Chapter 44: The Gate’s Going Wild

“Uh, excuse me? Princess?”

“Cheater!”

Uh, well, um.

If I’d actually cheated and got called a cheater, I wouldn’t feel so wronged.

But I’ve never even been in a situation where cheating was possible?

“Hey, RiceCookerMan.”

[Yes, RiceCookerMan.]

I pressed the power button again.

He’s got a more reliable vibe than CatMan, like he’s reporting his rank and name.

“Why’s our princess acting like this?”

[Now that you mention it, Leader…]

“Hold on. Can you not with that ‘Leader’ nonsense?”

[Oh, sorry. Then, Chairman!]

“…”

“Defense Department?”

[Or maybe…]

“If you call me First Secretary, I’m not eating your rice anymore. I’ll eat bread right in front of you. And you’ll see me lick the Hetbahn container clean.”

[Gasp, ugh, sorry! Sniff.]

What a rice cooker, falling for a threat like that.

“So, why’s she acting like this? You’re the spirit who came to help her escape, right?”

[You kept saying you loved her, so maybe she’s jealous seeing you get close to someone else?]

I was told to raise her with love, not to fall in love.

The wallpapered part of my room had turned into an even uglier mess with just plywood slapped on.

It looks like an unfinished project, kinda like those trendy café interiors lately.

Now that I think about it, the Sultan Boyz bromide was a fairy in comparison.

Room 202, who could complain about the hole, thinks I patched it up for her, so there’s no issue there.

But it’s pretty hideous.

I’ve got a spare bromide labeled Noble Lady Academy for just such an occasion.

It’s got three super pretty characters drawn on it, but sticking up this kind of illustration feels a bit embarrassing.

Oh well, no choice.

“Might as well hope they mistake me for an otaku.”

Not likely, though.

There was a notification from an overseas shopping app on my phone.

Come to think of it, it’s been ages since I ordered that riot shield, and it still hasn’t arrived.

Are they finally shipping it?

I checked, and…

[Your order has been canceled.]

“Oh, come on…”

I’d ordered a riot shield through international purchase, and it got canceled.

It’s not like it’s some strategic asset, so why cancel it? That’s absurd.

I should’ve known when I bought it from some weird, unknown shopping site.

No helping it now.

Since the delivery kept getting delayed, I’d looked into other riot shields.

I found a chance to buy one engraved with Republic of Korea Police from a private seller.

But the seller was hiding their face behind sunglasses, acting suspicious, like they’re wanted for violating some vagrancy law or something.

It felt like I shouldn’t buy it.

Anyone could tell it’s stolen goods.

No choice but to search for another shield.

“Kite shield looks cool. Wanna buy it.”

This time, I started shopping online for a proper shield.

If I stick up a pretty girl bromide and a Captain America replica shield, I’ll really start looking like one of those anime-loving friends.

I like it, but I didn’t plan to show it off.

There are a lot of round shields out there.

One of my defensive strategies, called You Spin Me Round.

It’s a trap where monsters fall onto a spinning platform, run until they’re exhausted, and die.

I was planning to set that up, and just then…

“Pot lid. Not bad. It spins, right?”

A pot lid with heat-resistant rubber coating seems capable of spinning and spinning for the gate monsters.

I took it out.

And the moment I held the pot lid.

<Shield King activated>

“…”

Sometimes, I imagine things.

If I keep getting stronger and some huge danger comes later, I’d step up like a hero, facing off against a giant mutant king monster with my immense strength.

Throwing punches with all my might, slashing with a cool sword.

Fancy armor, a powerful sword, a sturdy shield, and cool accessories.

Isn’t that every guy’s dream?

But…

Reinforced long padding.

Limit-breaking towel.

Limit-breaking fly swatter.

Sword Master kitchen knife.

Shield King pot lid.

North Korean spirit rice cooker.

If I walk around equipped with this, I’m genuinely a lunatic…

But, well, it’s fine.

My tastes are weirdly practical, even if they’re ridiculous.

I wasn’t always an attention seeker.

But after teaching for a bit, I realized the best way to keep students’ attention is to do something funny or weird.

Not that I’ll get to use that now.

And since I’m fighting in my room, who cares about appearances?

“Nice, pot lid. Simple. If I tie a strap to it and wear it on my head, it’s a helmet slot but works as a shield, right?”

I could tie a strap to the pot lid and wear it like a military cap.

It’d probably reflect sunlight and function as a hat, too?

“Even without a strap… oh, it works.”

Wow, Shield King is super simple.

The pot lid just sticks to my body?

The weather’s cooled down, but it’s late August.

Typhoons are bringing sticky humidity.

It’s not hot enough for AC, but with the humidity, I took off my shirt, stuck the pot lid to my body, and it adhered perfectly.

Just sticking it to my body activates Shield King.

“Oh, it works like this? Man, this is…”

I was getting excited about how Shield King activates even when stuck to my sticky, humid body, but CatMan glances at me and turns away.

