“You’re so amazing. Does Big Sis still play basketball usually?”
There weren’t many entertainment facilities in my hometown.
Umm, to be precise, it should be when I was little.
At that time Father hadn’t yet made a career in Hua City, and everyone in the village was only able to meet the basic needs of clothing, food, shelter, and transportation.
At that time, aside from aimlessly wandering and strolling through the streets and alleys of the village with Sister Lin Yun, the thing we did most was go to the basketball court at the end of the village to play.
Although the lines on the ground were blurred and unclear, of the two corresponding basketball stands that should have been there, only one remained complete.
The other was left with just a bare main pillar.
The basketball hoop was said to have been crushed when someone was drying a thick quilt.
Whether it was true or false, it had been too long, and there was no way to verify it anymore.
“Of course. After all, I managed to become the basketball team captain at the village school. Although I never achieved any real results, I still trained for so many years. Just treat it as exercise in my free time.”
Big Sis clapped the floating dust from her palms.
Yet her gaze suddenly shifted onto me, as if she were examining something.
Well… even though the other party was also a girl, being stared at from such a close distance always made me feel as if countless nearly invisible fine needles were pricking the surface of my skin.
Moving even a little felt extremely uncomfortable.
I instinctively lowered my brows and eyes, trying to block out this unconcealed intrusion.
“Speaking of which, what about you, Zhi Nian? I remember you had super good athletic talent when you were little. Do you still have any sports you like now?”
I searched for the relevant memories.
The experience of sports… was already hard to quickly surface in my mind.
“No.”
Whenever it was time for physical education class, rather than walking or playing with my classmates, I always preferred to nestle in the shade under a tree.
Watching classmates of roughly my age pouring out sweat on the field.
That overflowing youthful energy was like wildly growing vines, drilling out from every crack in the plastic track, climbing upward along my ankles.
Wrapping past my ankles, flooding over my knees, little by little devouring the breath I leaned against under the tree.
The frequency of my breathing involuntarily lowered.
Occasionally a classmate would race past on the grass in front of me.
The wind they split open flung a few strands of hair draped behind me onto the side of my face.
Like seawater surging into the nasal cavity before drowning, it always made my heart suddenly clench tight.
Those running figures, those unrestrained and flamboyant laughs, the dull thuds of the basketball striking the ground one after another, the sharp screech of sneakers rubbing against the plastic.
They were like the little thorns on the vines, deeply piercing into my skin, rendering me unable to move.
It couldn’t be called pain.
It was closer to an itch that reached straight into the depths of the soul.
Like an instinct carved into the genes since ancient times, reminding me that theirs was the correct and healthy way of living.
Hiding alone in a dark corner would eventually lead to ‘death.’
When the time came, no one would even help clean up the corpse.
The genetic instinct warned me so.
Sitting under the tree shade spacing out, I always thought—
I clearly understand how I should act in order to integrate into this society, so why do I still ultimately choose to fall all the way to the bottom while fully conscious?
After a moment of silence, I came back to my senses and supplemented in a weak voice:
“Occasionally I go play table tennis with a friend. Not the serious kind, just casually hitting the ball and chatting.”
I told Big Sis it was ‘occasionally,’ but in reality playing table tennis could almost be traced back four years ago.
In the small woods surrounding the elementary school playground, there were a few table tennis tables with mottled paint surfaces.
During breaks or after school, Gu Fan would borrow two training rackets from the PE teacher and pull me over there to enjoy the cool shade.
The bounce of the tables was very poor.
If you didn’t control your strength while playing, the ball would either shoot off all at once or bounce twice on the table surface and become soft and weak.
But neither Gu Fan nor I were the type of personality that paid excessive attention to sports competition, so we just made do and continued playing like that.
The white ball colliding with the table surface produced hollow sounds, going back and forth between the two of us intermittently.
Like whispers in the wind, sometimes pausing, sometimes falling to the ground.
Perhaps it was because my skills weren’t refined enough, but the vast majority of the time that small white table tennis ball was hit by me with too much force, flying over to Gu Fan’s side.
It often forced him to run up and down picking up the ball.
Thankfully, Gu Fan never held my mistakes against me; he only continued the game with a peaceful smile.
Umm… looking at it this way, Gu Fan already displayed outstanding social skills from a young age…
Considerate, understanding, and with a good temper.
Even the most unpleasant personality encountering Gu Fan would slowly melt away like winter snow in early spring, right?
Recalling all these years since I met him, those classmates, teachers, and even complete strangers who held goodwill toward him.
