Chapter 27: Don’t Think About the Things That Make You Sad

“Hm? Gu Fan…”

I lifted my head and saw Gu Fan half-squatting in front of me, his eyes full of concern.

Was this really a dream? It had to be a dream!

Without thinking any further, driven by the storm of emotion inside me, I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around Gu Fan’s neck, and hugged him as tightly as I wanted.

But since only my toes were resting on the swing, and I had leaned too far forward for the hug, I soon felt the sensation of falling, having lost all support.

It’s fine… Even if I scrape my knees, it’s worth it just to get to hug Gu Fan.

My calves tensed, bracing for the impact—only to find myself caught, swept up into someone’s arms.

“Eh?!”

I looked at Gu Fan in surprise, while he stared back at me anxiously.

“Are you hurt?”

“Ah? Uh, n-no.”

Cradled like a princess in Gu Fan’s arms, I lowered my gaze bashfully, afraid that his burning eyes would stir the already chaotic mess inside my heart.

Uwahh, I can’t take this at all.

If he keeps holding me like this, I’m going to blush so hard it’ll start dripping off my face.

Finally realizing how intimate his actions were, Gu Fan gently set me back on the swing and sat down beside me.

Reluctantly, I let go of the arms looped around his neck, then stared down at the ground, too afraid to glance at Gu Fan’s expression in case I saw disgust there.

But the clouds shrouding my heart had been scorched away by sunlight, revealing a sky as blue as the sea.

Once I’d calmed down, I realized just how out of line I’d been—and I had no idea how to even start talking to Gu Fan again.

“Sorry?”

Hmm… too blunt. If I said it more gently, maybe I’d seem more ladylike.

“How about going for ice cream later? My treat!”

No, still weird.

Isn’t that exactly what Shiratori would do?

I don’t want to be her substitute.

And just like that, I suddenly understood what I really wanted.

What I wanted… was for Gu Fan to accept this clumsy, messy version of me.

So why waste precious time together dancing around it?

“Gu Fan, um… did I scare you just now?”

Once I decided to follow my heart, the words tumbled out on their own, straight from my subconscious.

Gu Fan burst out laughing with a soft chuckle.

“Scared? Of course not. How could anyone be scared of such a cute catgirl?”

“C-Cute…? That doesn’t have anything to do with me. I’m just an ordinary catgirl.”

Even though I knew Gu Fan was probably just saying that to be nice, I still wanted to reject that hollow kind of praise.

Just hearing him say things like that—even if his eyes were dull and indifferent—still made my heart lurch out of rhythm with a thump.

I have to admit, ever since becoming a catgirl, my body’s reactions have been seriously weird.

I couldn’t figure out why either.

Leaning back against the seat, I covered my warm cheeks with both hands, conveniently blocking out the gaze I could feel aimed at me.

“Zhi Nian, can you tell me why you were hiding here?”

His voice was calm, smooth like still water, gently asking about why I’d come here to the Bio Garden to escape.

Yeah… why did I choose to hide here?

“…I don’t know.”

When your body is overwhelmed by pain and emotions so filthy they clog your brain, you stop thinking rationally.

You just move. So how could I explain what even drove me to do this?

My cheeks weren’t as hot anymore, but I still didn’t want to lower the hand shielding my face.

“I see. Then… shall we go home first?”

His tone was soft and gentle, but it didn’t sound like a suggestion—it was more like a command, veiled so subtly it left no room for refusal.

The swing jolted slightly as the tension on the chains shifted, bouncing from the loss of weight.

Gu Fan stood up. Through the cracks between my fingers, I saw him standing in front of me, motionless, silently waiting for me to respond.

I didn’t know if I hated this kind of unyielding tone, this lack of choice.

But whether it was annoyance, anxiety, or even a faint glimmer of hope stirring in me, none of that could cover the longing that clawed at my throat, desperate to break free.

Contradictory, right? I thought so too.

I felt awful, yet the words on the tip of my tongue were still those of compliance.

It was strange.

“…Mm.”

I gave a muffled reply through my nose, moving my hand away from my face—but my eyes stayed fixed on the ground.

Once he heard my answer, Gu Fan turned and started walking ahead, not looking back.

But he walked slowly.

Really slowly.

At least in this, he was being considerate.

I trudged along behind him, stomping on the long, stretched shadow cast by his figure in the sunset.

It didn’t fix anything, but somehow, stepping on that shadow helped me vent the cotton-fluff mess tangled up inside my chest.

Only after I’d managed to pull myself together a little did I really look up—and spotted a bus stop not too far away.

Ever since the confession incident, I’d been ‘coincidentally’ running into Gu Fan more often, and we’d end up taking the bus home together.

We never talked much on the rides, though. I wanted to talk, but could never bring myself to start.

Weird thoughts would always get in the way.

Even though I knew Gu Fan wasn’t the type to do anything childish or insensitive, my mind would still conjure up scenes of someone wearing his face… bullying me.

Maybe… I was just preparing for the worst.

After all, to me, getting harshly scolded by Gu Fan would still be better than the cold war-like treatment he gave me throughout all three years of middle school.

Mmm—no, no, no. Something’s wrong with that line of thinking.

I shook my head, trying to fling away those bizarre, inexplicable thoughts.

The motion startled Gu Fan, and he turned to glance at me several times.

“What’s wrong? Not feeling well?”

“Ah, no—just thinking about something.”

“Something happy, or something not so happy?”

Eh?!

My eyes widened, and I exchanged a few glances with Gu Fan, who was smiling warmly.

“I-it’s… probably something not so happy.”

“Hmm? Then don’t think about it.”

He exhaled lightly, casually—and then… he took my wrist in his hand and began leading me forward.

“Eh—eh?!”

I froze, letting out a few surprised sounds before realizing that the bus had already arrived and was waiting at the stop with its doors wide open.

Once I understood that Gu Fan wasn’t taking advantage of me, that he was just guiding my clumsy self onto the bus, I dropped my guard and let him lead me aboard.

Ka-dunk, ka-dunk.

The soles of my shoes thudded dully against the metal floor.

Gu Fan’s hand was big—so big that when he held my wrist, there was still space left over.

I stared at the veins and joints on the back of his hand. It felt like I had turned into a child, being led along by an adult.

Well… in a way, with how often Gu Fan has to take care of me, I really am kind of a useless kid.

“All right, we’re here.”

Once we reached the very back of the bus, Gu Fan turned and gave me a smile, then offered me the window seat.

After I slid into the seat, he took the spot next to me—blocking the only way out.

I stared blankly at the plastic seatback in front of me for a while before finally turning my head to look out the window.

But I wasn’t really looking at the scenery—I was using the faint reflection to sneak a peek at Gu Fan’s expression.

He hugged his backpack, unzipped it, and started rummaging through the contents.

A soft smile lingered on his lips the entire time.

I should… be allowed to sneak a glance at him, right?

Not through some reflection or anything like that, but directly—with my own eyes, carefully, clearly, and truly look at Gu Fan.

After mentally preparing myself, I took a deep breath, adjusted my posture, and tucked my anxious, twitching tail under my butt before slowly turning my head to look at Gu Fan.