“Miss!”
Startled by Ollie’s call, I answered reflexively.
No, that wasn’t so much an answer as words just ‘bursting out’ of my mouth.
“I’ll go alone!”
“What? Why?”
Ollie asked again, her face filled with confusion.
“You were excited to go together since yesterday, weren’t you? Did something happen?”
Her olive-colored eyes gleamed sharply.
“Th-that… I…”
“……?”
I couldn’t answer carelessly.
Even I was surprised by my raw, honest feelings that slipped out before I realized.
I like Cecilia. That’s a fact. But now I want to distance myself from her. Is that even possible? Can I do this?!
Maybe it’s because I’m feeling this way for the first time in my life—my heart pounded uncontrollably. I clutched my chest, unable to voice my thoughts. Ollie looked at me, startled, then nodded.
“You’re feeling bad for making her wait since you’re late, right? That’s fine, go ahead.”
Nodding as if she understood, Ollie straightened up from where she’d been crouched, cleaning my feet.
“That’s not it…”
I just couldn’t bring myself to lie. When I shook my head, Ollie bent down to meet my eyes and shook her head, too.
“Miss, it’s all right. Just let it be at that. If you go to the bath, I’ll come soon.”
She met my eyes with a warm, olive smile, then trotted out.
Of course, I know she cares for me, but I never expected Ollie—who always scolded me so harshly—to respond like this.
I was dumbfounded.
To just protect me without prying…! My heart tingled and my nose stung for no reason. Even knowing it was a lie, she didn’t question me and let me be at ease without demanding I say anything.
Sniffle.
I sniffed as I sank into the bathwater.
She even drew the water in advance. Ollie, as expected.
And I thought: When I didn’t question others about their secrets, maybe some felt grateful or comfortable because of me. I hope so, I really do.
Anyway, these hands.
“So tiny. It was the last Academy festival… So, four years. I’ve gone back four years?”
Looking at my small, immature hands, I felt strange.
So how old am I now? Fourteen? No, that’s not right. The entrance ceremony is before the new year…
I’m only thirteen!
“Ah… How embarrassing.”
No, wait. My mind is eighteen.
What was that just now? Crying after getting splashed with water. Why am I acting so childish?
And what was that? Trying to distance myself from Cecilia? Why can’t I?! I could still feel the sticky blood trickling down. My body was soaked in hot bathwater, but I felt a chill.
Shivering, I sank up to my shoulders.
I’m here because no one came to save me. Whatever the reason, I’ve come back.
Evan, Benjamin, Hawkins! We knew each other for years, so wasn’t it only right to look out for one another? No! Even if you’re a stranger, you should save someone if they’re dying like that. How could they only help Cecilia…?
Gritting my teeth.
Damn it.
Enough of acting childish just because I vowed to keep my distance! Just because I’ve returned doesn’t mean my mental age has regressed, right?
“Lady Cecilia! You can’t go in!”
“Liana, is something wrong? I can wait.”
A soft yet stubborn voice rang out.
It’s Cecilia!
What’s with me? Why am I trembling! What do I do? There’s nowhere to run…!
Wait, why am I running away?
No, more than that, how rude! How could she come into my bedroom without permission?
The doorknob rattled.
‘No way! Can’t even stop Cecilia?’
The jumble of voices—Cecilia’s insistent tone mixed with others trying to dissuade her—buzzed chaotically. Even Ollie’s troubled voice could be heard.
Ah, there’s no hope.
Fidgeting anxiously, even while thinking how dumb it was…
I dove underwater.
Whatever! Dumb or not, I had no choice. I just didn’t want to see her face.
I didn’t know how I’d react. Or rather, I was afraid. In any case, I felt I had to submerge myself. Cecilia would burst in any moment! She was stubborn like that!
With my head underwater, sounds faded away. The feeling of water rushing into my ears made my skin crawl. Please go, Cecilia! How could you come all the way in here? Don’t make a fool of me—just go!
“Liana!”
Bang!
In the end, Cecilia beat all my maids and burst into the bathroom.
Ah, so this is why other noble ladies keep so many maids. I thought I wouldn’t need any. That’s why I sent all the good ones to Cecilia.
Even if Cecilia’s rank was lower, a noble is still a noble, more than enough to overpower my maids.
“Lady Cecilia, you mustn’t go in! No matter how close you are, it’s improper!”
Ah, Ollie.
Not even Ollie’s stern voice could stop Cecilia, it seems.
