If a battle with the Succubus Queen breaks out, I plan to avoid direct combat and rely on inanimate objects for strategy.
The rear-guard knight scared me, and her level is indeed intimidating, but would her charm work on a rice cooker?
“Isn’t that right?”
[Of course! Just trap her in my lid, boil her, and make her strip to survive the heat!]
“…?”
Boiling her to death sounds less disturbing than that, but am I too gaslit by Korea’s puritanical society?
“…You into that kind of thing?”
[I take after my master!]
RiceCookerMan’s imbued with otherworld spirits, the maker’s intent, and the owner’s disposition, but I’ve never thought like that.
I’m, uh, not like that anyway.
Leaving the impure RiceCookerMan behind, I approach the fairy princess, who’s pure healing just to look at, and give her some formula.
She stretches out her tiny arms toward me. Can’t grab them—they’re too small. I’m careful even petting her, worried my dirty hands might make her sick.
“I love youuu. So cute!”
Before, I showed affection for rewards, but now she’s just so adorable and low-maintenance, I can’t help but dote on her.
Feeding her is simple: place her in potting soil, and she absorbs it happily.
She doesn’t whine, but her petals droop when she’s hungry, so I check often and shower her with love.
“Oh, sorry. Gotta… work.”
As I turn away after watching her, her expression sulks. Can’t help it. I can’t just stare at her forever.
“Can’t I get CatMan to play with her? Oh, he’s out.”
CatMan’s off making money again today. He’s key to my active defense strategy, but being a male cat, he’s all, “Gotta earn quick to buy a car!”
So ambitious.
“No toys to play with… Wait, toys?”
While thinking of the fairy princess like a baby and looking for toys, it hits me.
The key to fighting while resisting charm is unmanned attack devices.
I can’t float drones in my room, and unless it’s a winged monster, flight isn’t an issue, so I don’t need fancy flying drones.
“You primitive otherworlders, taste the terror of a 21st-century Earthling’s cutting-edge war weapons driven by destructive instincts.”
***
Screech. Rattle rattle…
“Strong stuff.”
Hit-and-run.
I pull back and release a toy car to crash into monsters landing from the gate onto my floor—hit-and-run.
These spring-loaded toy cars are cheap, so I bought all kinds. The truck’s my favorite.
“The otherworld’s all about trucks.”
Not that I’m hitting otherworld arrivals with a truck, but getting hit by one sends you to another world, right?
Maybe they’ll fly to yet another world.
Pickling. Pour alcohol into a basin and wait. Monsters falling from the gate drown in it. Germ-carrying ones get disinfected and die.
Some might ferment with the alcohol into items. Cola or ramen broth could work too.
Vlad’s spikes: traps with toothpicks and thumbtacks. Phoenix: counterattacks using Ottogi’s recoil.
Orbit and rotation: making monsters run endlessly on a spinning wheel (not yet implemented).
Underworld Air Tank: sucking enemies with a robot vacuum.
“Oh, that one’s tricky to pull off.”
The Air Tank uses a robot vacuum to suck them up, but I’d need to buy one first. Buying a vacuum for this feels like a waste.
My cordless vacuum’s plenty strong, so why bother?
“Underworld Air Tank… let’s stick to tradition and do it manually.”
Mixers and other inanimate defense towers come to mind, but I’ll go for ultra-cheap, cost-effective options.
To tiny folk, appliances are lethal enough. I’ve got money, but I should save. My dream’s to be a landlord with a gate.
“But why, after planning all these traps and inanimate attacks, do they stop coming?”
It’s like prepping for a housewarming, and no one shows. Because of negotiations? The gate’s been quiet for two days. Usually, small fry come every day or two.
“Wouldn’t mind if it stayed closed.”
I’ve gained enough superpowers. I’m a bit old, but I could make money outside with sports or whatever.
With this strength, I could throw something to relieve the grudges of this town’s bodhisattva-like folks.
“I’m happy.”
The song says so, but they don’t look it.
Whether I make a name as a pitcher or demolish the stadium to free Daegu from baseball’s grudge, should I start tearing down from Busan?
“Go set up boar fences?”
After wrecking a forest fighting CatMan, testing my strength on someone else’s land feels wrong.
How’s that different from nuclear tests on colonial soil? My conscience can’t take it.
If I’m doing it, it should be somewhere I control.
“Oh?”
The gate glows. Like calling a tiger, they’re invading for real. Where’s my weapon?
[It’s been a while, SoySauceFactoryManager, great giant of the dungeon.]
“Oh, uh, right. Welcome.”
[Huh? The scenery’s a bit different since last time. What’s that you’re holding?]
“Oh… this?”
The gate gives off a summoning signal, so I aimed my cordless vacuum but lowered it. It’s a negotiation envoy.
Sucking it up with air intake might not be wise. I subtly kick the traps aside.
“Uh… it’s a welcome gesture. Local tradition.”
[You’re welcoming me.]
“You brought a gift, right?”
