Chapter 36: Lunch at Edward’s

The sun climbed past its zenith, hanging high in the azure sky.

Radiant sunlight filtered through the dense canopy above the forest. It streamed through the large hole in the wooden wall of Edward’s forest cabin, casting a bright patch of light onto the brown wooden floor.

Four figures sat around a dining table next to the patch of light, chatting animatedly.

“Cheers!”

Edward, clad in black robes, raised his wooden cup high and shouted with the excitement of a hyperactive monkey.

“Mmph—cheers!”

Sitting opposite him, Vivian also raised her wooden cup, her small cheeks flushed a bright red. She then heroically downed the yogurt in her cup in one go.

Not long ago, Vivian’s group had finished their business with Edward and were preparing to leave. However, Edward had insisted they stay. Since they had come all this way, how could they leave without a meal?

Finding it hard to refuse such hospitality, they accepted. Thus, Vivian, Nolan, and Blake decided to stay for a quick bite before heading out.

Before eating, Vivian had noticed that Edward’s home was practically bare. Her hands had started to itch with the urge to craft something, so she had quickly knocked together a dining table and four chairs for him.

***

“Whoa! Nolan, why do you have two heads!?”

Vivian, her head wobbling, suddenly turned around. She covered her mouth and gasped at Nolan beside her.

“Quick, tell me, are you a spy sent by the demons? If you don’t talk, I’ll have to subject you to cruel and unusual torture.”

Vivian’s eyes were blurry, and her face was as red as if it had been painted with rouge. She mumbled incoherently, putting on a fierce expression and baring the two fangs at the corners of her mouth.

“Can you actually get drunk off yogurt…?”

Nolan gave her a perplexed look before glancing at the wooden cup on the table.

“Edward, you didn’t pick this yogurt up off the ground too, did you?”

As he spoke, he quickly reached out and snatched Vivian’s cup away. He couldn’t let her keep drinking. They had to investigate the demon attack this afternoon, and getting drunk would only cause trouble. Moreover, Vivian was the strongest fighter among them. If she started a drunken rampage, who could possibly stop her?

With those thoughts in mind, Nolan brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip.

So sour! This stuff is pure!

A powerful wave of acidity rushed straight to his brain. His tongue retracted instinctively, and his cheeks ached from the intensity of the sourness. Nolan’s face immediately shriveled like a dried chrysanthemum, his features twisting in agony.

“Yogurt? Where would I get yogurt?” Edward frowned, lost in thought. “I remember what I picked up last week was a bucket of fresh milk.”

“Ah!”

Nolan suddenly looked up, his body leaning back sharply.

Blake tore a piece of dried meat into long strips and placed them deliberately into his mouth. As he chewed, he said, “I’m guessing you left it under the bed for too long, and the milk fermented into yogurt. But since you said it’s been over a week… the milk is probably spoiled.”

*Pfft!*

Nolan jerked his head to the side and spat out all the milk in his mouth.

“You should have said so earlier!”

‘I was wondering how Vivian could get drunk on yogurt. Turns out it was spoiled milk. That explains it…’

‘Still, can vampires even get poisoned…?’

“You two-headed ogre! How dare you steal my yogurt!”

Vivian, whose brain was lagging behind, finally reacted. Seeing her yogurt snatched away, she began her drunken tantrum.

“This milk is spoiled. You can’t drink any more of it,” Nolan said, refusing her with a deadpan expression as he held the cup high above his head.

“I think it’s your brain that’s spoiled! It’s mine! I licked it!”

Vivian let out a shout and lunged at the wooden table, pressing her entire upper body onto the surface.

Blake was the first victim. He had only managed a few bites of the meat strips he just finished tearing. Vivian grabbed a handful of them and stuffed them all into her mouth.

“Pork-flavored yogurt, delicious!”

She was clearly out of her mind.

Next, she rolled across the table until she reached Edward. Like a wild boar that hadn’t eaten in a week, she opened her mouth wide and swept all the bread from Edward’s plate into her mouth with a swipe of her small hand.

“Wheat-flavored yogurt, so tasty!”

“No! That was my last piece of bread!” Edward let out a shrill cry. “I didn’t even get a chance to say a proper goodbye to it…”

He sniffed, hot tears welling in his eyes as he struggled to keep them from falling. Vivian ignored his grief and rolled once more, returning to Nolan’s side of the table. She had practically completed a full circuit on top of the dining table.

“Ah~”

Vivian opened her mouth and pointed a finger inside.

“Where’s my yogurt?”

The pale pink flesh of her inner cheeks was slightly visible, and her pearly white teeth were perfectly aligned. The two sharp fangs in her upper jaw protruded, glistening with a faint sheen of saliva.

Nolan covered his face in agony. He truly couldn’t show his face in public anymore. She had thrown all their dignity away. If he let Vivian keep fooling around, they wouldn’t get to finish their lunch.

Without a word, he reached out and grabbed Vivian by the scruff of her neck, lifting the small girl into the air.

“Eh? Why do I feel weightless? The two-headed ogre can even use magic!”

Vivian flailed in mid-air and blinked in confusion. Nolan tossed her gently upward and then…

With a massive flying kick, he struck Vivian’s small backside firmly. Like a professional soccer player, he aimed for the hole in the wall and sent her flying.

“Woohoo~ I’m flying!” Vivian shouted excitedly in mid-air.

*Thud!*

Following the sound of a dull landing, all noise from outside ceased.

“Is Lady Vivian alright?” Blake looked up from tidying the table, his expression somewhat worried.

“Even if the world ended, she’d be fine.” Nolan clapped his hands and sat back in his chair. “Let’s eat while she’s sleeping outside. Hurry up!”

***

In the afternoon, the midday heat began to dissipate. Beneath the shade of a tree next to Edward’s cabin, Vivian stirred.

“That was such a good sleep~”

Vivian stretched lazily like a pampered cat, letting out a satisfied purr. As expected, afternoon naps were the most comfortable. She squinted her eyes, her lips forming a wavy line of contentment.

‘But why was I sleeping outside?’

She rubbed her buttocks, a large question mark appearing over her head.

‘Also, why does my body feel a bit sore? Could someone have sneakily beaten me while I was asleep…?’

At that moment, the door to the small wooden cabin suddenly swung open with a bang.

“Good afternoon, Vivian.”

Nolan walked out of the cabin with a gentle smile.

“Oh, right, let me introduce you to our new companion.”

Having said that, he stepped aside. A figure with only half a body, charred skin, and a limp walked out of the cabin.

“That would be the Living Corpse—Mr. Gareth.”