Ah, right. I’d forgotten. Cecilia was quite reckless at the start of our Academy days. At least, until she met them. All the more so since she was close to me.
But still, she wouldn’t open the bathroom door, right? I was running out of breath.
Bubble.
Air escaped from my lips.
I focused. I mustn’t make even a single bubble. I hadn’t even thought about my hair floating on the water, but I was desperate.
At the same time, I couldn’t help but feel how absurd and foolish I was. I’m not some animal that thinks it’s hidden just because it hides its head!
After the door opened, there was silence. The noise cut off at once.
Would the soapy water cover me well enough?
Could I hide the fact I was underwater?
“Bubble…”
Blub.
Damn.
A bubble rose to the surface.
Did she see it? Maybe not.
“…Liana, is this because of what happened yesterday?”
Cecilia’s voice, unusually low. She sounded like she might cry.
Yesterday…?
Wait. A tiny bird flashed in my mind. What was that? A sharp ringing—was it tinnitus or a bird’s chirp?—struck my mind.
Ugh. It felt like someone knocked on my head.
“That was something we all agreed on. You said you wanted to, too.”
“…….”
I don’t know what that is… but I can’t breathe.
Even if I suffocated, there’s no way I could come out now, I was too embarrassed. More than curiosity about Cecilia’s words, I just felt suffocated for lack of oxygen.
“I’ll go ahead. See you at the Academy.”
With Cecilia’s weak voice, the door closed.
“Puhah. Gasp… gasp…”
“Miss! My goodness… how long were you underwater? Are you all right? Someone, call a physician!”
My throat and lungs burned from the rush of air!
Even as I gasped for breath, I frantically shook my head.
No way! You want people to gossip? That I nearly suffocated alone in the bath?
Huff huff. Catching my breath, I peered through the not-quite-closed bathroom door.
Damn.
I hid behind Ollie.
Because I thought I met Cecilia’s eyes as she looked back.
“She must have seen me…?”
“Miss Liana.”
It was the gentlest voice I’d ever heard.
Still… staring at me like that is too much, isn’t it? I’m your lady!
Ollie’s eyes glistened, as if she’d seen something truly pitiful.
“That’s the silliest question I’ve heard all year. Oh, wait—the second silliest was when the youngest servant, Charlie, asked if a white deer lived in the Black Forest.”
“Idiot! The Black Forest is called that because it’s full of black trees—how could a white deer live there?”
I ridiculed Charlie, speaking fluently.
“That’s a really dumb question!”
I even pounded my fist into my palm. Ollie hugged me, not even caring that her white apron was soaking in the bathwater.
“It’s all right. You’re adorable, Miss. And so is Charlie, of course.”
“……”
Wait.
Are you saying I just asked an even dumber question than Charlie?
“No! I asked on purpose. There’s no way I’d ask a question dumber than that!”
I pushed her away and shook my head. Ollie nodded with a pitiful expression.
“Of course, Miss. You’re absolutely right.”
I doubt it.
I really felt like the dumbest person in the world, and it left me feeling unsettled.
Ah, shouldn’t have mocked Charlie. Ptui ptui.
Ollie hugged me again.
No point mocking Charlie. Maybe being a fool is better—if you can just live as yourself.
I thought of Charlie: that boy with the short stature, freckled face, orange hair, and rustic looks.
‘Charlie’ brings a certain image to mind. There’s something lively about that boy. Innocent and kind, we all cared for him because he was fun. It’s fine to be a fool. As long as you can live as yourself.
That’s a better life than being just someone’s friend.
“Right? It’s okay to be a fool, isn’t it?”
But as I said that, I just felt gloomy.
Suddenly, I really did feel like a fool. I didn’t know what was what anymore; I didn’t even have the space to think calmly.
“Of course.”
Even Ollie’s gentle answer didn’t comfort me. My heart just felt hollow.
I rubbed my forehead against her shoulder.
How old am I, acting like this? I’m eighteen. Not that anyone knows.
I sighed and slipped out of Ollie’s embrace.
“Help me get ready. I can’t be late for the entrance ceremony.”
“Hehe, of course.”
When I spoke primly, Ollie laughed and nodded.
At her signal, two more maids came in. While they massaged my body with scented oil, Ollie washed my hair. Her hands were gentle. The way she pressed my scalp felt so good I nearly drifted off.
“Miss, you can’t fall asleep.”
“Mm…”
Catching on instantly, Ollie woke me.