No wonder Gu Fan could always gain others’ affection.
I would inexplicably feel a wave of inferiority.
Someone as dark as the sludge at the bottom of a deep well, a social scum like me—do I really have the qualifications to stay by his side?
No, no, that description isn’t quite appropriate. I’m simply not good at communicating with people at all.
Comparing it this way, the gap between me and Gu Fan was simply as vast as clouds and mud.
In outsiders’ eyes, I might be as eyesore as the floating dust that couldn’t be waved away from the air.
While Gu Fan was the guide holding a bright lamp.
People around would unconsciously be drawn to him and lean toward him.
A blood-sucking maggot stuck to Gu Fan like me was only skilled at making people disgusted.
They must definitely be thinking when this dirty insect could roll farther away.
Don’t delay their interactions with Gu Fan.
“Zhi Nian? Hey, Zhi Nian! Spacing out again! Did you hear what I just said?”
A palm waved in front of my eyes, startling my body into a sudden tremble.
The cat tail pressed under my skirt hem also abruptly shot high and flailed about randomly.
“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore Sister Lin Yun. I accidentally got distracted just now…”
So annoying!
Why do I always immerse myself in my own world in public like this!
Right now I should clearly be focusing on chatting with Big Sis.
Elegantly picking up the topics thrown over, so the scene doesn’t fall into this awkward situation.
If it were me, I’d also find such a strangely tempered bad catgirl really annoying, right?
No wonder Father’s relatives said from childhood that I had no manners.
I annoyedly grabbed the restless tail, my slightly long nails forcefully embedding into the flesh.
“Hmph, no need to be so nervous. I’m not some big tiger that eats little cats.”
Sister Lin Yun reached over and brushed a few strands of hair hanging by my lips back behind my ear.
“Zhi Nian is still so silly. With a personality like this, you’ll really suffer losses when you enter society in the future.”
“…”
I didn’t know how to respond.
I had heard this kind of words countless times from childhood to now.
But every time I only felt irritated and restless.
Perhaps the subconscious me simply doesn’t want to make any changes?
Heh… looks like I’m truly hopeless, the kind of catgirl who can’t even manage ‘correcting mistakes when aware of them,’ yet still always deludes myself that Gu Fan can come save me?
Does this kind of good thing really exist in reality?
“Alright, since the drinks are all finished, we should go stroll the center of the plaza. Let’s go. First take a walk in this patch of woods, treat it as digesting after the meal.”
Perhaps noticing the stagnation in my heart.
Big Sis rubbed the top of my head and said so.
Next, my tensed and stiff wrist was gently taken hold of.
Sister Lin Yun used a soft yet irresistible strength to lead me to stand up and walk toward the path paved with cobblestones.
The bottoms of my slightly thin sandals landed on the cobblestone pavement, clearly sensing the hardness of the stones.
An inexplicable sense of confirmation sprouted in my heart.
Like a fluffy cotton swab tickling.
Perhaps this is the reason many people like walking barefoot on cobblestone paths?
The restlessness throughout my body slowly dissipated with the breeze brushing through the woods.
I steadied my mind, locked my gaze on Big Sis walking ahead, and silently observed.
Big Sis walked very lightly.
Her toes gently padded the ground, looking just like butterflies fluttering among the flowers.
At every moment she radiated a sunny and bright aura.
Perhaps… this is the temperament a girl should have…
Thinking of this, a wave of chill suddenly rose from bottom to top.
Like a fish that had left the water, madly surging in my chest.
Umm, so uncomfortable…
My line of sight gradually shifted downward, no longer daring to continue staring at this dazzling existence ahead.
But right now I couldn’t space out staring at my toes and the road surface either.
I could only blankly stare at my own collar covered in thin white gauze.
My brain was a complete mess.
So envious.
If I could also become this full of vitality, Gu Fan would definitely be attracted by me and taken down on the spot, right?
A completely impossible fantasy rudely barged into my consciousness.
I shook my head, only barely managing to calm myself down.
I can’t immerse myself in my own world anymore.
Doing that on my own bed is fine.
But now it’s a public place, and I’m still following Big Sis to stroll the festival.
I raised a hand to tidy the somewhat messy hair by my ear, then quickened my steps a few times to arrive beside Big Sis, sticking close to her.
“Umm… Big Sis…”
“Hm? What’s wrong?”
Big Sis turned her head to look at me, the curved ends of her eyes like crescent moons, making her temperament even more full of vitality.
My eyes felt as if they were directly facing the sun and were scorched into a squint.
