The park covers a large area, but there aren’t many spots for visitors to enjoy. Thick stone barriers line the riverbank, and the grass is pockmarked with uneven patches, clearly neglected by maintenance workers for a long time.
I closely followed Gu Fan, walking against the flow of the forest path made from repurposed railway tracks.
The sun hung directly overhead, casting Gu Fan’s shadow one step ahead of me. Fragmented by the leaves, it rippled restlessly, occasionally brushing against the tips of my round-toed shoes.
My mind couldn’t help but wander to a wedding scene. Would Gu Fan, as the groom, solemnly lift my foot and gently slip a pale blue crystal high-heel onto it?
Unfortunately, the weather was too cold now. My stockings weren’t the delicate, lacy garter socks you’d see in movies or dramas but thick, opaque black tights, which dulled the fantasy quite a bit.
When my gaze settled on Gu Fan’s back again, a secret anticipation surfaced, fleeting images flashing before my eyes.
“Gu Fan.”
“Hm? What’s up?”
At my call, the black-haired boy ahead stopped and turned around. As he did, the short wolf-tail tied at the back of his head brushed against a nearby flower bush, picking up a small, pale yellow flower I didn’t recognize.
I opened my mouth, seizing this lively gift from nature to cover up my impulsive call for his attention, driven by my craving for his focus.
“Your hair…” I deliberately stretched out the last syllable, savoring the sight of this childhood friend who, for now, belonged only to me.
Licking my lips, I narrowed my eyes contentedly and took a step forward.
“There’s something weird stuck in your hair. Let me clean it up for you, Gu Fan.”
As I reached out to pluck the pale yellow flower, my eyes never left his face.
Under my close-range offensive, even Gu Fan, usually so composed, showed a flicker of panic, like ice cracking on a frozen surface.
Hmph, so cute—like a startled fawn. It’s rare to see Gu Fan flustered by my teasing like this.
My fingertips brushed the nape of his neck as gently as if touching fragile moonlight. I pretended to accidentally graze his sharply defined face, noticing his earlobes already tinged with faint red spots.
“Here, open your hand. Let me hand over the culprit for you to deal with.”
Smirking triumphantly, I ordered Gu Fan with an almost commanding tone.
My childhood friend lowered his gaze obediently, spreading open his left hand.
But what I didn’t expect was that, as I played the role of a serious officer handing over evidence, carefully lifting the pale yellow flower that had climbed into his hair with both hands to pass it to him, he completely ignored the unremarkable flower. Instead, taking advantage of his larger hand, he enveloped both of my hands in his with a single grip.
“Wha—?!”
Our footsteps staggered, my vision blurred for a moment. I only vaguely saw the soft pale yellow flower fall straight to the side of the tracks, its delicate stem crushed under Gu Fan’s advancing step.…unable to move an inch, just like me now.
My back gently pressed against a sturdy tree trunk, the rough bark catching my tangled hair.
Gu Fan raised his right hand, lifting my arms above my head and pinning them there, exposing my soft cat-girl body before him.
“Ugh, Gu… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you.”
Closer than ever before were Gu Fan’s amber eyes, unreadable as always, showing no trace of emotion.
He gazed at me silently, from top to bottom, like an impatient owner who’d caught a runaway housecat and was calmly considering how to discipline it.
At this point, all I could do was transform into a coquettish little black cat, exposing my vulnerable belly to beg for Gu Fan’s forgiveness.
“Hmph? Now you know you’re wrong? I thought Zhinian was finally turning into a bold, domineering cat, but your courage is still so small.”
Gu Fan let out a soft chuckle, and I thought I caught a hint of helpless exasperation in it. A sour feeling welled up in my heart, eroding the walls of rationality I’d been holding up.
“I… I just thought, you’re always teasing me and then comforting me with hugs. I’m always the one passively receiving. I wanted to be proactive for once, so you wouldn’t have to work so hard to care for my feelings. I want you to feel good too…”
My words made Gu Fan freeze, his expression stunned. The hand enveloping both of mine began its thoughtful kneading, a habit of his when deep in thought.
Seeing the boy in front of me, his eyes filled with my reflection yet his mind wandering to a place without me, I couldn’t help but grind my teeth in frustration.
I wanted to pounce… to break Gu Fan’s bad habit of zoning out and focusing on his own thoughts as if no one else existed, by aggressively hugging his face and showering it with kisses.
How infuriating! Your childhood friend is right here—how can you keep ignoring me? All it would take is one “I love you” to make everything okay, isn’t it?
Thinking this, I worried Gu Fan might not like such bold behavior. So, I restrained my restless body and mind, coldly locking eyes with the indifferent black-haired cat-girl reflected in his amber gaze.
“You’re such a coward, Shen Zhinian.”
In the reflection of his amber eyes, that black-haired cat-girl sneered at me with disdain, looking at me like I was trash.
She deliberately arched her back, accentuating her figure, and spat out words meant to ignite the anger in my heart.
Before I could muster a strong retort, the owner of those amber eyes blinked, shattering the reflection of the black-haired cat-girl.
As her image was about to fade, I caught a glimpse of her face twisting, revealing an emotion I knew all too well.
Jealousy—she was jealous of me?
“Zhinian, come on.”
“Huh?”
Before I could sort out whether that reflection was real or a hallucination born from my chaotic mind, Gu Fan suddenly smiled and stepped back a few paces.
His heel hit a signal pole, sending a dull echo. The old-fashioned railway signal lamp above his head glowed a vivid red.
At the moment Gu Fan opened his arms to me, the signal light also suddenly turned into a bright green, signifying that “passage is permitted” here.
My freed hands grasped twice at the air, and in disbelief I clutched at my own collar, carefully studying Gu Fan’s expression over and over, wanting to confirm whether I had misheard something.
All along, in my interactions with Gu Fan, it was mostly me doing all sorts of unreasonable things, until Gu Fan, unable to take it anymore, would reluctantly comfort me a little.
It was like injecting a strong and effective sedative into a deranged patient—the same way Gu Fan’s embrace was to me.
It was something I could only passively wait for, never something I had the right to choose for myself.