Late at night, a black BMW drove lonely along the roads of the New Urban District.
Passing the dark entrance of a factory area, the streetlights frequently illuminated the young girl’s pale face.
Su Xixia curled her body, clutching the SIM card she had struggled to find, her eyes welling with tears she couldn’t shed.
“Is it really not possible? I won’t run around,” she asked.
“Enough already. I really can’t stand it when women beg me. How many times do I have to say it? Brother Li is willing to let you have a place to stay and isn’t chasing you back — that is already more than generous. It’s useless to beg me.”
Xiao Ji sat in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel with his brow furrowed.
“Why won’t he chase after me the way he chases after that Streamer? What part of me is inferior to her? Clearly, I was there first! I’ve been there since we were children.”
“Brother Li has never mentioned childhood things to me; he can’t wait to forget them. Instead of that, why don’t you think about how your presence makes him feel? I don’t know about your childhood, but looking at it now, you’re just suppressing him.”
“I thought he knew what I meant. A man as strong and upright as him is just missing a woman who stays by his side to take care of him. He should like me!”
“Brother Li… is a bit stubborn, and he’s very afraid of loneliness. Maybe you were with him in the past, but what he wants is something deeper. I can’t quite explain it! Either way, you’re in his way. With his personality, it would be strange if he actually liked you!”
“……”
Su Xixia lowered her head in silence, her body trembling uncontrollably — not because of the cold, but because of a persistent chill in her heart.
Thinking back to the past, she remembered the first time she saw Li Mingshan surrounded and bullied by boys.
She remembered how, even though he was covered in filth, he still held his head high with an unyielding look…
Her own life, however, had been arranged by her parents long ago.
No matter how her studies went, she was expected to stay and help at the restaurant after graduation, find a wealthy man to marry, take a massive bride price, and become nothing more than a child-bearing machine for the rest of her life.
Yet, the privileges she enjoyed at school and the many sisters willing to follow her around were all thanks to that family background.
At that time, she wanted to submit to the arrangements, but she also felt unwilling. However, if she dared to resist, she would lose all those benefits.
In her conflict, she had been unconsciously drawn to Li Mingshan.
‘If only I could be as excellent and resilient as Li Mingshan, never giving up even when bullied, how great that would be — ‘
“We’re here. Get out of the car!”
Xiao Ji opened the car door.
She obediently walked through the entrance of the apartment, entering the home that had already become a “cage.”
“Will Li Mingshan ever come back?”
She asked.
“He won’t. You won’t be able to find him, so don’t even think about it!”
“Haha, he really is that kind of person, isn’t he?”
Su Xixia laughed weakly.
“What are you laughing at? Are you crazy? Ugh, how creepy…”
Even Xiao Ji felt her laughter was chilling.
After seeing her into the house, he retreated to the doorway and kept a close eye on her.
Seeing her just sitting on the bed in a daze, Xiao Ji breathed a sigh of relief and asked hesitantly, “In the future, I can tell you things about Brother Li, except for the things I can’t say, like his address or contact info. But I want you to tell me something, okay?”
Hearing this, she looked up, expressing interest.
“Was it Senior Sister Xu who told you the details of the meeting between Brother Li and An Zhi?”
Xiao Ji clenched his fists.
“……”
When she hesitated to speak and averted her gaze, Xiao Ji roughly understood what it meant.
“I see. I’m leaving. Sit here and reflect on your own.”
Then, after the sound of a lock turning, the room returned to silence.
She wouldn’t be able to get out until someone pulled the key out from the outside.
Compared to what she had done to Li Mingshan, this was mild.
Exhausted, she collapsed onto the bed.
Smelling the lingering scent of Li Mingshan on the bedding, she actually felt a bit better than before.
She could understand what Xiao Ji meant by the “something deeper” that Li Mingshan was pursuing.
In their childhood, it was “getting into university,” and now, it was “catching up to An Zhi.”
The ultimate goal was always “letting his family and himself live a good life.”
Li Mingshan had never changed.
No matter how many beatings, humiliations, or entanglements he endured, he never stopped.
He always chased his dreams without surrendering.
‘No one should understand him better than me, but why am I always so dissatisfied…’
Su Xixia murmured.