“What? What’s that look?”

[If that’s the extent of human thinking, I can’t blame beasts for mocking you. I only tolerate it because you open cans.]

“Go fetch some money, you punk.”

[Tch… when you’re out of words, fine. I’ll financially heal you. Buy a car, go to the hospital. I’ll cover the bills.]

“Let’s both go to the hospital.”

[Meeoow!]

“No, no, I mean, not for that. You need shots, like vaccines.”

[Meeooowww!]

He’s not falling for it.

He’s leveling up with me, getting smarter.

Still, CatMan’s fetching really does bring me peace and happiness.

As CatMan went out and I was about to move RiceCookerMan to set up the spinning platform near the gate…

Gurgle gurgle.

“What’s that sound?”

Thought it was the neighbor girl using the bathroom, but it’s not. It’s coming from the gate.

The gate’s shaking like it’s got a stomachache.

“These guys are making a racket.”

Looks like the invasion’s starting again.

I know the guys who want to marry the Succubus Queen are coming to claim the giant’s head as a dowry.

The imp said so before it was executed.

Said the queen’s being forced into marriage, poor thing.

If they’re her suitors, I’ll have to execute them as they come.

Splat!

“What the?”

I’d moved RiceCookerMan so monsters would fall straight into the trap, ready to attack.

But this time, what’s falling from the gate is some kind of liquid, dripping down.

After one big splat, smaller drips follow.

It’s not a monster falling, but something sticky, cohesive, pouring down continuously.

Drip, drip, splat, sploosh.

Wait, sometimes it’s not just drip but sploosh?

The color’s not the usual brownish-yellow; it’s basically transparent.

But it’s got a faint yellowish tint.

It’s almost like…

Is the gate having diarrhea?

“Are they seriously dumping sewage through the gate now?”

Come to think of it, an anus is a kind of gate…

The anus became a gate.

No, that’s not it.

I’ve already been hit with biochemical warfare before.

“Ugh, these guys are doing everything. So gross.”

I grabbed a mask again.

They’ve got strategists too, so it’s not like they can’t pull this off.

If they know the dungeon’s isolated, they’d naturally try to make it unlivable for me to drive me out.

“Even using psychological warfare.”

If piles of crap came through the gate every day and I had to clean it up, I’d honestly not want to live here.

Or maybe, since it’s an inedible dungeon, they’re freaking out and sending waste.

It looks closer to liquid, though.

“Why’s the water so clumpy?”

It’s like water but with some chunks, like…

“Ugh, this is infuriating. Are these guys insane?”

“Eat crap, you punks!”

Why am I the one dealing with this?

Did I smuggle saccharin or something?

At least it doesn’t smell.

It doesn’t seem like actual crap.

“Phew, looks like it’s not fecal terrorism…”

But what’s this transparent stuff?

It’s way too drippy.

Unless it’s…

No way.

Transparent diarrhea would be better.

I don’t know demon biology, but maybe it’s transparent?

Sploosh!

It really feels like something blocked up in the gate is being forced out.

I can’t use traps on this liquid-solid mix, so I let the mysterious clumps pile up. Should I wipe it with tissues?

What is this, seriously?

On closer inspection, it looks like someone squeezed out edible jelly and splattered it on the floor.

There’s a faint fragrance.

Kinda like elderflower? The color’s similar too.

“What’s this? They’re sending elderflower syrup jelly through the gate?”

A pile’s stacking up, and the transparent yellowish liquid keeps dripping through the gate, forming clumps.

I can’t even guess what this stuff is or why they sent it.

The gate’s narrow, and the sound and behavior are weird, that’s all.

The stuff itself looks like jelly or elderflower-scented gel or shower product.

Is this industrial waste from their world, dumped into ours?

If it works the other way, humans’ greed could easily dump radioactive waste or plastic through.

I was about to clean it up but held off since it might be dangerous. There’s a lot of it.

But then, the piled-up syrup jelly suddenly hardens and starts merging.

“What the?!”

I thought it was just water mixed with something, but it’s forming a round shape.

It turns into a giant yellowish jelly.

And finally, a level and name appear above its head.

<King Slime LV255>

Intelligence too low to view description.

The opponent blocks the description with intelligence.

“What, a single-celled organism… with high intelligence?”

I thought it was some phenomenon, but it’s a monster.

I’d prepared rice drink for times like this, so I rushed to the balcony fridge, grabbed it, and drank.

Ugh, too sweet.

<King Slime LV255>

Born in a flowerbed, raised eating flowers.

Leaves a fragrance where it passes.

Despite its gross entrance, it sounds like a pleasant, fragrant monster?

This King Slime is definitely big among monsters.

They’re probably sending their biggest monsters through the gate now.

It’s about the width of a mammoth bun and as tall as a remote stood upright.

It’s pretty big, so they likely sent it in parts through the gate and let it reassemble here.

Hey.

They’re gonna keep sending big ones like this, aren’t they?