“Uwaa… uwaa…”
After racking my brains, I lay down exhausted on the railing.
After finishing the exam and being chased out of the exam hall, I stood in the school corridor, my elbow resting on the railing, staring blankly through the window at the empty playground.
As expected, people should really know their own limits. Don’t act tough, thinking that if you just endure a bit, you can get through things.
In the end, your body gives the truest feedback—you’re already completely worn out.
During the exam, I couldn’t stop dozing off. It was the first time I answered questions in a half-asleep state.
Even though I had the knowledge base built up from cramming for the college entrance exam, it couldn’t make up for how bad my condition was.
Maybe I was giving myself too much pressure, or maybe it was the anxiety from my mother constantly staying at home and never leaving.
These past few days, I sat endlessly at my desk reviewing, but I barely absorbed anything.
My sleep quality was terrible… and there were just too many distracting things, making it really hard to study.
If I’d known, I should’ve just slept properly. Now I’ve ruined the exam because I have no energy at all.
Taking a deep breath—well, at least the school’s landscaping is pretty good, and the air quality isn’t bad. Even though the corridor was a little crowded, it still helped lift my mood somewhat.
“…Mmm… I really want to see Gu Fan…”
That thought suddenly floated into my mind for no reason.
These days, I’d been too busy with review, and with my mother directly taking leave from school on my behalf, it was almost like she had me under house arrest.
The moment I woke up the day after quarreling with my mother and learned about this arrangement, I felt utterly…
Angry, I wanted nothing more than to rush into my mother’s room and confront her directly.
I bit down on the blanket, struggling with my frustration for quite a while before I finally managed to suppress the tangled emotions in my heart and barely calm myself down.
Even if a catgirl fluffs up her fur and lashes out, it won’t change anything. Since my salary hasn’t been paid yet, I’ll just endure it for a few more days.
But to be honest, I know very well that if I saved up just a few months’ salary, I could already afford to rent a place of my own.
Telling myself otherwise is just self-deception. Deep down, I still can’t bear the thought of leaving my mother all alone to live by herself.
Sigh… Why are we always hurting each other? Can’t we just get along peacefully? We’re supposed to be mother and daughter, after all.
When I was little, lying in bed, I often hoped that some savior would descend upon our family—breaking this ice-cold deadlock and pulling me out of the abyss of despair.
In the end… I did crawl out of that abyss, but both my body and spirit have already been battered beyond recognition.
These past few days, I didn’t dare go see Gu Fan. I was afraid my mother would follow me and say all sorts of strange things to him.
We still kept chatting, but never touched on anything too deep.
There are just so many things I haven’t sorted out yet—I don’t even know how to explain them to Gu Fan.
Uwaahhh… but right now, I just really, really want to hold Gu Fan tight and recharge myself in his arms.
As I imagined throwing myself into his embrace, acting spoiled and asking for love, my face heated up uncontrollably.
Covering my burning cheeks, I straightened up and slowly walked along the corridor. As for the direction… it wasn’t toward the classroom where I was supposed to take my exam, but somehow, without realizing it, I ended up heading toward Gu Fan’s classroom, which was closer to the stairwell.
Maybe I should just go find Gu Fan?
Anyway, there are so many people in the corridor, and since this placement exam isn’t that strict, there will definitely be plenty of people going to Gu Fan to chat. I’ll just take one look from a distance—that should be fine.
Once I made up my mind, my steps were no longer hesitant. I decisively quickened my pace.
The cat ears on my head relaxed, swaying back and forth rhythmically with my brisk stride, silently expressing my current mood to the outside world.
When I finally reached the classroom where Gu Fan was taking the exam… I discovered that the number of people who had gone to discuss exam questions with him wasn’t just “a lot”—it was overwhelming.
“Click—so annoying.”
In the middle of the crowd, Gu Fan was half helpless, half serious, holding a test paper in his hands while patiently explaining the answer to a certain history multiple-choice question to those asking him.
The school corridors weren’t just long, straight hallways. Each floor had a large open activity area, and that group of students had carried over some unused empty chairs to encircle Gu Fan.
I wandered around the edge of the crowd, trying to find a good angle to quietly admire Gu Fan.
But the crowd was so dense that the moment I got absorbed in watching his side profile, a random female student stepped right in front of me and blocked my view.
Damn it… If it weren’t for the transfer situation I still need to deal with, I’d rush in right now and take Gu Fan away with me, no matter what.
Gu Fan’s personal guidance—of course I want that too!
Although my grades aren’t terrible and I do have the accumulation of three years of high school study, that doesn’t mean I’m anywhere near Gu Fan’s level, someone who can consistently rank in the top ten.
Mmm… if I had to use one phrase to describe myself, maybe it would be: wide but shallow. Hehe.
After foolishly grinning to myself for a while, I quietly slipped into a corner of the activity area, struggling to peek through the crowd to catch Gu Fan’s expression.
There was… a little bit of jealousy in me, seeing all these people being able to enjoy Gu Fan’s serious attitude up close.
Or to be more precise, I was unwilling to hand over this side of Gu Fan to others. I wanted to monopolize him completely, to make Gu Fan show his best side only to me and me alone.
I knew such thoughts were unhealthy. But even if I realized that, deep down, that was exactly what I wanted. The only reason I hadn’t acted on it was because of the restraints of reality.
I licked my lips. I hadn’t put on lip balm today, and I also forgot to bring my thermos to school. My lips were a little chapped, and when my tongue, rough with small cracks, brushed against them, it stung slightly.
I just wanted a hug… or maybe I just wanted Gu Fan to notice me, to casually chat about something meaningless. That alone would be enough to satisfy me.
Would Gu Fan notice me?
Should I move a little, so he could “accidentally” see me?
And if that happened—would Gu Fan choose to keep chatting with this crowd about exam questions, or would he set them aside for the moment, push through the crowd, and come stand by my side?
At that thought, the scene before me blurred, and I seemed to hallucinate Gu Fan suddenly turning his head, spotting me—my cat ears drooping low—amid the throng of students.
Then, with the dazzling sunlight pouring in through the window behind him, he firmly pushed the crowd aside, step by step making his way toward me.
And then, in reality—
“Zhi Nian, what are you daydreaming about? How did your exam go?”
“…?”
Wait—this… this isn’t my imagination, right? Did I really just hear Gu Fan’s voice?!
I snapped awake in shock, eyes wide, my fingers nervously pinching the flesh of my thigh hard enough to hurt. The sharp pain confirmed it—this wasn’t a dream, it was reality.
Gu Fan stood in front of me with a faint smile. Seeing my bewildered stare, he reached out and poked one of my cat ears.
The sudden burst of tingling numbness made it all the more certain—I wasn’t dreaming.
Uwaah… Why would Gu Fan notice me like this…? Things in reality aren’t supposed to play out so dreamlike.
That’s what I thought, but since it really was happening, I followed my heart and smiled, secretly giving his palm a quick, subtle tug.
His broad hand, calloused yet gentle, carried an astonishing warmth. In this southern winter without heating, nothing could feel more heartwarming than that.