“Hmph, it’s perfectly normal to be overwhelmed the first time you come here.”
Gu Fan walked up beside me, standing shoulder to shoulder as we gazed out over the vast, endless ocean.
“In the face of nature, we finally realize how insignificant we really are.”
He muttered those words and then turned his head to look at me. “Do you know what my deepest feeling was the first time I came here?”
“What was it?”
“Fear.”
To be honest, I had never heard Gu Fan use that word to describe his feelings before. I hadn’t even imagined that someone as flawless as him could ever feel fear.
The waves surged and receded with a gentle “whoosh whoosh.” Gu Fan called me to follow him down to the beach at the foot of the cliff, where the sea truly met the land, all the while telling me about his childhood experiences by the ocean.
“I was really young back then. It was my uncle who rode me here on his motorcycle. This little path was something he learned from the locals. Tourists usually go to the resort village a bit farther away from here. That place is crowded and chaotic, plus the beach is dirty—plastic bags and broken glass littered everywhere, which is dangerous. The waves there were iron-gray, nothing like the experience here.”
As he spoke, Gu Fan suddenly crouched down and touched a particularly smooth stone. It was long and flat, with no pits or sharp edges that might cut you.
“Take off your shoes here. Since it’s a rare trip to the seaside, how can you not experience what it feels like to walk barefoot on the sand?”
“Okay.”
I nodded and slipped off my leather shoes. Realizing I was wearing pantyhose today, I froze for a moment and quickly glanced around.
Clearly, this undeveloped beach was just the two of us for now. A few figures stood on the giant rocks some distance away—probably fishing—and surely wouldn’t be paying attention over here.
Gu Fan must have noticed the peculiarity of my outfit today, because without hesitation, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around me, all while turning his head away to show he wasn’t staring at me.
Even so, I still felt shy; my movements taking off the pantyhose were hesitant and slow.
Hmph, I should have just worn some simpler knee-high socks. Now I feel kind of awkward all over.
After reluctantly removing the pantyhose and folding them neatly before stuffing them into my shoes, Gu Fan swung his jacket around and tied it around my waist for warmth.
“Hmph, no need for that, Gu Fan. Aren’t you cold?”
More than worrying about myself, I was concerned he might get cold without his jacket. Girls’ legs tend to handle cold better, but if Gu Fan caught a chill, I’d feel terrible.
“It’s fine. I work out regularly now. Don’t treat me like the sickly guy I used to be.”
Gu Fan shrugged, put away both our shoes and socks, then took the lead, walking straight toward the sea.
The closer we got to the ocean, the more the crashing waves sent chills down my spine. It was only then I began to understand what Gu Fan meant by “fear.”
“Amazing.”
I couldn’t help but exclaim as I quickened my pace, hopping up and down on the spot, trying to gain a little height to see if I could glimpse the edge of the sea.
Unfortunately, maybe I wasn’t tall enough, or maybe the ocean simply had no end. No matter where I looked, all I could see was an endless expanse of white-foamed waves.
The sand beneath my feet felt completely different from the rough, cheap sand at amusement parks or other playgrounds. It was fine and soft, yet my soles still sensed the grain’s firmness—not sharp, but smooth and rounded by the ocean’s constant caress, giving only a ticklish sensation.
When I pressed down hard with my feet, the sand sank only a little, then held me firmly, not letting me sink any further.
I wanted to stop and mimic the romantic scenes I’d seen in dramas—drawing a heart with my toes or even writing out “I love you” in big letters.
But never having felt the ocean waves before, I was too eager to experience what it felt like when a wave rolled up and covered my feet.
The sand, once swallowed by the waves, became much harder. The moment I stepped on it, I thought I’d returned to solid ground. The firm feeling was like softened tile—cool, but not as cold as ceramic—and my feet left almost no impression. It was a strange sensation I couldn’t quite describe.
When I finally reached the true shoreline, the waves had just pulled back, revealing a larger, taller swell waiting to rush forward—almost as high as my knees.
Standing quietly on the dark-gray sand stained by seawater, I bent down with a mix of anticipation and worry.
“Whoosh!”
The waves paid no mind to my feelings, mercilessly surging forward and crashing into my knees, calves, and ankles. The powerful impact pushed me back several steps.
My heart pounded fiercely, sensing the danger. Even my cat’s tail, which had been splashed by seawater, shot up high and puffed out.
“……”
I took deep breaths, still shaken, and stepped back a few more paces until I felt the soft sand underfoot. Only then did I relax slightly.
“What’s wrong? Scared?”
Gu Fan came over and supported my back. It was then I realized he had been beside me the entire time, sharing this intense experience with me—probably just worried that my small frame might get swept away by the waves.
“A little. The ocean’s strength is huge, and the water’s so cold. I feel this deep helplessness inside, and my mind keeps flashing bad news reports I’ve seen before.”
I’d never understood how simple swimming could lead to accidents until now.
Experiencing it firsthand, I finally grasped the true meaning behind “soft as water.” Maybe it’s not always a compliment. Water nurtures all things, but when it rages, even the strongest men can’t resist the rush of a powerful wave.
“Fear is actually a good thing. Preserving your life is the most important matter.”
His hand gently gripped mine.
“But hey, with me here, you’re allowed to be a little bolder and keep exploring.”
Stepping back onto the firm, wet sand, this time with Gu Fan by my side, the waves crashing against my legs brought unexpectedly delicate sensations.
