Chapter 14: Loser Ju Taegang (1)

Ju Taegang.

The star of this era.

The protagonist of this era.

A face, body, and talent born for the leading role.

He was a young actor overflowing with confidence,

So much so that even his fans would tell him to tone it down!

But it was precisely that confidence that was the source of Ju Taegang’s acting.

Even his SNS ID oozed with bravado, enough to make his own fans embarrassed of their star.

[Ju Taegang just made his ID ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]

@ju_taegang_superstar

Superstar Ju Taegang is here~~~~

└ Ha… Oppa, can’t you change your ID?

└ I’m going crazy

└ HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH I’ve never seen anyone actually use “superstar” in their ID

└ I guess you need that kind of mentality to be a celebrity. Damn

But don’t they say a true star always gathers both fans and haters?

Yet even in such a situation, Ju Taegang’s casting led straight to high ratings and popularity.

In the comment sections of dramas where he played the lead, people flooded the threads with “I can’t imagine anyone other than Ju Taegang as ○○.”

For someone like Ju Taegang, feeling like this at today’s reading was the worst.

[Haejun, you’re not that kind of guy. That’s illegal.]

[I know. I know and I’m doing it anyway. And Yunseong, I’m not such a good guy.]

Right in front of me was Cha Haejun.

The guy I’d only imagined while reading the script alone.

There’s no way the perfect Cha Haejun in my imagination could exist in reality.

Because the best Cha Haejun only exists inside Ju Taegang’s head.

[The one who killed my mom and dad—I don’t even know their name. They never came to apologize. What’s even more pathetic is that I had no choice but to accept settlement money from someone whose face I don’t even know.]

[I get it, I really do! But you really think coming all the way to law school and making this choice makes sense? At least go public with it! If you do this, everything you’ve worked for will be gone.]

[I’m not going to kill anyone. I’m not going to put it online. I took the settlement money for a reason. I just want to know. The truth.]

A reading is when you match up with each other while looking at the script.

But Ju Taegang could feel it.

That guy—he’s already memorized the whole script.

Cha Haejun doesn’t even have that many lines.

But this isn’t a role easy enough that you can just act it out without even glancing at the script.

Cha Haejun stared right into his eyes.

Because of that, Ju Taegang became Yunseong, looking not at the script but into those eyes.

[What will change if you know the truth? If you’re not going to do anything, what does it matter?]

[Just. I think I’ll feel relieved. That’s it. And I want to go tell my mom everything. That I found out who did it. That I, her son, found the person who did her wrong. So… she shouldn’t be so sad anymore. Her son grew up and found everything out!]

I lost.

I lost.

That day, Ju Taegang felt a stinging sense of defeat at Jeon Yeohu’s acting for the first time in a long while.

*****

“Hey! Cha Haejun!”

“Yes?”

The reading had ended, and everyone was getting up and packing to go to the afterparty.

As soon as he finished gathering his things, Ju Taegang, about to leave the seminar room, called out to me.

“…What did you say your name was again, for the role?”

“It’s Jeon Yeohu, sunbae.”

“Ah, Jeon Yeohu. Ah, did I speak informally again? Sorry, it’s a habit. Or—no, should we just drop the honorifics? What do you think? Let’s talk casually.”

That’s Ju Taegang for you.

His pushiness is like a sumo wrestler.

“I’m fine with it!”

Jung Yunwoo butted in right then.

Nice.

Saved me the trouble of answering.

“Oh, you’re Jung Yunwoo, right? I liked your acting too. Let’s get along from now on.”

“Yes, hyung!”

“If it’s easier for you, you can talk informally. I’ll stick with formal speech.”

“Complicated, huh. Alright. I just wanted to say your acting fired me up too. Thank you, Jeon Yeohu.”

Honestly, Ju Taegang’s reputation wasn’t good.

He was known for chasing away fans who showed up on set, never giving autographs to fans he met on the street, and even rumors that he lived in clubs all week.

No one knew if all those rumors were true or not, but more people believed them than not.

Believing was more fun, and besides, Ju Taegang had that kind of image anyway.

Plus, he never bothered to deny anything, so why not believe it?

But whatever his image was, it didn’t matter to me.

What mattered now was why someone else was playing the lead role in this drama, not Ju Taegang.

On the way to the afterparty, I quietly asked writer Kim Hyemi, whom I’d gotten a bit closer to.

“Ju Taegang? The lead was always supposed to be Ju Taegang. I wrote the part with him in mind. Director Park Mintae is so skilled, he cast him right away. Why do you ask?”

“No, I just really admire Ju Taegang sunbae. I was so happy, I wanted to ask.”

The lie slipped out easily.

Kim Hyemi clapped her hands as if she was delighted.

“Oh, really? Then take this chance to get closer to him! You know you’re really good-looking and a great actor, right, Yeohu?”

“Huh? Ah, yes…”

“I’m really rooting for you. Don’t get discouraged just because you’re a bit late. If you ever have questions, be sure to ask me or another adult! Really!”

“Yes… Thank you?”

Kim Hyemi seemed to be a much nicer person than I’d thought.

She really looked out for rookies like me.

