On this iron bridge, repurposed from abandoned railway tracks, the black-haired boy with a wolf-tail hairstyle turned his head to gaze at me.
Sunlight illuminated his fair face, casting an ambiguous atmosphere.
“Zhinian, when you say ‘leave,’ do you mean leaving this small town on one of these trains?”
My lips quivered, hesitant about how to respond to Gu Fan’s question. Timidly, I chose to keep the conversation going with a vague, muffled hum.
Gu Fan’s broad hand, resting on the curve of my lower back, paused briefly. His fingers naturally pressed into my side, not deeply, but for someone as sensitive as me, it was enough to clearly feel the pressure.
The slight sense of restraint made my breath catch, and I instinctively leaned closer to him.
The awkwardness of the position disrupted my steps. As we neared the end of the iron bridge, the “clank” of our footsteps fell out of sync by 0.4 seconds.
“I get it. What Zhinian’s worried about is that I might go to a big city for school, right?”
Lost in thought, Gu Fan’s hand unconsciously kneaded the soft flesh at my side. Due to our height difference, his fingers occasionally brushed against the prominent curves of my body, making my already sensitive nerves tense. I bit my lower lip to suppress the sounds from my trembling vocal cords.
More than the vivid sensations my body was feeding me, I was focused on whether Gu Fan would, as always, give me an answer that could calm my entire being.
Before reuniting with Gu Fan, my understanding of studying was just about meeting my mother’s expectations.
I had no real drive to work hard and even thought about entering the workforce after graduation to scrape by, living a life of just getting through.
Going to a big city to study was something the mediocre old me never dared to dream of.
But just now, seeing the contrast between the high-speed train and the freight train, I suddenly realized that if I kept being lazy and expecting Gu Fan to accommodate me, one day he might grow tired of me.
He could abandon me completely and turn to embrace girls who could offer him more—those outstanding ones.
“Ugh!”
Unforgivable, unacceptable—I couldn’t even bear to imagine such a scenario.
My face twisted for a moment as an uncontrollable wave of anger surged within me.
Desires without action will rot and fester, filling my heart’s landscape, clogging the flow of my blood. Like a humanoid tree unable to move, against my will, my roots would dig into this backward small town.
I don’t want to become like a “wife-gazing stone,” waiting day and night in some dilapidated room in this town for Gu Fan’s biannual holiday visits.
I refuse to accept only seeing him then. What I want is to wake up every morning and pull a still-sleepy Gu Fan into my arms, giving him the warm embrace and passionate love of a devoted wife.
The sensations from my body kept dutifully sending feedback, no different from the decayed leaves piling up in my heart’s terrain, only hindering my progress.
A fiery anger toward myself roared to life.
I quickly composed my expression and walking posture, straightening my slightly hunched back—caused by the weight of my figure—and proudly displayed my graceful form.
My trembling lips returned to the cold, indifferent curve they held when Gu Fan wasn’t around.
I hid the raging flames in my heart, turning every pleasant sensation I received into sharp needles of self-loathing, piercing my brain to force myself to maintain a calm demeanor.
As we reached the end of the long bridge, we both stopped instinctively. Before us stretched a row of descending stone steps.
I broke free from Gu Fan’s hand on my lower back, taking a step down first. Then, gripping the rusty copper-colored handrail, I turned to face him, gazing at him calmly.
“You’re right, Gu Fan. I’m not cut out for studying. I’m just an annoying pest at school. Even if I try hard, I might not get into the same school as you, so…”
Before I could finish my carefully prepared, resolute response, Gu Fan suddenly leaned forward, stepping down to stand beside me.
“So, from now on, we should spend more time together, pushing and motivating each other to study hard. No slacking or letting up, okay?”
“…”
My words climbed to my throat but were gently pushed back by Gu Fan’s almost cliché, inspirational words.
The composed expression I had pieced together crumbled again. Like an iceberg under blazing sunlight, my face began to melt and distort.
My lips stammered, letting out syllables even I didn’t understand, my eyes darting everywhere, too afraid to meet the dazzling sun standing beside me.
What does Gu Fan mean? Is he trying to take advantage of me, do something intimate, and then abandon me afterward?
Or… does he really mean to stay in control, patiently teaching me my lagging subjects, helping a hopelessly dumb me—burdened by three years of past-life baggage—catch up and climb higher with him?
Would that be exhausting? Ugh, whatever! To rightfully become Gu Fan’s wife, I have to put in enough effort to deserve such an outstanding man.
The raging flames in my heart, after being doused with Gu Fan’s smiling bowl of inspirational soup, were extinguished, not a single spark remaining.
My chaotic thoughts and feelings spread like wild grass in a spring breeze, instantly filling the narrow landscape of my heart.
They traveled through my veins to my chest and lungs, then surged upward, seizing control of my vocal cords and occupying the vital passage of my throat. Next, they swarmed out, grabbing hold of my tongue.
“Okay… okay… since Gu Fan said so… then! Starting tomorrow, Gu Fan has to come to my place… no, I’ll go to your house instead.
We can stay in the bedroom… or if you mind my fidgety hands and feet, the living room works too! Don’t dislike me—cat-girls come with a natural fragrance, no bad smells.
I might be a bit dumb, but with your help, I can study hard and become amazing. Um… if Gu Fan really wants to do something other than studying… it’s not impossible, but I’d prefer it in the bedroom.
If we did it outside and Auntie saw, she might think you’re using studying as an excuse to pressure me. If Auntie asks, you can tell her I’m the one who wanted it, that I’m the real bad girl…
Actually… what I’m most worried about is if Gu Fan feels burdened. It’s okay, I wouldn’t mind even if you abandoned me, but if I get emotional and rush into your room with something weird, you have to forgive me right away, okay?
Ugh, what am I even saying?! Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean it! My brain’s all hot and mushy, like my spinal fluid’s leaking. Gu Fan, just ignore me. Pretend a crazy woman was rambling nonsense just now…”
The villains that had seized my vocal channels didn’t get the chance to spread their wicked, impure doctrines further before they were completely vanquished by the righteous Sun Knight.
“Shh~ No more talking. Zhinian, you just need to recharge. Calm down.”
Along with his words came Gu Fan’s warm embrace, as if he wanted to pull me right into his arms.
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