Extra: Friendship vs. True Feelings

What do I do, what do I do… Is Gu Fan really thinking of “graduating” with me at a time like this?

Isn’t this scene kind of inappropriate? Sure, it’s grimy, but the main issue is there’s no door to close. If someone saw us, it would be so embarrassing.

As all sorts of bizarre scenarios played out in my head, the hand I had interlaced with Gu Fan’s tightened even more. My palm was sweaty with a tangle of anticipation, shyness, and worry—would Gu Fan be grossed out by my clammy hand?

The cat tail behind me swung restlessly, sometimes brushing Gu Fan’s side. Fortunately, it was still barely the end of winter and our clothes were much thicker than in summer, so Gu Fan didn’t notice anything unusual.

Though, to be honest, I kind of wanted to let my cat tail have its way—maybe sneak inside Gu Fan’s clothes and tickle him, just for a little prank.

We made our way to that quiet auditorium in the corner of the school. Fewer and fewer students appeared along the path—just a few scattered couples holding hands or hugging in the shade of the little woods.

And there were some bolder couples, who just started kissing in public! My heart jumped at the sight and I quickly averted my eyes to my school jacket, puffed up by my figure.

Mainly because I couldn’t help but imagine that Gu Fan and I might end up at that step too. That thought made me so embarrassed I couldn’t keep watching, afraid that if my fantasies went too far, I’d just be disappointed later.

We hadn’t even taken the first step yet—we weren’t actually a couple. It was fine to daydream a little, but I couldn’t let myself believe it for real.

After forcing myself to calm down, I let out a silent breath of relief. While I was lost in these wild thoughts, Gu Fan, still holding my hand, led me right up to the auditorium doors.

Maybe it was because of Valentine’s Day. Normally, the auditorium would be so quiet you wouldn’t see a soul, but today, there were actually several couples walking inside, or sitting snuggled together on the relatively clean benches, chatting.

Luckily, that little room at the end of the corridor on the second floor—the one we often visited—was still empty. After all, there was nothing to see in there, just two wooden chairs covered in a thin layer of dust and a battered wooden table with a broken corner.

At least in the main hall on the first floor, there were some student hand-drawn art pieces, anime-style drawings, and a few grand calligraphy works.

But my art appreciation skills were never any good, and I wasn’t interested in looking. I never developed the habit as a child, so even now, if I’m curious enough to peek once, I never go back.

Mmm… I’m a little worried Gu Fan will look down on someone like me—a tasteless good-for-nothing who only thinks about being lovey-dovey with him, completely clueless about how to create that enchanting romantic life you only see online between clever couples. There’s no way that kind of chemistry would ever happen between me and Gu Fan, right?

I really am too stupid. In social situations, people drop hint after hint that I should get lost, but I just stand there like an idiot. Most times, it takes them getting impatient and distancing themselves, or a manager with a forced smile escorting me to the staff lounge at work.

What if Gu Fan thinks marrying a catgirl like me would mean our baby would get my genes instead of his intelligence? What would I do then…

My thoughts wandered off to an unreachable future, so much so that I didn’t even notice when we stepped into the room.

“Zhi Nian, what are you daydreaming about?”

A hand suddenly waved in front of my eyes, jolting me out of my thoughts. I jumped in surprise, the cat ears on my head twitching and quivering. I could feel the muscle groups supporting them moving with every little action.

Good thing I’d worn that fitted bustier I bought at the shopping center today—no crazy waves to embarrass me in front of Gu Fan. Not that I cared, but I was afraid Gu Fan might think I was too open and start to look at me differently.

I know I’m overthinking, but I just can’t help it. I worry too much and always over-prepare.

Gu Fan’s hand was still holding mine, though now my palm sweat had started to seep out, tiny droplets pooling along the edge where our palms met.

“It’s nothing… I was just wondering if you’d like the chocolate I bought…”

To distract Gu Fan, I had to bring up the topic I’d planned in advance.

Gu Fan listened and gave me an unreadable look, the corners of his mouth curving in a smile—not quite a smirk, but not not a smirk either. The hand holding mine gently kneaded the back of my hand, just like I was getting a professional hand massage from the ace masseur named Gu Fan.

A few comfortable little “mmm” noises escaped me, but more than that, my heart was full to bursting with a sense of security. So this is what it’s like, being completely enveloped in a hand so much bigger than mine—the kind of happiness that makes you want to entrust your entire self to someone else.

“Chocolate, huh? That’s definitely a classic Valentine’s Day gift. Is it dark chocolate, or is it the sweet kind with milk?”

