Chapter 2: Meeting Family

My sister kept trying to contact me even after she left home.  

Sometimes through letters, sometimes calls, sometimes texts.  

But back then, my heart was so firmly shut that I thought family was unnecessary.  

Childishly, I felt betrayed even by my sister, the only one who treated me warmly at home, so I ignored her attempts to reach out.  

Life in Canada was tough, but I avoided contacting my family, thinking it would make me weak.  

Is this… regret?  

On the early morning flight to South Korea, a bitter pain gripped my heart.  

The journey took nearly two days, and I worried whether I’d make it to the funeral in time.  

“Sigh…”  

A heavy sigh mixed with overwhelming regret escaped me.  

If only I had reached out to her sooner… what would’ve happened?  

They say you can’t change fate, but maybe my sister could’ve left this world with a lighter heart.  

The lingering regret wouldn’t fade.  

“Sir.”  

As I kept sighing, a flight attendant approached.  

A beautiful woman with blonde hair and blue eyes smiled softly as she pushed her cart toward me.  

“Do you have any alcohol?”  

“We have wine and whiskey. Which would you like?”  

I glanced at the cart.  

Having served other passengers, the bottles were noticeably depleted.  

“Do you have soju?”  

“Soju…?”  

“No, never mind. Just whiskey, please.”  

“Alright.”  

The flight attendant poured the drink and placed it on my tray.  

The rich amber liquid, carrying the oaky scent of the barrel, shimmered faintly, but it didn’t calm my heart.  

I considered downing it in one go but shook my head.  

“ ”  

I loved alcohol, and my house was stocked with soju.  

Whiskey didn’t suit my body, but I didn’t avoid it entirely.  

Yet, strangely, I wasn’t drawn to it now.  

It was as if my instincts were rejecting it, telling me not to drink.  

“…This is suffocating.”  

I wanted to throw everything off.  

I felt so trapped that I almost wanted to walk the cabin naked.  

I wanted to escape this unfamiliar feeling of suffocation.  

“ ”  

In the end, I didn’t bring the glass to my lips.  

Instead, I reclined my seat more comfortably.  

It wasn’t about enjoying the luxury of first class; it was just a desperate attempt to escape the present moment.  

Sleep…  

Feeling the plane’s vibrations cutting through the wind in the dark sky, I closed my eyes.  

It had been 15 years since I last set foot in Korea.  

The shadow of that day, when I swore never to return, loomed beneath my feet.  

Where do I go now…?

I walked, retracing memories from 15 years ago.  

The airport, which seemed so vast back then, now felt surprisingly small.  

Was it because I’d grown, or had my perspective simply changed?  

Let’s go.  

I caught a taxi outside the airport.  

The design had changed a lot from the taxis I remembered, but somehow, it didn’t feel unfamiliar.  

“Welcome.”  

A middle-aged driver with white, wavy hair greeted me.  

“Please take me here.”  

Speaking Korean after so long felt strange.  

I’d even spoken English during immigration checks, so I worried my Korean might be rusty, but thankfully, it came out fine.  

“Hmm…? Eumseong, Chungbuk? You’re going that far?”  

“Yes. Is that possible?”  

My hometown, Eumseong County in Chungcheongbuk-do.  

It was far from Incheon Airport, so I asked cautiously.  

“It’s possible, but… it’ll cost a lot. Are you sure? It might be cheaper to rent a car.”  

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about the cost, just go.”  

“Well, alright. I’ll get you there comfortably.”  

The funeral was being held in my hometown.  

Returning after so long, my heart felt uneasy.  

What if we got into an accident on the way?  

What if the driver ran off?  

What if we got robbed?  

I don’t feel good…  

No, it was more accurate to say I felt suffocated.  

I’d been suffocated since yesterday.  

It was like a heavy knot had formed in my chest, unrelieved no matter how much I slept.  

“ ”  

“…Is something wrong?”  

“What?”  

The driver glanced at me through the rearview mirror.  

Maybe it was my formal attire or the expression on my face, but he looked at me with concern.  

“You don’t look too good.”  

“No, it’s just… I haven’t been back in a while, so maybe that’s it.”  

In Canada, I rarely chatted with taxi drivers.  

I didn’t take taxis often, and I saw business as just business, so I didn’t feel like talking.  

But maybe because I was back in Korea, I found myself responding to the driver.  

“It’s been a while, huh…”  

“I immigrated when I was young.”  

“With your family?”  

His words made me flinch.  

But I shook my head.  

“No. Alone.”  

“Hahaha, you’re just like my son!”  

“Your son?”  

“Yeah! Haha, my son’s living in Germany now.”  

“Germany…”  

The driver grinned widely, as if something about it delighted him.  

“Yeah. He loved soccer as a kid and always wanted to go to Germany! Haha! What’s it called… Dortmund? Something like that. He’s a huge fan. Said there’s a Korean player there too.”  

