Chapter 51: It’s All My Fault…

After buying the camera, Gu Fan tested it out with a few shots.

I looked at the pictures—image quality was just average.

Compared to a phone, it didn’t even come close.

I glanced at Gu Fan’s expression.

He actually seemed pretty satisfied?

“Gu Fan, what do you think of it?”

After all, guessing is just guessing.

You only really know what someone thinks when they say it out loud.

“For the price, it’s fine. Let’s just call it a hazy kind of beauty?”

That sounded like a bit of self-deprecating humor, but since Gu Fan wasn’t bothered, I naturally followed his lead.

I held onto Gu Fan as we wandered around the shopping mall, stopping now and then to take pictures of the better-looking Christmas decorations.

Meanwhile, I was racking my brain to figure out where else I could take him.

I couldn’t name a single top-rated attraction in this mall.

I didn’t even know what was considered fun around here.

Since I had no experience and didn’t do any research in advance, I had no choice but to turn to the internet for help.

I tugged at Gu Fan’s sleeve, whining about how my feet were sore and I was too tired to walk anymore, just to find a place to sit down and rest.

That’s how we ended up sitting under a large patio umbrella.

There was a café here, and the umbrella was part of its outdoor seating area.

We’d already polished off the sweets we bought earlier.

A staff member noticed us—two brand-new customers—and walked over with a notepad in hand.

“May I take your order?”

Even though I work at a cat café, I rarely drink coffee myself.

This was actually my first time visiting a café as a customer.

I looked over at Gu Fan.

He was seriously focused on the menu, like he was studying which coffee might be the best to order.

Could Gu Fan be a regular?

He looked like he really knew what he was doing.

Maybe he’d pick something super delicious?

Just as I was thinking that, Gu Fan took out his phone.

He didn’t bother hiding the screen, so I could see that he was searching.

Which kind of coffee is the sweetest?

Hmm… that’s fine.

Actually, it’s kind of nice.

It means we’re standing on the same starting line—learning about coffee together.

That way, Gu Fan won’t be miles ahead of me in a world I don’t understand.

After ordering two caramel macchiatos, Gu Fan continued browsing on his phone, occasionally typing messages to someone.

I figured that was his private business.

Even though I was curious, I didn’t want to intrude, so I politely looked away.

Better to research fun spots in the mall instead.

I pulled out my phone as well.

Even though this town is pretty small, searching the shopping mall brought up all kinds of reviews and recommendations buried inside various apps.

I opened one of the listings at random and started reading.

Bit by bit, I started to get a sense of what entertainment options this mall had to offer.

Archery?

With how delicate and frail I am, I’d probably struggle to even hold the bow, right?

Bowling seemed easier, but… it didn’t feel like there’d be much to talk about.

Swimming… hmm.

Just imagining Gu Fan in nothing but swim trunks, showing off that fit, toned body…

I couldn’t help but swallow a little.

Wait, no no no!

I should be daydreaming about girls in swimsuits, not Gu Fan!

Why was that my first thought?!

I shook my head, officially ruling out the swimming pool idea.

I was nowhere near ready to see Gu Fan swimming… or to change into a swimsuit myself.

Better to let that idea sit and mature a bit longer.

After narrowing down the list, I didn’t have many choices left.

I looked at the last highly-rated option—an escape room—and made up my mind.

That’s it.

We’re going with that!

When the caramel macchiato arrived, I took a big gulp.

Sweet and creamy—no need to add extra sugar or milk at all.

Gu Fan also took a small sip, then gave a thoughtful nod.

“Not bad. For my first time trying coffee, it’s not nearly as bitter as I expected.”

“Were you worried it’d be too bitter, Gu Fan?”

“I heard it’s really bitter, so I picked something sweeter instead. You’re okay with the taste, right?”

As Gu Fan said this, he glanced up at me.

I wasn’t sure what he found amusing, but he chuckled absentmindedly and then pulled the newly bought mini camera from his pocket, lifting it toward me.

Click—

A soft shutter sound came from the camera’s tiny speaker.

I realized a moment too late what was happening, hurriedly flashing a peace sign as Gu Fan cooperatively snapped another shot.

Hopefully, that one looked a bit cuter.