Anyway, since she was this certain, it didn’t seem likely the lead would switch from Ju Taegang to someone else.

Did the lead for this drama change like how the commercial lead changed when I regressed?

Can’t really call that a butterfly effect.

‘What could I possibly have done?’

If it’s not my fault, then either someone else is the reason, or nothing has happened yet to make Ju Taegang quit—it has to be one of the two.

All I remember is the drama flopped, Ju Taegang wasn’t the lead at the time, and Ju Taegang disappeared around then. I had no way of knowing why the male lead changed.

For now, I’ll just watch.

At the afterparty, the main actors and director sat together, while the supporting cast gathered in small groups.

Once some meat and drinks were served, the groups mixed a bit, and before I knew it, Ju Taegang had come over to my table.

He was pretty drunk.

“Are you alright, sunbae?”

“Hm? Of course. My face just turns red whenever I drink.”

“I’ll remember that.”

“You look fine, though?”

“I don’t really show it.”

“Can you drink?”

“One bottle’s fine. Isn’t it about the same for you, sunbae?”

“Me? I can’t really hold my liquor. Do I look like I can?”

“…Yeah, well.”

With all the club rumors and such.

I nodded.

“You do give off that image.”

Ju Taegang laughed loudly.

“Hey, I like you. You must hear that you’ve got a bad personality a lot, don’t you?”

“Hmm… I used to, a bit.”

Before I regressed.

Now at least I know how to behave in society, right? Back then, not at all.

“Yeah. It’s okay to have a bit of a bad personality. Especially when you’re as good-looking as you are. Hot guys always act like they own the place, am I right?”

“You’re good-looking too, sunbae.”

Some people found his looks too striking, but it’s hard to deny he’s objectively handsome.

Ju Taegang drank several more glasses.

If I counted, I bet he’s downed two bottles at this table alone.

Maybe that’s why—

“Have you heard my rumors…?”

“Yes?”

“Any of them?”

Here it comes.

The drunken confessions.

I didn’t answer.

I didn’t shake my head, just stared at him. If you wait long enough, a drunk will start confessing on their own.

“My club rumors? You’ve heard those, right?”

Ju Taegang’s club stories were pretty famous, weren’t they?

I nodded, and Ju Taegang said,

“Yeah? Then you don’t know what kind of day that was, do you?”

Ju Taegang smirked.

‘Of course not. How would I know?’

“My parents’ birthday.”

“……”

Maybe I should keep my mouth shut here.

“I don’t really go out much, but when I do, it’s on specific days. I don’t know why I still feel so hurt and pathetic about it at this age.”

• Taegang, it’s your father’s birthday, after all.
• I told you I’m busy. Want me to send more money?
• Taegang.
• You kicked me out of the house because you hated seeing me act, and now you want me to come? Just send it yourselves.

In Ju Taegang’s eyes, as he confessed, I could see regret.

“I just got annoyed. I kept blaming them, thinking if they hadn’t opposed me going to arts school, I wouldn’t have had to work so hard to get here. What annoys me more is when my twisted personality shows to others.”

Ju Taegang downed another shot of soju.

“It’d be fine if I just did my part. It’s all my fault. Since I have nothing else going for me, I curse and act tough just to look like I’m something.”

“…”

What am I supposed to say to that?

Yes, sunbae, I always knew you were acting tough—is that what I should say?

Anyway, at this table, I had to redefine my impression of Ju Taegang.

He wasn’t a guy full of confidence—this was…

‘A self-aware… loser?’

Ju Taegang, holding an empty soju glass, pointed at me and Jung Yunwoo.

“You two. You’re friends, right?”

Jung Yunwoo nodded reflexively.

“You two should stay close. It’s not easy finding a true friend in showbiz. And… be sure to check in with your parents on your way home.”

As Jung Yunwoo and I nodded, Ju Taegang also nodded, half closing his eyes.

“Yeah… Well, Jeon Yeohu, you probably don’t need advice from someone like me—”

Thud.

With that, Ju Taegang passed out on the table.

The sound was so loud, I wondered if he’d gotten a huge bump on his forehead.

Jung Yunwoo asked, worried,

“Hyung didn’t… pass away, right?”

I said,

“People don’t die that easily.”

Not long after, Ju Taegang’s manager came to the table.

“I heard my hyung passed out here?”

“This is him.”

“Ah!! Thank you. Hyung, let’s get you home. Yes, yes. Love you too, hyung.”

The manager took Ju Taegang away, and with the lead actor and director gone, the afterparty wrapped up quickly around midnight.

On the way home, I mulled over what Ju Taegang had said.

Tonight, he didn’t seem like a particularly good or bad person.

‘An overly honest person… That’s probably the right way to put it.’

How much of our own ugliness can we show to others?

And how much of others’ ugliness can I tolerate?

Even now, after coming back, I don’t really know.

Even after choosing to act again, believing I could change, I still can’t say what would have been the wise choice, or if I was wrong back then.

Wasn’t I supposed to be smart?

A few indescribable days passed.

A week later, the day of the second reading—my last reading.

The lead actor, Ju Taegang, whom I’d thought of as just a bit of a loser, didn’t show up to the reading.

Is this guy out of his mind?