My thoughts drifted, and I tapped open the contacts app.
I first added a note for Sister Head, then sent her a little bear waving hello sticker, and only after that did I bring up Gu Fan’s contact interface.
“Once we’re back in the county, do you want to walk around the plaza? I think there are some events for the county’s founding anniversary or something.”
With my mind in a mess and the pressure of time looming, my brain couldn’t hold much—so all I managed was this clumsy, barely presentable ‘date’ invitation.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Gu Fan would think I was as ridiculous as a waddling duckling just learning to walk.
I’ve always been like this—when socializing, I just lower my head and barrel straight at people.
I can never hide my emotions.
With the gentlest of nudges, someone could spill everything from my pockets.
Some kids with bad intentions would seize that chance, stomp my feelings and thoughts underfoot, then laugh as loud as they liked, belittling everything about me.
In my eyes, all these self-important thoughts of mine really are ugly.
If the person I imagine were to see them, they’d probably find them disgusting too.
A useless catgirl like me, who can’t keep anything in and has no sense of boundaries, is bound to be rejected—it’s only natural.
When I was little, Sister Head would sometimes help shield me from gossip and not let the village kids bully me too much.
When I moved to that coastal county for school, it was Gu Fan who found me crying in the bushes, and for once, the cycle of bullying shifted.
He used violence to teach all those bratty kids who bullied me a lesson they wouldn’t forget, so after that, even if they still gossiped and gave me the cold shoulder behind my back, none of them dared lay a finger on me again.
As I grew older, maybe my environment changed too, because I ran into far fewer awful people.
At most, they’d ignore me—the weirdo who never fit in—treating me like some air that didn’t belong in their classroom.
But at least they didn’t go out of their way to chase me down and bully me like before.
In the end… it’s just that I’m too slow.
If only I were smarter, more quick-witted—if I could catch every little emotional shift in people’s words, and then use clever conversation to defuse any tension before things went south.
Sometimes, I do sense something strange in someone’s actions or words, but what comes out of my mouth always seems off, like my brain’s missing a wire, and I just make the other person even angrier.
Every time I saw someone clench their fists and glare at me coldly, but in the end just turn away with a huff, I felt a weird sense of relief for living in a world like this—where people have to really consider the consequences before starting a fight.
When you’re little, you can brush off getting hurt as just roughhousing.
But once you’re nearly grown, students can’t use that as an excuse anymore.
If only I could actually become a little cat—no one could really stay mad at a kitten.
Even if I did something bad, as long as I rolled over and showed my belly, most soft-hearted people would surely forgive me with a meow…
But I’m a catgirl, I can’t just lift up my clothes and show my tummy to people whenever I want—that’d be too impolite, and goes against proper customs.
Besides, I’d only ever consider doing something like that for Gu Fan. After all, he’s the one I’ve decided I’ll marry in this life, and in my heart, he’s already my fiancé.
Maybe for Gu Fan, I’m just a close childhood friend with a good figure, but that doesn’t stop me from daydreaming a little about how he’d react—flustered and embarrassed—if I apologized to him by showing my tummy. Hmph, mmm~
Whenever I imagine things about Gu Fan, the gloom covering my mind is always chased away by those little daydreams, and my mood grows lighter.
Without realizing it, I’d already reached the little alley beside my family’s old home.
Not far ahead, a group of relatives was squatting under a willow tree, smoking and chatting.
They saw me walking up from the main road, eyes wide as if they couldn’t believe I’d slipped out under their noses and now was strolling right back.
The bodyguard at the alley’s entrance was the gentler-looking one from before.
As usual, he nodded at me, then quickly walked my way.
Those unfamiliar uncles and aunts started to crowd around, wanting to question me, but the bodyguard stepped in and blocked their way.
He stretched out his thick arm—maybe he was a retired soldier, since he wasn’t just tall but gave off a truly intimidating presence.
Even his black sunglasses couldn’t hide it, and my country relatives, unused to such things, shrank back, not daring to step forward.
“Miss Zhi Nian, my employer Mr. Lin is waiting for you.”
Leaving these words, the bodyguard quietly stepped aside and cleared the path into the alley.
It was my first time experiencing something so out of the ordinary, and my head was spinning a bit.
Even when my father used to bring me to fancy places to eat and drink when I was little, I’d never been waited on by a bodyguard like this.
More and more people were gathering around.
They didn’t call my name or shout, but their ambiguous gazes pressed in on me from every angle.
Those stares felt greasy, like old paint peeling from a wall—no matter how you scraped at them, they wouldn’t come off.
I didn’t dare linger.
I held down my skirt and hurried into the alley.
The yard gate of the old house was ajar.
Through the crack I caught a glimpse of the green decorations—that must be where the vine swing was.
The closer I got to the gate, the heavier my steps felt.
The clouds Gu Fan had scattered from my heart earlier had quietly gathered again, swelling into a violent storm, sweeping up my emotions.
Mew… I wanted to turn and run away, to escape the pain and embarrassment that surely waited for me, and avoid making any more choices.
That familiar sense of helplessness rushed in, spreading through me with every beat of my heart.
At that moment, I wished I wasn’t a catgirl, but a bird who could fly straight into Gu Fan’s arms far away—chirping “guji guji” and begging him to pat my little head.
Mmm, it’d be even better if I were the talking parrot kind—then I could communicate with Gu Fan more easily, though being a bird would mean we’d be separated by species.
At least as a catgirl, I’m still a demi-human and can have babies with Gu Fan. I’ll just put up with it.
Lost in these dazed thoughts, I was already standing in front of the courtyard gate, arms crossed over my chest, tilting my head up to look at the carved patterns in the solid wood.
“Ha…!”
I let out a long, helpless sigh, then quickly straightened out my dress and jacket, using the mirror to make sure my hair wasn’t messy.
If I just got through today, I’d get to see Gu Fan.
I could just flatly reject my father—how hard could it be, really?
I slapped my cottony chest hard through my jacket, cheering myself on inside.
Don’t embarrass yourself, Shen Zhi Nian! You’re going to be a good wife and loving mother, catgirl!
You can’t just have the outside of a good mother and not the inner wisdom to match a good wife.
With this little pep talk, I finally took a step forward and pushed open the half-closed courtyard gate.