Chapter 31: Not Living Like a Girl—What Kind of Life Is That?

Lin Xi's kitchen was always spotless, but the way the items were arranged made it obvious she wasn't someone who cooked often.

After all, no one would store a rice measuring cup next to dish soap under the sink.

It took Gao Qinghe a while to find all the utensils. She finally began cooking porridge at the stove. Luckily, she wasn't entirely unfamiliar with Lin Xi's kitchen layout. Plain congee wasn't some elaborate feast—following an online recipe, she could roughly imitate it and get it maybe eighty or ninety percent right.

Still, cooking wasn't as hard as she'd imagined. Lin Xi had a pressure cooker and rice. For plain congee, all you had to do was wash the rice and toss it in the pot. She really didn't need to wake up so early in advance.

Well, better safe than sorry. She'd never cooked before, after all.

Gao Qinghe sat on a chair by the dining table, rubbing her still-sleepy eyes. Her mind began to drift. The warm yellow kitchen light and the faint fragrance of rice floating in the air made the whole space feel cozy.

A girl, taking care of her sick friend, cooking her a bowl of plain congee, blowing on each spoonful to cool it before feeding her—it seemed like a heartwarming, stomach-warming scene.

But if you swapped the genders slightly, as a guy, she would never be able to do something so meticulous. She always felt like she couldn't swallow her pride.

Propping her head on her hand at the table, her eyelids kept drooping. Just as her head was about to fall, she jerked awake.

She used to hope her girlfriend would take good care of her. She'd fantasized about being sick and having her girlfriend feed her medicine, tuck her in, even coax her to sleep. But at the very least, Lin Xi had never done any of that before.

Lin Xi wasn't the type to carefully take care of others anyway. Gao Qinghe didn't know why, but Lin Xi always seemed to be holding back a certain fierceness, as if she had to prove her independence no matter what.

Judging by how she interacted with Xiang Bei, Gao Qinghe figured she probably wouldn't take care of him when he was sick either. That thought actually gave her some comfort.

'If I can't have it, Xiang Bei won't get it either.'

The rice cooker dinged, jolting Gao Qinghe out of her random thoughts. She checked the time. Good, it was only seven o'clock.

But for the usual Lin Xi, she should be up and getting ready by now. She had a habit of putting on makeup before a presentation. She always said, "Making yourself look healthier boosts your confidence and subconsciously makes the audience take your content more seriously." She claimed it was a fact proven by psychology.

Gao Qinghe didn't know if that was true. She'd never touched makeup herself.

And she'd probably never given a presentation worth taking seriously.

No. Gao Qinghe slapped her cheeks, trying to wake herself up.

She'd better go check if Lin Xi was up.

Walking to Lin Xi's door, Gao Qinghe did hear faint sounds—a soft rustling. She couldn't tell if it was changing clothes or still in bed.

"Sister Lin Xi, are you up?" Gao Qinghe knocked, but there was no response.

...Forget it. She had to go in and check anyway. Better than letting Lin Xi miss her presentation and blame her later.

Gao Qinghe made up her mind and pushed open Lin Xi's door.

But all she saw was Lin Xi lying in bed, curled up in a ball, her face twisted in pain, cold sweat pouring down her forehead. Her complexion was terrifyingly pale. She was clutching the corner of her blanket tightly, but she hadn't made a single sound.

"Sister Lin Xi... Sister Lin Xi, are you okay? Are you alright?!" Gao Qinghe rushed to her bedside. "What should we do? Should we go to the hospital?" She was about to run out and grab her phone, but Lin Xi grabbed her sleeve.

"...Painkillers..." Lin Xi finally forced the words out. "Quick..."

"...Okay!" Gao Qinghe dashed out of the room.

If she remembered correctly, the painkillers should be in the drawer under the TV cabinet. She sprinted out, found the Tylenol that Lin Xi always kept at home.

No time to boil hot water. Why hadn't she boiled water earlier?

Gao Qinghe cursed herself in her mind. After hesitating for a moment, she still grabbed the painkillers and went back into the room.

She popped the pills out of the foil packaging and handed them to Lin Xi along with the water on the nightstand.

"...Thanks." Lin Xi's hands were trembling from the pain. She struggled to put the pill in her mouth and washed it down with a sip of water.

"Let me." Gao Qinghe took the cup and pill from Lin Xi's hands. "Sister Lin Xi, I'll get you some more hot water. You should rest for now. Later you can tell me how to help you ask for leave..."

