……But the atmosphere had cooled down again.
I couldn’t tell whose fault it was.
Ever since the falling out, every conversation with Gu Fan seemed to rise to a hopeful peak, only to slowly dip back into silence.
It wasn’t awkward, exactly—just… unsatisfying.
Like things should’ve gone further, like we should’ve bridged that distance.
Maybe it really was mostly my fault, always hesitant, always holding back.
Gu Fan had always been frail.
Even back then, he’d been the one forced to endure my outburst—me lashing out, unreasonably.
The fact that he even responded politely now was already more than I deserved.
I stared at his profile.
What had just happened—me putting my legs on him—felt like nothing but a fleeting, insignificant moment.
Only difference was: this time, instead of looking at his phone, Gu Fan was quietly fidgeting with the zipper of his school jacket.
He was thinking about something.
I vaguely remembered—he used to do that when we were kids too.
Whenever he was deep in thought, his hands would find something to knead or tug at.
…But wait.
Why was I even trying to guess what a dream-version of Gu Fan was thinking?
This wasn’t real.
And yet, if I had to frame it that way—didn’t it just mean I was still too much of a coward to step out of my comfort zone and really try to mend things with him?
I wanted to.
I wanted to use this dream—this miracle of a chance—to tell Gu Fan how deeply sorry I was.
How much I regretted everything.
It had been so long since I’d really talked to anyone.
My dreams were usually just me wandering through empty cities, aimless and alone.
This was one of the rare times I was even talking to someone in a dream.
And that someone… was a healthy, whole Gu Fan.
…Forget it. If I can’t do it, then I can’t.
Once I wake up, I’ll still have to face the same harsh reality.
While I was spiralling in thought, something tapped my shoulder.
My legs, still draped over Gu Fan’s lap, were gently lowered back to the floor.
“What’s wrong?”
He’d tapped my right shoulder—so it had to be Gu Fan.
I turned, meeting his gaze head-on.
He pointed toward the window.
“Your stop.”
The bus had paused on a bridge that crossed the city ring canal.
Through the window, I could see rows and rows of identical buildings stretching out into the haze.
This was the closest stop to my house.
Years of habit kicked in—
I stood up automatically.
“Cut back on the drinking.”
Just as he moved his legs aside so I could pass, Gu Fan said it.
“Drinking? Wh—I don’t even drink!”
The sudden connection to real life caught me off guard.
And with it, a creeping certainty:
This Gu Fan wasn’t really him.
He was just a projection. A warning from my subconscious—telling me to stop blacking out from alcohol.
I shook my head, firm and defensive.
Gu Fan straightened up suddenly, back going rigid as he stretched out his arm—seeing me shake my head firmly, Gu Fan suddenly straightened his back and reached out to hook my collar with his finger.
“Smell it yourself.”
His tone was a bit stern.
Maybe it was his words, rather than the rude action, that caught my attention. I leaned in and sniffed the collar of my school uniform carefully.
I didn’t expect dreams to be that realistic, but sure enough, a faint smell of alcohol crept into my nose, making me wrinkle my brows.
Ugh… I hadn’t even noticed it just now. So dreams come with real-life debuff too?
I usually don’t drink either. It was just this one time —
I wanted to use alcohol to blur things out, to feel dazed for a while.
Wait, does Gu Fan think I only did that earlier because I was drunk?
“You thought I was just drunk and acting crazy?”
It was the first time I’d ever done something so bold —and he misunderstood it as a drunken stunt?
I finally took that step forward, and I wanted Gu Fan to give me a clearer, more positive response.
In real life I’m timid, so can’t I be a little brazen in a dream? This is my fantasy time, after all.
So, I lifted Gu Fan’s chin.
“If that’s what you think, then… before we part, give me a hug.”
“……”
Gu Fan was stunned. His brow furrowed slightly —it seemed like he was resisting.
I took a deep breath and silently shoved the cowardly version of myself forward.
“I said, hug me. Just as a memento. We might never see each other again.”
“………………Okay.”
Maybe those words struck something in him. His dazed expression suddenly sharpened, a clear light flashing through his eyes.
Gu Fan placed his phone on the empty seat beside him, stood up, and gently hugged me.
Before the hug, I thought I was just giving him a bit of compensation.