It really did. The imp’s struggling with something its size. It’s a winged one but looks like it’s struggling to fly.
“What’s that?”
[I’m not here to negotiate this time.]
“Oh, here to kill me? Great, bring it on.”
I raise the vacuum again, but the imp shakes its head.
[No. The Succubus Queen sent a message and a gift.]
“Message? What’s it say?”
[The document’s small, and our languages differ, so I’ll read it aloud. I assure you there’s no distortion.]
I enjoy messing with RiceCookerMan and CatMan, but this guy’s pretty conscientious.
“Alright, read it.”
[Greetings to the dungeon’s giant. I am the guide of those seeking love, even in dreams, the Succubus Queen.]
Sounds like a nice lady from the greeting. Like a love evangelist.
“She doesn’t give her name. Is it Kukrukukdas or something?”
[Oh, no. Even we don’t know her true name. And my name? If you’re curious, I’ll say it again: Kekwekkyukaklukakye.]
Ugh. If I remembered that name, I’d know if it’s a scam. Too confusing. I think it just throws random “k” sounds and calls it a name.
Sly demon.
“Got it. Go on.”
[I understand you don’t trust me. However, pioneering a distant otherworld requires a certain level of force.]
Sounds like a colonialist hypocritically preaching as a civilized person.
[Thus, I apologize for failing to control the reckless use of force by pioneers. Though beyond my jurisdiction, I acknowledge my responsibility as the head of this expedition.]
“Hm.”
[Yet we can communicate well and gain much from each other. Above all, my clan and I are fated to crave human affection, so we’re deeply saddened by the hatred from you and those in your world.]
Fated to crave affection.
That’s a roundabout way of putting it, but quite diplomatic.
The Succubus Queen doesn’t directly harm, but high-level succubi don’t just drain essence—they absorb levels too. The difference from other demons is that men drained feel happy during it.
Why do the Swordmaster and the rear-guard knight know so much? They were interested.
[Thus, as an apology for past destruction and to clear misunderstandings, we’ve prepared a small gift. Please accept it.]
“Right. Your gifts must be tiny.”
[Yes, it may seem small here. Please take it.]
“What is it?”
[You’ll see. Even with 500,000 Intelligence, it’s a well-known, widely discussed item.]
The imp hands over a round thing it was carrying. Flapping its wings with effort, it offers something its size. I look closer.
<Dragon’s Egg> Consuming it aligns your lifespan with that of a dragon, restoring youth and extending life. Increases Stamina randomly by 100–1,000.
“Hm.”
I act nonchalant with a “hm,” but my eyes are spinning.
They’re giving a treasure like this as tribute? From the description, it’s basically rejuvenation.
Qin Shi Huang, you seeing this?
It’s like boosting levels by 50–500, Stamina-specific. I don’t desperately need rejuvenation, but my parents are around, right? Honestly, I need three of these.
“You think one little thing can tempt me?”
So I play hardball, hoping to squeeze out more.
[My apologies. My body could barely carry one.]
“Yeah?”
True, it was struggling like a kid carrying a watermelon. But… wow, this is real.
Keep it safe, and when I’m old, it’ll work wonders. Can I freeze it?
I want to ask but hold back since I’m posturing for negotiations. Do they even know what a freezer is? The fridge should be fine.
[To explain, combined with fairy sap and spirit soul anchors, no tonic has greater effects.]
Oh, really? So, raising my fairy princess more might give hints for stuff like this. Is that what it means?
These guys, since I said I’m not into money or women, are throwing lifespans at me. If its efficacy is proven, its value is limitless.
Otherworld human wraiths give levels, demons give life. Every time they offer something, I lean one way or the other. I’m becoming a flip-flopper.
“Alright, leave it. You’re more reasonable than I thought.”
[As a symbol of peace, we won’t form expeditions for now. Rest easy.]
“Is that so?”
[However, other clans or those exploiting the gate may invade. Some don’t follow the Queen’s orders.]
Not our responsibility, and even if we invade, we want less diplomatic backlash.
That’s the gist. Fine, I can still hold them accountable for failing to control it. Can I visit home then? But I don’t mention it.
My eyes are on the treasure.
[I’ll take my leave.]
It’s a real treasure, so I soften a bit instead of being snarky. Who knows if they’ll bring more? Oh, right.
“Hey, wait.”
[Yes?]
“You came with heavy hands; I can’t send you back empty-handed. I want to send a gift to her too.”
[Oh, yes. The Queen would appreciate that.]
There was a 2+1 ice cream deal at the convenience store, including a pig-shaped ice cream cone.
I ate it but haven’t cleaned, and I see pig bar crumbs. To them, it’s probably super sweet and huge.
According to the two wraiths, their world’s food culture isn’t developed.
Chocolate was just emerging among humans, and the Swordmaster was amazed by it, but their civilization’s collapse made it meaningless.
The crumbs seem perfect for the imp to carry with one hand.
“Take this—”
And the pig bar crumbs melt away the moment they touch my hand.
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