Chapter 39: The Fire That Didn’t Burn

“Your attribute! It means you have a talent for Spirit Arts!”

“M-me, a spirit? That can’t be true?!”

There’s no way that’s true!

“Calm down!”

That’s impossible!

As I flailed about, not knowing what to do, Evan strode over and gripped my shoulders.

“If you wave your hand and that flame really flies off, this infirmary will be burnt to ashes. So, calm down.”

Evan looked into my eyes as he spoke.

“That flame can’t hurt you. It’s not hot, is it? Isn’t that right?”

He spoke with certainty.

I nodded slowly. That’s right, the flame wasn’t hot. The only thing hot was Evan’s hand gripping my shoulder, keeping me from moving.

He motioned to my hand with his eyes. His eyelashes were longer than I expected.

“See, it’s dying down.”

“Ah…”

Just as Evan said.

The white-blue flame, once blazing, was slowly shrinking. Bit by bit, its body diminished, and soon it began to rise.

“It’s ris—”

“Stay calm.”

The rising flame merged into one.

The burning flame took the shape of a white sphere. The orb began to glow, shining so brightly it overtook my vision. In the suddenly bright surroundings, unable to see, I staggered, and Evan supported me.

As the light slowly faded, and my vision cleared, what I saw was a burning firebird. With every flap of its wings, the white-gold bird scattered embers. The bird circled me once and then disappeared.

Gone without a trace, as if it never existed.

“……”

I looked around, then met Evan’s gaze.

“It’s gone.”

I stammered, and Evan nodded.

“Well done.”

“W-well done? What for?”

“You didn’t throw the flame. Thank you for sparing me.”

“Are you mocking me?”

I didn’t even have the strength to argue with Evan anymore. I felt my energy drain right out through my toes.

“It’s a compliment.”

Evan’s face, as he said it, looked strangely lonely.

That’s not the face of someone giving praise.

“Whew.”

Evan sighed, glanced around, then smiled as usual.

The shards of the broken vase were scattered all over the infirmary floor, and the blanket was tangled on the ground, a victim of my panic. Alongside the pillow I’d thrown.

Goodness, how did I manage to make such a mess?

“What should we do, it’s a total disaster.”

“Ugh.”

Evan slowly released my shoulder. My legs were trembling from exhaustion.

“You rarely say you’re tired, do you?”

“What do you mean…?”

Evan placed his hand on my shoulder.

“Why…?”

I tried to slap his arm away in surprise, but I had no strength left.

“You’re shaking so much, you can hardly stand.”

“……”

Evan helped me lie back down on the bed.

“Why aren’t you happy?”

“…Excuse me?”

“You should be delighted if you awakened an ability, but I don’t see any sign of that.”

“…I’m just confused. I don’t even know if I really gained a power.”

Well, because such things are impossible.

No, it’s because it never happened before.

I couldn’t believe it. That I had a talent for Spirit Arts.

No, more than that, that my ability would manifest like this.

No, honestly, just being alive like this didn’t make any sense.

It had only been five days since then. Five days. Before I could even process what happened, I was thrown into a situation I’d never experienced. I ended up talking to people I’d never gotten along with, experienced strange accidents, and now here I was, dazed and confused. The spirit that appeared so suddenly didn’t seem real.

But there was something else strange, too.

Evan. He was acting strange.

‘Cecilia? Impressive. The top student was always a boy until now, always a high noble.’

He had watched Cecilia with eyes full of curiosity.

Cecilia always seemed to meet them like it was fate, and whenever she was in trouble, they were the ones to save her. I was always just swept along.

That’s why it was strange.

The story now centered on me, yet he was wearing a serious expression. Where did the Evan go who had been so enchanted by Cecilia, as if under a spell? What changed between then and now? Why?

I had nothing but questions.

“What’s wrong?”

He looked at my downcast face even now, and I found myself clutching the blanket so hard that my hand turned white from lack of blood flow.

He was watching me.

But I didn’t want to see Evan, the one who had left me to die.

It’s strange and I’m curious, but I really couldn’t understand.

Why? In that cramped carriage, was I invisible? Was it so hard to call my name while calling Cecilia’s over and over? Or did he just not know? That I, who was always with Cecilia, was kidnapped together with her.

Yes, maybe he just didn’t know. Maybe he couldn’t see me. I tried to believe that, but I couldn’t. I knew better than anyone that wasn’t true. For them, there was always only Cecilia. As if enchanted.

“Are you feeling sick?”

Evan reached out as if to touch my forehead.

I leaned back, and his hand stopped mid-air. After a few seconds, Evan withdrew his hand. We stared at each other.