When the water swept over my feet, bubbles formed in the foam, tickling and tingling.
The cold water lingering on my calves kept sending me shivers—“So cold! So icy!”—yet in this early winter before spring, I didn’t find it uncomfortable. Perhaps the novelty of being at the ocean outweighed any physical discomfort.
Like scarecrows standing in a wheat field, we stood still as the waves rose and fell again and again, probably over a dozen times, before we were satisfied and retreated back to the dry sand.
“TV dramas are all lies.”
Walking along the shore side by side with Gu Fan, I murmured, biting my lip.
“What?”
“You can’t kick the waves. It’s pointless. They just splash a little water. Dancing on the foam is just way too exaggerated.”
Once the novelty wore off, I tested out all the beautiful seaside scenes I’d seen in dramas and anime.
Clearly, romance only exists in those fictional worlds. What I felt was simply the ocean’s merciless crashing.
“Well, the beach itself is somewhat realistic, right?”
Gu Fan stopped walking, and only then did I realize he was still holding my wrist.
Being pulled to a halt, I turned with him to look back.
Our footprints on the sand were faint, barely visible—not nearly as deep or distinct as I’d seen on TV.
“Yeah, now that I think about it, there’s one important thing about the beach I haven’t tried yet.”
Surveying the surroundings, I picked up a seashell from the sand.
To my surprise, the shell was quite beautiful. Curious, I collected a few more—each with bright, rich colors, though some had chipped edges from the waves’ beating. Overall, they matched my impression of seashells well.
Using the outline of one shell, I squatted down and awkwardly wrote a single large character.
“Gu?”
My childhood friend leaned in beside me, barely making out the character I’d scrawled.
“Mm, I wrote your surname, Gu. Do you want to write mine?”
I stood up and handed him the big blue-green spiral shell I’d used.
It was a small trick I’d just come up with—if I had drawn a big heart, even the emotionally clumsy Gu Fan would understand what it meant.
And if I’d written “I love you” in big letters? That would have been way too dumb.
Compared to the message I’d sent through the fortune teller using my phone, I might actually be more foolish, since that was a direct confession in front of him.
Oh right, now that I think about it, I never even explained to Gu Fan what happened with that “I love you” message I sent from my contact list.
Uh oh, why hasn’t Gu Fan asked anything? I was so caught up in his invitation that I nearly forgot about it entirely.
How should I explain it? It’s such a hassle. I can’t just say a fortune teller I don’t know unlocked my phone with my fingerprint while I was hypnotized and sent the message for me, right? That sounds ridiculous.
If Gu Fan said something like that to me, I’d probably…
No, actually, I would believe him. Gu Fan almost never lies to me. I trust him.
If Gu Fan chose to deceive me, that would mean the truth isn’t something I need to know yet. If the time comes, I’ll find out eventually, so there’s no need to dwell on it.
Rather than worrying about whether I believe Gu Fan, the real question now is whether Gu Fan believes me.
My chaotic thoughts collided and ricocheted in my mind. While I was still muddling over how to explain the message I sent earlier, suddenly a “click” sound rang out.
Gu Fan held the mini camera I’d given him and aimed it at the two characters written in the sand. The camera’s sound effects were on, and the shutter noise mingled with the tape’s whirring.
On the sand, beside the crooked “Gu” character stood a neatly written “Shen” character, perfectly squared.
It had been a long time since I’d seen my own surname written so seriously. Usually, people just call me by my given name or use terms like “the catgirl,” “miss,” or “lady.” Only the maid café’s manager called me “Little Shen.”
The only other time I saw my surname used was on official school exams.
“Here, look. Are you satisfied?”
While I was still dazed, Gu Fan opened the camera’s gallery and showed me the photo he’d just taken of “Gu – Shen” written in the sand.
I was clueless about artistic composition in photos. No matter how many photo tips I saw online from girls, I never understood them. It all seemed more or less the same to me.
So, looking at the photo Gu Fan showed me, all I could think was that the “Gu” and “Shen” weren’t close enough together. I couldn’t come up with any deeper feelings.
But of course, I couldn’t say that outright, so I racked my brain for some nice words to compliment him.
“Mm, it’s really well taken. Gu Fan, your photography skills are still amazing. It’s just a shame this camera is so cheap. I should’ve bought a better one for you. If we had better equipment, we could capture these beautiful moments anytime and look back on them when we’re old, hehe.”
Without realizing it, I slipped a little of my own personal sentiment into my words, then let out a strange laugh.
Would Gu Fan find a girl’s fantasies silly? I didn’t know. With my own foolishness, how could I ever understand his thoughts? I just hoped my genuine feelings wouldn’t upset him.
Suppressing my smile, I looked down and poked my fingers together.
Gu Fan seemed busy scrolling through his photos and didn’t notice my odd behavior, which made me sigh in relief.
If Gu Fan didn’t mind… then the “I love you” message I sent earlier might as well have never happened.
Unable to think of a proper explanation, I decided to just let it go for now.
As long as Gu Fan didn’t bring it up, I’d pretend I didn’t know anything.
If he ever asked someday, I’d say there was a system glitch—that I meant to send a sticker emoji abbreviated as “I love you,” but somehow it turned into plain text instead.
Although that excuse is a bit weak, it’s still better than outright admitting I like Gu Fan.