Evan raised one eyebrow at Nihil’s barely audible voice.
The name felt unfamiliar, and even the way it sounded was strange.
“Requi…, Requi? Requies? Is that a name?”
“It’s ‘Requies.'”
“Requies, hmm, is that how you pronounce it? But why didn’t you tell me that name from the start?”
“It’s the name the child gave me…….”
“….”
“It means sanctuary, though it’s a bit excessive for me. The intonation doesn’t really fit here, either.”
Evan nodded, rolling the foreign word in his mouth a few times.
The pronunciation felt awkward, but it still seemed better than the name Nihil, which meant something miserable.
And sanctuary.
Surprisingly, it suited the atmosphere around the guy.
Just as Evan was about to praise it as a good name, Nihil spoke first.
“But it’s a forgotten name now.”
“…Did the child forget you completely too?”
“Probably. No, actually, I’m not sure. We never met again…. Besides, I tried to erase the child’s memories from the start, so acting so pathetic doesn’t really make sense…….”
“Why bother erasing them at all?”
“Because the kid got in danger because of me. And…, even if by some miracle I wasn’t forgotten, enough time has passed for it to fade. It’s too late to regret it now.”
“Just how long has it been since you parted from the child?”
“……Five hundred years.”
“What the hell.”
Without realizing it, Evan spat out a curse.
It was the first time he’d sworn since becoming the Prince’s Escort Knight.
“You, you bastard, how old are you, no, more importantly, do you still miss a child from five hundred years ago? There’s no way they could still be alive!”
“I only woke up not long ago after falling asleep back then. For me, it feels like we parted just a moment ago. Do you know what it’s like to wake up and find someone gone?”
“Of course, I’d be surprised if someone disappeared while I slept…, no, but five hundred years?”
“And, they could still be alive. Although the odds of dying in the Heavenly Demon War are much higher.”
“Heavenly Demon War. That ancient event you only read about in history books……. Wait, was the child a non-human race?”
“At first, they were human. Later, they became something else.”
“……? What do you mean?”
“…Because I interfered too deeply in the child’s life, their fate got twisted in the end.”
“???”
Evan’s head felt like it would explode.
He had suspected the guy wasn’t an ordinary human, but the more he listened, the more confused he became.
At this point, it wasn’t just about revealing his true identity.
Evan unconsciously pointed a finger at Nihil.
“You, you, you won’t harm the Prince, right?”
“I never interfere in others’ destinies unless it’s truly unavoidable. Besides, I don’t have enough power left to do that, and the backlash is too great.”
“Haven’t you already interfered? What’s your definition of interference?”
“Don’t worry. As long as I keep it within a certain level, fate won’t be distorted. I’m already assimilated as a human, and I need to conserve my body, too.”
“Are you saying you’re just a regular human right now?”
“Then what do I look like to you?”
Evan instinctively examined him up and down.
He didn’t have horns, wings, or a tail.
His hair and eye color were unusual, but that was it.
“……Still, what kind of human kid gets hit by a carriage and is fine?”
“Fine? My skull was cracked, and I bled everywhere.”
“…..”
At the brazen reply, Evan narrowed his eyes and glared at the wildcat.
“Well, I’m sturdier and have sharper senses than a regular human. But if my neck is cut, or my blood is drained, or my heart stops, I die just like anyone else. I’ve never starved to death, so I’m not sure, but I do feel hunger, so I’d probably die.”
“…Any living thing would die under those conditions, not just a human.”
“Is that so? Anyway, as long as I don’t completely break causality, some involvement is okay… I see.”
“So, I won’t harm your master. Not that it matters— you’ll forget all of this anyway.”
Evan shuddered.
Wasn’t this something you should never forget?
How could you possibly forget such things?
“I’m not going to forget your existence itself, right?”
“No. Based on experience, you’ll probably just forget tonight’s conversation. Unless you realize I’ve died.”
“Died? What happens if you die?”
“‘I’ as an existence gets erased completely. As if I never existed.”
“…Does that mean the past where you were hit by a carriage disappears too?”
“No. The past doesn’t disappear entirely. Hmm, it’s a bit hard to explain. There’s just an empty space where ‘I’ was, which gets filled in by something plausible. Maybe a wildcat instead of me.”
“…Are you trying to joke at a time like this?”
Evan narrowed his eyes, glaring, but Nihil just shrugged and smiled lightly.
“If I don’t joke now, then when?”
“Besides, a wildcat can’t read storybooks!”
“You’d still remember someone reading you a storybook. But you wouldn’t wonder who that ‘someone’ was. The memories would be mixed up, but no one would find it strange. They’d just… accept it.”
“…….”
“That’s all there is to it.”
Evan’s face twisted at Nihil’s calm explanation.
It was all so… empty.
What was this guy thinking when he named himself after emptiness?
“…Would it be pointless to leave something in writing?”
“It’s not that I’ve never tried before. If you forget naturally, it’s fine, but the more you try to remember me, the more hostility you feel. It would be troublesome if you became hostile toward me now.”