“Um, neither, actually. I bought liquor chocolates…”

I ducked my head in shame, wishing I could bury my face in a cotton ball and hide, terrified Gu Fan would see right through the real reason I bought liquor chocolates.

I’d gotten up early this morning. I’d spent the weekend picking out this brand-name liquor chocolate, and the salesgirl who helped me pack it up asked if it was for friendship or true feelings when she heard I was giving it to my childhood friend.

Since I didn’t know the difference, the salesgirl gave me a little crash course. And then… I didn’t hesitate at all to choose the heart-shaped “true feelings” ribbon, plus the box covered in the word “Love.”

On my way to school, I hugged that box of liquor chocolates and regretted how I’d gotten carried away and chosen such a “wild and uninhibited” decoration. Gu Fan isn’t an idiot—he’d definitely see right through my little schemes.

After struggling for ages, I still couldn’t bring myself to lie and say I lost it “by accident,” nor could I go to the school shop to buy another box of chocolates. Since I’d already bought it, I might as well go through with it.

But after all that hesitation, I missed the morning reading session and just zoned out in the bio-garden instead, waiting until class break so I could sneak into the corridor and secretly watch Gu Fan’s every move.

But then I saw Bai Niao being so close to him, and a wave of jealousy flared up inside me. That’s what gave me the courage to grab a few pieces of bread for lunch and tail Gu Fan into the cafeteria, hiding behind a support pillar to spy on everyone.

It took me several minutes to work up the nerve to break up their harmonious chat and snatch Gu Fan back from Bai Niao’s side.

With all that whirling through my mind, I put my backpack on the table, unzipped it, took out the box of chocolates, and handed it to Gu Fan.

“Whoa? Such fancy wrapping? Is this really true feelings chocolate?”

Just as I thought… The bow, the hearts, all those “Love” messages the salesgirl had wrapped for me were so over the top that even someone as calm as Gu Fan couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sorry, sorry… I didn’t mean to, it’s just… well, that was the only one left when I went to buy, so I had no choice.”

I came up with the excuse in a panic, and it sounded pretty reasonable—at least Gu Fan didn’t press the issue.

“Zhi Nian, take a guess. What do you think I got you for Valentine’s Day?”

“Uh? Uh, I… I don’t know… Probably chocolate too?”

I really wanted to say something crazy, like “kisses and cuddles all day long,” but I knew that could never happen, so I just honestly guessed the most likely answer.

Gu Fan put the box of liquor chocolates into his own backpack, rummaged inside for a bit, and then took out a bag of white chocolate wrapped in a silk pouch, with an English message written on top.

“You guessed right. I don’t really know what you’re supposed to give on Valentine’s Day, so I just followed the crowd and got you chocolate too. Sorry it’s nothing fancier—I didn’t have time to get something better, so you’ll have to make do with this today, Zhi Nian.”

“…Why?”

“What?”

I took the chocolate Gu Fan handed me, glaring at that glaring English message.

My English isn’t so bad that I couldn’t read something a grade-schooler could understand.

“I get it. I’m just Gu Fan’s childhood friend, at best a special friend—how could I possibly deserve ‘true feelings’…”

Muttering to myself, I kept my expression under control, trying not to let too much emotion slip out, and was about to stuff the chocolate into my backpack.

Suddenly, Gu Fan reached out and took it back. In my shock, I watched as he pressed the box lightly to his lips, then set it against his heart, before slowly walking toward me.

“Huh?!”

Once again, I found myself wrapped in Gu Fan’s warm embrace, though this time, there was a bag of “eternal friendship” white chocolate between us.

So close… So tight… Would this cheap-looking friendship chocolate melt from the heat between us and go bad?

“I’m sorry, Zhi Nian. That box of chocolate was given to me by someone else—I didn’t notice the message on it. I wasn’t thoughtful enough about the occasion, but I’ll reflect on it seriously and ask you to give me another chance to offer my true feelings, okay?”

“…Mm.”

I let out a soft hum in reply and quietly pressed my hand into Gu Fan’s back, clutching hard, like I was venting all the complicated, tangled emotions inside me.

I really want to confess to Gu Fan right now… But I’m so afraid. If I fail, I’ll lose even the vague ambiguity I use to disguise my true feelings. Even being his childhood friend wouldn’t help.

Just hang in there a little longer. One month later… or maybe a few months more, I’ll find a chance to confess to Gu Fan.

Having given myself yet another excuse to delay, I started to enjoy my time hugging Gu Fan~