Why do you care now? What’s so different from then?

Tell me.

“You look like you have a lot to say. How about actually saying it? Just glaring at me, I can’t tell what you want to ask at all.”

Evan furrowed his brow as he spoke.

As if I could ask.

I kept my mouth shut, looking into his deep green eyes, bright like sunlight.

I couldn’t forget how he turned away from me in the moment of death.

It just made me sadder. The fact that he could be kind even to me, not just Cecilia, made me feel deprived.

If only he’d kept ignoring me, like before, then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten involved with them at all.

Ah, how pathetic.

I forced the conversation in another direction.

“…Why did a spirit suddenly appear? I’ve never been told I had any talent for that.”

“I don’t think that’s what you really want to ask.”

“I’m curious about this too.”

“Will you ask what you really want to know, next time?”

I fell silent, meaning I wouldn’t answer. Evan sighed.

“Maybe it has something to do with that accident at the riding ground earlier.”

I remembered going to the riding ground, but not how I ended up fainting.

“What happened?”

“I… can’t remember.”

“Hmm.”

It was just my guess, but it really was strange.

No matter how much I’d resolved to live honestly and do as I pleased, I didn’t intend to get so angry so recklessly. No, it just wasn’t possible.

Habit is a scary thing. It’s not something that changes just because you make up your mind. Even though I wanted to distance myself from them, when I was with them I felt a strange sense of stability.

How ridiculous, acting the same in a life I’d gotten back. I don’t even know how old I am. Always being swept up, again and again…

“Don’t think about it too much. You’ll figure it out anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“In my experience, you always learn what you need to know sooner or later.”

“……”

Hoo, Evan let out a long sigh, brushing his hair back with his hand.

“You’re the only one who makes that face around me.”

“What kind of face?”

I asked a bit irritably, but Evan just smiled with a sigh, not at all offended.

“Just… “

I didn’t ask him to continue and just glared at him.

“You look depressed.”

“……”

“Our Academy even has a department for student mental health support. You can go if you want.”

“No thanks.”

“If you don’t want to go alone, well, I could go with you.”

“I said no!”

How ridiculous, even if I went, I’d go alone.

Though I put on a brave face, I mulled over his words.

Is that so. Do I look depressed?

I didn’t have a particularly happy life. I always felt like I was being dragged along, and it was exhausting. Now, it’s like I’m wearing clothes that don’t fit my age, trying to figure out who I am.

Claiming I wanted to return to my true self, but not knowing who that was, acting foolishly all the while.

‘You’ll find out what you need to know, sooner or later.’

Is Evan right? Will I someday learn why I came back, why Evan changed so much, why he turned away from my death?

But even if I find out, will it make sense?

Looking at Evan, his face blank, I couldn’t bring myself to thank him for helping me.

Ah, where did the me go who swore I wouldn’t live as a supporting role anymore?

The anger from back then felt like a mirage fading into the future. It lingered like dregs, but just weighed on my heart instead of burning. If it had burned, I would’ve cut off Cecilia and Evan in a heartbeat.

Do I actually miss them? Was I just regretful? About truly, really belonging with them.

If so, I’ve no pride left. No backbone. Pitiful, Liana.

“Liana.”

Evan tapped the bed. When I looked up absent-mindedly, he wore an uncomfortable expression.

“What are you thinking about so hard? You didn’t really jump in front of a horse, did you?”

“No!”

“Good.”

Evan raised his wrist to check the time.

“How long has it been?”

“Ten minutes.”

After all that chaos, it’s only been ten minutes.

Some days feel like a year, some years like a day, and sometimes ten minutes feels like an hour.

“Hehe.”

“Why are you laughing all of a sudden?”

Evan looked at me incredulously.

Evan, is it ridiculous? I just find everything so absurd that I can’t help but laugh.

“It’s just funny, staying so calm after making such a mess.”

“That flame was impressive.”

Evan nodded seriously. I shrugged. It was a very strange feeling, both unpleasant and relieving at the same time.

Ah, my hair kept tickling my back every time I moved. As I raised my arms to tie my hair, the door opened. Cecilia, her face flushed, and Hawkins, following right behind her, entered.

“Liana, are you alri— What is this! The glass!”

“Ah, it’s fine. Something just happened.”

Cecilia, did you even hear me? You really don’t need to be that surprised.

Seeing the scattered pillows and blankets, the shattered vase, and the flowers strewn across the floor, Cecilia looked on the verge of tears. She ran over to me, but her running looked unsteady.

“Ah!”

“Lady Cecilia!”

“Oh no.”