“……”
“In their words, seeing me feels like falling into the abyss. Extremely unpleasant and disturbing, wanting to erase me from their sight right away… That’s the general feeling. Getting hostility from those you once cared for isn’t pleasant, either.”
Evan quickly gave up on the idea of secretly leaving a record.
If what Nihil said was true, the more he tried to remember, the more likely he’d hurt the guy.
All he could do was hope his memories wouldn’t be erased on their own.
Suddenly, Evan wondered what it felt like to have your memories erased.
Do you just forget everything when you wake up?
Would it hurt?
So he asked without thinking.
“When will my memory be erased?”
Nihil paused, closing the lid of the fountain pen he was about to open, and looked up at Evan.
Unable to bear the observant gaze, Evan was about to speak again when Nihil softly asked,
“Do you remember where I learned to write?”
“You said you self-taught by copying scriptures.”
“And what did I say next?”
“And…….”
“……”
“And…….”
Evan couldn’t finish his sentence.
Was his memory always this bad?
“It’s already starting to fade.”
“What?”
This suddenly?
But I haven’t noticed anything?
Evan stammered, his body rigid.
“…This, can’t, be! I’m just, just bad at remembering things.”
“Do you remember my other name?”
“….”
“Who gave me that name?”
“….”
Did we have that conversation…?
Evan felt confused, but Nihil continued.
“When did I part ways with the child I raised?”
“Fi— five hundred years ago.”
To Nihil’s question, Evan could only answer one thing, and he was horrified.
His memory was being erased in real time.
His eyes trembled.
He couldn’t recall the conversations from just minutes ago.
All that remained were faint feelings, uncertain even if they were his own.
“Don’t be afraid. Don’t resist. Just accept it.”
“How, how can this happen!”
Evan’s jaw shook.
The thought that his memories were being erased sent a wave of fear crashing over him.
He didn’t want to lose his memories.
It felt like his entire being was being taken away.
What if he ended up forgetting himself, too?
Evan glared at Nihil, as if to kill him.
It was all, all because of this guy.
He was the cause of this fear.
If only he weren’t here…!
“Evan.”
Suddenly, someone called his name.
The familiar voice, paired with unfamiliar words, made Evan freeze.
Somehow, the large, rough hand of the Knight was gripping the slender throat of a child.
“Wh, why, am I, doing this?”
Evan looked down at his own rough hand, which had been strangling the fragile neck.
What he felt toward this small child was pure murderous intent.
Where had this emotion come from?
It was as if someone was controlling his feelings.
Yes, this emotion had to be something planted by a higher being, beyond his understanding.
It had to be.
There was no way something this cruel and horrible could be his own.
“Forget it. Don’t think about it anymore.”
The calm voice awakened Evan’s mind again.
“I don’t like pain. The swinging clubs, stones flying from every direction, arrows soaked in poison, sharp swords reeking of blood, and raging flames burning my whole body, all of it…….”
“……..”
“That inexplicable hostility…, I…….”
“………..”
“At first, I resisted. But the more I did, the more the ones I cared for were destroyed.”
“……….”
“So please. Just forget it.”
Nihil gently grasped the large hand near his throat.
His small, delicate hand was warm and calm.
There was no tremor at all.
If anything, Evan was the one trembling.
Evan took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions.
If he lost control, he might wake up to find the boy’s thin neck limp in his hand.
Seeing Evan settle down, Nihil spoke again.
“I won’t hurt you. It’s just a natural phenomenon, so there’s no need to worry.”
Though he’d nearly been choked, Nihil calmly persuaded Evan as if nothing had happened.
He even patted Evan’s large hand as if consoling a child.
Somewhat resigned to his situation, Evan quietly looked down at the owner of the small hand gripping his own.
How much had this boy endured alone?
How many times must someone endure before they can remain so calm even with death at their throat?
The reason he hadn’t flinched when a dagger was pointed at him— maybe he’d already faced death so many times that he’d become numb to it.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me. If anything, it’s all my fault.”
“………”
“I made you a test subject because I wanted to confirm something. I should be the one apologizing…….”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t remember you.”
“……”
Nihil’s eyes widened a little.
“And also, don’t call my name so casually. It’s creepy.”
Evan grumbled.
Being called knight, bastard, or mutt was one thing, but having his name called felt strangely shocking.
Maybe that’s why he was able to come to his senses so quickly.
“…You said that back then too…”
“Did I tell you not to call my name before?”
Evan couldn’t recall ever saying that, but the memory didn’t come to him.
And yet, this was the first time the guy had called his name.
Nihil watched Evan with a faint smile, then agreed not to call his name and let go of his hand.
Then he snuffed out the last remaining candle.
Darkness fell, and pale smoke drifted up, dissolving into emptiness.
“It’s time to wake up from the dream, mutt.”
Evan closed his eyes.
Being forgotten is so heartbreaking and devastating 💔