She knew very well that no matter what she did, she was dispensable to him.
After he got into university, even when she deliberately walked into a trap or even became pregnant with his child, she couldn’t make him look back.
After reuniting with him in Sucheng, even though she did her best to soothe and care for him, even resorting to despicable means, she couldn’t make him let go of An Zhi or his dreams.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make him stop.
Su Xixia knew this.
She just didn’t understand.
What she feared most wasn’t “Li Mingshan not liking her,” but rather “Li Mingshan leaving her.”
And what she wanted most wasn’t “Li Mingshan staying with her,” but “Li Mingshan liking her.”
It was exactly this gap that led her to do those vile things.
If she lowered her expectations and just wanted Li Mingshan to stay with her, even if it was just for a short time, would things still have ended up like this?
Thinking of this, she felt a pang of heartache.
“Mingshan, I don’t need you to like me anymore.”
If she didn’t hinder him from pursuing his dreams, if she didn’t beg him to like her but simply encouraged him to keep moving forward, then…
“Would you still be willing to stay by my side? Even for just 1 second.”
This was the first time Su Xixia had thought about so many things.
Clasping the pillow Li Mingshan had slept on, she fell into a deep sleep, exhausted in both body and mind.
—
At noon, the sun hanging high overhead drove away the chill.
This was the last warm day before the arrival of winter.
People in the University District walked along the streets chatting and laughing; most were students heading to the cafeteria for a meal.
I pulled my old suitcase, looking out of place among them.
After leaving the photo studio, I started looking for a new apartment to rent.
Unexpectedly, Xiao Ji sent a message first, saying there was a decent student apartment near his house.
The key was that I could move in with just 1 month’s deposit and 1 month’s rent upfront.
4000 would definitely be enough.
I immediately rushed to the outside of Xiao Ji’s residential complex.
Xiao Qingling and Xiao Ji were waiting for me at the entrance.
“Sister, say less, okay?”
I heard Xiao Ji quietly advising his sister.
As I approached them, Xiao Qingling walked over without a word.
I thought she was going to scold me, but she simply stood on her tiptoes and reached out to pat my head.
The slender, warm touch was very comforting.
“I found a mentor I know at Sucheng University. She recommended this apartment.”
“Thank you.”
“Mhm. You should settle in first.”
Xiao Qingling took small steps in front, leading Xiao Ji and me toward the direction of Sucheng University.
It seemed Xiao Ji had already told her about what happened last night.
I wondered if Senior Sister Xu knew as well.
However, they still didn’t know that I had seen An Zhi today and made a promise to meet again in 1 year.
I unconsciously began to doubt the people around me, and the feeling was very troubling.
Whether it was the Xiao siblings or Senior Sister Xu, they had all been helping me.
I didn’t want to doubt any of them.
So, please forgive me for hiding the agreement for now.
The apartment Xiao Qingling found was indeed very close to Sucheng University.
I could even see the slogans on the Sucheng University library building from the window.
It was a standalone apartment building.
The room I was about to move into was on a high floor, the 16th floor.
After exiting the elevator and passing the rooms along the narrow corridor, we entered Apartment 1612.
It was only slightly larger than my previous place.
It had a private bathroom and kitchen, with a bedroom further inside and a small door leading to a public balcony.
Although I wasn’t a student and the rent would be a bit more expensive, it was still quite cheap.
After paying the rent and deposit, I’d still have a few hundred left for food.
“Thank you, thank you, Sister.”
After signing the Employment Contract and moving in, I bowed repeatedly to thank Xiao Qingling.
“It’s nothing. Come by and sit with us more often in the future,” she said plainly, her words carrying a hidden meaning.
“Okay.”
Only after I nodded did she turn to leave.
Xiao Ji remained standing at the door.
“I’m staying. I still have something to say to Mingshan, Sister.”
“Ji, let Mingshan get some rest.”
“I know. I’ll leave right after I’m done. Why are you worrying about how I handle things?”
Xiao Ji patted his chest.
“Sigh — “
Perhaps out of consideration for me, Xiao Qingling didn’t scold him further and turned to leave the room.
What Xiao Ji wanted to talk about was probably related to Su Xixia.
I guessed.