But drowsiness kept sneaking up. In the end, I was half asleep as I put on my Academy uniform and tied my medium-length hair with a simple ribbon.
The servants lined up at the front gate, wishing me a safe journey, and only then did I start to wake up.
I waved my hand awkwardly, smiling. For some reason, it looked like their eyes were brimming with tears.
“Is it really something to tear up over…?”
In the past, I just passed by. Farewells were normal, and I thought I should take them in stride.
That must have been my first step toward my goal of becoming a graceful, quiet, and demure young lady.
I started losing myself after living in the Academy dorms.
How did they react that day?
I don’t know—I never looked back then. You can’t know things you never look back on. That thought felt a little bitter for some reason. Bewitched by unfamiliar affection, I kept waving for a long while.
It felt strange.
“Miss Liana, it’s time to get in the carriage.”
“…I’ll be off.”
“Yes, Miss. I, Ollie, will always be waiting for you at the manor, so please take care.”
Even strong Ollie’s face was tinged with sadness.
Barely, I managed to leave them and get into the carriage.
From the outside, the carriage looked modest, but inside, it was luxurious. It had no family crest—it was the one Father used when he wanted to travel quietly.
If this really is a new life given to me by chance—a chance to start anew—I want to do everything differently from before. Maybe then I’ll be able to change completely.
“In the past…”
In the past, I rode the grandest carriage, chattering with Cecilia on our way to the entrance ceremony. I was always with her, and all the attention was on her. My connection to her became a source of envy for others… but they never approached me.
Why was that? Why?
Was it because I was a side character? Just a background extra?
Probably because I had no charm. Who finds a yes-man interesting? I leaned my head against the carriage window.
“Sigh.”
The scenery changed rapidly. Leaving the dazzling estate, the carriage sped down the forest road, past a quiet park, and into the city. After another stretch, we reached ‘Pyeonrikan’ in the city center, where I could use the portal. Taking it would bring me straight to the Academy’s main office.
‘I’m a bit excited, I think.’
Back then, I was so nervous I could hardly breathe.
Now, to show my past self, I tore into my bread, eating heartily.
If I distance myself from Cecilia, I can just be myself.
I don’t care about being the main character of the world! I just hate being a side character. To be robbed of even the lead role in your own life is miserable. I just want to be wholly myself, even if I’m alone. I don’t want to force myself to act any longer.
I recalled Ollie’s words: That I’m lovable enough just as I am—those bold words from my feisty maid, Ollie. She’s not one for empty talk, so I can trust her. My heart pounded so much I pressed my hands together over my chest.
Ah, but wait, am I…
“Did I really come back to life? Did I really return…? Or is this a dream? Which one is real?!”
I tossed the bread aside and grabbed my head.
Aaargh!
I had a feeling. For a while, I’d be so caught up in this unsolvable problem that I’d have no time to care about anything else.
Still, maybe that’s for the better.
The carriage stopped in front of ‘Pyeonrikan’ in the city square.
Even as it halted, no one gawked or whispered. It felt strange. There were always pairs of eyes watching me—or rather, Cecilia beside me.
The carriage door opened, and a dignified knight extended his hand.
“Miss, please step down.”
I took his hand and stepped down the portable stairs. Just being without Cecilia at my side made everything feel unfamiliar. My trembling breath tickled me.
‘Maybe I really can start anew…!’
My heart fluttered with excitement. I almost covered my smiling mouth, but stopped.
I’d always tried to hide and restrain myself to be the model of an ‘elegant noble lady.’
‘There’s no need to hold back anymore.’
Whether it was defiance or true resolve—
I took in the sights with fresh eyes. Maybe because I was wearing the Academy uniform, curious stares landed on me. Being able to enroll in the Academy meant you had some means.
Before my regression, I always tried to act mature beside the childishly enthusiastic Cecilia, pretending not to get swept up, but in truth, I also wanted to gasp in wonder, smile, and turn my head, just like her.
I tried not to look too childish as I took in the streets.
“Wow…”
The capital’s square was lively. Children selling flowers ran around, giggling. A cart piled with apples rolled by, and carriages rumbled past.
Every time a carriage stopped, more students in Academy uniforms poured out. Merchants beamed at the swelling crowds.
“Miss.”
“Let’s go in.”
Just as I stopped admiring the scene to head inside at the knight’s prompt, a sharp voice rang out.
“What are you doing?”
A familiar voice…
I turned toward it.
“You. What are you doing? I asked you!”
“Ah! I-I’m sorry, Miss…!”