“All done. Want to see how they turned out?”

“Mhm, I do!”

I cared a lot about how I looked in photos… okay, correction—only when it came to Gu Fan.

At all other times, I was just a messy homebody who couldn’t be bothered to brush her hair, let alone worry about appearances.

Gu Fan switched the camera to gallery mode and handed it over to me.

I studied the frozen image of myself on the screen.

Ugh… hideous…

From my perspective, the black-haired girl wearing cat ears in the photo didn’t have a single redeeming feature.

Her expression was cold, with tightly knit brows, as if she was being forced into the picture against her will.

Sitting across from her was her favorite person in the world, and yet… she didn’t even realize she had put on her usual frosty look again.

This has to be deleted.

No debate.

There’s no way I could let a picture that ugly remain.

If Gu Fan ever scrolled back through the camera and saw me like that, he’d definitely start to dislike me, wouldn’t he?

If I’ve already left a bad impression, I have to stop it from getting worse—even if it’s a little too late to fix it properly.

I fumbled with the unfamiliar camera, poking at buttons until I figured out what each one did.

Once I reached the delete option, I hit it without hesitation.

“Are you sure you want to delete this photo? Yes/No.”

Just as I was about to press ‘Yes’ on the prompt, a hand gently stopped mine.

“What’s up? What are you fiddling with? Did I accidentally hit something and make you miss the photo?”

Gu Fan trusted me. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that I might be trying to delete the picture.

So when he carefully uncurled my fingers from the camera and saw the screen for himself, only a faint flicker crossed his expression.

“You’re going to delete it? Why?”

He didn’t accuse me.

He just asked with his usual calm, breeze-soft voice, full of quiet patience.

But that calmness—it only made my guilt hit harder.

His clear, unblaming eyes pierced straight through me, and I wilted under their weight.

My head hung low.

My spine bent.

I wanted to shrink into the floor like a frightened ostrich and never be seen again.

An unbearable mix of dread and self-loathing built up in my chest, choking my throat, fogging up my thoughts.

Inky black despair oozed behind my eyes, blotting out my vision, heavy and nauseating.

I have to let it out. If I don’t, I’ll die.

That was my last coherent thought before my body—overwhelmed and cornered—began to fight back.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—it’s my fault, I acted on my own, I was too full of myself. Gu Fan, you just wanted to show me, and I selfishly tried to hide something so filthy. Maybe… maybe you like things like this, right? Right? I—I wanted to believe you’d like it too. I was so scared that this photo would keep ruining your impression of me, I just wanted to erase it. But I meant well, I swear! Please don’t hate me, please, please—I really didn’t mean any harm…”

As I poured out all the tangled, bitter emotions choking me, the pressure in my mind finally began to ease.

My breathing steadied bit by bit, and I slowly became aware—painfully aware—of what I had just said.

I clamped my mouth shut.

Then, timidly, I looked up at Gu Fan.

His mouth was slightly open.

His eyes were wide.

He looked like he wanted to say something… but didn’t know how to begin.

Well… of course.

Anyone would be shocked to see a familiar friend suddenly go manic like that.

So what was I doing just now?

Had I lost my mind?

I pressed my lips together tightly, my fingers anxiously rubbing along the handle of the coffee cup.

The momentary relief I’d felt was already gone, replaced by a fresh wave of dread.

One worry left, another took its place.

My emotions were never truly freed—just momentarily distracted before plunging me right back into despair.

What is wrong with me today?

Why do I keep messing things up—over and over again?

I already got a warning right outside the shopping mall.

Why am I repeating the same mistakes again? Why?!

Step by step, I was dragging my once-stable relationship with Gu Fan into a pit.

And the worst part?

I refused to admit it was my own fault—at least, not until I was already at the cliff’s edge with nowhere left to run.

Was there even any point in regretting it now?

I gripped my stiff, tense tail hard, trying to use the pain—this jolt of sensation from my most sensitive spot—to clash against the restless agitation building inside me.

A desperate attempt to regain control.

My gaze never left Gu Fan’s face.

Not a single shift in his expression escaped my notice.

I was watching with the sharp focus of someone on the brink.

If I had something sharp in my hand right now, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to use it—to atone.

For him.