"...Help me up." Lin Xi pushed herself up to sit. "I still have to... put on makeup..."

"Sister Lin Xi, what are you saying?! You're in so much pain!" Gao Qinghe quickly moved to support her. "You can talk to the professor and reschedule. Why do you..."

"I'll be fine in a bit. Once the painkiller kicks in, I... won't hurt anymore." Lin Xi's voice was fractured and filled with suffering. "The doctor said it's nothing serious, right? Gastroenteritis, not a perforated ulcer... I can tough it out."

...Did she even know what she was saying?

"Why are you pushing yourself so hard?! Is Xiang Bei not good enough to you? When you were with me... with my cousin, you didn't push yourself like this, did you?"

Gao Qinghe blurted it out.

She saw Lin Xi's gaze turn strange, flickering with an emotion she couldn't understand.

"...That has nothing to do with this." Lin Xi brushed off Gao Qinghe's hand, clutching her stomach, and staggered to her feet. "I'm going to get ready. Call a car for about thirty minutes."

---

In the ride-hailing car, Lin Xi leaned back in her seat with her eyes closed. Her golden hair was fluffed up again, her makeup delicate. Her eyeliner still winged upward, but showed hints of fatigue due to her slightly furrowed brow. Blush and foundation thinly covered her face. Her lip color was a cool-toned dusky rose, the lip line clear but a little dry from dehydration. Overall, she still looked like that cold, beautiful Lin Xi. But if you looked closely, you could still see the paleness that her makeup couldn't hide.

Even so, whether it was the painkiller taking effect or some other reason, Lin Xi's stomach no longer hurt.

"Thank you, Qinghe." Gao Qinghe thought Lin Xi had fallen asleep, but her voice came out extremely softly. "Thanks for the porridge."

Gao Qinghe's chest swelled with warmth. She glanced at Lin Xi, gave an awkward, shy little smile.

"It's nothing. I should do that."

For a long time, no one spoke in the car.

Then Lin Xi's voice sounded again.

"Before... when I was with Gao Jingdong, I really didn't push myself that hard." She paused. "But it has nothing to do with him or Xiang Bei."

Gao Qinghe turned to look at her, puzzled.

"...I'm different now." She seemed to be talking to herself, her voice low. "I don't want to be treated as a fragile little girl anymore—gently cared for, pursued, placed on a pedestal. That's mostly why I broke up with Gao Jingdong."

...Why?

Isn't being placed on a pedestal a good feeling?

A lot of people give you things. You just have to be cute. Isn't that good?

'Not living like a girl'—what kind of life is that? Drowning in work every day, thinking about how to make money and get promoted, settling down, getting a job to earn a living...

"Does that mean... living like a man is better? Sister Lin Xi, I think being a man is not good at all. ...Probably."

"It's not about living like a man," Lin Xi let out a little laugh. "I worded that wrong. This thing shouldn't be tied to gender in the first place." She looked at Gao Qinghe, her eyes serious, but with a tone that felt almost earnest. "Think about it—when a person has something they want to do, but others always compliment their appearance, over time it distracts you."

...What did that even mean?

Gao Qinghe's brows furrowed tightly. That anxious feeling was coming back. She felt like Lin Xi was drifting far away from her again, but she couldn't understand her words at all.

"Isn't being complimented a good thing?" Gao Qinghe's tone turned stiff again. "I think I feel happy when I'm praised. Aren't you like that, Sister Lin Xi?"

"...It depends on the thing. Like when I get rewarded for my efforts, I'm happy to be complimented, but it doesn't matter if I'm not." Lin Xi just smiled reassuringly. She ruffled Gao Qinghe's hair. "Because I'm doing what I want to do."

Gao Qinghe took it in vaguely. She only felt that Lin Xi's smile right now was dazzling, something she envied deeply.

When she said those words, she carried a power that Gao Qinghe couldn't understand. That feeling seemed to break through her weakened body, making her strong and radiant.

...Had she always been like this?

"What exactly is it that Sister Lin Xi wants to do?" By the time she snapped out of it, Gao Qinghe had already asked. She vaguely remembered Lin Xi once telling her she would look for a job after graduation.

"I want to go to grad school, and then get a PhD." Lin Xi leaned back into the seat, no longer looking at her. Her voice wasn't loud, but each word was clear and firm. "I want to do research in the future."