Chapter 166: The Gap Between Fantasy and Reality

“Ugh…”

Gently swaying my body back and forth, my cat tail was pinned beneath my hips, not flicking around wildly.

I looked around in a daze, feeling this unique tranquility that belonged only to me.

I didn’t even know why I was here, in this remote, abandoned church, at a time when I should have been at school.

That noon, when I escaped from school, I hid under my blanket and slept for two or three days.

I only came down to eat and use the bathroom, even skipping showers entirely.

The black tights I’m wearing on my legs are still the same ones from Monday’s orientation day. Luckily, as a catgirl, my scent is faint, and I inherited my mother’s unique constitution that carries a strange fragrance.

I can’t smell it myself—Gu Fan told me about it.

“Ah…”

After softly calling out for a while, it was like a water balloon with a tiny hole slowly leaking out water.

By slightly relaxing my vocal cords this way, I tried to release the pent-up frustration inside.

More than caring if I’m dirty or not, I worried about how to salvage this shaky relationship.

Looking back on my silent escape from school, I felt only deep regret.

A moment of impulse caused an irreparable mistake.

The demon hidden deep in my heart quietly crept out, just like always, eroding me, secreting a colorless liquid that made my body anxious and stiff as it mixed into my bloodstream, flowing through every part of me.

I involuntarily recalled the day of our elementary school graduation.

Gu Fan had kindly tried to stand up for me, but cowardly me stopped him.

After a clash of perspectives, too proud to apologize first, I stayed silent.

And then… the two of us, once inseparable, became familiar strangers.

We occasionally ran into each other on the street.

Gu Fan would walk past me expressionlessly, giving me no chance to speak or hold him back.

The more Gu Fan acted like this, the less I dared to reconcile with him.

In this vicious cycle, the moment I received a call from Gu Fan again, it was the news of his premature death from a terminal illness.

Thankfully, after I was reborn as a catgirl, Gu Fan’s persistent illness seemed to vanish without a trace.

If nothing unexpected happened, Gu Fan should live a safe and smooth life, right?

Even if I’m not by his side…

Thinking this, my overly active mind began imagining pessimistic possibilities for no reason, and my sensitive body reacted first with ‘fear.’

The cat tail pinned beneath my hips trembled uncontrollably.

What if… in the future, Gu Fan falls ill with an incurable disease again?

What would I do then?

Although future me might never become Gu Fan’s wife, Gu Fan is my current emotional pillar.

For both emotional and rational reasons, I don’t want such a perfect person to disappear from this world.

My cat ears pressed against my head in sadness, reflecting my low and stifled mood.

So annoying.

I never thought about these troublesome things before, but as soon as I’m apart from Gu Fan, I start overthinking about things that haven’t even happened yet.

Sliding my foot, still wearing the tights, into my little leather shoe, I hooked the crushed heel with my fingers to secure my foot.

I stomped a few times on the ground to make sure it wasn’t loose before heading toward the church’s backyard.

Compared to the old and faintly lifeless front yard, the overgrown backyard gave me a sense of vibrant life.

The wild energy of the wind-swaying flowers and grass brushed my face.

Standing in front of the Pavilion in the backyard, I stared at the two stone benches facing each other by the stone table.

After hesitating for a moment, I quietly walked over to the left stone bench where I often sat.

It’s easy to recognize—there’s a large chip at the bottom, wrapped in a piece of blue rag.

When Gu Fan discovered the dangerous chip, afraid it would cut me, he had brought a useless piece of cloth from home to wrap the bench.

For some reason, I gradually took ownership of this stone bench that Gu Fan specially cared for.

Squatting down, I reached out and gently stroked the blue rag at the bench’s base.

In my mind, the image of that young boy carefully bandaging and decorating the bench appeared.

I remember the sun was very bright that day, shining diagonally through the Pavilion.

The fuzz on Gu Fan’s side profile was tinged with golden light.

At that time, I didn’t understand his importance to me, I just quietly etched that scene deep into my memory.

Now that I’ve become a female catgirl with extremely sensitive senses, no matter how much I try to deceive myself with words, I can’t hide the profound impact Gu Fan has had on me, even if not all of it is positive.

“Ah, socializing is just such an annoying trouble.”

Mumbling softly like this, I ignored the dust and fallen leaves on the ground, curled my skirt’s edge, and sat down, leaning against the stone bench, zoning out.

In this solitude and quiet, a wild thought crept into my mind—wanting to completely crumble myself and throw the pieces into this cold, wind-blown space.

My body grew heavier, and my breathing slowed.

I shouldn’t have a fever; I had dressed warmly enough, even if I hadn’t showered.

Squinting and emptying my mind, not long after, my consciousness was pulled back to reality.

My attempt to escape through self-exile was mercilessly rejected.

Whenever I ‘accidentally’ ran into Gu Fan at school, I always saw him surrounded by people of all kinds.

Although I knew better than anyone how charming Gu Fan’s personality was, I couldn’t stand why those annoying people gathered around him.

“That belongs to me.”

Unconsciously, I said this fiercely.

I even heard a strange low growl from my throat, like an angry cat.

The special nature of the catgirl body caused me to do these unconscious acts often.

Previously, Gu Fan and I weren’t in the same class, so I hadn’t truly felt the social pressure…

To be precise, it was a jealousy so intense it nearly drove me mad.

I resented my own cowardice and incompetence.

I envied those young boys and girls brimming with youthful energy, freely chatting and interacting with Gu Fan.

I was so unwilling to accept it.

I wanted to replace them.

I wanted to stand openly and honestly in front of Gu Fan, not just invite him out alone by texting or calling.

A polite way of putting it was ‘inviting out,’ but in reality, I was forcing Gu Fan to choose—giving up normal socializing, wasting time and energy to accompany me, this useless catgirl.

Seeing up close how popular Gu Fan is now, the intimate relationship I once thought was just one step away instantly turned into a vast chasm.

In just a few days, I recognized the harsh reality—if we ever needed to announce our relationship publicly, the moment we were thrown into the crowd, I definitely couldn’t adapt as smoothly as Gu Fan.

I would only hold him back and make him resent me.

The weeds in the backyard crept into the Pavilion, scratching my calves as the wind stirred them.

I grabbed them roughly, pulled hard, and tore them off, then threw them aside.

If I don’t change… maybe Gu Fan will treat me like these weeds—expressionlessly tossing me away?

Thinking this, I took my phone out of my skirt pocket.

After unlocking it with my fingerprint, the screen displayed Gu Fan’s contact interface.

I had read the short message he sent countless times over the past few days.

I wrote at least a hundred replies in my head, but none of them felt perfect enough.

Without exception, I deleted them all.