hide the foolish emotion swelling in my heart.

“Come on, let’s go.”

I took down the barrier I’d set up and loosened the ropes I had tied.

***

As promised, she woke me up early.

“…Yaaawn.”

Far earlier than necessary, in fact.

She must have been overly happy that I’d finally accepted her words last night.

As soon as the sun rose (so her claims of losing track of time turned out to be a lie), she woke me.

Then, as if she’d been holding it in all night, she showered me with jokes, encouragement, and cheerful chatter that I couldn’t bring myself to cut off.

“…Must’ve been that boring to be alone.”

A cramped space where you could touch both walls just by stretching your arms.

She endured every moment in there, unable to sleep, with only a couple of hours of conversation a day—only with me.

“Someday, maybe there will be another way.”

If I died and the secret of that space died with me, she would be trapped there forever.

Sure, for a demon like her, a few decades—maybe even under a hundred years—might not seem like much.

But the eternity that came after was different.

I couldn’t bear to do that to her.

I chanted the spell to link the horses together and climbed atop.

Of course, even if the horses were linked, we couldn’t go full speed.

The pace would inevitably slow, but the distance wasn’t that far, and there were roads from halfway on, so we should arrive before sunset.

As long as my steps didn’t slow down without me realizing.

After all, I was walking toward one of my nightmares.

“How ridiculous. I’m walking toward a trap, toward a nightmare.”

Something I would never have done before. I suppose I’ve changed a little since the last war, too.

And I’m doing it alone.

Lowell and I have already been through things far worse than traps or nightmares — we even stood before demon kings and lords.

But the fact that I’m doing all this alone now is surprising.

“…Though I’m not sure if this is really a good change. For all I know, it’s not about responsibility or courage — maybe I’ve just gotten more arrogant.”

So I continued driving the horses, skipping not only breakfast but lunch as well.

Despite being riderless, the horses kept up a decent speed.

From the middle of the trip onward, a well-paved road helped, and just as I hoped, I reached the destination while the sun was still up.

“Fortunately, my memory didn’t fail me.”

A towering rock mountain rose straight into the sky like a spire, and on top of it sat a massive sphere, as if someone had placed it there.

The giant shadow it cast was vast.

Yenril Sarutursus.

People called that sphere the Cold Black Sun, and the shadow it cast, Saruteges — the Mercy of the Black Sun.

This place was located in the endlessly sprawling wilderness of the Huinto region, where the intense sunlight beat down nearly all year round.

Saruteges was the only place in Huinto where one could escape the sun — and also the site of the largest market in the region.

“Compared to before the Great War, the scale has shrunk, but it’s still massive.”

Inside Saruteges were countless tents of all sizes and merchants displaying their wares directly on the ground, far too many to count with the naked eye.

Amusbian — a name meaning “Between the Two Suns.”

This market opened twice a year, each time for an entire month, running day and night.

While there were occasional barters or minor black-market dealings between travelers, the bulk of activity came from large merchant guilds conducting massive trades.

Here, I could easily get rid of the horses and the knights’ baggage.

Not just travelers, but even merchants or guilds who had bought more goods than expected would be desperate for additional transport.

Some might even pay a premium.

If I got lucky, I could make a tidy profit from them.

However…

“…As expected, they’re here.”

I shivered as I saw a cluster of large pink tents near the center of Saruteges.

That — that was where one of my nightmares resided.

“I mean, what are the chances we’ll actually run into each other…?”

With a crowd this large, running into them would be weirder than not.

But ominous premonitions have a way of being right.

“Well then, let’s get moving. The sooner we arrive, the sooner we can leave.”

I drove the horses toward Saruteges — keeping as far away from those pink tents as possible.

“Come see! Basilisk eggs available! Cockatrice eggs too!”

“Buy scrolls here! We’ve got all sorts of spells!”

Street merchants shouted desperately, trying to lure in passing travelers.

But most of them didn’t even glance their way.

Instead, their attention was drawn to me, as I passed by with more than ten horses and loads of baggage.

‘Well, no wonder. They’re calling regular tuntun or lodron eggs basilisk and cockatrice eggs.’

Some level of exaggeration or deception was expected of street vendors, and some travelers might even fall for it once or twice, but there’s a limit.

What were they thinking, trying to pass off such blatant scams?

Of course, not all street stalls were about lies and exaggeration.

There were rare items and crafts not commonly seen in this region.

And as I passed by, I spotted a few items of surprisingly good quality.

Some collectors specifically came here for these street vendors.

Though I wondered how many of them actually walked away satisfied.

But unlike them, I didn’t have to wait for buyers.

As I said, the main players in Amusbian were the massive guilds.

Not only did they trade with each other on a large scale, they also bought and sold directly from individual travelers and small merchants.

And for them, horses — especially ones in such good condition — were always a hot commodity.