To be honest, I’m not someone who truly appreciates the beauty of words.
I can even say with certainty that I have poor taste; when it comes to poetry and that kind of literature, if I came across it on an ordinary day, I definitely wouldn’t choose to carefully appreciate it.
But at this very moment, after reading this poem, I don’t know why, my heart felt as if it had been struck forcefully by a heavy hammer.
Describing it as discomfort wouldn’t be quite right — perhaps “inspired” is a better word?
In any case, I read the poem over and over again several times before finally taking a deep breath and closing the book, placing it back in the drawer.
“An accidental encounter…”
If I hadn’t boarded that bus that day, perhaps I wouldn’t have met the drunken cat-girl childhood friend again, and there wouldn’t have been an opportunity to rekindle our friendship.
Then, none of the following events would have happened to us. I would have spent these three years as an ordinary student, living an ordinary life, immersed in studying hard, and learning how to polish my social mask within the small society that is school.
I leaned back in my chair and gazed out at the brilliant sunlight streaming through the skylight.
Unstable dust particles swayed in the light beams, like my soul drifting with the current, shifting into various shapes to adapt and become a true companion to others.
Is Shen Zhinen indispensable to me? After pondering for a long time, I still can’t figure it out.
If life were a never-ending train journey, I would have brushed past countless people on this long trip without ever reaching out to keep any of them.
I know this is the normal state of life, something I have to get used to sooner or later.
During the time I’ve spent with Zhinen, the one who takes the initiative has obviously been her.
Whether it’s going out shopping or walking on holidays, or sending messages during school to call me out to be a bad student together and roam the campus, it’s basically always me passively accepting Zhinen’s invitations.
When I was young, I liked watching kid-friendly cartoons on TV and naively fantasized that I was an all-powerful superhero who could do anything and get anything I wanted.
Back then, I was extremely naughty. I had every flaw a human being could have: arrogance, greed, laziness, losing interest after three minutes, eyeing what others had while eating my own, getting anxious and unwilling to share when someone reached out for something in my heart.
When I saw girls dressed beautifully on the street, I’d pretend not to care and steal a few extra glances, then soothe my vanity by convincing myself it was biology driving my behavior, and deep down I wasn’t a member of the superficial beauty-worshipping society.
Only after being scolded harshly by my mother and taught all sorts of social skills did these bad habits slowly fade away… or did they?
I stretched out my hand, raising it above my head. Under the sunlight, the fine hairs on the back of my hand shimmered with a pale golden glow, as if this hand had been temporarily borrowed by a deity.
As I drifted in such thoughts, suddenly clouds covered the sun, and the golden light visibly dimmed, fading into a plain iron-gray natural light. This completely shattered my arrogant illusion. I’m just an ordinary person, nothing more.
I have to face the dark thoughts I’ve hidden so well.
What I called correcting my flaws was really just self-deception: burying them deep in the corner, then endlessly ignoring and avoiding the complaints they send out.
So far, my so-called Zen-like lifestyle has just been a disguise to hide the fact that I’m good at running away.
I stood up, cracked my neck with the sound of bones popping.
After stretching my spine that had held the same posture for a long time, I zipped up my jacket and pulled out my phone from my pocket.
I have always followed the core logic of “better friends or things will come along in the future,” leaving many problems I should face personally to time, letting it slowly wear away.
I used to think this method was clever and clever, saving me a lot of time and energy.
After all, with my naturally arrogant and narcissistic nature, I subconsciously believed I would definitely meet prettier and more virtuous girls, or even cat-girls, so I deliberately ignored Zhinen’s existence, sending only one message before shelving her aside and never paying attention again.
Perhaps… the next thing I’m about to do is an outright foolish act in the grand scheme of life.
But now, this foolish me wants to find that little black cat-girl I abandoned.
I don’t want to probe too deeply into what feelings I really hold for her. Strong selfishness drives me to want to claim her as my own, and whether I’ll take responsibility to raise her until old age — that can be left to later.
After completing this mental preparation, I exhaled deeply and unlocked my phone with my fingerprint.
Just as I was about to open the contacts app, a message popped up on the screen before me.
“…?”
At the top of the screen appeared a message from the contacts app, containing the words “I love you.”
Is this a prank? How dull—why disturb me at this moment?
Instinctively, I started guessing who might be pulling a prank on me and looked at the username of the sender.
“…???”
The moment I saw the username clearly, I opened my eyes wide in disbelief.
Without caring if my hands were dirty, I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and double-checked.
The sender of the message was none other than Ms. Shen Zhinen, the very person I had been just thinking about.
“What’s going on…?”
My mind was filled with a rare mix of surprise and doubt.
I wondered if Zhinen’s number might have been hacked.
Going deeper, maybe a visiting relative’s mischievous kid took her phone and was sending prank messages everywhere.
Unconsciously, I started looking for reasonable excuses to calm the wildly beating heart that had suddenly leapt at the sight of this message.
Would Zhinen really send a message like this?
I doubted it. Having spent so much time with Zhinen, although she can be careless, she’s very conscious of boundaries when it counts.
I’ve only seen this bold childhood friend like this when she’s drunk—but even then, she never sent a direct “I love you” message.
As expected… cat-like beings always bring surprises.
Even if Zhinen only shares some of their traits, she can still make me completely flustered.
My emotional perception is not sharp; the so-called “gentle and considerate” persona I’m often praised for in social situations is a carefully crafted mask taught by my mother.
Yet even so, Zhinen’s burning, molten-like special feelings broke through and forcefully took a place in my heart with her unique way.
