Chapter 63: Medical Records and the Backpack

The unexpected joy that burst into my arms—should I call it a surprise?

Or, to sound more refined, a gift from the heavens?

I didn’t care what it was called.

All I knew was that I was so happy, I could no longer put it into words.

I couldn’t even explain why I was this happy.

Was I actually delighted because no one had caught me sneaking through Gu Fan’s backpack?

That would make me a born degenerate, wouldn’t it?

I chuckled bitterly at myself, then locked onto Gu Fan’s desk.

After glancing around to confirm the classroom was truly empty, I half-jogged over.

His backpack was made from a patchwork of color blocks—easy to recognize.

And since it belonged to Gu Fan, I had memorized it long ago.

My eyes were fixed on it.

As the distance closed, a smile I couldn’t suppress crept up at the corners of my mouth.

I reached out to unzip the bag—only to realize it was already open.

It had just been flattened in a way that made it look closed.

Well then, I guess I’m not technically snooping, am I?

I’m just… glancing.

A completely unintentional, passing glance.

No ulterior motives, no selfish intent. Really.

I took a few shallow breaths, my whole body trembling.

Even after all the mental prep I had done—even though my sleep-deprived brain was trying to con itself into believing this was fine—I still felt a stab of guilt.

If I wanted to keep playing the obedient, innocent little cat-girl Gu Fan saw me as, this kind of behavior should be absolutely off-limits.

But it was too late now…

I was already here.

If I backed out at this point, I knew I’d spend the rest of the day loathing my own cowardice.

Besides, if Gu Fan had just explained everything clearly from the start, I wouldn’t have spiraled into all these wild, paranoid thoughts—right?

My fingers were already hooked around the edge of the bag.

All it would take was a little nudge, and I’d see what was inside.

Click—
Footsteps suddenly echoed in the hallway, followed by giggles and chattering voices.

I flinched, heart skipping a beat.

Hugging Gu Fan’s backpack tightly, I lowered my gaze and slipped out through the back door.

As I passed the group of girls who’d disrupted me, I muttered a few harsh words under my breath, venting just a bit of my frustration.

Still, their arrival was perfectly timed—it reminded me how reckless I’d been to try opening the backpack in such a risky place.

If I’d been caught, there wouldn’t even have been a chance to explain.

I ran to the geography garden, where there were fewer people.

Gulping down a few breaths of air, I tried to calm my heart, which was pounding wildly against my ribs.

No rush. I already had the backpack in hand. If Gu Fan asked why I took so long, I’d just say I suddenly had a stomachache and had to run to the bathroom.

…No, I should text him now.

After sending Gu Fan a message, I finally turned my attention to the backpack in my arms.

I leaned in, sniffing lightly—as if I could smell that unique scent belonging to Gu Fan.

It filled me with a strange sense of security.

Sorry. I’m about to do something that crosses a line.

With a sincere apology whispered in my heart, I peeled open the half-zipped backpack and then…

I saw something familiar.

A white notebook.

“A medical record book?”

Yes.

It was the same one I’d missed seeing that day I went to Gu Fan’s house to apologize.

I never expected he’d actually bring it with him to school.

My fingers brushed over the bold characters on the cover—Medical Record—and a tremor ran through me.

A cold shiver crept down my spine.

Why… why are you here in front of me again?

Gu Fan is still so young—just standing near him, you can feel the energy, the vibrant youth in his veins.

If only you hadn’t shown up, everything would’ve stayed that way.

The moment I laid eyes on that pale cover, I realized—I’d been deliberately avoiding the truth all along.

Pretending that as long as I never asked, Gu Fan would remain perfectly healthy forever.

Even though I occasionally brought it up in my heart, it was always just a way to give myself false courage—a flimsy excuse.

I never really took it seriously.

Or rather…

I couldn’t afford to take it seriously.

Because what if Gu Fan really was sick?

The weight of such knowledge—it could crush a person.

Especially someone like me, a fragile, oversensitive, useless woman.

If I learned that Gu Fan was enduring a painful illness, I might start doing increasingly insane things, all inthe name of fulfilling whatever remained of his life’s wishes.

The sun hung high in the sky.

Golden sunlight bathed the geography garden, but I couldn’t feel a trace of warmth.

Inside me, a cold wind howled—bone-deep and merciless.

What do I do…

What am I supposed to do…?

I’d gone through Gu Fan’s bag, and now I’d seen the one thing I never wanted to see.

But—why would something like this be in his bag in the first place?

Shouldn’t a medical record be kept safely at home?

The last time, too, it was hidden in this same bag.

Don’t tell me…

Gu Fan carries it with him everywhere?

I vaguely remembered—he only brought it along when going to the hospital.

So if he has it on him now, does that mean his condition hasn’t improved at all?

That he’s still deteriorating—and yet instead of seeking treatment, he’s been using that time to accompany me, pretending everything’s fine, hiding every trace of his pain?

The moment that terrifying realization sank in, my knees buckled.

I crumpled to the ground, clutching at my chest.

Tears welled at the corners of my eyes, blurring everything into a watery haze.

Just imagining the pain Gu Fan must be enduring…

It made my heart feel like it was rotting from the inside out, eaten away by a guilt too bitter to bear.

It’s hopeless…

What could I even do now to make things right…?

While Gu Fan was facing illness head-on, I was throwing tantrums, stomping all over his kindness, acting like a lunatic for no good reason…

I’m… completely beyond saving.

How was I supposed to make up for the pain I’d caused Gu Fan?

With my body, maybe?

That is the only thing of value I have left

As long as Gu Fan is willing, he can do whatever he wants with me—anything at all.

Yes…

As long as I apologize properly and offer him my body, he’ll definitely forgive me.

After all, I’m his favorite little catgirl, aren’t I?

Once I’d come up with a plan, I slipped the medical record back into the bag.

I had no intention of digging further into his illness—doing so would only go against Gu Fan’s wishes.

I returned to the parking lot, empty and dazed.

Gu Fan, who’d been waiting a while, sat straddling his motorbike, fiddling with his phone.

I walked up to him in silence.

Even without glancing toward the entrance, Gu Fan seemed to sense my presence and looked up.

“You’re back.”

No questions.

No blame for why I’d taken so long.

Just a gentle smile and a quiet greeting—pure, familiar Gu Fan.

But now that I knew… now that I knew he was quietly enduring such pain, no matter how softly he smiled, I couldn’t feel the warmth anymore.

I could only press my lips together and fight to keep my emotions in check.

“Your bag.”

I handed him the backpack.

The arm holding it trembled slightly, the muscles stiff from tension.

It felt like the heavy sludge pooling in my lungs had hardened, frozen solid—making it hard to even breathe.

I watched Gu Fan as he took it from me.

He moved to sling it over his shoulder, but suddenly paused, frowning a little as he cradled it in both arms.

“…Weird. Why wasn’t the zipper closed?”

Crap!

I was in such a rush putting the medical record back that I forgot to zip it up!

Eyes wide in panic, I stared back at him.

But when faced with Gu Fan’s puzzled expression, I couldn’t think of a single word to say.