From a rational perspective, the academic path and future plans my father arranged for me could be considered very promising.
If my will hadn’t been firm enough, or if I had never encountered someone like Gu Fan—someone who could completely alter the trajectory of my life—it’s possible I truly would have accepted my father’s invitation and returned to Flower City to be his daughter once more.
Money makes the world go round. For the Shen Zhinian who never received the nourishment and care from Gu Fan, all the care mother gave her over the years could simply be repaid by earning enough money from father and returning it in full.
However… at this very moment, my entire being has already been remade in the image of the Zhuxian Gentleman, and I cannot leave him. Naturally, it would be impossible to accept my father’s invitation.
All I want is to marry Gu Fan. I would rather hold hands, embrace, and kiss him alone for the rest of my life… All the various first times, and every time that follows, I only want to give them to Gu Fan, not giving anyone else a single chance at them.
Does that make me selfish? How would mother view me? Would people laugh at me for being hopelessly in love, for being foolish?
Suddenly, questions tinged with worry and fear surfaced in my mind, clustering tightly together of their own accord, building into a mountain I could never cross.
And I was like a mountaineer standing at its base, without any equipment of use, my food and water uncertain, my body even battered and bruised.
The only thing I possessed was a burning, childlike heart—like a furnace that could never run out of fuel, endlessly providing me with energy.
Once my strength had recovered, I gathered my courage and plunged, like a reckless beast, straight into this dark forest full of temptation.
“Ha…”
I let out a deep sigh, feeling an unusual heat burning through my chest and lungs—so scalding it felt as if a pool of newborn magma was searing the earth of my heart.
The heart that had once been so tough as to be nearly indestructible had undergone several permanent changes from the impact of the photos in grandma’s phone album.
I squeezed my eyes shut, my cat ears on my head flicking back several times, like the spinning propellers of a plane taking off.
As the cat ears flicked, the overly complicated thoughts were momentarily suppressed to the corners of my mind, letting my weary brain breathe a sigh of relief and return to reality.
Grandma still stayed closely by my side, her body as thin as a willow branch, trying her best to provide me with warmth and support.
“Child… are you feeling any better?”
Noticing that I had come back to my senses, grandma asked gently.
I nodded slightly. “More or less. I just lost myself for a moment earlier, that’s all. Don’t worry, grandma, I’m fine.”
“As long as you’re not too startled… I just worried you’d faint if your emotions got out of hand. Back when your mother and father officially got engaged, she was so happy she fainted the moment she heard the news. Luckily, nothing happened. Our constitution is different from ordinary people, so we have to pay special attention to things that might be too exciting. It’s important to keep a calm heart.”
Grandma murmured softly. I split my attention to listen, while quickly taking out my own phone to make a backup of the photo from her phone, just in case.
The noise in the main hall of the house still hadn’t faded. In fact, it sounded like it was only getting worse. I knew if things kept escalating, they’d probably come out to call me in and ask for my opinion.
It was also possible that grandpa’s machismo would flare up and he’d unilaterally decide my future, only to be mercilessly rejected by mother, who’d then take me by the hand and walk straight out the door.
The worst case… would be if mother chose to give up resisting and accept the huge compensation my father was offering, ignoring the fact that I’d fall under his control and no longer protecting me as she once had.
I handed the phone back to grandma and got up from the vine swing, pressing gently on her shoulder to signal that she didn’t need to stay with me to calm me down.
“Grandma, you sit for a while. I want to be alone for a bit. If Mr. Lin needs to find me, you can call me. I’ve saved my number in your contacts. If you don’t know how to use it, just let him handle it.”
For no particular reason, I was led by my old habit of avoidance, using the excuse of needing more time to think as a reason to temporarily run away—leaving this ‘home’ that suffocated me.
Grandma didn’t stop me. She simply told me to “be safe” and “don’t go too far,” handed me a large sun hat, and watched as I pushed open the courtyard door and left.
Father’s two bodyguards were still stationed at both ends of the alley. Those gossip-loving relatives had already been chased off, scattered to the winds; only a few were still chatting under the trees at a distance.
The bodyguards were particularly alert. The moment I pushed open the door and came out, they turned their gaze to me.
But father must have told them who I was, so their originally sharp eyes instantly softened, and they didn’t try to stop me.
One of the burly guards, whose face wasn’t so fierce, even nodded to me, then turned back to keep watch outside the alley.
I ignored them, silently putting on the sun hat to cover my cat ears, pulling the brim low, tucking my tail into my shirt, grabbing my fluttering skirt, and quickly darting into a narrow pathway in the middle of the alley.
No matter how much I disliked this village, I couldn’t erase the years I had lived here.
I was even more familiar with the terrain near my old home. Only small children or girls with slim figures could move smoothly through this alley.
And since the path led in all directions, those relatives and villagers were just there out of curiosity, not professionals with the skills to block every possible exit. The fact that they’d managed to stay at either end of the alley for so long was already a feat of patience.
Once I reached a spot where hardly anyone passed by, I turned back to look at the path behind me.
No one was following, but the renovated old house was still clearly in view.
With father spending lavishly on renovations, the old house had transformed from an ordinary bungalow into a little country-style villa with a courtyard, standing out among the flat-roofed houses.
Now that no one was watching me, my tense body relaxed noticeably. I found a relatively clean long stone to sit on in the small clearing near the foothills, and draped my jacket over my arm.
Maybe it was running through such narrow spaces, or maybe it was just the stifling heat—my body broke out in a fine sweat, exuding a faint scent of lavender. It must be the body wash, right? I seem to recall the laundry detergent smelled like grapefruit.
I brought the jacket close to my nose and sniffed. The grapefruit scent was light, mostly overpowered by the faint dustiness of the wall.
While running through the alley earlier, I had to make sure my cotton balls didn’t touch the wall, so I had to use one arm to keep them from bouncing around, which probably left my jacket streaked with dust from the rough stone walls.
Going over these trivial things in my mind, I deliberately diverted my attention and focus, so that my spirit—previously overwhelmed with anxiety—could finally relax a little.