But the moment I was wrapped in his arms, my mind short-circuited.
The intense flood of sensory information overwhelmed my brain.
I stumbled off the bus in a daze, watched it drive away, then turned and headed for my apartment complex.
I was nearly home when, finally, a long-dry cog in my brain clanked back to life.
“Ah! Why did I get off the bus?”
I looked back in confusion.
It was probably too late to catch up with the bus now, right?
Was it because of the alcohol? Even in a dream I’m this fuzzy, doing things without thinking ahead.
I could’ve just chatted with Gu Fan some more —even if he’s not real, even if it’s just a dream.
At least then… I’d have a little something to remember.
Blaming myself for being so stupid, I shut my eyes tightly.
I focused all my attention on imagining the bus pulling up in front of me again, with Gu Fan still on it……
“Ah… Why isn’t it working?”
When I opened my eyes, only a nearly empty street answered my fantasy.
Normally, as long as I can vividly picture something, it shows up.
Why not this time?
I tried several more times, all in vain.
Instead, I only earned a few worried glances from passing pedestrians.
Ugh, so annoying.
Frustrated, I slammed my hand against a nearby lamppost —only for a wave of tingling pain to shoot through the bones of my palm.
Resigned.
I squatted by the roadside, tears glimmering at the corners of my eyes, wallowing in regret for a long while before I slowly—
Let’s just end the dream here.
No point clinging to fantasies that can’t happen.
Dreams this good probably don’t come twice.
I let out a long sigh from deep in my chest, adjusting to the strange sensations in my body.
Once I regained my sense of gravity, I hurried home.
I couldn’t even be bothered to take off my shoes —just leapt straight onto the bed and rubbed my face against a stuffed animal.
Only in dreams could I act this wild.
If I did this in real life, my mom would yell at me for sure.
Thinking that, I shifted positions and pulled the blanket over me.
If you sleep inside a dream… can you have a dream within a dream?
Between the alcohol and exhaustion, darkness soon took over my mind.
* * * * *
“Uuuuuuuuuhhhh…”
My face buried deep into the pillow. I twisted my body, clutching the back of my head.
A burning, murky lump of air clogged my throat —
I could only sob and try to cough it out.
When I woke up, the fog from the alcohol had mostly faded, and I could finally notice something wagging around behind my butt.
I rushed into the bathroom and stared into the mirror —meeting the gaze of a dishevelled cat girl.
Then I screamed out loud.
On my head, a pair of black cat ears twitched with shock —fuzzy, and they looked like they’d feel amazing to touch.
And on my butt… the part I’d been ignoring this whole time…
a long cat tail was sticking straight up, stiff because I didn’t know how to control it.
When it’s just hanging in the air, it’s fine.
If the wind brushes against it, it’s just a little ticklish.
But the moment I touch the ears or tail myself—
A jolt shoots through my whole body like an electric current.
I can’t take this!!
“This isn’t a dream… Are you kidding me?!”
I asked myself that again.
Flopping back onto the bed, I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling, patterned with wave-like lines.
More than the fact that I’d turned into a girl…
What I cared more about was what I’d done earlier on the bus.
“I’m such an idiot!! How am I supposed to fix this—!”
I pinched my thigh hard and winced from the pain.
Honestly, the moment I slammed into that lamppost and felt the pain, I should’ve realized—
This isn’t a dream.
It’s all the alcohol’s fault. That’s gotta be it!
What would Gu Fan think of me now?
Some inexplicable childhood friend suddenly showing up like this?
I rolled back and forth on the bed, venting all my emotions.
After I calmed down with a long sigh, I climbed off the bed and walked into the bathroom.
“Looks like… I’ve gone back to my first year of high school.”
I searched all over the internet, cross-referenced dates, and confirmed my suspicion.
In the mirror, my reflection stared back at me —the contours of my face were softer now, more feminine, with a faint, delicate charm I hadn’t had before.
But why…
Why would I suddenly have this kind of special trait —turning into a catgirl —after time-traveling?
Besides turning into a girl and coming back in time, this part puzzled me the most.
I touched the cat ears growing on top of my head —they were undeniably real.
Enduring the tingling shiver that followed, I fell into thought.
Tftc!