I quietly shifted my gaze and sorted out the chaotic emotions.
“It’s just… I wanted to ask, when Big Sis was studying in the past, did anyone ever pursue you?”
The moment the words left my mouth, I already regretted them.
If it weren’t for being in a public place right now, I might have forcefully pounded my own chest as punishment.
I didn’t really understand what normal chatting between girls should be like.
But no matter the situation, me straightforwardly inquiring about the other party’s romantic history was not an appropriate choice.
It seemed very stupid.
From the plaza not far away came the sound of children playing with firecrackers, pi pa pi pa, noisy as hell.
It must be because of these little brats that I asked such a low-EQ question.
After secretly shifting the responsibility away in my heart, my emotions settled a little.
Even though I knew those kids had no idea whatsoever how I was being stupid over here.
But the timid, trouble-avoiding me always needed to find some excuse to put my heart at ease.
“Pfft, I didn’t expect little Zhi Nian would also be curious about this kind of thing. Looks like you’ve truly stepped into puberty.”
Big Sis laughed out loud and looked at me seriously.
“Speaking of which, suddenly asking this—little Zhi Nian, you wouldn’t happen to have someone you like, would you?”
“Ah ah, no, no! Umm, wait, it should count as… a childhood sweetheart, I guess… that boy I mentioned to Big Sis last time during Qingming in the hometown.”
Instinctively I wanted to deny it.
But my tone was too strange and had already completely sold out my thoughts.
So I simply steeled my heart and spilled the entire truth.
“Is that so?”
Big Sis laughed even more happily and reached out to poke my cheek.
Her fingertip was warm and hot.
“Let me think… there were two in middle school, several in high school. I don’t really remember clearly.”
Ugh! Is Big Sis that charming…
The moment I heard she couldn’t remember the number of pursuers, I inevitably began to feel inexplicably anxious inside.
I didn’t know which aspect of my genes or instincts was acting up, but I actually started worrying about this kind of thing.
Perhaps… my subconscious believes that in front of this vitality-filled girl with maxed-out social skills, a maggot like me who’s only skilled at crawling darkly in the sewers should just obediently bow and submit?
Can’t even be called skilled. No, no, a waste like me—even the ability to crawl darkly is completely useless…
The thoughts in my mind were like pixel people scattering a few pinches of bone meal on clean grass; with a hu pen, many weeds and little flowers suddenly sprouted and completely occupied the empty territory.
“Then did you accept anyone’s pursuit?”
“All of them.”
“All of them?”
Sister Lin Yun’s tone was very light, as if talking about what she had eaten today.
“If you don’t like them, you have to firmly refuse, okay. If the sense of boundaries is too vague, you’ll get taken advantage of.”
If you don’t like them, you have to firmly refuse…?
I listened to this sentence, yet my brain felt as if it had been filled with paste; I couldn’t think clearly about anything.
Had I ever clearly refused anyone?
Thinking carefully, it seemed no one had ever directly confessed to me.
Near my seat there were occasionally boys or girls who struck up conversation, asking to borrow an eraser or asking whether I had done the homework.
Although I didn’t really understand why one would need to borrow an eraser from others outside of formal exams—this wasn’t the art classroom or second grade of elementary school.
But every time I would perfunctorily reply with one or two words, then obediently dig out the eraser from my pencil case and hand it over.
Yet when the other party showed intention of continuing to communicate with me, I would pretend to look at the scenery outside the window.
Or cross my arms, lean down, and start pretending to sleep.
Gradually, fewer and fewer classmates from the same class came to chat with me.
Situations like borrowing erasers or borrowing notebooks to copy also basically never appeared again.
Did this count as me actively pushing others away?
Because I also didn’t know how to respond appropriately.
Those ordinary topics made me feel bored.
Rather than idly chatting meaningless trivial matters with unfamiliar classmates, it was better to lean on the desk and space out, thinking about how to get close to Gu Fan.
Umm, of course there was also the reason that if I really had to seriously converse with someone, I would again get so nervous my palms sweated and my mind went blank.
But I didn’t like this trembling, cautious feeling.
Although it didn’t reach the point of being unable to say even a single complete sentence, I didn’t like this trembling, cautious feeling.
Rather than making a fool of myself like that, it was better from the start not to give the other party any chance to deepen the topic and chat with me.
I still remembered last semester one time, after coming back from the restroom during the break, while passing through the corridor I overheard a few girls from the neighboring class chatting.
Perhaps because after becoming a catgirl my footsteps were too light and my stature not very conspicuous, they didn’t notice me.
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