Before, I chose to ignore this unfamiliar abnormality, like a fool covering his ears and closing his eyes when a tall building collapses before him.
But… whether I want to or not, now I must face her properly.
After a moment of thought, I tapped my phone screen and sent an invitation back to the waiting cat-girl childhood friend.
I want to die, I want to die, I want to die.
But if I die now, I’d have to cancel. I don’t want to stand Gu Fan up, and besides, I haven’t seen him for a few days.
I kind of miss the side profile of Gu Fan lost in thought, staring into space, his sharply defined features making me want to reach out and touch to feel the curves that shape his face.
Sitting on a folding stool in front of the cornel trees outside the shopping center, I anxiously stomped my feet.
My originally pure black rounded leather shoes were now stained with light gray footprints from my kicking and moving.
This won’t do. Before meeting Gu Fan, I should try my best to look clean and presentable.
Thinking this, I regretted not taking a shower and changing into nicer clothes before leaving.
I’m so scared that when I meet Gu Fan later, he’ll give me a disgusted look and say, “Zhinen, why do you smell so bad?”
I might really feel so guilty that I’d turn around and faint right on the spot, banging my head against a tree.
Should I buy a bottle of perfume to cover it up? No, my taste is too bad. If I pick something too pungent, I’d end up knocking Gu Fan out with the smell.
I lifted my arm to sniff myself but didn’t detect any obvious odor.
Apparently, experts online say it’s hard to smell your own stink because you adapt subconsciously. Only others can notice the difference.
Just like Gu Fan says I have a natural scent, but no matter how much I sniff, I don’t detect it.
I recalled that expert article also mentioned that natural scent essentially comes from the sweat we secrete, so maybe I should smell good right now?
After all, I haven’t changed my tights for several days, have only rinsed off in the shower, and my hair is smooth and oil-free only thanks to the cat-girl’s special physiology.
Comforting myself with these vague memories, I pulled two wet wipes from my bag and struggled to press two cotton balls, bending down to clean the dirty backs of my shoes.
At that moment, a shadow suddenly passed over the red-orange light above, further limiting my already poor vision, making it harder to see the stains on my shoe.
“Please don’t block me, okay?”
Frowning, I looked up with a slightly angry glare at the tall man standing before me.
But he smiled gently. Unlike my stiff posture, he crouched down, took the wet wipes from my hand, and slowly bent over to hold my foot.
“Don’t worry, Miss Shen. Let me take care of this little task of shoe cleaning for you.”
“Gu… Gu Fan!”
Surprise leapt from my tongue as I suppressed the urge to rush forward and hug him, letting him carefully wipe the dirt from my shoe.
I thought some villain was about to prank me, and I planned to use this gap to get myself looking my best before meeting Gu Fan.
But I never expected that the villain was Gu Fan himself, tenderly holding my foot as if dismantling a precious gift I’d given him.
Shame spread through my chest, making me stammer, unsure how to continue our conversation.
I could only place both hands on my skirt, trying my best to press it down—even though from Gu Fan’s current angle, he could see quite clearly.
Speaking of which, at such close range, would Gu Fan think I smell bad?
Worried, I glanced sideways at him, afraid he’d suddenly blurt out the words I absolutely didn’t want to hear while wiping my foot.
As a girl, if I heard the person I love say something like that, my face would instantly flush red as an apple.
But with my foot held in his hands, even if I wanted to bang my head against a tree to faint, it would be useless.
I swallowed several times in a loop. Gu Fan’s movements were so gentle that all I could do was anxiously wait, not daring to pull my foot away.
Ignoring his kindness would make me want to strangle myself.
All right.
While I was lost in thought, Gu Fan suddenly placed my foot back on the ground, and my taut heartstrings finally relaxed.
“Gu, Gu Fan!”
“Hm? What’s up?”
The young man with a wolf-tail hairstyle looked up at me with a gentle smile, his bangs swaying slightly in the breeze—just like my heart, wavering and drawn back by him, leaving me momentarily speechless.
“Uhm… um!”
I muttered an incoherent sound of which even I didn’t know the meaning, then bit my lip and grabbed a bottle of mixed milk tea in a metal can from my bag, handing it to him.
“Oh? This brand… I remember it’s quite expensive, right?”
Gu Fan hesitated for a moment, met my gaze for a while, and perhaps thinking it was too late to refuse, he accepted the exquisitely packaged milk tea, popped the lid, tilted his head back, and took a big gulp.
“Tastes good.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
I shyly lowered my head, hiding my delighted smile. I was afraid Gu Fan would think I was too easy to please, not like a lady who knows how to be reserved, always smiling softly no matter what happens.
“Zhinen, did you buy one for yourself?”
“Ah, um… yes, I did. But I’ve already finished it.”
Actually, I hadn’t. After seeing the high price, I decisively bought only the flavor Gu Fan liked. That one was enough. I’m not greedy; whether I have it or not doesn’t matter much.
Whether Gu Fan noticed my awkward answer or not, he just chuckled softly, stood up from the ground, put the milk tea back into the side pocket of my bag, and then took the bag in his hand.
“Let’s go, let’s head inside and browse around.”
“Huh? Going inside? Didn’t we say we’d go to the beach…”
Before I could finish, Gu Fan suddenly cast me a meaningful glance.
“I want to see Zhinen in a swimsuit. Is that okay?”
Ughhh, swim… swimsuit?
Various images flashed through my mind, stunning me speechless as Gu Fan led me inside the shopping center.