There were a lot of people passing through the aisle of the bus.
If I were alone, this narrow space filled with strangers would’ve only made me feel lonelier — and left me with that lingering sense of unease I can never seem to shake.
But right now, Gu Fan was sitting in the seat next to the aisle, shielding me from the noise and chaos of the outside world.
If only time could stop right at this moment.
I stared at Gu Fan for a long, long while — as if my heart had turned into a vessel, and someone was slowly pouring in a pot of warm water. It spread through me, flowing outward and filling my limbs with gentle warmth.
Only with great effort did I manage to pull my gaze away.
I twisted my fingers together on my lap, not thinking about anything in particular — just quietly savoring the sense of safety that came from being wrapped in Gu Fan’s presence.
“Zhi Nian, this is for you.”
“Huh? What is it?”
Startled by his voice, I looked up.
In front of me was a stack of brightly colored notebooks.
“Review notes. Just copy them whenever you get the time and return them. I’m not in a hurry.”
“Oh… thank you.”
I had nearly forgotten about that.
That flimsy excuse I’d made up just to ask Gu Fan to lunch — I’d pushed it completely out of my mind.
And now that it came back, it caught me totally off guard… in a good way.
Gu Fan had remembered what I said and had even gone out of his way to prepare study notes for every subject.
Who wouldn’t be moved by something like that?
Especially after the stupid, awkward mess I made this afternoon.
I carefully tucked the notebooks into my backpack.
After hesitating for a while, I stared at the back of the plastic seat in front of me and spoke.
“Gu Fan… want to go eat something later?”
The second the words left my mouth, I knew I’d messed up again.
Go eat something? What does that even mean? It’s practically dinner time.
Asking someone out to eat now…
I must have lost a few brain cells somewhere.
But since I’d already said it, I could only brace myself for his answer.
Gu Fan rubbed his chin and tilted his head in thought.
“Eat something…?
Hm… sure.
Are we talking a proper meal or just a snack?”
“Eh? You really don’t mind? Then let’s go get—”
I almost blurted out dinner, but caught myself just in time.
Gu Fan’s not like me — he has a warm, complete family.
Normally, he’d be eating dinner at home, sitting around the table with his parents.
I shouldn’t interfere with that.
“Have you decided?” he asked. “If it’s going to be a real meal, I’ll let my mom know.”
He was fiddling with his phone, looking completely unfazed — as if me crashing his family dinner wasn’t even a concern.
“…I’ve decided.”
I said.
“Let’s go eat ice cream.”
I clutched my backpack tightly to my chest, gritting my teeth, fighting back the longing that nearly spilled from my throat — and turned down Gu Fan’s almost unmistakable invitation.
Maybe to him, having dinner together was no big deal.
But to me… I still didn’t feel worthy of something so romantic.
Even if it meant nothing more than casual to them.
Finally, the bus pulled into the stop.
Passengers slowly filed out.
Gu Fan waited a moment, then stood up, gave me a small nod, and stepped off onto the sidewalk.
You can do this.
This is just a normal little outing.
Just treating someone to ice cream — nothing to get worked up over.
All I need to do is enjoy it.
Clutching the straps of my backpack, I cheered myself on silently.
Then, just before the bus doors closed, I darted off after him.
When I reached Gu Fan, he was looking down at his phone, his backpack slung over one shoulder as he leaned against the rough bark of a tall tree.
As soon as he saw me, he slid his phone into his pocket.
“Zhi Nian, do you have a shop in mind?”
He’d gone out of his way to get off at the stop near my place — that alone was already incredibly thoughtful of him.
“Mm? Ah… I don’t think so.”
Crap…
All I’d been thinking about was how ice cream might cool off this heat bubbling in my chest, and completely forgot where any ice cream shops near my house even were.
Why didn’t I ever pay attention to things like this?
Ugh.
I always act on impulse, with no plan — every single time, I end up improvising.
Gu Fan must think I’m so flaky…
I turned my head, my tail twitching anxiously as it smacked the gravel beneath us.
The faint sting that followed shot like a jolt through my whole body.
“No place in mind? Then…”
Gu Fan absently fiddled with the zipper of his jacket, his fingers lightly rubbing it while he thought.
“I think there’s a new place nearby. They’ve got a promo going on. Let’s head there.”
“…Okay.”
Just now… was he searching for that store on his phone?
God, I’m so useless. I’m the one who invited him, and he’s the one doing all the work and planning.
I trailed behind him, head lowered.
If we weren’t still out on the street, I probably would’ve crouched down right there, yanked on my cat ears in frustration, and given them a painful tug — just to etch this embarrassing failure into my memory.
* * * * *
The newly opened ice cream shop was pretty close to my house — and on the way back to the bus stop, we’d even pass by it.
So after we’d ordered, I casually mentioned that detail… as if it were an afterthought.
“Oh? Is that so? Then I’ll walk you home.”
Gu Fan replied, understanding immediately.
His voice was calm, but direct — as if reading my little plan without missing a beat.
We walked side by side, my spoon lazily scooping at the chocolate-flavored ice slush in my cup.
I wanted to ask Gu Fan — what exactly made him come find me today?
Was it really just to drop off his notes?
If so… why not just bring them tomorrow?
Wouldn’t that have been more convenient?
I’d meant to ask back on the bus, but Gu Fan’s sudden interjection threw me off.
I turned into a total idiot again.
It wasn’t until I’d cooled off a bit with a few bites of ice cream that my thoughts settled and the question returned to the surface.
As we passed a familiar road sign near my house, I cradled the cup with my whole hand, fingers wrapping around the plastic.
The cold stung my skin and sent a sharp jolt to my heart — and in that moment, I took the plunge.
“Gu Fan… I want to know. How did you find me?”
“Hm? Oh — it’s because you usually wait for me at the bus stop after school. But you weren’t there today, so I checked your classroom. You weren’t on cleaning duty either… so I figured maybe you were in the bio garden where we usually hang out.”
“I see… Then what if I hadn’t been at the bio garden either?”
I didn’t want to make things difficult for Gu Fan.
But the emptiness in my chest still pushed me to press him — unfairly, maybe.
“Well.”
He continued.
“If I really couldn’t find you, I guess that would’ve meant you were seriously mad at me — mad enough to go hide so I wouldn’t be able to.”
The sun was just beginning to set.
The last streak of light clung faintly to the skyline, and in that sliver of orange, I could just barely make out Gu Fan’s expression.
He was smiling.
“I’ll get going now. See you tomorrow. If you want to walk home together, send me a message. Or just meet me at the bus stop.”
“Mm. I’ll text you.”
I didn’t really know what I expected from Gu Fan anymore.
Maybe… something deeper than just friendship?
But his personality was so hard to read — like a gentle spring breeze.
It felt warm and pleasant when it brushed past you… but just as quickly, it would vanish again.
He hadn’t seemed to care that much when we spoke at lunch.
So why reach out to me now?
Hot one moment, cold the next.
That kind of weather is how people catch colds, you know.
That night, I couldn’t sleep.
I tossed and turned in bed, going over every little thing in my head, trying to find a shape to these thoughts…
And at some point, I realized I hadn’t even pulled the blanket over me.