Chapter 26: Am I Dreaming?

“Ha ha ha—”

Laughter kept bubbling up around me.

I listlessly poked at my noodles, my already weak appetite turning downright nonexistent.

They… were having so much fun.

Ha…

If I could just be a normal person and join in, Gu Fan would probably be happy too, right?

I stared at Gu Fan’s smiling face.

I always thought I knew him well, but now…

I wasn’t so sure.

Was he really happy?

Or was that smile just a mask?

Then again… maybe the answer didn’t matter.

I lowered my head again, trying to keep my restless heart under control.

Every word floating around the table felt like a toxic fog wrapping around my skin.

I wanted to run away so badly.

But I was too scared Gu Fan would think less of me if I left.

So I forced myself to stay.

Moments like this made me wish for divine intervention.

Wouldn’t it be nice if Gu Fan could just sense how uncomfortable I was and, through some inexplicable intuition, whisk me away from the crowd?

Or better yet, do whatever it took to create a space just for the two of us?

I bit down on my chopsticks, grinding them between my teeth in frustration.

I had just praised him for being so considerate.

Could he not be considerate of me again—just this once?

I glanced his way.

But he was busy.

Caught up fending off Bai Niao’s endless stream of questions and exaggerated reactions.

Ugh… I was jealous.

Jealous of how easily she expressed herself.

How she could say whatever was on her mind without overthinking it.

That kind of openness… was powerful.

And she was pretty, too—graceful in a quiet, elegant way.

Definitely more attractive than me, right?

That meal was pure torture.

When the three of them finally finished eating, I mumbled something about not having much of an appetite and made my escape.

As I left, I vaguely heard Fang Cheng asking Gu Fan to go play basketball.

Bai Niao eagerly declared she was coming to watch.

Could Gu Fan’s body even handle something that intense…?

Even with another girl going just to watch him play, my first instinct was to worry about his health.

Come to think of it, I still wasn’t sure if he was actually sick or not… but normal people don’t carry medical records around in their backpacks, do they?

No—no more thinking.

None of it matters anymore.

As if trying to shake off everything behind me, I broke into a run.

* * * * *

“Gulp, gulp… Mmm… Thanks for the drink. I’ll treat you next time.”

There’s nothing quite like a few sips of electrolyte water after a game of basketball.

Really hits the spot.

“Hehe, it’s no big deal—just a couple of bucks.”

“Ah, but you know me—I’m not used to owing people favors.”

Fang Cheng shrugged.

“Ah… well, okay then. I’ll head off now.”

Bai Niao gave us a bright smile and a small wave before jogging away.

Fang Cheng stood next to me.

The polite smile he’d been wearing quickly faded.

The sunlight over the basketball court was scorching, but at least we each had one of the wet wipes Bai Niao had handed us.

“You noticed too?”

Fang Cheng nudged me with the elbow that was holding the basketball.

“Yeah.”

I nodded and took another few swigs of my drink.

“She was still holding back the other day. But today? Pretty obvious.”

As we headed back toward the classroom, I tossed the empty bottle and used wet wipe into a nearby trash can.

“By the way, how’d she end up with you guys?”

“Huh? You think I sold you out? Blame yourselves for being slow. I had to make two trips to get you both noodles, and she happened to catch me. Shamelessly invited herself over.”

“…Fine. Give me her contact.”

“Oh—sure. Huh? Wait, you sure you mean her contact?”

Fang Cheng froze, looking at me like I’d just asked something bizarre.

“What? I’m guessing she already forced her contact on you, right?”

“Well, yeah, she did. Just didn’t expect you to ask for it.”

“…Just want to pay her back.”

I unlocked my phone and entered the contact info Fang Cheng gave me.

She accepted the request within seconds.

Then, I tallied up the cost of everything she’d bought, transferred the exact amount, and immediately switched my phone to silent.

“Damn. Efficient.”

“If she wants to talk after this, that’s her business. As long as it doesn’t mess with my daily life—I don’t care.”

* * * * *

I feel awful. A little nauseous, even.

I stood in front of one of the school’s many sinks, hands braced on the edge of the stone counter, eyes squinting shut.

Focusing on my faintly trembling tail helped ease the discomfort a little.

After a quick rinse of my hands and a wipe with paper towels, I walked over to the botanical garden and sat down on a swing.

Thankfully, no one else had taken it—if they had, I wouldn’t have had anywhere else to go.

Rubbing my aching stomach, I frowned deeply.

Somehow, not long after leaving the cafeteria, I started to feel this stomach pain.

I don’t usually eat much at lunch, and it’s never been a problem before… maybe it’s just a quirk of being a catgirl?

Mm…

I do want to eat properly, I really do.

But when I heard Gu Fan chatting so happily with the others, while I sat there like air—completely invisible—my heart ached like it was being torn apart by a knife.

I spent the whole afternoon thinking, and enduring the pain, before I finally realized what was wrong with me.

I was jealous.

So jealous that Bai Niao and Fang Cheng could talk to Gu Fan so easily, laughing with him, grabbing his attention like it was nothing.

There were so many things about them I envied that even after an entire afternoon listing them in my head, I still hadn’t finished.

Ugh… if I had known it would turn out like this, maybe I shouldn’t have asked Gu Fan to lunch at all.

Without realizing it, I had fallen back into my habit of avoiding pain—just like before.

The moment I needed to communicate with Gu Fan, I’d mutter a few vague words and flee.

I pushed off the leaf-strewn ground, letting the swing rock gently, as if the breeze brushing through the woods could carry my sorrow away.

But really, what hurt most… was Gu Fan’s indifference.

If only he’d looked at me a little more, said a few kind words to comfort me… or even more boldly, just hugged me outright—

That would’ve been okay too.

In moments like this, I miss what it felt like to be held by him.

I curled up tightly, hugging my arms to myself, crouched on the wooden base of the swing.

It felt like if I just buried my face between my knees, I could block out all the world’s troubles.

So tired… I’d spent the whole afternoon drowning in regret, doubt, guilt—one messy swirl of emotions.

My mind felt clouded, like I was trapped in a fog I couldn’t escape.

I just wanted to sleep.

But if I did… wouldn’t I catch a cold?

“Zhi Nian?!”

Huh… was I hearing things?

Did that sound like Gu Fan’s voice?

I must’ve dozed off already, right?

The dream feels so vivid…

“Zhi Nian, wake up—you’ll catch a cold.”