“Oh… is he a soccer player now?”  

“Would’ve been nice, but he didn’t have much talent for soccer. He just went to Germany to study. Haha. Now he’s married to a German woman and even changed his citizenship.”  

The driver’s face was full of pride.  

It was strange.  

He’d left Korea and his family for Germany, yet there wasn’t a trace of anger on the driver’s face.  

“You’re… not upset?”  

“Huh? About what?”  

“Your son left Korea, went halfway across the world. Doesn’t that bother you?”  

“Hahahaha! Why would that upset me?”  

The driver laughed loudly, as if I’d said something absurd.  

“It’s only natural for kids to leave their parents! He went abroad with big dreams—what’s there to be upset about? Sure, I miss him since we don’t see each other often, but… I’m proud of him for stepping out into the world on his own.”  

“Proud…”  

“He’s doing well on his own. It’s a kid’s natural instinct to leave the nest. What’s the big deal? Hahaha!”  

His words reminded me of my father.  

The news of my father’s death, which I hadn’t even known about, had hit me hard.  

Even though we weren’t close, he was still family, and the shock was inevitable.  

Father.  

I suddenly wondered.  

Did Father ever cheer for me?  

I shook my head.  

No way… there’s no way.  

Even after all these years, the shock was still vivid.  

The pain in my heart was clearer than the sting on my cheek.  

The betrayal of thinking my father, my family, would support me.  

That shock would probably stay with me until I died.  

“By the way, where did you immigrate to?”  

“Canada.”  

“Oh! Canada? I went to Vancouver with my wife once! Haha! Where do you live?”  

“I live in Saskatchewan.”  

“Saskatchewan?”  

“Yeah, you probably haven’t heard of it.”  

Saskatchewan, Canada’s largest grain-producing region.  

In other words, the middle of nowhere.  

I could’ve afforded to live in Vancouver, but cities didn’t suit me for some reason.  

I wanted to live in a quiet place, so I moved to Saskatchewan and lived alone.  

“So, you’re going to see family now?”  

“Yeah, something like that.”  

“Must be nerve-wracking, meeting family after so long. You okay?”  

“I don’t know… just feeling suffocated.”  

At that, the driver gave a bitter smile.  

He seemed to understand what had happened to someone like Yongsu without me saying much.  

He wouldn’t have said those things otherwise.  

“Suffocated, huh…”  

The driver’s bitter smile suggested he already knew what was causing it.  

But he was just pretending not to.  

“Sir.”  

“Yes, go ahead.”  

“This might be out of line, but… don’t leave any regrets in Korea.”  

“Regrets…?”  

“Yeah, like my son.”  

There was a hint of sadness in the driver’s bitter smile.  

“Nothing flows smoothly. The outcome just covers everything up.”  

“Haha! Sorry, I said too much. We’re hitting the highway now. Buckle up.”  

At his words, I carefully fastened my seatbelt.  

And so, I headed to the funeral parlor.  

It was my first time at a funeral parlor.  

I didn’t have many friends, and even when someone around me died, I never had a reason to attend.  

It’s desolate.  

The funeral parlor was two stories, but when I arrived, there wasn’t a single person around.  

Only the monitor at the entrance, displaying a name, indicated someone was resting in peace.  

Second floor, huh.  

The monitor showed my sister was in Room 201.  

Since I arrived so late in the evening, I wasn’t sure if anyone would be there.  

“…Sigh.”  

I let out a quiet sigh and headed to the second floor.  

As I climbed, I felt uneasy.  

The suffocation in my chest burned even hotter.  

When I reached the second floor, a single wreath caught my eye.  

[Handul Mart]  

[May the deceased rest in peace.]  

Just one wreath.  

An empty reception room.  

In the motionless space, only my shadow flickered.  

Someone had died.  

My sister had died.  

My family had died.  

But… no one was here.  

Oh… so that’s how it is.  

“My sister… is gone.”  

I knew it from the phone call, but arriving here made it sink in again.  

My sister was dead.  

Tears rolled down my cheeks, dripping off my chin.  

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Sis…”  

Seeing her portrait at the altar, my legs gave out.  

Everything melted away.  

The fact that my sister was dead hit me harder than ever.  

The word “death,” something I could never meet again, lingered in my chest, plunging me into despair once more.  

The thought that the last trace of love, from someone who loved me more than anyone and considered me family, was gone forever wouldn’t leave me.  

Tears hung trembling on my chin.  

“W-who… are you?”  

A small voice reached my ears.  

A tiny, hoarse voice, as if just waking up, made the tears on my chin quiver aimlessly.  

“Who…”  

“Me? Um… I’m Jiyu Kang. Who’re you, Mister?”  

Faced with a child who looked no older than four, I couldn’t say a word.